Masterlist : Criminal Minds

Masterlist : Criminal Minds

Criminal Minds

Spencer Reid x Reader

* = Smut (Minors DNI) II Beware of the TW please

Basically anything from @imagining-in-the-margins but here my very favourites:

Different dialects (Fem!Autistic!Reader. Spencer is trying to tell Reader he likes her, but it feels like they speak entirely different languages.)

Impromptu (Fem!Reader learns some shocking news when a case lands her in the hospital.)

Fairytales (Dad!Spencer comes home to his very tired wife and even more tired child who refused to go to bed without a bedtime story from their dad.)

Growing Pains (Spencer finds unfamiliar lingerie in the laundry. When he confronts his wife, he learns it belongs to their teenage daughter.)

From @fortheloveofwonderland (check her whole masterlist, you won't be disappointed):

A Memory Locked in the Heart (Fem!Reader, eighteen years ago you met a boy named Spencer Reid whilst visiting your mother at Bennington Sanitorium. This time you are meeting under entirely different circumstances; across the table of an interrogation room.)

Mothers Daughter (fem! single mom! Reader, your mother was a keeper of secrets. She kept them so well, for so long she even managed to keep them hidden from herself. And now you find yourself face to face with the love of your life after ten years, you find yourself starting to wonder if you are your mothers daughter after all. Reunion Challenge)

We continue with the lovely @foxy-eva (all her masterlist is worth the checking, just go go~):

Reflections (Fem! Reader, the kindness Spencer Reid shows to a child seems to impress Fem!Reader a little too much)

Lipstick Stains * (Fem!Reader, the shade of your new lipstick is too much for Spencer to handle)

Miscellaneous Authors:

Any Other Weigh @reidsaurora (Fem!Reader, a small collection of stories about the times Spencer told Y/N about how big their baby was getting every week)

The Lanky Guy in Room 603 @samuel-de-champagne-problems (Fem!Reader, Meeting in the delivery room with midwife Y/N)

A Trip to Remember @dr-spencer-reids-queen (Mermaid!Reader, For three thousand years, you’ve known only what the lake has to offer you. No human contact for three thousand years, yet, always being surrounded by them. Everything changes when you meet Spencer Reid)

Dear Theodosia @violetrainbow412-blog (Fem!Reader, Dad!Spencer stays one afternoon to care for your three-month-old twins and reflects on how much he loves them)

Darling & Dandelion @eideticmemory (Fem!Reader, Spencer is a lot of things to you. Your baby daddy, your lover, your best friend, and a massive pain in your ass)

Friends to lovers with Spencer @gtgbabie0 (Fem!Reader, Spencer needs comfort)

BFF @babymetaldoll (Fem!Reader, Spencer meets his best friend from school after 12 years apart)

Wife @specialagentlokitty (Autistic!Reader, Spencer Reid with a wife who is autistic and when she comes to visit the team doesn’t know what to do until Reid comes and finds her sitting at his desk)

10 Days @boldlyvoid (Fem!Reader, it's Spencer's first father's day and he's extremely emotional about the little love of his life that he's only just met. he spends the day with his baby, Edwin, and his wife, crying and happy about how wonderful new little lives are)

Here for you @weird-is-life (Fem!Reader, 4 times you take care of Spencer and one time he takes care of you)

[Not named] @tinyluvs (Fem!Reader, Being Spencer’s girlfriend and meeting the team for the first time)

[Not named] @ddejavvu (GN!Reader, Spencer Reid and s/o who bites their nails)

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Basically check all the masterlist of @specialagentlokitty but here are my favourites Aaron ones:

Please help me (Teen!Reader, Reader has abusive parents and Hotch and reader are neighbors and reader asks Hotch for help knowing he’s an FBI agent) TW: Abusive Parents

Safe (Child!Reader, Aaron rescues her from a kidnapping but then refuses to leave her side at the hospital)

As slow as you need (Fem!Reader, Hotch x reader where reader flinches) TW: Mentions of abusive ex

Miscellaneous Authors:

Can't Lose You @reidsaurora (Fem!Reader, When Hotch gets attacked during a case and ends up in the hospital, Y/N realizes she can't lose him without telling him about her feelings)

Derek Morgan x Reader

The first time @specialagentlokitty (Fem!Reader, Dancing at JJ's wedding)

Obsession @dr-spencer-reids-queen (Fem!Reader, You’re a target for someone who is obsessed with you, and so you offer yourself as bait to catch the guy)

Like a date? @dr-spencer-reids-queen (Fem!Reader, Your older sister brings you to her work, and you get a lot more than you bargained for)

Spring Carnival @storiesofsvu (Fem!Reader, Sweet time at the carnival)

Placing bets @cafeacademia (Fem!Reader, Since you started at the BAU, you and Derek have picked up a fun way to get to know more about each other. By making bets, the person who wins gets to ask any question they like to the loser and the loser much answer truthfully. But maybe there's a bit more that just a bit of fun to the bets...)

It's Always Been You @reidsaurora (Fem!Reader, When Agent Y/N Y/L/N gets injured on the job, Derek Morgan is the one to take care of her afterward. However, neither of them expected that him simply cleaning her wounds would turn into a love confession)

it's fine for you to write stepbros!namjoon and jimin ? where the reader is the one that is begging them to fuck her, trying to seduce them and being bratty. then one day they'd throw it all up and fuck her brainless after seeing her topless in the pool on the backyard ... they're very mean and rough, as they should let's be fair ! u can add any other things u want, im fine with everything

if not it's all good ! love your work, pretty ^^

Light dubcon?: only at the start MC is teasing them by not cooperating

-

You didn’t understand why they didn’t give in.

You were attractive, had a nice body, and were so needy. Ever since that time you overheid Jimin having sex with a girl he brought home while he thought he was home alone, and you walking in on Namjoon showering that you were curious.

What would it be like to have sex with them?

But to your dismay, they declined the thought of having sex with you… no matter how many times you begged or gave them attitude.

One sunny day you decided to lay in your backyard, topless, with closed eyes.

You frowned, opening your eyes when the sun was blocked, Jimin and Namjoon were hovering over you.

“What do you want? You’re blocking the sun.” You huffed.

Namjoon looked at you, his eyes going up and down your body, before landing on your boobs.

“Why are you laying here topless? What if the neighbours see?” Jimin complained.

“Then what?” You shrugged.

Jimin grabbed your arm and forced you to stand up.

You stumbled into him, and he held your waist.

"Ugh, go away.” You huffed at them, going inside. The house was empty, so it was probably just the three of you.

Namjoon and Jimin were right behind you as you went upstairs, and you could feel their eyes on you.

Once you reached your room, you turned around to tell them off.

But they pushed you into your room, slamming the door shut, and pushing you onto your bed.

"We're done. I can't deal with your bratty attitude anymore." Namjoon huffed, unbuckling his belt and pants, pulling them down and taking his shirt off. "We're going to give you what you want."

You bit your lip, looking at Namjoon. “Are you? Are you really going to give me what I want?" You challenged.

“Use that mouth for something better than talking our ears off.” Jimin still had his sweatpants on, and he got onto the bed, forcing you onto your stomach. He grabbed your shorts, yanking them down along with your panties.

Shit, they really were going to fuck you, huh?

You smirked to yourself, knowing they couldn’t resist you.

But you didn't have time to be smug about it because they were so damn horny, and they couldn’t wait any longer. Jimin grabbed your hand and pushed it into his boxers while Namjoon was already completely naked. He stood in front of the bed and he grabbed hold of your hair, guiding his dick to your lips.

"Open." He instructed.

You did as you were told, and he slid his cock into your mouth. However, you didn’t do anything, you didn’t suck him off nor jerked Jimin off. You challenged them once again.

“Fuck, you just love to tease, don’t you? Come on, suck that cock like the slut I know you are.” Namjoon grabbed hold of the back of your head with both hands, before he bobbed your head back and forth.

You moaned as you took his dick into your mouth, feeling him hit the back of your throat. You sucked him off, gagging occasionally as he didn't give you a second to breath.

"I bet she's fucking tight." Jimin commented.

"Yeah, she's gonna be." Namjoon agreed.

Jimin wrapped his fingers around yours and pumped your hand up and down his cock. He pulled your hand out and spat onto your hand.

"Mmph." You whimpered as Namjoon slammed his cock down your throat, and held it there for a few seconds before letting you go.

“Have you ever had two cocks inside that pussy of yours? Come on, let me see.” Namjoon flipped you onto your back.

“Maybe I had more than two, wouldn’t you want to know?” You smirked at him, teasing him.

Namjoon grabbed you by the jaw and forced your head to look at him.

"Do you think this is a game?" Namjoon growled.

"If it was, you'd lose." You challenged.

Jimin chuckled. "You really do have an attitude, huh?" He spread your legs apart.

"So? When are you going to answer my question?” Namjoon asked as Jimin brought a finger inside of you, and you flinched, as it caught you off guard.

Namjoon chuckled at your reaction.

"No.” You answered.

“You never had two cocks inside of you at the same time?” Jimin asked again, bringing in a second finger.

"N-No, I didn't." You mumbled, feeling yourself becoming wetter.

“Good, we will show you what that feels like.” Namjoon grabbed your chin and brought your face up, so you were looking up at him.

Jimin thrusted his fingers into you, going in and out. You let out a moan, and he smirked.

“Tell us you want it.” Namjoon ordered.

“Fuck off.” You spat at him.

Jimin brought in his thumb and began rubbing your clit in circles.

Namjoon’s fingers dug into your face as he shot a glare at you. "Fucking brat." Namjoon growled.

“I want it.” You finally said, feeling his grip tighten on your face.

"Want what?"

“Fuck me, both of you.”

Namjoon chuckled. "See, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" He let go of your face and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You can ride me first."

You moved closer to him, and he grabbed hold of his dick. You positioned yourself on top of him, your feet resting on his thigh with your back against his chest.

"Put it in." He ordered. “Now.”

You listened to your stepbrother and you grabbed hold of his cock before you lowered yourself onto it, and let out a moan, feeling yourself stretch.

"Fuck, you're tight." He groaned.

"Yeah, I bet she's so tight." Jimin commented, scooting closer to the both of you.

You began to rock your hips back and forth, as Namjoon began sucking and biting on your neck. You felt a hand reach down and began playing with your clit.

"Fuck, J-Jimin." You whined.

