Fluttering Fingers And Flushed Faces.

Fluttering Fingers and Flushed Faces.

a vds one shot. you can find more on my ao3.

( @ apolloswords )

feel free to comment/message me any suggestions for one shot ideas!

Jens can’t help it if he thinks the new boy is cute. Even if he so happens to be his best friend’s step-brother.

“Jesus Jana, how many boxes do you have?” Jens groaned as he made another flight up the stairs.

Jana laughed and playfully nudged him with the box in her own hands.

“I promise we’re on the last ones.” She laughed.

“Yeah out of hundreds.” He teased.

She laughed again, following her into her new room. It was pretty much empty, aside from all the boxes he and Jana had brought up the stairs all morning. Jana placed the last box down on the ground gently, before Jens huffed and dropped his box, rather more aggressively.

It made a thud that shook through the room, and probably through the entire house. Jens put his hands on his hips in a dramatic fashion, before sighing dramatically.

“Oh what would you do without me?”

“Probably get this done quicker?” She laughed.

He rolled his eyes before they sat down to look through the boxes. Picking up the box with most of her trinkets and collectibles, he began unpacking them slowly.

“How do you feel about the move?” He asked, as she began pulling out sweaters to hang in her new closet.

She shrugged, turning her back towards him so he couldn’t really see her expression.

“It’s not too bad. I don’t mind living in a house with George and his son. But it’s further away from my friends so that kind of sucks.”

“Yeah but at least he’s not a shitty step-sibling.” He wrinkled his nose.

“Sorry you ended up with the evil step sisters and I didn’t.” Jana flung a random item his way. Catching it, he put it alongside the rest of the trinkets he had in organized piles on the floor.

“Hey, we’re both a child of divorce. The least my mom could’ve done is re-marry someone without bratty children. Makes it worst since they’re older and don’t ever give me a break.”

“I don’t know if he’s older, but he is in the same grade as me. It’s going to be weird.”

“Have you met him?”

“Once or twice. But he chose to live with his mom back in the Netherlands and his dad didn’t get custody of him until recently. He moved here a week ago, before my mom came back and settled our move.”

“Oh so you guys are kind of in the same position. A new home for a new family.” He reached for another box, pulling out storage containers to arrange the objects in. “Maybe that’s a bit easier.”

“Maybe. He’s a bit reserved though so it’s a little harder to get to know him but I’m sure he’s just fine.”

“Is he nice?”

“Yeah, super. Just, well okay, ‘hard to get to know him’ was the wrong choice of words.” Jana paused. “He’s just shy.”

There was a sense of movement over in the room beside him, and Jens froze. As far as he knew, him and Jana were the only ones here. Her mom and her step-dad had left to get some errands done early morning.

Oh yeah, Jens thought. Jana isn’t an only child anymore.

A faint sound of music started to play and while they couldn’t hear the lyrics or make out the song itself, it seemed to be a fun little indie song. Jens felt his head bopping along to it, feeling the faint rhythm through his body.

She smiled, kicking the now empty box of sweaters aside and picking up the ones of her folded shirts.

“That’s him. He does seem like a fun person though and I think we’ll eventually get close. I’m probably going to introduce him to the girls on Monday.”

“And me?” He asked, giving her a smirk.

“Nah, you’re trouble.”

“I’m your best friend.”

“A horrible decision on my part, really.” She teased. “What are you organizing?”

“Uhm,” He looked down. “Jewellery I think.”

Before she could open her mouth and say something, they heard the door beside her room open and the music become a little audibly louder. There was a shuffling of footsteps until Jana smiled at her doorway, before Jens heard some soft little taps.

“Hey.” She greeted cheerfully as he turned around.

Jens almost felt his jaw drop, immediately smitten by the boy at the door. He had a small frame underneath his bright pick sweater and his grey sweatpants were cuffed at the ankle, almost like they were a bit too long. He noticed the pattern on his socks, one with bright sunflowers and the other with constellations against a dark night sky. The sleeves of the sweater covered most of his hand, as he leaned against Jana’s door with a small smile.

“Hi, sorry I forgot you were moving in today.” The boy said, his voice small and well, shy. He took a quick notice of Jens on the flower and tightened his jaw a bit. “Sorry, I didn’t know you had company.”

