"I Know What You Are, But I Do Not Fear You. I Could Never."

"I know what you are, but I do not fear you. I could never."

a blue jay taking a bath 🛁 | source

i always thought healing meant having things go back to the way they were before. but that will never happen. trauma will never leave you once it nests. and that's okay, because true healing is learning to live and to thrive with it a part of you.

Winter is brutal

Hot chamomile, safe embrace

It melts the cold heart

when i was a young teen and extremely mentally ill, i made weird abstract pieces since it helped get my jumbled thoughts and worries out onto paper in a visual style. i had done this once for a sketchbook cover and my mom (with my permission) posted it on some art subreddit because she was so proud of it. i checked back on the post and it got a surprising amount of attention, i was thrilled seeing the hundreds of upvotes on my work. then i looked at the comments. all of the top ones and most of them in general were people making these shitty jokes, some not even joking about it and trying to actually convince my mom i was doing mushrooms and had to be talked to. i was so fucking pissed. the fact people needed to be told "i'm not a druggie, this is just how my brain works" felt so insulting. thats not even mentioning how countless people genuinely trying to tell my mother i was definitely doing drugs and couldn't have made that art any other way would have been so, so dangerous for me if i didn't live in the lax household i did.

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it's a letter, T, standing for Taylor or Travis or Todd or Tiffany

it's a drink, tea, green or black or oolong or chamomille, served hot or cold

it's the pin that holds up a golfball, tee, plastic, shiny, coming in shades of red or blue or white or yellow

silly, isn't it?

it's a letter, C, standing for Corey or Carrie or Carter or Camille

it's a sense, see, windows to the soul, one of the things that let us experience colour and light and ugliness and beauty

it's a body of water, sea, covering most of our earth, vast and unknown and beautiful and terrifying

interesting, isn't it?

a letter, B, standing for Beverly or Beatrice or Bobby or Bruce

a verb, be, to be happy or upset or fearful or excited, to be playing or running or laughing or crying

an animal, bee, small and fuzzy, keeping our planet healthy, pollinating flowers and crops and herbs and weeds

isn't it funny how one letter can mean so many things?

it's called a gramogram

isn't that funny too?