This Might Be The Funniest Thing Ever

This might be the funniest thing ever

yknow i dont think ive ever posted this in full cus tumblr wouldnt like it but lets see if itll let me get away with a mosaic lol

Oral exam

Headcanons (hahaha get it??) on how good the btd/tpof characters are with their 👅 Tentatively ranked from best to worst.

No pronouns used, but fem body parts/functions mentioned in most sections. 🔞

The Queen

Knows exactly what she's doing. Will rock your socks right off

She is a bit of a bully though 🙃

Overstimulates you if you've been good, edges you within an inch of your life if you've been bad. Either way, you will end up in tears.

She also just really enjoys it and sometimes gets carried away.

Likes to use her fingers at the same time, so she can feel your reactions.

Canonically good at it, so I don't have grounds to argue otherwise 😅

Very eager to please. Personalizes his technique for you and gets it down to a method.

Measured and precise, like a dancer moving through choreography. Takes it pretty seriously....

... but sometimes he gets really into it and his brain shuts off. Gets sloppy and makes a huge mess (which isn't necessarily bad).

Often absent-mindedly touches himself while he's at it. He'll stop if you tell him to though.

Really likes it when you rock your hips against his face.

Why play piano when he can just play you? ;)

He's merciless. If you're still able to move when he's done, he failed.

Mostly does it when he feels like spoiling you, sometimes does it to knock the brat out of you.

(And sometimes, he just looks at you and gets in his feelings over how happy he is to have you, and can't help himself. He will deny this when confronted.)

Those invisible bonus hands of his are great for keeping you spread wide open for him 👀

Please be loud for him. He loves to hear how good he's making you feel.

He has honed his skill in the same way a swordsmith sharpens a blade.

Which is to say: to lethal effect

It's having you completely at his mercy (and holding you down while you squirm) that does it for him.

More prone to overstimulate than edge, but ultimately he'll do whatever gets the best reaction.

Doesn't usually want to stay down there too long though - he gets impatient for his turn.

Pro tip: pull on his hair. He'll groan nice and deep for you.

Even if he's not super experienced, he's a quick learner and he's devoted to making you feel good.

Tries a lot of things in bed and analyzes your reactions to find out what you like the most, and that experimental nature carries over into this as well.

Likes to give you a challenge (no noise, no squirming, etc) and see how well you do. You'll be rewarded accordingly.

Will edge you until you're begging, but like... lovingly.

Long naga tongue? 👀 He's careful with his teeth though, don't worry 💕

Honestly he finds it kind of relaxing. Get ready to become his go-to method of decompressing after a long day.

He can think of things he'd rather do, but he's still plenty proficient when he deigns to kneel between your legs

"bear in mind, you asked for this," he'll say, and then proceed to overstimulate you into next week.

Likes to make a mess out of you. Between his saliva and your slick, you're going to need a towel for sure.

Related: he will make you squirt or you'll die trying.

Sit on his face, he loves the view. Your expressions, the way you move, the tentacles sliding and coiling around your form.... 😏

Kisses you afterward so you can taste yourself. Might even want you to clean off his face with your tongue.

Anxiety™

Desperately wants to do a good job. Needs to make you feel so good that you fall apart on his tongue.

Requires instruction (gentle instruction, or you'll stress him out more), but makes up for it with diligence.

Somno is your friend here. He feels much more comfortable starting while you're asleep (and by the time you wake up, he'll be too into it to be self-conscious... mostly).

Run your fingers through his hair, pull him closer, tell him how good he is for you. A little positive reinforcement goes a long way with him.

Once his hands start wandering over every inch of you he can reach, you'll know he's finally unwinding.

Messy messy messy. Enthusiastically messy, because he's not doing it for you, he's doing it for him.

Sure, he still wants you to get off (mostly for his own gratification? Probably), but that's not at the forefront of his mind.

You just smell so good and taste so good and he loves getting drunk on you.

Not as careful with his teeth as he probably should be 😬 yank on his hair to remind him to rein them in.

Leaves fingerprint-shaped bruises all over your hips and thighs while he's at it. (He doesn't notice he's squeezing you so hard.)

Vocal. Groans and growls and mutters. Can't seem to stop talking dirty even with his mouth full; sometimes he pulls away just long enough to make sure you hear anything particularly filthy he has to say.

Oh god 😨 you poor thing

Not gentle. He's all teeth and overexcitement. Your pained yelps just add fuel to the fire.

Eventually, your thighs will be covered in bloody/bruising bite marks - and everything in between them will be sore af.

Like Vincent, he does it because he wants to; unlike Vincent, he doesn't give a shit if you come or not.

Luckily, he usually has other things he'd rather do to with you, so you'll probably only be subjected to this treatment in the first place if he's feeling curious, and he may not ever feel the need for a repeat performance.

... unless he discovers that using his mouth on you while you're on your period happens to strongly appeal to him 😱

I'm sorry but.... not only is he not very inclined to service you this way, he's also not very good at it when he does.

You're pretty sure he knows what to do, but he half-asses it because he'd rather switch places with you 🙄

(Don't let him tell you he'll return the favor if you go down on him. He's a liar. Make him reciprocate up front or you'll get nothing.)

Does slightly better in a 69 situation, but only if you pace yourself so that he has incentive to do a good job. If he climaxes before you, it's all over.

Also a bully, but meaner about it than Celia. Likes the whiny, reluctant noises you make. Maybe you don't want him down there after all 😑

Silver lining: he's actually pretty good with his fingers. Ask him to do that instead.

Bonus: Damien

Aims to please, like a gentleman 😌

Prefers to take his time, really slow and sensual, wants you relaxed and blissful.

Squeeze his head with your thighs, he loves it

Bonus: Jack

Another one who's not super into it. Doesn't do much for him.

He's pretty good at it, though, if you can find a way to make it worth his while.

On the uncommon occasion that he does get down to business, he takes pride in how fast he can make you come.

I just love this community a lot. We’re always like “How are you doing? Not working too hard I hope? Staying hydrated?”

While our characters stab each other and snort cocaine off each others dicks and stuff

Don’t look tumblr algorithm!! >m< Nothing to see here I promise! Just Snuff Streamer Ren (AU kinda?) and one of his snuff Bunnies having fun :3 [MINORS DNI]

[TW: nsft, blood, bites, suffocation, restraints, latex, implied noncon]

Ren belongs to @gatobob

Why is my version of streamer Ren wearing a mask and latex you may ask?? Because? Why isn’t your Ren wearing a cool skull mask and Latex?? /j

IMPORTANT ADDITION !

Ren runs up the stairs on all fours like a kid