When the boy’s eyes had wandered towards Jens, he had resist another urge to drop his jaw. The boy’s face was nothing short of beautiful. He looked as though he was an angel that had fallen from heaven, golden strays of hair hiding beneath the rest of his dark brown curls. His face was lithe, almost like the only reason he had features were from being kissed gently by the fallen rain. Jens felt his chest go tight, having to hold in a breath before he felt like what it meant to be breathless.

“It’s no problem.” Jana assured. “Uhm, Lucas, meet my friend Jens. Jens, meet my step-brother Lucas.”

“Hey, it’s nice to meet you.” He managed to say, surprised he even managed to choke that out without tripping over his words.

“Hi.” Lucas said shyly, giving him a small wave.

Jens gave him a small smile, and fluttered his fingers softly, returning back the small wave. He secretly hoped the faint flush on Lucas’ face was from the little gesture, but it may have just been from the way his bright pink sweater contrasted against his pale skin.

“I didn’t even know you were home.” Jana noted. “It wasn’t until I heard your music that I realized you were here.”

“Oh,” Lucas said, a little flustered. The faint pink colouring on his cheeks flushed a little more, most likely from the embarrassment. “Yeah, I was working on some art and had headphones on. Then my headphones died so I had to play my music out loud.”

“Oh shit, I hope we didn’t bother you.” She said worriedly, putting a hand to her face from her own slight embarrassment.

“No, no, it’s okay.” Lucas pressed his lips together, like he was trying to think of something to say next. “Uhm, I’m just going to head back to work. Yeah, uhm, yeah I’ll be in my room if you need me. Nice meeting you Jens.”

“Nice meeting you too Luc.” He said, this time smiling a little bigger, turning the corners of his lips a little higher as he pressed his lips together.

Lucas gave him another small wave, another flutter of the fingers before looking away and waving to Jana. His wave towards her was less of his fingers, more of his hand, which she mimicked back. But Jens gave him the same wave he had given him earlier, almost like it was something they just did.

It was weird to already share something with someone he had just met.

As quickly as he had appeared, Lucas had disappeared. He saw the blur of his clothes and hair fade away with his soft footsteps, hearing the creak of his door closing and the light hearted melody of the indie song fading into the background once again.

When he turned away from the door and back to Jana, he was greeted with a smirk on her face and her arms crossed, leaning on the empty bookshelf that stood next to her closet. She was eyeing Jens teasingly, like a school girl in the playground who was about to start a rumour that he had a crush.

“What?” He asked impatiently.

Jana clicked her tongue and turned away, still adding to the theatrics of her teasing.

“Nothing.” She said with a snort.

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t lie to me.”

“Oh I’m not lying. I’m just sparing you.” There was a mischievous glisten to her eyes.

Raising a brow, he looked at her, unimpressed. “Sparing me from what?”

“You’re asking for it.” She said, in a sing-song voice.

“I don’t even know what it is!”

“You think Lucas is cuteeee.”

He felt his face go warm, shaking his head quickly. “I do not.”

“Then why are you blushing?”

“It’s warm in your room.”

“It’s the middle of November.”

“Then you’re seeing things.”

“What I’m seeing is you giving heart eyes to my new brother.” She wiggled her brows.

“I am not giving heart eyes to your brother.” He lied.

Jana put her hands on her hips and gave him a sarcastic expression of shock. “What? Are you saying Lucas is ugly?”

“…That is not what I’m saying at all.”

“So you think he’s cute.” There it was again, the mischievous glisten in her eyes.

“…I’m also not saying that.”

“Well I’m saying I saw you practically thinking of shoving your tongue down Lucas’ throat.”

“Well get your eyes checked because they deceive you.” Jens wrinkled her nose at her. “And could you be any louder? He’s right next door.”

“What, are you afraid he finds out you think he’s ugly or he finds out you think he’s cute?”

“Janaaaa.” He whined. “Must you be so difficult?”

“Jens is shy about his little crushhhh.” She sang out loud again, and he just prayed Lucas’ music drowned out their conversation.

-

Jens leaned against the bike rack as students began making their way home. He was supposed to go to Jana’s house again since they had a chemistry quiz coming up at the end of the week. But she wasn’t here yet, so he decided just to wait a bit.

But after about ten minutes when the after school rush died down a bit, Jana was still nowhere in sight. Frowning, he pulled out his phone to text her.

Where are you?

