Satan!Crowleys (Mis)Adventures Raising The AntiChrist

Satan!Crowley’s (Mis)Adventures Raising the AntiChrist

I want to read a Good Omens fic where Crowley is Lucifer, and when he is “ordered” to take the baby AntiChrist (his son!) to the Satanic nuns to be switched with the Dowling baby…he. Doesn’t.

Lucifer rebelled against God so why would he do what She says he will? And furthermore why would he put his child. His creation. His heir into the hands of Humans? He knows what the humans are capable of. Besides, he started the whole rebelling thing. There would be no one better to teach his child how to be evil (he can also teach his boy how to see the beauty in the world—give him all the love Crowley thought had been burnt away in his fall. Show Her that throwing him away had been a mistake).

Crowley makes it appear that the switch went off without a hitch, but really all the new parents go off with their own babies. And then Crowley, Lucifer, Lord of Hell and all that. Has to figure out exactly how you raise a baby demon. Or Angel? Lucifer was an Angel but he fell. Demons are fallen angels. So is the baby an Angel? Because he hasn’t fallen? Unless Crowley’s evil was passed onto his child? That wouldn’t be fair though. The baby hasn’t done anything wrong and Crowley will go back to being Lucifer and he will tear Heaven and Hell apart before he lets them punish his son just for existing.

Hours later Crowley is raiding a bookstore trying to find a Manuel on how to raise a child without giving them massive amounts of trauma. He is also worrying himself sick because he doesn’t really remember his time in heaven and isn’t entirely sure if angels were ever babies or not.

Eventually he decides to drag Aziraphale into helping him without explaining a thing.

(God is just watching all of this and wondering if allowing Lucifer to spawn was really a good idea. It seems to be just making his issues worse. Maybe She should have done as the version of Her from a couple alternate timelines over did and gotten Lucifer into therapy.)

just. I want to read where a bumbling bibliophile Angel and the equally dumbass King-of-Hell-in-Hiding raise the AntiChrist. Complete with Crowley trying to not let Aziraphale know the truth because he’s certain the Angel will leave him. And Beelzebub who knows exactly where their idiot king is keeps dropping by and Crowley goes to increasingly extreme lengths to keep them from spilling the news to Aziraphale and Adam. also. Gabriel. Just, Gabriel.

And the Angel and Demon are having to deal with their two sides while also trying to keep the whole AntiChrist thing from Adam.

if a surgeon says you have to fast, you have to fast. end of story.

if a surgeon says your child has to fast, they have to fast. even if they are rreeeaaaallly hungry. even if they beg for food. even if they cry. even if they throw a tantrum. even if they scream for hours.

if a surgeon says you have to fast, you have to fast.

i definitely think minecraft won't be the game for everyone in the end and that's just how things are no problem but i do think *some* people who don't get the hype of it just need to play with their friends and build a house with them. its also for doing things like this.

reblog if the first musical you listened to was not Hamilton

I have come up with a better metaphor than “you can’t pour from an empty cup” for burnout. You can’t boil an empty kettle. Pouring from an empty cup just gets you nowhere. Trying to boil an empty kettle can ruin the kettle, the stove, and burn down your house if you keep trying it.

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