Jimin leaned closer and smashed his lips against yours.

You kissed him back, as you kept rocking your hips against Namjoon.

Jimin's tongue slipped inside your mouth, and he kissed you deeper.

You let out a moan, feeling him play with your clit while his other hand traveled to your chest.

"Mmm, she's such a dirty slut." Namjoon chuckled against your skin.

You whimpered as Namjoon's grip tightened around your waist, and he thrusted his cock harder inside of you.

“Come on, bounce on that dick before I make you.” Namjoon ordered.

You nodded and obeyed him, raising yourself slightly before bringing yourself back down. You bounced yourself, feeling his cock deep inside of you.

Jimin pulled away from the kiss, and he looked at you, admiring your body.

Namjoon smacked your ass, and you flinched.

"Come on, ride my fucking dick." He ordered.

"I am, I'm trying." You said, feeling yourself become exhausted.

"You're trying, huh? Let me help." He grabbed hold of your hips and pushed you down, as he slammed his cock deep inside of you, hitting your g-spot.

"Ah! Fuck!" You cried out, digging your nails into his forearms.

"There you go, that's a good girl." Namjoon praised you, bringing his hands away from your hips, allowing you to keep moving.

"She's going to be a good fuck toy, huh, hyung?" Jimin commented.

"Oh, she definitely will be. That’s what she gets for that attitude. Do you think you deserve a second cock now?” Namjoon asked.

"Y-Yes, I do." You whined.

He smirked. "You have to earn it first." Namjoon laughed. “Ride me harder, this is the last time I am asking you. If you don’t listen, you get nothing."

You tried your best, bouncing as high as you could while dropping your body as hard as you could, you picked up the pace and went faster.

Namjoon grabbed your wrists, forcing your arms behind your back. He held them there as he thrusted his cock hard into you.

"You're such a fucking slut." He hummed.

"Hyung, she's being such a good girl for us." Jimin commented. “Looks like she has no attitude left. Just a desperate slut."

"Mhm, that's right." Namjoon agreed.

Namjoon stopped you from bouncing and instead he spread your legs apart. “Come on Jimin, I am sure she can handle two cocks.”

Jimin got right in front of you, and he poked his tip at your entrance. He slowly brought himself inside, stretching you even more.

"Shit, fuck. I-It's too much." You cried out.

"Shh. You'll be a good little slut, right? You can take two cocks." Namjoon reassured you.

"Fuck, hyung. She's so fucking tight. Mhm, she's so wet too."

Jimin leaned his head back as he brought his cock all the way inside.

"Mmph, f-fuck." You whimpered, feeling them both stretch you. “Fuck, fuck!”

Jimin grabbed your waist, as Namjoon let go of your arms. He moved his hand up and grabbed your throat.

"Come on, we haven't even fucked you yet." Namjoon taunted.

Jimin started to move his hips, bringing his cock in and out.

You let out a loud moan, and Namjoon smirked. "She's a fucking slut." He squeezed his hand around your throat.

Your mouth hung open as they both thrusted their cocks into you, going deeper each time. “Fuck!” You hissed, feeling their dicks work together.

"That's it, you like that don't you?" Jimin teased. “Being used like this?”

You couldn't talk, all you could do was whine.

"She's taking it so well, she loves being our little slut, huh?"

"Fuck, yeah, she does." Jimin panted.

"Look at her, her mind is so fucked right now. I don't think she can think straight." Namjoon smirked, watching the mess of a girl you were.

And you were. Your mind was so gone, your eyes were closed, and you were biting your lip, holding back any moans.

"Aww, she's trying to hold her moans back."

"Don't, I want to hear your moans." Namjoon ordered.

Jimin grabbed your ankles, pushing them to your head. "I think I can go a little deeper, right?" He chuckled, before bringing himself all the way in, slamming his cock inside of you.

You cried out, "Ah! Fuck!" You let the moans fall from your lips, and they didn't stop.

"That's it, good fucking girl. Finally using that voice for something good.” Namjoon gripped onto your thighs.

"We're going to use her every day." Namjoon added.

"We are, she'll be our personal little slut. We'll fuck her anytime, and anywhere we want." Jimin licked his lips.

"She wants it, look how needy she is." Namjoon commented. “Do you feel how hard that pussy is squeezing around our cock?”

Jimin smirked. "Yeah, I can feel it."

"Come on, let's fill her up with our cum. I'm sure she wants it."

Jimin picked up his pace, and so did Namjoon. You let out a scream at the way both cooks were started to drill into you, at which Namjoon covered your mouth with his hand, and your muffled cries and moans were muffled and the only sounds you could hear were their out of breath groans and the slapping of skin.

"You're so fucking wet. Have you ever been fucked this good?" You werent sure who of the two said this, but wouldn't be able to answer, not with the way they were fucking you.

They both picked up the pace, slamming into you at a fast and brutal speed. They weren't letting you breathe.

Then, you weren’t able to hold it in any longer, and your orgasm took over your body, making you cry out and moan, while your pussy squirted around their dicks.

"Shit, she's so fucking messy." Jimin laughed.

You weren’t even sure how long they continued to fuck you or how many more times you came, and by the time they both filled you up, and your holes were leaking with cum, you were a complete mess.

Namjoon laid you down onto the bed, and the two of them left you in your room. You were too exhausted to move, and they were just so good at fucking you. You weren’t sure how, but you managed to clean yourself up, and fell asleep.

---

yoongi in glasses is a deadly combo ♡

---

a word from our sponsors | knj

you’ve co-hosted a podcast with namjoon for three years; have known him even longer. the two of you have always been the picture of platonic, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from doing what the internet does. the shipping? a little weird at first, but you can understand it: two attractive twenty-somethings always in close proximity to one another, obvious (platonic!) chemistry—people have created ships for less. the fanfiction, though? also pretty funny… until you can’t stop thinking about it. 🎙️

pairing: namjoon x f. reader genre: podcast, friends to lovers au; crack, smut, fluff rating: explicit. minors do not interact. warnings: parasocial relationships galore, a m*n with a p*dcast, author abuses italics, swearing, alcohol, reader uses a pseudonym/nickname (piper) because writing the meta fanfiction scene would've been too weird without one and i refuse to use y/n, dialogue-heavy but it is a fic about a podcast, everyone is down horrendous, mentions of social media & fake r*ddit posts, ex-boyfriend yoongi but in a good, healthy way. let me know if i missed anything but mostly this is just two goofballs not realizing they're in love with one another. smut warnings: kissing, oral sex (f. receiving), fingering, unprotected vaginal sex (fiction), protected vaginal sex (nonfiction), a lil squirting, mild degradation, mentions of a p*ss kink but there is no actual pee i promise (...lest?), i didn't intend to write size kink but it's namjoon so it just showed up anyway, slight dom!joon, everyone orgasms. wordcount: 17.5k credits: this was entirely inspired by that one episode of the basement yard where frankie reads the smut fic of him and joe, so credits to both that author and that podcast. spotify, for their podcast name generator. astro-seek for helping me drag namjoon astrologically. an extra special, gigantic thanks to @effortandmore for writing the meta fanfic (3k of it, no less!) and not batting an eye when i said it could have pee in it as a joke. this is as much yours as it is mine. finally, @hot-soop and @the-boy-meets-evil for reading this over for me and telling me i'm funny. author's note: happy birthday, indigo! here i am to validate every fear you've ever had that the people you write porn about may one day read it. live and on air. :)

You’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years.

You can learn a lot about a guy in that amount of time.

None of it is especially salacious. You know all about his family and his dog and the brand of recycled paper towels he insists on buying in bulk. You know what he’d written his grad school thesis on and what he’d looked like in the thick of it, when he was staving off his fifth mental break of the week. You know how fidgety he gets when it’s closing in on Friday night and he’s got a date—how much he stresses over which restaurant to pick, which cologne, which expensive cashmere sweater to wear.

You also know what the internet thinks about him. Intimately.

Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is peak husband material. He has cheeks ripe for pinching and thighs small countries would go to war to defend. He has a lap that doubles as a seat and dimples people want to get baptized in. He has Instagram selfies with hundreds of thousands of likes and comment sections full of intelligible keysmashes, especially the ones he posts from the gym.

Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is a man written by a woman.

Looking at him now, you aren’t sure that’s true, you think people just need to raise their standards. Namjoon is just… Namjoon. He’s intelligent and kind and up to date on modern feminist theory, is all. And, sure, maybe in the current political landscape that puts him far above the rest of men, but the way the internet has latched onto him is a little concerning.

“There’s another post about whether or not we’re dating,” you say, pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose.

sooo let’s be real here, we ALL think they’re dating, right?? Posted by u/pod-shipper 2 hours ago

Just like he always does, Namjoon huffs out a soft laugh, makes his way around to your side of the table. Puts his large hands on your shoulders as he leans in close to read from your screen, snorting every time he reads a sentence he finds particularly amusing. Whichever cologne he’d chosen this morning is, admittedly, very nice.

It’s sooo obvious, especially in the episodes they film and post on YouTube. The way they look at each other?? I don’t even look at my HUSBAND like that! (+1264) ↳ omg ur sooooo right! i could MAYBE buy that they aren’t full on dating, but they’ve def at least slept together. Namjoon is so 🔥🔥🔥 (+791) ↳ um how can namjoon be dating her when he’s already married to me 😌💅 (+3) ↳ For the millionth time, can we not speculate on their personal lives? This is weird and reinforces really harmful ideas that men and women can’t just be friends. (-51)

“How come they never talk about how hot you are?”

You can tell by the look on Namjoon’s face that he hadn’t meant to say that—or, if he did, he didn’t mean to say it like that, with an entire pout, eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline. “Cursed to be ugly and dumb,” you joke to ease the sudden tension, reading the comment that simply says you’d have to be the dumbest person alive to not sleep with Namjoon.

He scrunches his nose at that. Returns to his side of the table. “Yeah, I don’t think so, lots of people haven’t slept with me.” Starts to unpack all the gear from his bag before he says, “Hey, all that stuff—does it bother you?”

“What do you mean?” you answer, the corner of a protein bar stuck in your mouth. Namjoon always insists on recording at the most inconvenient times.

“People thinking we’re together,” he clarifies.

You shrug. “I dunno. Not really. Comes with the territory, I think, not to mention how much you love to overshare—”

“Hello?”