The little blue messaged showed a Delivered. right underneath it. After a few seconds, the typing icon appeared and he stared at the three little dots on the screen.

Sorry, forgot Amber wanted to host a meeting for Ibiza. Meet me home.

He shrugged, figuring it probably wouldn't be too weird since he had always been going over to Jana’s house for years. Her mom surely didn’t mind and maybe George and Lucas wouldn’t either.

Before he could pocket his phone away, another text appeared.

Walk home with Lucas.

His eyes widened, feeling his heart race as he read the message over and over. Was Jana setting him up? It surely would be in her antics to do so. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, frantically thinking of what to say.

Are you setting me up?

The same Delivered. sign appeared again, but no texting icon. Jens was shaking his leg, impatient for an answer but after a minute or two, there was still no reply.

He was about to text her again, an emphasized JANA to get her attention until he heard someone walking over.

“Uhm,” the soft voice from a few feet away said. “Hi.”

Jens whipped his head up, looking up from his phone. Lucas was standing shyly, under the school’s courtyard tree. He gave him a small smile, though Jens noticed his seemed to harshly biting down on his bottom lip. A wave from his delicate fingers appeared, and once again, Jens felt his heart flutter along with it.

“Hey, Lucas right?” He asked, slipping his phone in his back pocket. That was a stupid question. Jens knew who he was, considering he had never left his mind from three days ago.

“Yeah, hi.” He said softly, approaching a little closer.

Lucas wore a denim jacket over a patterned knitted sweater and his Converse seemed like they would untie any minute. His curls were a bit looser, probably tousled by the wind. But they still looked soft and Jens had to resist the urge to wonder what they would feel like against his fingertips.

Speaking of fingertips, he found them fluttering a wave towards Lucas, just like he had when he first met him. The pink on Lucas’ cheeks returned, but Jens figured it could be from the slight chilly breeze.

“Uhm,” Lucas said, shifting his weight from side to side. “Jana told me she would be coming home late and I should just walk home with you.”

Jens couldn’t help but smile. Whether or not Jana actually planned this, he couldn’t pass up the chance to spend some time with Lucas. On his first day, Jens secretly hoped he would be in some of his classes but he sadly wasn’t. Instead, he only saw him in the halls before the next class and Lucas had his head down, so Jens couldn’t even get his attention.

“Sure, I was just waiting for you.” He replied with a grin, pulling the strap of his backpack a bit higher on his shoulder. “You ready to go?”

He nodded quickly and Jens gave him another smile. Lucas seemed to return the smile back but he ducked his head down before Jens could be sure.

It took Jens a second to realize he had to walk to Jana’s new house, which was in the opposite direction of her old house, his house and most of their friend’s houses. While it was on the other side, Jens was pretty much familiar with Antwerp entirely so he knew where he was headed. He wondered what it was like for Lucas, someone so new to the city.

“So how much of Antwerp have you seen?” He asked, as they walked pass some small shops and a bus stop.

Lucas shrugged, still hanging his head a little low, not meeting Jens’ eyes. “Not much. I think I came here once before last week?”

“Really?” Jens’ eyes widened in shock. “So it’s super new to you.”

“Yeah. I only came here for my Dad’s wedding.”

Jens frowned slightly. He was supposed to attend that wedding, but ended up going to some dance recital for his step-sisters. He wished he had went to the wedding instead, imagining how good Lucas must’ve looked all dressed up.

“Is Antwerp anything like where you’re from?”

He shook his head, but then tilted it up, with a thinking expression on his face.

“It’s a little like Utrecht. But I think Antwerp is a bit bigger. Utrecht is like a smaller Amsterdam.”

“I’ve been to Amsterdam once.” Jens recalled. “But I was a kid so I don’t remember much.”

“There’s a lot of…” He paused.

“Weed?”

“…Canals.” Lucas gave Jens a weird look, but there was a small smile on his face. Jens chuckled lightly, looking down at the ground.

His and Lucas’ walking pattern perfectly matched up.

-

When they arrived at the house, they realized it was empty. Lucas hummed softly to himself as he stepped inside, placing his bag down on the couch and headed into the kitchen. Jens followed, not really knowing how to go about.

Lucas turned on a kettle and opened up a cupboard, slightly looking over his shoulder and at Jens. While he wasn’t short, he did go on the tips of his toes to reach the shelves and pulled out two mugs.

