Double Edged Reality.

Double edged reality.

I love when I wake up scared and panicked only to realize it was just a nightmare. My monsters vanish and I'm wrapped in the comfort of reality.

I hate when I wake up happy and accomplished only to realize it was just a dream. My failures are there waiting and I'm greeted by the emptiness of my reality.

Confrontation is not frivolous and is in fact necessary when it stops one from getting to their goal. However, do not pause your progress much less go off on a tangent just to deal with someone. Why should you? What good does that do other than make those who are negative believe what they say is of value? It's not. People hate because that's the only way to keep a part of you on their level. They know you're so far ahead of them so they speak your name thinking that if they do they keep you in that sad, sorry part of life where they stay.

Confronting injustice is necessary. Confronting shit-talkers, rumour mongers and bitches is of no consequence and completely unimportant just like their efforts to bring you down.

Naivety

Every time I turn and walk away my heart thumps against my rib cage and my eyebrows automatically stitch together trying to quell the tears. However, they do not fall. They do not fall because I know there are certain amount of steps I will take before yours begin to parallel my own. This mentality is not preparing me for the day when my steps are disregarded. I take for granted the amount of times you follow because I don't deserve it anymore. In all honesty you deserve to create your own path and shouldn't be obligated to follow mine. Please, run away.

mineralaccident:

I don’t want to keep secrets, in fact I’d like to give them all away, but the problem is that such an ability is not in my repertoire. I hold on to everything. Every memory, feeling and moment of my life. But secrets are one thing I don’t want to hold on to. In other news, I was in a bad mood...

My interpretation of this may not be the way Larry himself wrote it out but there's a certain way this applies to me. These words are so strangely intertwined in my idea of living comfortably.

I so desperately want to cut myself open and have you read me but I would hate that there is a strong possibility you will dislike what you see.

I want to tell you my dreams and yet the very idea of you shooting them down inhibits me from doing so.

I want you to know but goddamn it you can't. You can't because it places me in a ridiculously vulnerable position. Not only am I open and bleeding while you criticize every drop but I am indebted to those who unknowingly carry a deadly weapon with them. Anxiety and paranoia rises in me as I realize that my secrets are no longer safeguarded by lock and key in my impenetrable vault. Now they are left to the security of a system I know nothing of. Who's to say how they use this secret? I am forever at their whim and I cannot have that. Injurious are not the secrets themselves but their placement in the hands of one who can do terrible damage when they are thrown back at me with spiteful malice. I'd rather keep them to myself.

They say you never know what you have till you lose it You promise your girl something you better do it You can't tell a woman you love her are you stupid Words don't express your love you got to prove it

Joe (Where You At)

Learn when to use literally, kids.

*Listening to 'Grenade' on the radio.

Cousin: Would you catch a grenade for someone?

Me: Literally?

Cousin: Yeah.

Me: Are you seriously asking me if I would stretch out my fleshy appendage to catch a tossed explosive device from World War 1? Who the hell has one of those lying around anyways? Am I supposed to believe that someone is just carrying an ancient war weapon in their back pocket? "HEADS UP, BITCH!"

Cousin: -blank stare- You completely missed the point of the song.

Me: You asked if I would literally catch a grenade for someone. I gave you a literal answer.

Cousin: I'm not even surprised by your answer.

Me: If it makes you feel any better, if we found ourselves in that situation I would push you out of the way.

Cousin: NOT EVEN THE POINT.

Me: Never mind then...ungrateful.