“I’m just saying,” you retort, hands raised in self-defense. “There really was no need for you to mention you blew your grad school stipend on a porn scam.” Namjoon looks affronted, like he can’t believe you’d stoop so low as to bring that up. “Or that you lost your virginity at fifteen.”

“We have a relationship podcast,” he states simply. “That’s kind of what we do, right? Talk about relationships? And the spectrum of human sexuality is part of that.”

You slump back in your chair as you quirk an eyebrow. “No one said it wasn’t, I just said you overshare. Which you do.”

“And that’s why there’s a dozen Reddit posts a week discussing whether or not we’re dating? Because I overshare?”

“Yeah, exactly. That’s the kind of behavior that leads to parasocial relationships. People latch onto that shit. Makes them think they’re your friend.” He glares. “Don’t give me that look, you know I’m right. It’s bad enough you’ve word-vomited all this highly personal information about yourself, but to not even do it under a pseudonym? It’s like you’re begging for trouble.”

Another comment he doesn’t even realize he’s making: “I don’t beg. For anything.”

To this day, you’re not sure why Namjoon asked you to co-host a podcast with him.

His reasoning had been simple: “You’re my best friend and we don’t agree on anything.” Hard to argue with that. Namjoon has seemingly endless patience, even in the face of things he shouldn’t entertain, and you… do not, to put it simply.

You’re not a cold person. Your fuse isn’t short. You’re just a little jaded, is all. Have far less propensity for bullshit than Namjoon does, so the two of you play well off each other. You end a sentence with a well-punctuated full stop and Namjoon’s right behind you to sigh and say maybe you shouldn’t be so hasty, not everything in the world can be so black or white.

Except some things are. Somewhere along the way, the podcast—which Namjoon had affectionately named Place Him Gently in the Garbage, even though some people should be shoved in there with force—had picked up a following. A big one. And now, every week, you’re inundated with emails ranging in severity. Sometimes people just want to vent after their tenth bad date in a row or share funny stories, and Namjoon lets you take the lead on those, but sometimes it’s a little more serious. That’s where Namjoon shines, all that endless patience, and people love him for it.

“What’s on the agenda today?” he asks, accepting a thick stack of papers from Jungkook.

Ah, Jungkook.

You aren’t sure what he actually does. Some kind of social media manager, which is obvious from the wildly out-of-context clips he posts of you to TikTok, and it’s his responsibility to go through the thousands of emails you get from listeners, but aside from that all you’ve got are your suspicions that he just sticks around to swindle Namjoon out of more and more money.

“I’m in a silly goofy mood,” comes Jungkook’s reply, and you let out a witch cackle as Namjoon winces. Nothing good ever comes of Jungkook being in a silly goofy mood, and that’s quite alright by you.

Fifteen minutes later finds you with a camera in your face that you greet with an unamused, flat stare. Jungkook is used to it by now. Just films for a few seconds before turning his attention to an unaware Namjoon. Head down, pen and highlighter going a mile a minute as he pores over the stack of papers with all the doggedness and eagle-eyed stare of a literature professor.

That’s the thing about Namjoon—he takes this really seriously. So do you, but not in the ways Namjoon does. He’s all skill and determination and you’re color commentary. It works. It clearly works, so you aren’t too bent out of shape about it, but sometimes you worry. Namjoon takes this really seriously and sometimes you worry that he takes it too seriously, that he carries the burdens and worries of all these strangers, that he’s trying to solve and fix things that aren’t his responsibility to solve and fix.

So he takes it really seriously and you don’t take it as seriously as you maybe should, and everything is by design. Balanced.

Twenty minutes later finds you staring across the table at Namjoon, who asks, “Are you ready?” and does one last equipment check before he launches into, “Welcome back to another episode of Place Him Gently in the Garbage with Namjoon and Piper. What’s new with you, Pipe? Any fun news?”

Pipe. It drives you nuts. Feels like nails on a chalkboard. “I see you almost every single day,” you respond dryly. “But for the sake of entertainment, I’m thinking about getting a cat.”

“A cat?” Namjoon parrots, and his eyebrows disappear beneath his fringe because he knows what that means.

You’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, but you’ve known him even longer.

Since your first year of college, which is also when you met Yoongi. Yoongi, your ex. Yoongi, the person you’d been with for six years and had planned a life around. Yoongi, now one of your closest friends, because the two of you still love one another but no longer in that way, which is fine. But also—Yoongi, allergic to cats.

So, yeah. Namjoon knows what that means, and he has the good sense not to mention it. Unlike him, you’re intensely private and keep your cards close to your chest. Your listeners don’t even know your real name, let alone that you’d gone through a breakup a year ago.

“What kind of cat?” he continues, like his entire world hasn’t just been turned upside-down.

You shrug. “Eh, I don’t know. Probably one that’s been in the shelter a long time, I guess. I’m not too fussy, you know?”

“Right, a cat is a cat,” Namjoon says, thinking he’s done something. You and Jungkook gasp at the same time. “What? Why are you giving me that look?”

“Because that’s a fucked up thing to say! A cat is not just a cat. They have little personalities, just like people. You’ve got—”

“But you just said you’re not fussy,” he interjects. “And I know they have personalities and that you have to find one that suits your lifestyle! Like, you can’t have one of those really cool cats that likes to go kayaking and shit, it’d never work—”

“What does that mean? Why couldn’t I have a cool cat?”

“Hey, all you cool cats and kittens,” Namjoon mocks, and you can tell he thinks he’s done something again, but his impression falls flatter than flat. An awkward silence fills the studio. He coughs. “Anyway. Do you have pictures?”

“Yeah. I also have a list of candidates ranked by how cool their names are. Number five, Casserole.”

“That’s cute.”

“Mhm,” you agree, “but Casserole is a kitten, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of responsibility.”

“They do say you should adopt kittens in pairs.”

“And that’s how they get you. You want one kitten and they talk you into two, and before you know it you’ve got, like, twelve cats. Number four, Party Girl.”

“Sick name.”

“Number three, Toddler.”

“Toddler?”

“Number two, Flat.”

“Just Flat? Understandable.”

“And, finally, number one: Human Torch.”

“Yoooo.” Namjoon laughs. “You have to adopt Human Torch. Let me see.” You pull up a picture on your phone and hand it over. “Okay, for our listeners—Human Torch is a young, male Domestic Short Hair. He has stripes. I don’t know what that’s called.”

“Tabby,” Jungkook chimes in.

“Jungkook says he’s a tabby. He’s cute. Adopt him.”

You return your phone to your pocket. “Maybe. I still think I want an older cat, but I’ll consider it. What about you, though? Any new dating horror stories to share?”

Ah, the dating horror stories. Your most dedicated shippers are convinced they’re fake, that Namjoon just makes them up on the spot to keep them off your trail. If only. Not in the if only they were fake and Namjoon and I were actually dating kind of way, but the holy shit one of my closest friends is a fucking disaster and it’s a little embarrassing kind of way.

“Not really,” he answers. “I’ve got a date this Friday, though. Trying to decide if dinner and a movie is too boring.”

“It’s a classic for a reason. What are you gonna see, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3?”

“Three?” Namjoon emphasizes, truly sounding scandalized. “Since when are there three? I haven’t even seen one or two.”

“Okay, first of all, the original is a classic and it’s a crime you haven’t seen it.”

“And second of all?”

“There is no second of all. Repeat point one.”

He snorts. “I’m not gonna see that, anyway. Maybe the re-release of Howl’s Moving Castle.”

“Subbed or dubbed, though?”

“Are you trying to get me canceled?”

“Absolutely.”

“I like both,” he chickens out. “Now, let’s stop wasting time and get to the point of the show.”

“Talking about cats is a waste of time?”

“I—no, we’ve just got a lot on the agenda today.”

“Like what?”

“Well, there’s lots to talk about on the celebrity front—”

Namjoon loves this part. As esteemed and educated as he is, not even he is immune to good old celebrity gossip. (Inside him there are two wolves.) Lives for it. Texts you about it at all hours of the night. Sends you links to Reddit threads with hundreds of comments. Has more opinions on Celebrity Big Brother than he does on Ludwig Wittgenstein, sometimes, and when that’s the case you know you’re in for a long evening. You’ve never even seen an episode of Celebrity Big Brother.

But Namjoon loves it, so you’ve become fond of it by association. Reminds you a bit of Yoongi and his love for sports and sports anime.

“—one should we start with?”

“Whatever you want,” you answer, because you haven’t been paying a lick of attention and you aren’t sure it matters anyway. Namjoon can talk to a wall on a good day, but he’s an entirely different beast once mundane, innocuous celeb gossip gets involved.

And even though you hadn’t been paying attention, it seems like this was the right thing to say, because Namjoon smiles so wide his dimples crater his face. “Cool. Let’s start with Taryn Manning. Did you see that bizarre—”

“Who?”

“What?”

“Who is Taryn Manning?”

Namjoon looks a little dumbstruck. Even Jungkook’s arching an eyebrow at you. “Are you serious? She was in Orange is the New Black and Crossroads.”

“The Britney Spears movie?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Weird, okay. Continue.”

Your co-host shoots you a very pointed look. “I will, thanks. Anyway, she posted a video on social media talking about this affair she had with a married man. Like, she pulled over on the side of the road to record this. Said she can’t stand the man’s wife because she called her a quote-unquote lunatic.”

“I—huh, thought we weren’t supposed to say that anymore. Alright.”

“But wait, it gets even more bizarre. Listen to this quote—and this is direct. This is a direct quote from the video, I can’t stop thinking about it: ‘Don’t you ever threaten me when your husband came to me to get his butthole licked.’ Can you—”

“What? Namjoon, what in the fuck—”

“It’s crazy, right? She was gonna buy this guy a boat.”

“Namjoon, this is a family show, you can’t just talk about ass-eating unprompted.”

“No it’s not.”

“Well, you still shouldn’t talk about ass-eating unprompted. It’s unbecoming.”

“You’re unbecoming,” Namjoon fires back, because he can’t help it. The words are out of his mouth before he can think. “Sorry, that was out of line.”

You sigh. Know whatever look Jungkook is catching on his camera right now is exasperated and pointed, the corners of your mouth probably tugged up just a hint. “Unbecoming, like I said.” Namjoon scoffs. “Anyway, so this actress was gonna buy this married guy a boat and was eating his ass?”

“Yeah. Apparently it was her friend’s husband? They all went to a Taylor Swift concert together.”