“Do you want some tea?” He asked softly, and Jens couldn’t help but feel a warm fuzzy feeling wash over his body.

“Sure.” He replied, noticing the colour of the mugs, one red and the other blue.

And the designs.

They were almost like little sketches and doodles against their bright red or blue backgrounds. Jens took a closer looked and realized the doodles seemed to be clouds made up of flower petals, constellations of suns instead of stars and flowers with Saturn in its centre and shooting stars as the petals.

“These are some nice mugs.” He noted, taking a sip out of the blue one. The tea was hot and calming, with a sweet lingering taste of honey.

“Really?” Lucas asked shyly.

“Yeah. Where did you get them?”

“Uhm,” He gave Jens a small smile. “I painted them.”

“Really?” Jens said, rather impressed and taking a closer look at the designs. “It’s really creative, I love it.”

“Thanks. I made a bunch of them before I moved here.” Lucas gave Jens another shy look. “Do you want to see some other stuff I have painted?”

“Sure.” He said with a smile, feeling his heart flutter again.

Lucas placed his tea down and abandoned it on the counter. Jens on the other hand, carried his mug and followed Lucas to his room.

He had expected to see his walls with canvases or artworks place on it, like a little gallery. But instead, there wasn’t what he was greeted with. Jens marvelled in awe, as he noticed that all of Lucas’ furniture was painted with similar abstract designs. They weren’t exactly like the ones on the mug, but it was clear they were painted by the same hands.

He walked a little closer, looking at the way Lucas had chosen to design his bed frame. The paint was dry and the wood was smooth, but his fingers traced over the designs, fluttering over them.

“Do you like it?” He heard Lucas ask in his small voice.

“It’s amazing.” Jens turned around to face him. “Was this what you were working on last weekend?”

“Pretty much.” He hung his head down again. “I kind of got into an angsty mood moving here. I didn’t really want to move in the first place so I kind of locked myself in my room and tried to find a way to annoy my dad.”

“Has he seen it?”

Lucas let a small smile escape his lips and Jens felt himself fall for him all over again.

“Yeah he has. Kind of failed pissing him off but he’s kind of impressed by my unconventional canvases.”

Jens smiled, leaning against end of the bed frame as Lucas shyly walked over and leaned against it as well. His body was close to his, and Jens had to suck in a breath and hold it, before he made it painfully obvious just how much his body reacted to the other boy.

“At least you’re in a good mood now.” Jens’s voice was low, dropped into a whisper.

Lucas’ cheeks turned pink again, and this time, he was sure it was a blush. Testing the waters a bit, he let his fingers flutter over Lucas’, as though their waves were meeting for the first time.

He didn’t remove his hand away.

“Yeah, uhm, I kinda felt better a few days ago.” Lucas whispered. “After uhm, meeting you.”

“Really?” Jens asked, his face lighting up.

“Yeah, Jana teased me relentlessly about it.”

“Don’t worry she probably teased me just as much.”

“I actually think she set this up.” Lucas giggled.

“Did I hear my name?” A sing-song voice came from down the hall, making their head turn towards Lucas’s door.

Jana peaked her head inside, and upon seeing their close proximity and hand over the other, she squealed.

“I knew it!” She cried, holding her hands up high as she grinned widely.

Jens only rolled his eyes and snorted, as Lucas covered his mouth with his other hand and leaned closer into Jens’ body, hiding the now, very pink blush all over his face.

van der stoffels be like: 👁👄👁

He was jealous, very jealous to see how another boy approached Lucas, flirted with Lucas and tried to kiss him

He just burned with rage and pushed the guy who was with Lucas

-Wtf?

-What are you doing?

Lucas looked at him with contempt and said

-What everyone does at parties, drink and try to forget how much you hurt me

-With another boy?

-You know they say "the best cure for an old love is a new one"

-Lucas, I tried to call you and tell you how sorry I am, that I'm sorry for being in a panic and that I love you, but you won't let me talk to you, I had to come here to talk to you

-Who told you he was here?

-Kess... He...

-That idiot, I'm going to kill him

-Don't be mad at him, I needed to talk to you

-Here I am, what is what you want to tell me so urgently

-I... I... I want to tell you that I love you, that I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, that I was an idiot, I need you to forgive me and I want to take care of you

-I don't need anyone to take care of me

Jens he approaches Lucas and whispers in his ear, stop being strong, we're better together.

