So You're Anthony J. Crowley, Long-time Exile From Heaven And Recent Exile From Hell, And You've Finally

so you're anthony j. crowley, long-time exile from heaven and recent exile from hell, and you've finally figured out that the mess of overwhelming and infuriating and intoxicating feelings you've been harboring for the only being in the universe you've ever been able to rely on might, whoopsies, be something a little bit like love. but not love the way you remember heaven loved you, or the way they told you god loved you (they lied), but love like the humans do it: messy, and awkward, and incongruously infinite, and so, so fragile.

and, well. okay, you think. this'll be horrible. embarrassing for both of us, probably. but i'll tell him. you've never been a coward, no matter what the other demons might say. screw your courage to the sticking place, or whatever. macbeth. aziraphale loved that one.

so you talk yourself into it, you gather every scrap of courage and honesty you've got left, and you say, all right, angel, i've got something to say, only aziraphale's got something to say, too, and--

aziraphale doesn't love you back.

or. he does, but he loves the ghost of the angel you used to be, not the person you've made yourself since. he loves you, but he loves you like god did--loves you good, and quiet, and dull. he loves you without your grief, or your anger, without even that first bite of the apple. he wants you like that again, he says. defanged, like the Antichrist's domesticated hellhound.

(you worked for hell for a long time, and for god for a long time before that. you're intimately familiar with what it is to offer someone everything they've ever wanted, and then to twist it, to mutilate it, into an unrecognizable hell of their own choosing. you're not sure why it surprises you anymore. you're not sure why you keep letting the surprises hurt.)

and so you do the thing you've done since the beginning, because you've never been able to stop yourself: you push. you push hard, and you grab him, and he's so angry and you kiss him and you don't think about it, don't think about it, this is the most important temptation of your life, the only one that's ever mattered--

and he forgives you.

so you leave. at least that way you can do it before he does. you've always been a step ahead and to the left; stupid to think this would ever be different. stupid to think he might choose you, with all of heaven and earth spread out in front of him. nothing lasts forever, not even the stars.

he told you that a long time ago.

Right here 💅

WHERE ARE ALL MY BILDAD THE SHUHITE STANS AT???

I love him so much, you know? Didn't know people were making fun of it/didn't like it because I was avoiding anything to do with season 2 like it was the plague until the premier.

I honestly think this was my favorite look for Crowley this season (my 2nd favorite look, if I'm being honest, just because I really liked Crowley's fem dressing ass in the early 2000's).

He's everything ok?

People: Bildad the Shuhite is the worst look of the season

Me *slowly hiding a pic of him behind my back* yeah *sweat pours down my face like a water fall* uh yeah he’s yeah

Me 3 weeks later: SUP BITCHES WHO ELSE HERE LOVES THE ABSOLUTE BEST LOOK HE HAD ALL SEASON, BILDAD THE SHUHITE, HMMMM??? ISNT HE A BEAUTY???

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

This is the face of a demon who didn't think ahead XD

OK but Crowley's face when Gabriel was climbing out the window

He's like shit this bitch is really gonna do it

This looks super sketch, but I would definitely contract him 🤭

I'm living now!

babe are you ok? you've been exclusively reblogging posts of bildad the shuhite for the past hour ...