My Sleeping Habits Are Worsening, Even Though I Always Try To Stick To My Routine And Go To Bed Before

My sleeping habits are worsening, even though I always try to stick to my routine and go to bed before 11 PM. I have no idea how much I slept last night, I only know that I woke up in the middle of the night multiple times and with giant anxiety in the morning. I had no idea how I will manage to go to uni, but somehow I convinced my brain we must go because it would be worse staying at home dwelling on anxiety. I took my magnesium and told myself that if it's gonna suck, I can always turn back home. I didn't. I talked to my brain/subconscious constantly on the way to uni, told her I loved her, I am proud of her and we will be alright and imagined hugging her in my mind. I always try to beg for her forgiveness for bullying her through all these years; no wonder she is afraid to trust me. I find it's easier to manage my anxiety if I imagine that in this body there live two parts of me: the conscious and the subconscious. I have to take care of both of them.

So I went to uni and it wasn't as bad as the past few times. After that I went shopping because I needed to grab some meds, groceries and a postcard I will send home to Mother's Day for my mom. Every time I think about her, I begin to cry, there are no exceptions, I want to go home terribly, but at the same time I know God wants me to be here for a reason. I trust his timing and motives. Anyway, I wanted to cry all the way home from shopping, I thought I will die alone on the street, it was raining and the wind blowing and I felt like I will never get back to my dorm room... But I'm here. I survived. And I feel proud of myself, even though the day isn't over yet.

- Reni

hmmm yeah 🛌❕

this is your reminder that self care is a process of solitude. it isn’t comfortable nor easy, but it’s life-saver for sure.

you’re the only person who cannot abandon yourself.

It's dangerous to go alone, take this.

Healing potions ✨

(image description in alt)

changing every “i should have known better” to “i know better now”. i will not judge past versions of me through the lens of who i am now.

eggsdoodz 🤝 comfy bed doodles