Windy. Foggy. Cold.

Windy. Foggy. Cold.

This afternoon was like any other, that’s what I thought.

The smell of the wet leaves slowly rotting away surrounded me. Wearing a thick wool coat, fighting the freezing wind, I was roaming through the empty streets of a forgotten town. The playful river following me kept me company. Mischievous waves trying to wet my shoes smiled at my poor attempts of avoiding the water splashing around me. The birds flew above me, singing melodies known only to them. The trees made a pathway, guiding me. In front of me was a wooden door. Opening them I saw a meadow. Moonlight lured me into its embrace. I gave in.

There are still tales about the figure dressed in all black, walking aimlessly, its life provided by nature.

One of my favourite things to do, while waiting for somebody, anybody really, is taking out my book and letting the time pass without me noticing.

This was The Secret History written by Donna Tartt, a truly thrilling read. It’s been gaining popularity for a few years and it’s known as the staple dark academia book.

Highly recommend it, I’ve tabbed living life out of it.

A little rant about school and system from me...

The problem with education is that we learn to pass and get good grades, it doesn't matter if we have memorized anything about those topics, it is important that the passing grade is good and that has been built into us since the 1st grade of primary school.

Instead of learning because we are interested, that we enjoy reading and maybe researching on that topic ourselves, we are stuck in a room with people we may or may not like that much, from the early morning with barely 4 hours of sleep. We come to school, supposedly learning, although we come out of it even more confused with (minimum) 3 tests in the next week, 4 examinations, 2 large projects that will be at least 50% of the grade and one seminar. Let's get to work.

Okay, I learned 3 subjects, 4 more left, to finish seminar and projects... Wait, my friend invited me to go for a walk... "No, I'm sorry, I'm really busy, but I promise - next time!" Life flies before my eyes and I only sit and study... and for what? Because the system determined so. I miss my friends, I miss being happy, I miss a stress-free life ... When will summer come? Come on, focus! It's not like you're going to need this, but you have to get a good grade.

"No repeating test, come prepared for the test, not to fix the grade next class. Learn to learn for the test, not for correction!"

I don't want to study for the test, I want to study because I like it, because I'm interested in the topic, because I feel better, but how can I do that when I have limited time and a scale from 1 to 5 that determines my value? I'm tired of this system, but again, what can I do about it?

I don't care about grades anymore, that's what.

When I say that, I don't mean "Uh, now I won't move from the armchair, I absolutely don't care, it will be what must be" but I rather think "I won't allow numbers on paper to depress and discourage me, I learn for myself, for my future, to build my personality, not for someone to tell me 'Great, all A's, you're smart' ". I am making my way and my future.

I don't need validation from a broken system to be happy.

(If there are any mistakes, I am not native speaker and I wrote this in my native language, so, please, excuse them.)

After rain comes sunshine

I know not all times are bad times but, there's a period when everything is crumbling and falling apart and, I can't help but think about the negative parts of life. I, theoretically speaking, know that after rain comes sunshine which brings out rainbow, but that rain hits more like a tornado and leaves a mess, not worrying about it while I'm left all alone to deal with all that mess, trying to figure out how to clean it up.

Those negative parts eat me up, drain my energy away and I'm left as a bag of meat, lifeless creature, a corpse, walking through life as if I had a choice... I long for a break, for basic human needs I've neglected up until that point and, I crash.

I can't get up anymore, I walk without knowing what truly I should do, I am exhausted and confused.

After a while of not having any energy to do stuff, besides what I have to do and what is a must (example, going to school but barely doing any work outside of it) I notice I am slowly, but surely, getting energy back and I'm willing to do things again...

That's my exhaustion period, my slump. I have no energy and I need to rest as much as possible while I try not to ruin my grades.

Then, after some time (depends on exhaustion level) I find myself picking up the pieces left on the floor, glue gunning myself, keeping it stable, safe and sound...

Slowly, after rain comes sunshine.

-a ghost of a memory

can't I just pull an Aled Last and disappear off the face of the earth, dye my hair pretty colour and float around because surviving is hard

this acc was to be a personal blog at first

but, because of my Winx Brainrot, I shan't remain just a personal blog

expect winx mood boards, headcanons, short stories, and fics from me

I will be making a master list for all of it, which will be in 'my writing' section, on my pinned post