“Jesus, this keeps getting worse. Big year for Hollywood cheaters.”

“It is, right? Cheaters and divorces. Something in the water, I guess.”

“I saw the astrology girlies saying a bunch of planets are in retrograde, so—”

“Can you explain that to me? Like, what does it mean for a planet to be in retrograde? Why is it causing divorces?”

“I don’t know, I’m not an astrology girlie. That’s why I said the astrology girlies. What are your big three, though?”

“What’s that?”

“Your sun, moon, and rising signs.”

“How do I find that out?”

“Ugh,” you intone, “don’t worry about it, I’ll do it myself. What time were you born?”

Namjoon rattles off a time.

You grab your laptop. Pull up the page, type in Namjoon’s date of birth and birthplace, and wait. Then you’re staring at a circle with a bunch of lines in it that also don’t make a lick of sense to you. You roll your lips to keep from laughing and school your voice into something deadly serious. “Bad news: it says you’re a virgin.”

“Virgo,” Namjoon corrects, not taking the bait. “I already knew that.”

You scroll a little further down the page. “Your moon is in Sagittarius. Oh god, listen to this, they’ve got you pegged: ‘The greatest need is to always search for something. In order to feel safe you need a philosophy or belief’—”

“Haaa, that’s not—”

“—’You need to have a goal or mission that gives your life meaning. Your faith must be voluntary and it is a paradox that fighting against dogmas may lead you to other dogmas.’ Yeah, that’s you.”

“That could apply to anyone,” he argues. “There are seven-billion people on this planet; I’d imagine a sizable amount of them would say that also describes them.”

“Hm, sounds like your faith in astrology is not yet voluntary. Did you know you’re a Scorpio rising?”

“No. I’m sure you’re gonna tell me all about it, though.”

You smile. “Correct. ‘People with Scorpio on the Ascendant need to fight against dark and destructive power in their life.’ Is that true?”

“Yeah, you’re the dark and destructive power. You keep sidetracking me and we need to get to the point of the podcast.” He grabs the stack of papers Jungkook had given him. Looks more highlighter than paper, if you’re being honest. “I guess Jungkook thought we needed a lighthearted kind of day.”

“That was nice of him, considering what he gave us last week. I guess we’re allowed to have faith in humanity today.”

To your left, Jungkook scoffs.

“Alright,” Namjoon starts, putting on his Very Serious Podcast Guy voice, “first up we’ve got a question from one of our listeners in Canada. It says, ‘Hi, Piper and Namjoon. I recently agreed to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend. She said he was a bit old-fashioned but really talked him up so I thought I was in good hands—and then he showed up to get me in a ‘67 GTO and exclusively referred to me as doll. He didn’t use my name once. I’m torn, because he was really nice and I had a good time otherwise, but this is weird, right? Should I see him agai—’”

“No,” you interject.

“Can I finish?”

“You don’t have to. This guy sounds greasy.”

Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. “And why is that?”

“Ignoring the fact that this guy has arguably one of the lamest classic cars around, he didn’t use their name once? Not once, in all the time they spent together? That’s really disrespectful.”

“Some people are just pet name people,” Namjoon argues.

“With absolute strangers, though? It’s really giving the impression that he didn’t even know it, not to mention some people are uncomfortable with pet names. The whole shtick is super lame.”

“I agree it sounds a bit misguided, but—”

Ignoring Namjoon, you say, “Sorry you had to go on a date with the ghost of less-cool James Dean. Into the garbage he goes.”

And, just like he’s done a million times before, Namjoon rolls his eyes and says, “If you really like this guy and want to see him again, a bit of communication will go a long way. Tell him the pet name made you uncomfortable—if it did—and offer to pick him up for the next date. I don’t think he’s completely destined for the garbage, yet.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t have a license. You probably think a 1967 Pontiac GTO is the pinnacle of romance. That’s probably like picking someone up on a Specialized Aethos to you, eh?”

“That’s a fifteen-thousand dollar bike, I’ll have you know.”

You groan. “Oh my god.”

Ep: #183 - Namjoon is a Virgin

I think Namjoon had the right idea on this one. Sure, the car can be considered lame, but I think a lot of men are deeply insecure and therefore overcompensate when it comes to dating. Women are hard to impress when they have unlimited options. You have to stand out, so I’m glad he advocated for him. Piper can come off like such a misandrist sometimes. (-649) ↳ just shut up bro namjoon would fuckin hate u (+204) ↳ Imagine caring about something like this when they’re getting a cat together 🙄 (+19)

You think about the cat thing for nearly a week.

Adopting a cat is certainly not the worst idea you’ve ever had, and truth be told it’s been a little lonely, living by yourself. No more Yoongi in your space; no more Holly. So, having a new little friend around might do you some good.

It’s just—

It’s a big commitment, and there’s also the dog sitting-shaped elephant in the room. Ending things on good terms means you’re still Yoongi’s second-choice sitter whenever he has to go out of town, and while you love Holly dearly (the two of you had adopted him together, after all), he’s a lot like his father in a lot of ways.

Should I get a cat, you type out, and it’s only been in Yoongi’s inbox a few seconds before the most unflattering picture you’ve ever taken of him is flashing across your screen.

“Are you dying?” you ask, because Yoongi doesn’t call you for much else.

And you already know what his response is going to be. “We’re all dying.”

“Lighten up, Yoongi. One might say being so existentially nihilistic before noon causes wrinkles.”

There’s a split-second pause. “It’s nine p.m.”

“Sure, but it’s before tomorrow’s noon, so it still counts.”

“Whatever. Listen, before you adopt that cat, I need a favor.”

“You going out of town again?”

“Yeah. Shouldn’t be long, though. A week at the most, five days if I’m lucky.”

“That’s fine, bring him over whenever. Yijeong’s busy?”

This pause is far, far longer. “No,” comes Yoongi’s eventual response, but it’s slow. Unsure. A two-letter word has never taken so long to say in the history of ever. “He’s, uh. Coming with me?”

Oh, you think. This is where your ex awkwardly and hesitantly breaks the news of his new relationship. You’ve known this day was coming, and this is what you get for staying friends with him. “This is a fanfiction plot,” you accuse. “Hot, mysterious man moves into a gaudy apartment complex after ending a long-term relationship and meets his equally-hot and mysterious neighbor and they fall in love.”

“I—that’s not—my apartment is not gaudy.”

“Yes it is. There’s a giant gold bust of a weird bird in the lobby.”

“Weird bird?” he parrots. “It’s a swan.”

“I see you’re not denying the in-love-with-your-neighbor accusations.”

“Am I on trial?” Yoongi retorts, and it’s such a Yoongi thing to say when what he means is, is this okay? He means, are we able to talk about this without it being weird? He means, I won’t ever say as much out loud, but your acceptance means a lot to me, and I’d like for you to give me this.

So you lower your voice and soften the edges because it’s not really something to joke about, and you say, “No, of course you’re not on trial,” and Yoongi knows what you mean. “And if you were, you'd get locked up for fifty years. You can’t lie for shit.”

There’s a beat of silence before he clears his throat, mutters a thanks that is so quiet you almost don’t catch it. “Send me pictures of the cats.”

Later on, once you’re freshly-showered and tucked into bed with a candle and a book (Eloge de l’amour by Alain Badiou at Namjoon’s insistence and request), your phone buzzes with a text from Yoongi—

Yoongi: toddler is a fucking hilarious name for a cat but so is flat Yoongi: it’s a tie for me You: Okay well pick one 🙄 Yoongi: yijeong says get both You: Both???? Is he paying my vet bills? Yoongi: kinda out of line to proposition him for money. flat is also good with dogs, js You: If he’s now being raised by you two, my perfect, well-behaved son is probably long gone. Does he even count as a dog anymore? Yoongi: me and yijeong both say fuck off Yoongi: holly too. he says he doesn’t miss you anymore and he’s not coming over now Yoongi has added Yijeong to the group Yoongi has changed the group name to #ThirdWheelChat Yijeong: Please don’t drag me into this. Also I did not say “fuck off” You have changed the group name to People Who Have Seen Yoongi Naked Yoongi: fuck you

You should’ve known something was going on with Jungkook, because it’d started like this:

(When you and Namjoon started the podcast three years ago, it was in the living room of his apartment.

Surrounded by books and plants. He loved to record in the afternoons back then—Namjoon loved to say it was because of his grad school schedule, but you’ve always suspected he just wanted to preen in the golden hour light, much like he’s doing now.

“Is this really necessary?” Jungkook whines from his spot on the couch. He’s already swindled Namjoon out of two bags of microwavable popcorn and three cans of sparkling water. “It’s a Saturday afternoon; I could be doing something so much more fun than this.”

Namjoon scoffs. “Are you saying this isn’t fun?”

“Yeah. It sucks, actually. This could’ve been an email.”

And because Namjoon is accomplished, mature, and absolutely incapable of not taking Jungkook’s bait, the space between his brows creases as he sends a murderous glare Jungkook’s way. “Stop eating my food, then. And drinking my drinks. And lounging on my couch like that—”

“I’m not lounging,” Jungkook argues.

“You’re manspreading all over the leather!”

“This is how I sit!”

“Well, knock it off! My couch is only for fun and people who think I’m fun!”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “So you fuck on it?”

“What?”

“What other fun things could you possibly do on a couch?”

Namjoon blinks. “Watch… watch a movie?”

Jungkook groans, throws himself backwards against the pillows as if he’s suffering a Victorian ailment. “Jesus. No wonder you can’t score a second date.”

“Okay, that was a little uncalled for. There are a ton of reasons a person might not want a second date, and no one is obligated to go out with me—”

“Uh-huh. Anyway—”

You clear your throat. Try to hide your own can of seltzer you’d taken from Namjoon’s fridge in the midst of his and Jungkook’s bickering. “Not trying to be rude, but I have an appointment at the shelter at three. If, y’know. You wouldn’t mind speeding this up a little.”

“Oh! Yeah, of course—”

“Oh, so you’ll speed this up for her but not—”

Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. “She,” he begins, jerking his thumb in your direction, “isn’t needlessly complaining and actually has someplace to be.”)

It was just a quick little rendezvous in Namjoon’s living room to come up with a rough draft for the following month’s episodes. He couldn’t do it over text because he’d fallen down the steps at his office and landed on his ass on the corner of a step and his phone had been in his back pocket. Cracked clean in half. And he couldn’t do it over email because he—rightfully—knew Jungkook would ignore them because he has his inbox set up to send all of Namjoon’s personal emails to the trash.