Finally Lucas looks Jens in the eye and throws himself at his lips

i physically cannot listen to cardigan by taylor swift anymore and it’s all because of this video

I WILL BAWL AND CRY EVEN JUST HEARING A SINGLE LYRIC BECAUSE!!! VDS!!! VDS!! VDS!

(also been on a vds video spree….my heart </3)

tell me

The Hoodie Is Red And The Jacket Is Blue.

a vds one shot. you can find more on my ao3.

( @ apolloswords )

feel free to comment/message me any suggestions for one shot ideas!

When Lucas moves away to Utrecht for a year, he decides to keep in contact with Jens through the writing of letters.

This one shot is based off the exchange of letters within the novel "Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe" by Benjamin Alire Saenz. Jens is loosely based off of the character Aristotle Mendoza while Lucas is loosely based off of the character Dante Quintana.

P.S. It's also one of my favourite books - read it if you ever get the chance! :)

Dear Jens,

I'm writing this on the train ride to Utrecht. My father thinks I'm rather theatrical for not going on the drive with him as he moves all my belongings across the border, but I think I am being completely rational. Okay, maybe I am neither theatrical (my father had other choices of words to describe me) nor am I rational. But it feels weird to watch the distance between us in the inner workings of the moving truck my father rented. It's rickety, doesn't always drive straight and well, leaves me in a confined space with well, you already know who.

Anyway, the train ride is neat. Good scenery, I have my sketchbook open with me as well. My father did manage to get me a first class train ticket, so the leg room is wider and I get complimentary drinks and snacks to keep me company. I know you're laughing. Stop laughing. I mean it. I know, the leg room is rather ironic. I get it. Jens, I'm serious, quit laughing. Maybe you should be here. Maybe all this extra space for my legs should have been for yours. Not all of us can be lanky giraffes.

I think Utrecht will be nice. My father says there are some neighbours with kids my age. Ha, kids. What a weird way to describe me. As if I'm not graduating next year. As if I couldn't have just moved in with you or something for a year. Maybe my father was right in using the word theatrical.

Lucas

-

Lucas,

There are two things you're right about. One, the use of the word "theatrical" to describe yourself. In the years I have known you, I think your father may actually have been right this time around. What? I know that look. There's a first time for everything. Second, I wasn't laughing. What? You know this look? It's my lying face? Well, it's not like you can do anything about it all the way in Utrecht.

School starts tomorrow. Last first day. I keep thinking about how things will be different. University applications, graduation and graduating traditions. And it won't be with you. How the hell am I going to pass math now?

I think you were also right about a third thing. We aren't kids anymore. Our summer as boys had been far too short.

Jens

-

Dear Jens,

Oh, how I have missed your pessimism. Has the rain cloud over your head stopped its downfall? Cheer up Jens, summer will come soon enough. By the way, it feels rather new to hear everyone speak in Nederlands Dutch. I thought Milan prepared me for this but now it is like speaking to many Milans and not just one.

I met my neighbours. But my father was wrong (does that surprise either of us?). There is only one "kid". I say that loosely, because this kid has a full grown facial hair. Not a lot, but enough to make him look way more than just a kid. And I guess there isn't just one kid. He has many siblings, three I think. But I'm betting my father chose this "kid" because he's in my year. Oh yeah, his name is Kes by the way.

On the first day of school, Kes walked with me, on his skateboard. I must say Jens, it is quite weird to see a version of you here. But don't worry, he's not all like you. He's much cooler. Don't give me that look. You know I'm only joking. Have you grown to miss my sarcasm? Anyway, school. It's fine, normal place. But it is weird without you. I'll have less math homework to do.

Sorry it took me so long to write back. I got your letter awhile ago. I couldn't figure out where my mail was being sent. Turns out it was just in my flat's lobby. And to think I took a bus all over the city to find a postal office.

Lucas

-

Lucas,

I had wondered if you left me hanging. And then after reading your sarcasm, this comparison of myself and this Kes character and all this Dutch talk, I realized that maybe I could've done without a response. That was a joke. See? Little pessimistic Jens and his rain cloud know how to tell a joke.

Well at least your life sounds exciting. Mine hasn't been. Everything is pretty much the exact same. Robbe is still in love with Sander. Aaron can't keep his eyes (or hands) off Amber. Moyo well, Moyo and I have been smoking a lot of weed. Probably not the Dutch amount and definitely not the Dutch strain. But there isn't much to report on my life.

