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Hogwarts Legacy update!

We've confirmed the plot: there's an uprising among the race of hook-nosed bankers who control the economy. (Note that the more evil they are, the bigger their noses are. There's a good one who has a big nose but he used to be evil when he was younger.) They're "rebelling" because they want their stolen cultural artefacts to be returned to them and want to not be oppressed anymore, which for some reason means they also want to massacre their oppressors' entire race, because of course marginalised people asking for liberation actually secretly want to kill you. As part of this sinister cabal's nefarious plot for white—I mean, wizard—extinction, they want to kidnap a child, because that's what hook-nosed bankers like to do, right? And their leader is willing to do anything for material gain, up to and including teaming up with fascists who hate his race.

You guys know that conspiracy theorists think Jews funded the Holocaust, right? They claim we did it so we could milk it for reparation money afterwards. And did you know they think we kidnap children? Or that we actually want supremacy rather than equality, and plan to subjugate the rest of the world for our own gain? Presumably you've at least heard the claim that we control the banks. And you know this is all very popular with the alt right, don't you? Have you also heard that this game's original head developer was an alt right YouTuber?

Don't act like this is a fucking coincidence.

No, JKR wasn't involved in the game, and it's actively intended to be trans-positive. Yes, she gets money from it, and will likely donate some of that to anti-trans causes. But even if you pirate the game so she doesn't make any money off of it, you're still going to be be playing the fucking Protocols of the Elders of Gringotts.

Fucking TALK ABOUT THIS.

WEIRD MEAT?? DREAM?? ANYWAY I JUST WOKE UP FROM THIS

Had a dream last night I had to bring a full barbequed pig across a field to a party

It was warm, heavy, slung over my shoulder

I remember my steps were shaky and I could not get over the fact that it was as warm as it had been alive

The meat was warm and it felt like it was alive

And I panicked, I dropped it and fled and I just. Remember the fear

Anyway I think The Flesh visited me last night

TMA in a nutshell

Jon, finishing a statement: I love my bug husband. He is slimy and kind and the only man I have ever loved, and, I will never be parted from him now. Not when we share the same body. *heavy sigh* What is... love? Who are we to decide if we deserve love, companionship? Are we even in a world where that matters anymore? *heavy sigh* I don't know. I'm... I'm going to go lie down. End recording.

Fuck it I guess I'll post about dungeons and daddies now 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️ anyway I just finished the Odyssey story line and SPOILERS

The way Glenn died is fucking baller he went out as he lived: with a deez nuts joke

As much as it isn't fun to hear Jon yelling at Martin, the end part of Mag 56 is so hilarious to me.

Listen, there is NO evidence to support Martin's claim about lying on his CV, and frankly it's kind of a weak cover story. You are required to show proof of your qualifications when you get a new job on the strength of them - not to mention ID - and even though on a relisten we know Martin's telling the truth and that Elias has his own reasons for hiring Martin, Jon doesn't know any of that. There's nothing to back up Martin's story and given how paranoid Jon's been since Prentiss, not to mention the fact that his specific concerns about Martin were that he might be hiding his own cunning behind the image of someone bumbling and soft (Jonathan "right for the wrong reasons" Sims strikes again) it is wild to me that he accepts this so quickly.

It's almost as though he's eager for Martin to be innocent, even though everything he's previously said about him would indicate that he'd rather it was Martin than Tim or Sasha, the assistants he respects professionally and likes on a personal level. It's so easy to picture him just blue-screening while poor Martin sits there expecting to be fired/screamed at again.

Martin: Okay, that's the truth, do your worst. Jon? Jon??

Jon, internally: Martin's innocent Martin lied to Elias but not me Martin didn't kill Gertrude Martin's safe Martin's still my friend Martin doesn't want me dead

Martin: Jon?

Jon, internally: MartinMartinMartinMartin