Your Ridiculous Checklist.

Your ridiculous checklist.

Certain necessities are common in looking for that special someone and in no way is it a bad thing. In fact, it's great to know what you want in a person. IN a person. Why is it that nowadays majority of those on this quest for an interpersonal connection bring along a laundry list of specifics pertaining to somebody's shell? How can you look at a person and believe you've taken from their physical appearance enough information about who they are? Their outer casing barely grazes the precipice of their inner workings, those internal thoughts and emotions which contain the very essence of a human. You can never even begin to understand who a person is from simple observations which can be found in a photograph. The thousands of words encased within that photo can be as deceiving as the lighting, the angle and the subject captured. And just like in a photo, those around you, who you deem fit because of their appearance, may take advantage of your most vulnerable sense by blinding you from the fact that they do not match up to the most important things you forgot to add to your ridiculous checklist.

I like people and I like them to like me, but I wear my heart where God put it; on the inside.

--F. Scott Fitzgerald

Day 1 - Love

To me it is something I've felt only for my family. To those around me it's a "can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series"  kind of experience. It's what Shakespeare was obsessed with and the muse of worldly musicians from all walks of life. But to witness the fruits of their labour, be it a song, a movie, a book or a poem love is still a foreign concept in itself. It's as though this concept exists in a television show and I'm the only one in the audience while everyone in my life is an actor, whether they have a starring or supporting role. Either way everyone else is part of the story but myself. All I could do is watch and try to take from the show some aspect of love without really having an internal understanding. It's a definition built up by other experiences with no input of my own.

I know love as in that familial love where you would go to the ends of the earth to lay yourself on the line for your family but that's because they've been there from the beginning. They've provided me with all the aspects of who I am. I can't even begin to imagine how I would be in that situation with another human being who just enters my life at a certain point in time. I can't understand the notion of falling fast for someone; it's an intoxicating notion. But it strikes curiosity in me nonetheless.

Regret

When we take a good hard look at ourselves as pain seeps into our veins from a broken heart we seek a comfort that only time can bring. However at that very moment all we want is the ability to reach into the very core of our mind and press some proverbial backspace button. There is this inability to live on with the memory that we had made such a horrible mistake. As wave after wave of agony shatters our heart we can't help but think "this is somehow my fault. I gave in. How could I be so stupid?" It's humiliating and embarrassing that in retrospect we did not have the foresight to see that giving our everything to one person is not only a risk for ourselves but a huge responsibility for someone who may not be able to carry such a burden.  It's hard to admit we've made such a regrettable decision therefore we tend try and erase the memory but when something has shaken you to the very core it is impossible to forget. Therefore we live with the memory and allow ourselves to stop our world only to dwell on the ache and distress as those who truly care watch on and hope for our well being. Why is it that those who have hurt us in our past stay in our minds forever but those who love us in the present are easily forgotten? There is no magical solution which will allow us to forget which is in itself a good thing. We can take that pain, that regret and turn it into a lesson. The only way to forget the time we allowed someone to come in and break us down is to recognize those who continue to comfort us as they help us back on our feet.

I love that feeling of relief when I wake up from a nightmare and realize it was just a dream.

To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.

Elbert Hubbard