But Jungkook holds onto things like that. Grudges. Loves to let Namjoon think bygones are bygones and pop up a few days later with some evil scheme. Hence:

“What is this?”

Jungkook smirks. Rocks back on his heels. “It’s fanfiction.”

“I can see that, but… why?”

This is where Jungkook shines: the ominous, cheshire cat grin; the aw, shucks demeanor that gaslights Namjoon into thinking Jungkook couldn’t possibly be fucking with him. “Well, you were having trouble coming up with ideas for episodes, and there’s an email in there from someone whose partner reads really expli—”

“Jungkook, this is fanfiction about me.”

You can’t help the laugh that escapes you. Of all the weird shit you’ve seen on the internet (and there’s been a lot), fanfiction of people you know—your friends—was something you’d managed to escape. Probably by virtue of not knowing anyone famous enough to warrant fanfiction being written about them.

But you should’ve known. You really, really should’ve known.

“Oh my god?”

You’re not sure who says it. Could be you or Namjoon, but the sentiment is the same. He mouths a what the fuck at you that’s met with a shrug. You’re in uncharted territory now, too. “Where did you even find this?” you ask, taking the stack of papers from Namjoon. “And why did you print it out?”

“Because I’m going to track down whoever wrote it and get them to autograph it. Then I’m going to buy a nice frame and hang it on the wall behind him, so we never forget this historical moment in Place Him Gently in the Garbage lore.”

“It’s a podcast,” Namjoon deadpans, “how can it have lore? And how much lore can there possibly be?”

“It’s the internet,” you concede. “The lore possibilities are endless. Don’t tempt them.”

Jungkook nods sagely, well-versed in the degeneracy of the internet. “Yeah, that’s how you end up with shit like 4chan.”

“4chan? There’s Space Jam porn on there.”

As the youngest, all Jungkook can do is roll his eyes. “Sometimes explaining this shit to you feels like trying to teach old people how to rotate PDFs—”

Namjoon scoffs. “I’m not that bad. I know how to rotate a PDF.”

Wow, Jungkook mouths. “Anyway, back to the fanfiction—”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Namjoon interjects. He looks at you. “It’s weird, right? Like, it’s weird that people have written this about us?”

About us.

Your scope of the world narrows to the size of a pinhead. It’d just been about Namjoon before. This is fanfiction about me, he’d said, and you hadn’t been included in that. Now it’s written about us and you’re included.

“I—what?”

“It’s about us,” Namjoon repeats.

Jungkook rolls his lips. “It’s about the two of you fucking, to be specific.”

“Can you not—”

“Fucking a lot,” Jungkook continues. “So much fucking.”

Namjoon looks at you, and it’s all you can do to keep from laughing. The look on his face is pure bewilderment, both that Jungkook has cooked up this idea and is hell-bent on executing it and that he remains employed. And maybe it’s a little bit of nerves, too, because neither of you are ignorant of the risks. Reading fanfiction about yourselves—about the two of you as a couple, specifically, or at least two people who have sex—is weird. Not something you can unread.

And maybe it’s because you’re so determined to not make it weird that you send Namjoon a cheeky, exaggerated wink, shrug your shoulders, and say, “I’ll need a couple drinks, but I’m down.”

Jungkook throws his head back and cackles wildly, and that look of bewilderment on Namjoon’s face morphs into something else. Trepidation, maybe; definitely disbelief, because sometimes he lets himself get swept away in Jungkook’s schemes, but it’s rare that you follow suit.

As Jungkook continues to laugh, you wonder if you should’ve said no.

Namjoon has two stipulations: the two of you have to film the episode completely alone, and he, too, needs to be a little drunk.

The latter? Piece of cake, considering Namjoon has become some sort of whiskey aficionado in recent years. His drinking is streamlined and to the point—he knows exactly how much and what to drink to get him where he wants to be. You can’t say he isn’t efficient.

The former, though? Borderline impossible. From the second Namjoon states his terms, Jungkook is having none of it. Argues that he’s the one who found the story and the one who cleared it with the author, so he deserves to witness the fruits of his labor.

“No,” Namjoon repeats for the nth time, “no way. I’ll barely be able to do this with just her, let alone both of you.”

And that—that doesn’t bother you, right? You force a laugh, because why would it bother you?

There are few secrets between you and Namjoon, except your respective sex lives have been staunchly off-limits. Namjoon could be a virgin for all you know, and as you study him—the way he keeps bobbing his leg, the slight shake in his hands—you wonder if that’s the reason he’s being so weird about this.

It’s just a story.

Fiction.

Most people don’t have to worry about someone writing stories about them fucking their friends. If they do, you reckon even less actually read them. So, sure, it’s a little strange, but people from all over the world send in stranger stuff all the time, don’t they? It’s literally the reason you’re in this predicament.

Eventually Jungkook agrees. His whining has gotten him nowhere, so he just throws up his hands. Posts a cryptic little “u guys won’t believe what the next patreon ep is lmao” that sends the internet into a frenzy. Doubles your Patreon numbers almost immediately, and both you and Namjoon do a good job of pretending the pressure isn’t overwhelming.

Jesus. You have to read explicit fanfiction about yourselves. On camera.

Namjoon gets caught up with work and isn’t available until the weekend, so you’re forced to sit with the nerves for a few days. Not too bad at first, but you’re nearly coming out of your skin by Thursday with the need to know. You’re well-versed in the world of fanfiction, but this is fanfiction about you: your name, your likeness, maybe even your personality.

What will they know of Namjoon, though?

Will they get it right, the way he looks with his jaw clenched? How impossibly deep his voice can go, both when it’s raspy with sleep and when he’s fully at ease? Will the Namjoon in the story be closer to the Namjoon you know, or the version of himself he presents to the public?

And you’ve known him a long time—long enough that there are few secrets between you, but you don’t know the most intimate parts. All the parts the internet loves to speculate on. All the little gaps that, apparently, need to be filled in by fanfiction.

Will they know what Namjoon looks like when he gets off?

No, you scold yourself, jerking awkwardly like you’ve been burned, and neither will you.

Because you are not going to think about this. Your thoughts are not going to go there. Namjoon is your friend, and you’ve listened to him scold an endless amount of men on the podcast for exactly this behavior. Sexualizing their friends. You’re not going to do it, too.

Maybe that’s why you’re kind of seeing double when it comes time to record. Namjoon needed an extra shot and offered you one as well. You’d necked it without a second thought and now you’re here, trying to ignore the slight tilt of the room as Namjoon adjusts the camera.

“How’s the shot look?” he asks, gesturing vaguely behind him at his laptop screen because Jungkook had refused to lend you his fancy cameras if he wasn’t allowed to be involved.

It’s a completely normal question.

It’s a question you’ve asked and answered a million times.

Except—there’s something horribly distracting about Namjoon in this moment. The outline of his back muscles through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. The way the sleeves are tight around his biceps. He’s always been a gym rat, always carries around a protein shake that smells and looks completely foul, but you can’t remember it ever being this obvious.

And you take too long to answer, because Namjoon straightens up just enough to send you a concerned look. Which does not help. You are not imagining what else might cause his brows to pinch like that, what might have his lips parting, have sweat dotting his hairline.

You swallow. Hard.

“Looks fine,” you manage to say. He’s still staring. Are you on fire? You feel like you’re on fire, which would make sense. Would explain Namjoon’s sweating and concerned stare and the fact that he cannot stop staring at you. “Maybe a tiny bit to the right if we’re being picky,” you tack on, hoping it’ll break whatever spell the two of you are ensnared in.

It works. “To the—the right, yeah, makes sense,” he rambles.

He moves it an inch to the left.

—

Things are tense, to say the least.

Recording hasn’t been this awkward since your first episode, or maybe ever. You’re sat across from one another like you always are, and usually Namjoon would be making quip after quip by now, talking endlessly until Jungkook shushed him long enough to get the intro filmed. Now, there’s just silence.

“Should we…?” Namjoon startles. Bangs his knee on the underside of the table and drops a string of curses. “Sorry, are you—”

“I’m fine,” he says, cutting you off. He gestures vaguely toward the camera. “I’ll just… yeah.”

Showtime.

You wipe your hands on your jeans, unsure of when they got so damp. Unsure of when you’d grown so nervous, too, because you’d been fine an hour ago. Had strolled in with two cups of tea and a little too much confidence, giddy at what you were about to do.

Maybe the nerves had shown up alongside the alcohol. This sounds reasonable, and you do not, under any circumstance or for any reason, think about Namjoon’s back. Or his biceps.

Namjoon makes it through the intro, dimples deep and wide as he smiles, and you also don’t think about the way his voice cracks and gets a little breathy when he introduces you. It’s only because he’d been drinking, and the flush on his cheeks attests to that. The same flush that creeps down his neck, still a little sweaty; disappears beneath the hemline of his shirt.

“—Jungkook had. Right, Piper?”

Now it’s your turn to startle, and there’s not much you can do to hide the obvious except ask Namjoon to redo the shot. Because it’s bad enough the internet already overanalyzes every move you make, every word choice, every instance you’ve stared at Namjoon a second longer than they thought you would—this is a blatant display of… affectedness.

“Sorry,” you say, “I wasn't paying attention. Can we redo it?”

You’re expecting a playful scolding. A ha ha, get it together, because that’s what you usually get. But there’s nothing aside from Namjoon studying you and nodding. Asking if you’re okay. Saying, “Is this—this is weird, right? Is it too weird? Maybe we shouldn’t—”

An out. Namjoon is giving you an out, and you should take it, you know you should take it, so there’s absolutely no reason at all you shake your head and say, “No, no, it’s fine! I think I’m just a little, uh. Drunk?”

“Are you sure? We can—”

“It’s fine, Joon,” you insist. “Besides, it’ll be good content, right?”

“Good content,” he parrots. “Yeah, for sure.” He fidgets in his seat, runs his hands down the span of his thighs. Very, very thick thighs. “I’ll grab us some water.”

You faceplant onto the table as soon as he’s out of the room. When did his thighs get so thick?

But the water helps. Cures whatever strange, insatiable thirst has come over you, because you feel much more human after a few glasses. Less drunk, too, which makes sense. Yoongi could barely escape your drunken, horny wrath when the two of you were together, so you chalk it up to a Pavlovian response.