I think it was more exciting with you in it.

Jens

-

Dear Jens,

Have you ever wondered how the universe worked? I have. A lot. My room in the flat has this window nook, so I spend a lot of time looking out of it and the people who walk by. I used to want to draw whatever I saw, but then I realized how much I only ever draw about my life. My world. But with each passerby, I realize that so many lives and worlds exist outside of our own. And then I wonder, how many worlds exist within the realm of our universe? And not just people, because that is an easily estimated seven billion. But how many planets we have yet to discover, stars that have yet to be born and asteroids that have yet to just pass Earth, making us the lucky ones.

I've realized how small we are as opposed to the infinite realm of possibilities and things so much bigger than us. Do you believe in parallel universes? My friend Liv spoke about them once. She told us that in these universes, every possible outcome that could've happened in our life occurs in them. Maybe you choose to wear a blue shirt instead of a red one the day that girl with blue eyes and light hair notices you in the cafe window as she crosses the street. Everything is about the exact same way, but maybe the curtains are a different colour. Or maybe you do wear the red shirt and instead, a girl with dark eyes and dark hair notices you instead. Maybe you actually pass math. But there's something that stays the same in each one. Your soulmate.

A soulmate. What a deep thing to conceptualize. Both the universe you find within the person and the universe you find the person in. But do you ever wonder what it would be like to never find your universe? To go along life as the rest of these parallel versions of yourselves do and you're the only one who never finds their soulmate? What a lonely universe that must be.

The whole idea has been plaguing me for awhile. I wish I understood more of what Liv had told us. Too bad I was high.

Maybe in another universe, the curtains are yellow. And maybe, the hoodie is red and the jacket is blue.

Lucas

-

Lucas,

What the fuck is in your weed?

Jens

-

Dear Jens,

When I finally become the greatest philosopher of this generation, you will have no credit in any of my works.

To answer your question, I don't know what's in my weed. My friend Jayden could probably tell you. I met him through Kes. He's funny but sweet. Best intentions kind of person, even if he is a little interesting. I think you would like him.

Utrecht is starting to feel like home. I know it technically always has been, but that was before I was fully immersed in my stream of consciousness. There is something familiar with everything. Whenever I sketch the parks, streets or buildings, I seem to get a recollection of memories. They're always a little faded, very much like a blurry dream sequence. But I can make some of them out. There are sounds too, sounds of a melodic giggle, soft words spoken and adoring smiles. I know they're from my family, you know, when my parents were still happy together. Before Mama had gotten sick.

I think a lot about my time in Antwerp. Sometimes it also feels like a distant memory.

Lucas

-

Lucas,

I know it's been awhile since I've written to you. And by the time you get this, it may have been a month. I'm not sure.

Nothing much has happened. That's why I haven't written. Not much has happened and that isn't an exaggeration. I think the most excitement I get is heading to the mailbox to see if I have mail. Your replies are always much faster than mine. Sorry I make you wait for awhile. I don't mean too.

Lotte wants to adopt a dog. I think we might actually get one. Lies has a friend who's dog is about to have a litter of puppies. Maybe a dog will make things a bit more exciting. A little companion who chews on shoes. I know you would have loved that.

Jens

-

Dear Jens,

A dog! So you finally get something that could terrorize my shoes after I leave. Are you tormenting me? Maybe I'll ship you a pair of shoes and make your new little companion use it for teething. I'd finally be putting the shoes to use.

To be honest, I'm surprised you don't have much to tell me. I was expecting a lot of stories about parties and all of your dumb antics. Or are you just to embarrassed by them to tell me? if you have forgotten all the expressions on my face by now, just know I have a very sarcastic smirk on.

I do have something to tell you. I met this girl. Well, I met her awhile ago, during my first week of school. Kes introduced me to her. They've been friends for awhile. Her name is Isa. She's really pretty. Extremely. Her hair is short with light brown curls, and she's got the brightest smile. Everything about her is like the sunshine. Her laugh is bubbly and reminds me of the sounds at a carnival. Isa is like all the sparkling reflections off a diamond, when light gets refracted between them and you start to see a rainbow. She really is pretty, I'm sure you would agree with me. But she's not the only one I find pretty. I think Kes is pretty. He reminds me of the sultry hours of the night, eyes bright like the stars and shadows cascading like a mystery. When he's in a deep focus, you can see the way everything just comes to a still. It's quite mesmerizing. I didn't know I could feel this way.

