Half The Time I Get Too Embarrassed To Say Anything

half the time I get too embarrassed to say anything

I'm feeling really hurt right now. You know, when someone talks about my friends behind their backs, I always make sure to say nice things about them because that's what friends are supposed to do, right? I genuinely mean the things I say, with all the love in my heart. But it's like, when it's my turn, all I get is betrayal, and the things they say, I wouldn't even say to someone I really dislike. It's just frustrating, yk? Why does it always have to turn out this way? Am I just that unlucky, unloveable, easy to replace? At this point, I'm not even sure if I can call them friends anymore. I'm just so drained. Making friends is one thing, but keeping those friendships genuine, that's a whole different story. I pour my heart and soul into my friendships, and I truly value them. But it seems like every time, I end up hearing and seeing things that could break even the coldest heart. I'm left feeling terrible, and honestly, I don't even know who I can trust anymore. It's like every time I trust someone, they just give me a reason not to. And what's really tough is that I'm always the one who forgives and tries to make things right. It's heartbreaking, but then I have to put on a brave face and pretend everything's fine when it's really not. Can you imagine your close friends, the ones you care about deeply, talking bad about you behind your back? It's like every friendship I build turns into a life lesson. The worst part is when you're fully aware that they're gossiping about you behind your back, yet they're completely unaware that you're onto them. So, you just play it cool, not doing anything, and watch as they keep spinning their web of lies. I'm worn out from the effort it takes to keep, nurture, and sustain these friendships that seem to be slowly breaking me in the process.

"haath pakadne ke liye dost nhi, par kehne ko poora zamaana dost hai"

-my English language teacher

His point was that while you might have online friends, in real life, you may not have anyone you can genuinely call a friend, someone to hold your hand and be there for you in a close, physical way.

tum aankhon mein dekho humaari sab samjh jaaoge, tum aankhon se batana hum samjh jaayenge

QUIT SMILING AT ME, I CAN'T STOP MESSING UP MY SENTENCES WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

Are you happiness?

because you're out of my reach, but I desire you so desperately and want you to be with me anyway