Namjoon does the intro again. Introduces you strong and steady, not a hint of nerves, and explains, with a fresh blush taking over his upper body, what the episode’s going to be about. “Someone wrote fanfiction about us,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. “It’s, uh, pretty explicit. Jungkook thought it’d be funny if we read it.”

You snort. “He might get fired, depending on how this goes.”

“He should get fired regardless,” Namjoon deadpans. “Anyway, we have permission from the author to read this so don’t come after us, and, as always, we’ll put all the credits in the video description.”

“Special shoutout to Jungkook, though, who was not allowed to be here with us for this momentous occasion.”

Namjoon laughs. “I’m sure he’s having plenty of fun at home.” You both pause. “That’s not—I’m not implying anything with that! I just meant—you know, like. He’s hanging out and enjoying his day off.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Moving on. I have two copies of this. Do you want your own?”

You grin, wicked and wide. “Nah, just read it to me.”

“Making me do all the work,” he huffs. “Typical.”

“There’s a stack of papers in front of you that might say otherwise.”

It’s clear you catch him off-guard. He cocks an eyebrow, opens and shuts his mouth a few times like a goldfish. An obvious question sits on the tip of his tongue: You think you’d be in charge? Instead he coughs, jerks his head to the side, and says, “I guess we’ll see.”

It sounds like a challenge.

Thirty seconds is all you get before Namjoon’s shuffling his stack of papers and clearing his throat. Asking if you’re ready and jumping right into it once you say you are. Reads the first few lines like they’re some old lecture notes, and they’re conservative and safe-for-work enough that you start to relax.

And then Namjoon reads, “A louder one wonders if Namjoon is a pet name person—if he’d call her ‘honey,’ or ‘gummy bear,’ ‘babe,’ or ‘baby,’” and you choke.

“Gummy bear?”

Namjoon laughs along with you—the weird one that almost sounds like a dog panting. “You want me to call you gummy bear?”

“I want you to call me a Lyft,” you snark. “I’m leaving.”

He continues:

And that’s how it starts, wandering thoughts, wandering fingers—the first time Piper comes to the thought of Namjoon calling her baby, pushing inside her, showing her that he definitely doesn’t beg, but she does… Well, she’s a little ashamed. She’s apparently got a reputation to maintain, anyway, not to mention a friendship.

His eyes leave the paper and lock onto you. “Or maybe you’d prefer baby?”

“Fuck off.”

Weeks after that first time, it’s become a habit, thinking about Namjoon as something more than a friend. It’s confusing and a little mortifying and it’s starting to affect her in ways she hadn’t expected. When they record, she feels fidgety—she’s jumpy when he gets close, has all the stupid obvious tells of an unwanted crush: her breath hitches when he whispers (why the fuck is he whispering in her ear, anyway? Doesn’t he know what that does to a person?) inside jokes to her so Jungkook can’t hear, her heart rate spikes when their fingers accidentally brush, she feels itchy and hot and a little embarrassed whenever he holds eye contact with her. It’s terrible, and it’s only made worse by the way he’s doing all of those things more than usual. Or, at least she thinks he is, thinks she’s not imagining the way his eyes linger on her more than she can remember happening before or the way she’s caught him staring at her lips when she chews on the end of her pencil mindlessly. 

You’ve completely forgotten how to breathe.

Namjoon’s staring again. You need to salvage this. He’s only on paragraph three and you’re already squirming in your chair and imagining things that are not appropriate. So you roll your lips, return his teasing. “Well? Do you stare at my lips?”

It works. “No,” he scowls.

“You sure?” you joke, morphing your face into something half-pout, half-duck face.

“We’re never gonna finish this if you keep making comments.”

“You started it,” you point out. “Go on, then.”

There’s some dialogue. Some prose that hits way too close to home, has you wondering who on earth wrote this and how they plucked every single thought from deep within your psyche. A pang of fear that maybe you haven’t been as subtle as you’d thought all these years. A moment to confirm to yourself that, no, you haven’t been harboring a secret, deeply-buried crush on Namjoon.

Then he reads—

And then he kisses her. It’s greedy and hot, his lips like a branding iron. She moans a little against her better judgment when he licks at the seam of her mouth, and in return, she can feel Namjoon’s lips curve into a smile against her own. It’s better than she’d been imagining it, really. He’s a good kisser—firm at the right times, soft when she needs it, careful but not cautious. He holds her jaw with one hand and keeps her right where he wants her beneath him (as if she’d want to move, anyway).  When their lips finally part, he rests his forehead on hers. It’s intimate in a way she hadn’t expected, and he looks at her as if she’s the answer to every question. Finally, he whispers, “What’re we doing, Piper?” His lips are still wet and pink and a little swollen from kissing, and she barely hears the question—she’s too busy thinking about kissing him again, about pulling his plump bottom lip between her teeth, teasing and…  “Kissing,” she says finally.  “What do you want?” he asks, sinking to his knees in front of her. And if that alone isn’t an answer to his question… “Whatever you’re willing to give,” she replies. It feels like she’s wanted this forever, this and so much more. Once she got the idea in her head, it’s hard to know if she ever felt differently, ever truly thought they could just be friends. Or, if in the back of her mind, in the dark corners that she never lets see daylight, she always knew she wanted Namjoon. Always knew she loved him.

—and everything goes right out the fucking window.

Namjoon sits with those words for a moment. Scans the paper in his hands and frowns a little when he confirms what you already know. “The rest is, uh. Porn.”

“That is why we’re here.”

“Last chance to back out.”

“I’m not scared,” you lie. “Are you? You’re the one who keeps stalling.”

He huffs. “You’re a pain in my ass,” he retorts, and then nothing is all that funny anymore.

Because Namjoon was right: the rest is straight-up porn. He’s barely able to read the part where he goes down on you with a straight face, turning a deep shade of crimson. Stutters through the part where you pull his hair, and that is not something you needed to know about your friend. You think he loses his grasp of language entirely when he reads, “When he slides a long finger into her and brushes past her most sensitive spot, she arches into him and lets his name fall from her lips in a soft cry. Piper, notorious skeptic, is a babbling, trembling mess as she gets closer to her orgasm,” because all the words are garbled together, producing nothing but gibberish. You think he’s ready to keel over and die when he reads, “Namjoon pulls away briefly, lips slick with her juices, and licks over his top one, pausing to tell her how good she tastes before he dives back in.”

“That was nice of them to include. I appreciate their attention to detail in regards to my personal hygiene.”

“This is so embarrassing,” he whines.

You roll your eyes good-naturedly. “Gimme. I’ll finish it.” He hands over the papers immediately.

Except you regret it immediately. The words you’re staring at are not words you ever thought you’d read or recite in your entire life. Not even for a million dollars. “Oh,” you say instead.

“See? Not as easy as it looks.”

“This is really embarrassing,” you confirm. “I might need another shot.”

“Y-yeah. Alcohol sounds good.”

Namjoon staggers forward obligingly, looks completely fucked out and pliant, willing to do whatever she asks. She remembers the sounds he made when she pulled his hair, wonders if he likes being bossed around, if he wants her to tell him what to do, to be a little mean to him. Maybe it’s different from her dreams, maybe he will beg her. She wants him so badly, she’d do anything for him. So, she pulls his briefs down to expose his absurdly large member, already mostly hard, and slaps it. Gently at first to see how he’ll react, and when he shudders and jerks his hips, she does it again, a little harder. “Look at you,” she whispers, “such a needy boy.”  He whimpers at that, eyes pleading. “Please, Piper…” he whines.   “Please what?” “Please let me fuck you,” he begs. She wants to, wants him so much, wants to feel him stretch her open, and from the looks of his cock, thick and long and drooling with precum, he could. “Should I?” she asks. She musters all her confidence to keep the condescending tone up. It feels wrong given how desperate she is to get him inside her, but it also seems to be getting him worked up and equally as desperate. “Do you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?”  Namjoon’s cock twitches, and he begs, “I—I’ll fuck you so good, Piper…. I know how, I promise. Just… please?”

“Oh my god,” the two of you say in unison.

You so badly want to ask if this is biographical. How Namjoon feels about a little degradation; what he’d do if someone actually called his cock stupid. Ifsomeone has called his cock stupid. You dare a glance at him and conclude that someone’s had to. Namjoon just has that kind of energy.

But you can’t ask because it’d be weird, so you keep reading.

“How do you want me?” she asks softly when their lips part. There’s a wild look in his eyes, like he’s processing all the possible options out of everything he’s considered. And then it occurs to her. “Have you imagined this before? Thought about how you’d fuck me?” she teases him as she stands, stepping into him. Piper pushes one hand through his hair, brushing it back off of his forehead and wraps her other around his dick, squeezing a little for emphasis on her words. “Yes,” he groans as she strokes him, thumbing at the head of his cock. “Tell me what you want, then. Want me on all fours for you? Want me to show you how it’s done, to let you lay back and ride you so you don’t have to put in any work?” Namjoon’s breathing is getting heavy, pupils blown wider with each suggestion. 

“I told you!” you shriek, laughing in between the words. “I told you I’d…” And then your gloating tapers off, because what happens next has your brain malfunctioning.

“All of that,” he whines as she lets go of his hair and brings her hand down to run a fingertip over his perineum. “Want all of that. Want to bend you over the table and fuck you right here. Hear your sounds in the microphone.” Even in her dirtiest thoughts about him, she hadn’t considered the microphone, hadn’t considered recording it. When she thinks about it though, it makes sense. Namjoon is exactly the kind of person that would get off to someone’s voice. So, she does. She makes a show of turning around and slowly bending over the table, sliding her upper body across it carefully until she can reach her microphone and turn it on. When she says into it, “What’re you waiting for?” she sees over her shoulder the way that Namjoon shivers.

This is… not good. You’re never going to be able to look at a microphone the same way, which is extremely not good for a person who supplements their income with a very popular podcast that requires them to speak into a microphone for extended periods of time.

This is very, very bad.

Namjoon must be thinking the same, because he lets out a strangled a-haaa that’s less of a laugh and more a plea to God, the gods, the entire gamut of higher powers that might be able to save him. No one’s going to, you think, staring down at the paper again. This godless piece of fanfiction will be preserved on the internet forever, will be seared into your mind forever, and no amount of praying is going to erase it.