Lucas

-

Lucas,

We got the dog. It's a small fluffy black and white little guy. Lotte wanted to name him Converse. For the colour scheme. I thought that was kind of fitting, with your shoes and all. Though the dog is missing splatters of paint. Maybe I'll add those on.

Seems to me you've met some good people. I'm happy for you.

Jens

-

Dear Jens,

Merry Christmas! How I wish I was with you. There's nothing more depressing than trying to have a Christmas with my father. We pretend we like the gifts we've given each other and then head out to where we'd rather be. I had a Christmas dinner with Kes' family. There's a lot of them. I thought you, Lies and Lotte were a lot. Ha, what a play on words. But Kes has three brothers and a sister. That's, you can count on your fingers, four more siblings than I ever had. The dinner was really good, his family is Dutch, Somalian and Vietnamese so there was a lot of different things to try. I asked his grandmother what it was like to arrive in the Netherlands, a country so different from where she must be from. She told be the beautiful thing about the many countries in the world is that you will never run out of places to see and explore. And soon, enough, you will find a place that is so much more beautiful than the rest of the world and settle there. Bonus points if its with a person you have created a small world with.

We could see the world together, don't you think? Are you ready for that kind of adventure?

Lucas

-

Lucas,

Happy New Years!

I would love to see the world with you.

Jens

-

Luc,

Are you okay? I haven't heard from you for awhile. Converse is doing fine, he's finally house trained. Lotte is a little annoyed that he seems to have a liking to sleep with me rather than her, but that's not really my doing is it? I hope you're smiling as you read this. You feel so far away.

Jens

-

Luc,

I hope you're okay. It feels rather lonely without your letters. I know I'm not the best with responses but I always did enjoy listening to you more. I loved hearing your every thought, even if I had no idea how you came up with it. Anyway, you don't have to say much if you don't want to. I understand. February is almost over and it seems like the last snowfall has happened. Valentines was rather lonesome, not like I had much planned out for that. I think the promise of spring arriving soon inherently means the promise of summer. And with summer, that means your return. I long for that day. Talk soon.

Jens

-

Luc,

I miss you.

Jens

-

Dear Jens,

I'm sorry for my silence. It was actually because of a mess of other things. My head was loud. I hope I didn't make you worry so much. My silence was rather theatrical, wasn't it? I know you can sense my sarcasm.

I kissed Isa. And then I kissed Kes. The Isa thing happened during New Years. It wasn't serious, more like a simple friendly New Years kiss. But I was excited. I mean, I told you how pretty she is. How could you not be excited to kiss a girl like her? But then it happened. You know, the kiss. It happened. And it felt like it didn't.

I thought I liked her Jens, I really did. But the kiss was so absent, like it was like I was watching two actors kiss. Someone who wasn't me and her. I had no attachment to it and I felt nothing for it. And I don't know why. Maybe I didn't like her and just thought I did. Maybe it was like how you think about the flowers being beautiful or the city lights. Maybe Isa had just been a beautiful thing in my life that wasn't meant to be loved in the way I had thought.

And then I kissed Kes. It wasn't that deep. We had went to some Valentines Day party, for all us single people. Even Jayden and Isa tagged along. By that time, Isa and I had forgotten about the kiss entirely (though I had forgotten it the second it was over). And then we decidedly to play spin the bottle. You know how it goes, whoever it lands on you kiss. I think you know where I'm going with this.

We kissed. It was short, the shortest kiss I've ever had in my life. Shorter than Isa's. But it was the first kiss I understood why it was such a romantic gesture. How you could feel bursts of sparks and a rushing amount of affection through such a simple touch. I felt that. So much. And when Kes looked at me afterwards, I realized that maybe I just liked kissing boys more than girls. A lot more.

I know what you're thinking. That I'm dramatic. Just because I did kiss a boy doesn't mean I like boys. But I keep thinking about kissing a boy. I never intentionally think of anyone in specific, but a certain figure always appears at the end of my daydreams. And I really think I like this boy.

You were right by the way. Isa and Kes are good people. I told them both about this. They pinched my cheeks and hugged me, saying that it was okay to still be navigating love and all that. That was apart of life, they said.

