Nightly Musings

Nightly musings

Time: 1:00am

Weather: -12 C feels like -19 C w/ wind chill and snow

Just went for a walk in these conditions to simply catch a glimpse of the beautiful Geminid meteor shower. Jacket did not suffice to block the cold. Snow got in my shoes. No meteors. Walked a mile with wet socks. Looked up only to find the sky concealed by clouds and falling snow. No meteors. iPod died. Walked in silence. No meteors. When I embraced the silence it described a town induced in a deadly slumber. A few zombies cautiously avoided an icy collision of metal and tragedy. No meteors. Slipped. Dusted off remnants of cloud falling onto the sidewalk. No meteors. Ahead of me was a long winding sidewalk lightly covered by a layer of snow. The only memory of me was not the buzzing from my headphones but my steps left imprinted in the untouched snow. They're being covered quickly by the flakes. The only sound left was the crunch of snow under my heavy gait. There were too many street lights. They left golden orbs in the sky illuminating the falling snow. It covered any sign of meteors. I trudged forward, hands plunged deep into my pockets. Searching for the darkest part of town. Looked to the skies. Got it. I walked two miles to catch a fleeting glimpse of one meteor. It was worth it. I would go to the darkest depths to find light-where it is most radiant. I would endure the ugliness in search of beauty-where it is most captivating. I would kill myself just to live-truly take in the flawed perfection I will leave behind when I go. Sometimes you need to brush death to understand the magnificence of life.

Just a little side rant...

When you say something of no interest to me and I say "I don't care" you need to truly understand something - I don't hate you, I'm not mad at you, I'm not even annoyed and I'm really not too much of a bitch. Straight up? Sure. Unnecessarily rude and disrespectful i.e bitch? Never. I just lack interest in your statement. Really? Did I need to know that stupid piece of information? I don't care who you're hating on at this very moment. I don't care if she talks shit about you. Yeah, it sucks but seriously? I'm not one of those girls that need my morning cup of drama to get the day started. I just believe that stupid people are involved in the lives of others to the point where they become a topic in conversation. (subhumans discuss celebrities but I'll save that for another day)

So take no offense. Trust me, you would know when I started to dislike you.

You are my silver lining

Do you remember the days we left earth? How easy it was to escape the margins of reality? We drifted from expectations and obligation. It was just us, hand in hand, soaring above all others destined to make it to the star and spend the day resting on clouds. Our imagination propelled us through experiences surpassing the existence of time.

Time then crept up, like the rising of the morning sun over the unsuspecting horizon. Each passing second became a morsel bogging down our airy lifestyle until the years bound us to reality. Our wings were clipped and no longer could we soar. Instead we drifted. You to your destination and me to mine. However, all I need is a brief glimpse at the sky to remind me of the castle we had built upon the clouds on the days we left earth.

Naivety

Every time I turn and walk away my heart thumps against my rib cage and my eyebrows automatically stitch together trying to quell the tears. However, they do not fall. They do not fall because I know there are certain amount of steps I will take before yours begin to parallel my own. This mentality is not preparing me for the day when my steps are disregarded. I take for granted the amount of times you follow because I don't deserve it anymore. In all honesty you deserve to create your own path and shouldn't be obligated to follow mine. Please, run away.

Double edged reality.

I love when I wake up scared and panicked only to realize it was just a nightmare. My monsters vanish and I'm wrapped in the comfort of reality.

I hate when I wake up happy and accomplished only to realize it was just a dream. My failures are there waiting and I'm greeted by the emptiness of my reality.

Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

John Wooden