“I should, uh. Just read the rest, yeah? Get it over with?”

“Mhm. Yep. Yes, please.”

Don’t say please, you almost say. You can’t take it; not after what you’ve just read.

So you put on a show. Steel your expression and your nerves and take it seriously. Use voices and sound effects and desperately try to stave off the awkwardness you know is inevitable because a smut fic is probably only going to end one way, and that’s with you acting out Namjoon having an orgasm.

Maybe you’ll have another one, too, if the author is nice.

It’s sweet, she thinks, the way he’s easy for her, takes his time with her. Strokes his fingertips along her sides and kisses the back of her neck reverently. As much as she loves it, part of her hopes he’s not always like this—hopes he’ll give as good as he takes, hopes he’ll put her in her place. She can feel his cock hard against the cleft of her ass, not even inside her yet, and still, she thinks about next time and the time after that. “Still okay?” He breathes into her ear as his tip rubs against her cunt.  “Yeah—want you, Joon.”  “Never thought I’d hear you say those words.”  “I never thought you’d record them,” she teases, eyes glancing up to the flashing light showing the mic picking up all of this as he starts his slow slide into her.  Piper falls even further forward when he bottoms out, letting her forehead rest on the table. He’s whispering filth in her ear, about how he has something to prove, how she’ll never want anyone after this, how no one can fuck her the way he does.  She hates that he’s right.  Each stroke brings a new sensation: sparklers, butterflies, nerve endings on fire as he fucks into her and licks and sucks at her neck, her shoulders, her ear. Piper can’t even think, and this is what people mean when they talk about being fucked stupid, she decides.  It’s perfect.  Every time she thinks she’s getting close again, he changes something: fucks her a little shallower, moves his hips just a little, slows down, speeds up… It’s driving her crazy.  “Come on,” she whines. “I’m so close…” At least she can tell he is, too. No longer able to sustain the dirty talk, he’s breathing heavily, letting out broken moans and sighs of her name. He’s moving rhythmically now, thrusts consistently faster.  “Oh, fuck, Piper,” he groans, “Gonna cum.” One of his hands finds her clit and he rubs careful circles over her, bringing her to her peak along with him, no more teasing.  When she comes, it’s with a loud moan into the studio mic, and that seems to be what tips Namjoon over the edge, too. His hips stutter into hers as he comes, her cunt clenching around him for what feels like forever.

You deserve an award, you think. An Oscar. You didn’t even groan when you had to read the word “cunt,” and that’s a feat in and of itself.

“Is it over?” Namjoon asks, words muffled by the hands covering his face.

“Not quite,” you answer. “There’s some aftercare, and at the end you ask if I’ll piss on you.”

Namjoon gags. “I asked you what—”

“Today’s episode has been brought to you by Stamps-dot-com—”

HOLY SHIT THE NEW PATREON EPISODE???????? Posted by u/pod-shipper 4 minutes ago NO WAY. NOOOOOOO FUCKING WAY DUDE THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY THEY DID THIS AS AN ACTUAL EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK WHAT HTE FUCK WHAT EHTU FKF DFGLKDG;L (+705) I wasn’t sure if they were messing around before, and I was quite critical of the “shippers,” but now I’m pretty convinced. (+423) ↳ we’ve been telling y’all for YEARS 😤 (+197) ↳ Glad you’ve seen the light, u/RandomAcorn2058! (+5) ↳ ugh. they weren’t messing around before and they aren’t messing around now. do you guys not listen to what they say? namjoon’s been dating, and piper got out of a six-year relationship just over a year ago. if they’ve had something going on for “years” that means they’re both cheaters, and that’s a really shitty thing to assume about them. not to mention it makes the entire point of the podcast moot. (-63) Why do you guys think Jungkook “wasn’t allowed” to be there? (+314) ↳ So they could fuck lmao it’s so obvious (+329) ↳ because it’s awkward af? would you wanna read porn about yourself w all your coworkers in the room? (+2) ↳ the “it’s awkward” excuse is sooooo lame he’s the one who found it and is the one who edited the episode, he’s gonna see it regardless. (+15) ↳ Tbh I’m more curious about how he even found it to begin with? Do they have a throuple thing going on? Like, why was he looking for smut fic about his bosses? (+38)

You do not get through recording unscathed.

You are very scathed. Perhaps the most scathed a person has ever been.

Jungkook texts the group chat sporadically throughout the week, cracking jokes and making memes at your and Namjoon’s expense which is par for the course and shouldn’t have you off-kilter, but something inside you feels deeply wrong. Feels like someone’s given you devastating news; feels like it used to back in uni when you knew you’d failed an exam and were just waiting to see how badly.

It both helps and doesn’t that the internet is so invested. All the clips Jungkook keeps posting have re-doubled your Patreon numbers, and jumping up a tax bracket never hurt anyone, you included. But all of those jokes and memes largely went unanswered by both you and Namjoon, still too close to the incident to find the humor in it from the other side.

The two of you had sex.

Not literally, of course, but you figure you might as well have with the way you’re feeling. The way you’re avoiding one another. Someone wrote a story about the two of you having sex and you both read it and something about that, days later, feels really fucking unsettling.

In a bad way? You aren’t sure. It’s not like you’re mad or upset or any other synonym. You just feel… off. Itchy from the inside out, and that’s far from the norm in your and Namjoon’s friendship. In all the years you’ve known one another, you’ve never once avoided each other, including the time you’d set him up with a close friend and he showed up 45 minutes late to their date and ghosted after.

(Unsurprisingly, that friendship had not lasted.)

Maybe it’s because Yoongi had always been there as a buffer. You aren’t of the belief that men and women cannot be platonic friends, but being in a years-long committed relationship nixed a lot of awkward interactions and assumptions off the bat. Even Namjoon had known Yoongi first. Had introduced himself to you in your shared 100-level psych course with a, “Hey, you’re Min Yoongi’s girlfriend, right?” because they ran in the same underground circles and Namjoon had idolized him from afar for years.

Pretty fucked up, then, that Yoongi’s off in Los Angeles with his hot new boyfriend and you’re on your couch, Holly at your feet, pointedly ignoring your texts.

“I’m gonna get a cat,” you say to the dog, trying to redirect his attention when he starts chewing on your sock again. Holly doesn’t offer any input, of course, and he’s a lot like his father in that way. “I can’t believe you have a stepfather. You’re a proper child of divorce now, Min Holly.”

There are a pile of unread texts you continue to ignore in lieu of showing Holly pictures of adoptable cats. A few more memes from Jungkook, one from Namjoon’s new phone asking to move the recording date a few days because “something came up at work,” one from the food delivery service you admittedly use too much offering 10% off your next order, and two from Yoongi. This reminded me of you, the first one says beneath a picture of an ice cream cone on the ground, and another one of him holding a water gun that says send me a picture of my son or else.

You eventually reply back with a picture of your middle finger, Holly nothing but a blurred brown blob in the corner of the frame.

That’s how it goes for the better part of a week. Namjoon’s work issue lasts four days. He doesn’t offer an explanation and you don’t ask for one, you just wait for the all-clear text and try to quiet the nerves once you get it.

You’ve never been nervous to see Namjoon before.

The more popular the podcast became, the more money rolled in. The more money that rolled in, the more you could afford nicer things. That meant going from recording in Namjoon’s living room to a bona fide office space. Third floor, an expanse of windows and natural light, thirty-five minute commute by train.

Today, it feels more like thirty-five seconds.

You can hear Jungkook’s witch cackle from the stairwell, and your mind fills in the blanks of Namjoon’s exasperated sigh. It helps, your brain reminding you that you know these people. You know this is Jungkook’s late gym day, so he’ll be in a pair of sweats and a hoodie that drowns his frame. You know that when Namjoon has work issues and feels like an inconvenience, he always shows up with two boxes of baked goods from the bakery near his place, and you know both of them will save the best donut for you.

So you walk in and Jungkook’s in a hoodie and sweats just like you expect him to be, and there are two boxes of baked goods next to the coffee machine. Both of them say hello and wave and, for all intents and purposes, everything is normal.

Except it isn’t.

Because Namjoon looks… different.

Not in a bad way. Not in a bad way. He almost always dresses nicely, always looks polished and put-together, usually because he’s either going to or coming from campus—fitted shirts, either of the tee or dress variety, and earth-toned cardigans; tailored trousers that are sometimes corduroy; polished loafers. Sometimes, if he’s feeling extra casual, a stark white pair of tennis shoes.

Today, he wears none of those things.

No, today torture comes in the form of form-fitting jeans and a t-shirt a little oversized so he can roll the sleeves. His hair is brushed back off his face instead of parted down the middle. He’s wearing gold jewelry that glints in the sun. A pair of off-white Converse high-tops. And, much to your horror, he’s also wearing his glasses.

According to the internet, Kim Namjoon is peak husband material, which you can usually ignore, but not when he’s wearing glasses.

You avert your gaze, convinced you’ll burst into flames if you stare too long, not to mention Jungkook will notice and that’s a ribbing you’d rather die than take. So you avert your gaze and pointedly ignore Namjoon, who’s talking about his work crisis to no one in particular. Something about a co-worker going on an unexpectedly early paternity leave, and Namjoon being asked to cover some of his courses until they could find a more permanent fix.

Jungkook asks a question you don’t catch. Because paternity leave means his co-worker and his partner had a baby, presumably via old-fashioned methods, and it’s not a direct mention of sex but it’s close enough to send you into a coughing fit you have to blame on your donut. Neither of them buy it, but Namjoon is a good enough person to look genuinely concerned. Reaches out, probably to slap your back, but the thought of him touching you is just… too much.

So he barely gets out an, “Are you o—” before you choke down whatever’s left in your mouth and cut him off with a, “Yep, all good!” before you’re scurrying off to the opposite side of the room like a little rat.

It doesn’t get any better.

Both of you are so stilted and awkward during recording that Jungkook has to be the voice of reason and call it, suggest trying again tomorrow. Luckily he has enough b-side stuff he can release if need be, Namjoon’s work emergency providing a decent cover, and he sends the two of you home for the afternoon with all the exasperation and incredulity of a disappointed parent.

Thirty-five minutes back home.

Thirty-five minutes to sit in the embarrassment of not being able to do your job. Thirty-five minutes to catastrophize and wonder what you’re going to do if you can’t get it together. Namjoon will keep the podcast, of course; you’ll be replaced with someone else. Maybe someone less cynical, maybe someone more, but undoubtedly a man. After this mess, you can’t imagine Namjoon would want another female co-host.