I guess I haven't really written back because I was scared to tell you. You know everything about my life because you lived almost everyday with me. And now, our distance has forced us to live two separate lives. I couldn't think about my new life and my old life not working out again. I didn't need to lose someone else. Being taken away from my mother was a lot, but Jens, being taken away from you was like having my heart ripped out of my chest.

That was a rather dramatic way to say I miss you.

Lucas

-

Lucas,

You could never lose me. Don't even think about that. I'll be apart of your life as long as you let me.

Jens

-

Dear Jens,

It's finally spring in the Netherlands. You know how I can tell? The flowers are in bloom. There's this flower shop I always walk by on my way to and from school. And they had the most beautiful tulips. An assortment of colours. I wondered how they were so bright and vibrant, their bulbs so perfectly shaped. I wondered how they could have grown so early into the season. Naturally, my curiosity led me to go inside the shop before school and ask. The florist appreciated my seeking of knowledge and told me her secret. She said that the trick is to remember that even with the change of seasons, we are allowed to grow for the season that we will soon blossom in. Turns out all autumn and winter, she nourishes the soil right before the first centimetre of stem can appear. And when spring finally rolls around, all the care and nourishing has paid off. I thanked her and she gave me a tulip as her own thank you.

I thought about people as I walked home that day. How we always identify with a certain season because that's when we feel flourished. I always thought of you as the summer. Even though I know you would argue and say summers are not meant for boys like you. But you are summer. The hour of the summer when you know it is not quite day or night. The time where neither the sun nor moon rule the sky and only boys who are not meant for this world do. Boys like me and you. Boys who are apart of a whole other world. An whole other universe.

Seasons may come and go Jens, I know you know this. We need to keep that cycle. Some seasons are to grow and some are to live life because this is the youngest we will ever be.

Lucas

P.S. In the envelope are some dried petals from the tulip. Unfortunately, I'm not as good as taking care of plants as I thought. They're blue by the way, the florist said it matched my eyes.

-

Luc,

If I am summer, I am not summer without you. You are what makes summer.

Is that poetic enough for you?

Jens

P.S. I kept the petals. They sit in the small box you painted for me once. I didn't know what I would ever use it for, but I guess I found out.

-

Dear Jens,

You have always been enough for me. More than enough.

Lucas

-

Lucas,

Converse tried to eat the edge of the paper which is why the corner of this letter is missing. I know what you're thinking. You should have sent him your shoes. YOU ARE NOT DOING THAT. I keep giving him things you've left behind for him to smell. So when you come, maybe he'll be completely familiar with your smell and who you are. I think he's excited to see you soon. The weeks go by so slow and fast at the same time. How can one thing be two completely different other things? The mysteries of the universe.

I'm starting to sound like you.

Jens

-

Dear Jens,

There's something I should tell you.

You were who I thought about kissing. Who appeared at the end of all my dreams and disappeared when I woke up. It was you. And it's always been you. I don't even know how to be poetic about this so I just want you to know, that everything in my world is entirely yours. Everything I want to do is with you. You are who I want to create a small world with.

I once told you about the people I found pretty. The ones I could see in the small details of the world that surrounds us. But you are beautiful. You are what I see in everything around me. You have become the universe in all my parallel ones. And when I see you next, I hope we can start exploring this world together.

Love, Lucas

-

Luc,

Where would you like to go first?

Love, Jens

P.S. I wish I was there to kiss you right now. So you know this life is not just a dream of yours. That it's all real.

-

Dear Jens,

By the time you get this, I will be with you. Wherever we decide to open this last letter, well, that is a mystery we have yet to find out. But I have a feeling it will be in your room, where we spent most of our days. Maybe you'll be on the bed with a guitar in your lap as I sit on the end of the bed, watching you read this. Or maybe I'll be laying next to you, as one hand gently plays with my hair. Or maybe, you're chasing me around the room, as I read this out loud, the words intelligible between our running and laughter.

But I do know one thing. That we will be together. Just like it should always be. In this life, world, universe and whatever else is beyond us. Me and you. Never apart.

This train should speed up a bit. My seat hardly has any leg room and I'm feeling confined. I know, ironic. Isn't it funny how some things turn out? At least I know this seat on this train ride home was meant for me. That's a second thing I know.

Love, Lucas

P.S. A third thing I know. That I will be getting a kiss from you after you finish reading this. I'm waiting. Don't give me that look.