But as embarrassed as you are, your traitorous brain keeps thinking about Namjoon.

Thirty-five minutes to think about his glasses and his rolled-up sleeves and the way the denim of his jeans contoured perfectly to his thighs. Thirty-five minutes to think about, “Please let me fuck you,” he begs. Thirty-five minutes to squeeze your thighs together and overanalyze the way he stumbled over his words today; how he could barely make eye contact. Thirty-five minutes to draft a dozen resignation texts and delete them all.

You groan, head thunking against the train window. You’ll take a cold shower as soon as you get home.

That’ll cure you.

You get home and walk Holly so long he gives up halfway through and you have to carry him back to your apartment. You take a cold shower and actually find it pleasant once the initial shock wears off, so it doesn’t work to keep all your rogue Namjoon thoughts at bay. You make a simple dinner and don’t think about Namjoon sitting you on the counter and having his way with you. You tuck yourself into bed far too early and consider going back to therapy, because clearly something very, very bad has happened to your psyche.

Needless to say, nothing cures you.

But it’s a new day, and you’re determined to get your shit together. Yesterday was a fluke, because you’re so normal and so capable of being in the same room as Kim Namjoon.

Except—you’re not.

Jungkook’s there when you arrive, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. Barely looks up at you to say hello, and barely returns it when you do. You double-check the time, because you can count on two fingers the amount of times you’ve shown up and Namjoon wasn’t already there, jotting down extensively-detailed notes, circling and highlighting and chasing down Jungkook to ask questions.

“Where’s Namjoon?”

Jungkook shrugs. “Dunno. Not here.”

You roll your eyes. “Super helpful, thanks.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes right back. “You don’t pay me enough to also be his handler.”

You bite your tongue. Arguing with Jungkook means you’ve already lost the war. Not worth it. But it still eases your worries a bit that he doesn’t know any more than you do. That Namjoon hadn’t only texted him to say why he was running late because he didn’t want to—or couldn’t—talk to you.

So you wait. And you wait and you wait and you wait. Jungkook lets you talk to people on his dating apps and tells you about his new gym routine until your eyes are glazing over. Orders food delivery for the two of you because he gets hungry after an hour and had already eaten what was left of the snacks before you arrived. Cracks a joke that isn’t really a joke about calling the police, because Namjoon still hasn’t shown up and he hasn’t said anything and none of your texts are showing as delivered.

You’re halfway to hour two when the office door bursts open and Namjoon stumbles through, soaked with sweat and stammering over apologies.

“I am so sor—I broke my phone again so my alarm never went off and then I missed my bus? And apparently they’re not running the regular bus schedule today so the next one was a half-hour wait, but then I…”

You don’t catch the rest, because Namjoon is covered in sweat and breathing heavily and a week ago you could’ve survived this. A week ago you would’ve cracked a joke and handed him a towel and told him to get to work. A week ago you would not have been paralyzed in your seat, transfixed on the sweat rolling down the side of his neck.

You are fucked beyond belief.

Jungkook elbows you in the ribs, bringing you back to reality. “...even paying attention?” You startle, face warming in embarrassment. Namjoon still isn’t looking at you. “This is so sad to watch,” Jungkook mumbles, and thankfully it’s only loud enough for you to hear. “Like some stupid shit you only see in nature documentaries.”

Well, you can’t really argue with that, now can you?

But you’re a professional above all, so you hum an acknowledgment and take your regular seat. Pointedly ignore Jungkook. Wait for Namjoon to assume his position as well, and you’re surprised to see the space in front of him empty. No notes. No script. There’s just… nothing.

“Are you okay?” you ask, gesturing to the space in front of him when he seems confused. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without a stack of notes in front of you.”

“I forgot them.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you do that, either.”

Your tone is light and airy, not at all accusing or confrontational, but Namjoon’s jaw clenches nonetheless. He scoffs, fires a shitty little, “Were you not paying attention when I was talking about what a horrible fucking morning I’ve had?” at you that makes even Jungkook flinch. A few moments of stunned silence, and then, “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, that was rude—”

“Yeah, it was,” you agree, and all of a sudden you feel too big for your body. Feel like there are ants beneath your skin, feel like everything is wrong, and you don’t want to be here anymore. “It’s fine. Let’s just—”

Namjoon looks like he wants to argue, but he just sighs and says, “I—yeah, okay.”

This is where Namjoon would usually launch into the intro, a dimpled smile already plastered on his face that’d drop as he discussed another failed first date with that brand of self-deprecation that makes him so endearing. This is where he’d say what have you been up to, Pipe, and you’d try not to groan because how hard could it possibly be to add one more letter, another syllable, but Namjoon seems incapable of it. This is the part that, for three years, has been seamless and easy and instinctual, just two friends having a conversation.

There’s a red light on your microphones that indicates you’re recording. It’s on and it mocks you, because Namjoon is not doing the intro or telling you about a failed date. He doesn’t use that cringey nickname. He doesn’t say anything at all. His mouth opens and shuts and no words come out. What’s worse is that you know exactly why he can’t speak, because you’re thinking about it, too.

“So, uh,” you begin, and Jungkook makes a gagging sound from behind you. “Come here often?”

Namjoon ignores you. “Right, right, the intro…” He sucks in a breath. “Welcome back to another episode of Put Him in the Trash, I’m—”

“Joon—”

“Namjoon, and my co-host here is—”

“Joon, that’s not—”

“Piper. Wait, why are you looking at me like that?”

“That’s not the name of our podcast.”

“Huh?”

“You said Put Him in the Trash.” Namjoon just blinks. “It’s Place Him Gently in the Garbage.”

“Is it? Since when?”

“Since forever?”

He looks at Jungkook, who is hiding behind his hands. “Is she right?”

A beat of silence. “I can’t do this,” he half-shouts, half-whines. “Are you two going to be like this forever? Because if you are, I’m quitting. I’m so serious. I’m gonna quit. I can’t take it anymore. The two of you are insufferable.” Another beat of silence, before Jungkook stands at full height and lords over you and Namjoon. “Forget today. Just go home and try again on Monday. This is so—I’m seriously gonna quit.”

Yoongi comes on Saturday afternoon to pick up Holly.

Yijeong isn’t with him, which is almost disappointing. Now that he’s dating again, you were looking forward to seeing just how awkward it could get with the three of you in the same room, but he looks good. Refreshed. The trip clearly did a world of good for him, and you can’t even bring yourself to crack a joke at his expense.

He, however, has no such hang-ups. “You look like shit.”

“Weird way to say thank you.” You click your tongue and look down at Holly. “Do you see how your father treats me? You should bite him.”

“My son would never. But also, thank you.” He flops onto the sofa. “You do look like shit, though. You wanna talk about it?”

“Not with you, preferably.”

“Oh, gross, is it a dating thing, then?”

“I—no.” You pause. It’s not a dating thing, but you still feel like you’ve got motion sickness whenever you think about it. How would you even begin to explain this to Yoongi, anyway? Someone wrote a porn fic about me and Namjoon. You remember Namjoon, right? Namjoon, that I’ve known and have been friends with since college. Yeah, that Namjoon. Anyway, someone wrote fanfiction about us having sex, and it fucked me up so bad I can no longer be in the same room as him.

No fucking way.

“You look like you’re holding in a fart.”

“You know, I’m getting really sick of you. Did you just come here to insult me?”

He snorts, but his smirk dissipates a few seconds later, a familiar seriousness filling the void. “We’re okay, right? Was the Yijeong thing too soon?”

“No,” you answer immediately, leaning over to flick him on the forehead. “We’re fine, and if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.” He still looks doubtful. “You want me to start singing ‘I Will Always Love You’ or something? It’s just… weird work stuff.”

“Depends. Are you singing the Dolly Parton or Whitney version? And real work or podcast work?”

“Podcast work, and obviously the Whitney version.”

Yoongi seems surprised by this, eyebrows disappearing beneath his fringe. “Like, the podcast with Namjoon?” He presses his tongue into the fat of his cheek when you nod your head. “Not gonna lie, I didn’t think that was possible.”

“Like I said, it’s weird. It wasn’t, like, an argument or anything.”

“How weird?”

“You’re so fake, Min Yoongi. You act like you’re so distinguished and above drama, but really you’re just as hungry for gossip as the rest of us.”

He shrugs. “I’m not denying it.”

God help you, you’re going to rip off the band-aid. “Someone… Jesus, this is so embarrassing. Someone… wrote? Fanfiction? About us.”

“About you and Namjoon?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god—”

“About us… uh. Having sex? Specifically.”

“Oh my god—”

“Jungkook found it and thought it’d be funny if we read it for an episode.”

“Oh my god?”

“So we did? And it was really weird, which I expected, because I’ve known Namjoon for a long time, and I never, ever thought about having sex with him because we were together and me and Namjoon are friends, so yeah, it was fucking weird. But now… I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about it? And now we can’t even be in the same room as one another.” Yoongi is a concerning shade of red. “So our show is gonna get canceled, because we can only release b-side stuff for so long until people realize something’s up, and it was Namjoon’s podcast to begin with so obviously I’ll get fired—”

“Oh my god, you want to fuck Namjoon.”

Yoongi sounds like a strangled cat when he says this, which does not help the way you feel like you’ve been hit square in the face with a frying pan. “No,” you argue, though it sounds more like a question. You do not want to fuck Namjoon. “No, no. No. It’s just because it was weird.”

“Did you forget I dated you for six years? I know what you look like when you want to fuck someone.”

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t be weird if someone wrote fanfiction about you fucking your friend?”

“Not if I didn’t actually want to fuck them, no.”

“You’re a liar. Get your dog and get out of my apartment.”

Yoongi laughs as he stands. Pats you on the back in the most condescending way you’ve ever had someone pat you on the back. “Let me know how it goes. No need to give me credit for your moment of horny clarity.”

Min Yoongi is a bastard.

Unfortunately, as you come to find out, he’s also a correct bastard.

You want to fuck Namjoon.

Which is… not great, you have to admit, considering he can barely stand to be around you, so you take another cold shower and decide you’re going to take this to your grave. You’re going to spend the rest of the weekend getting your shit together, and you’re going to show up on Monday and be a consummate professional. You’re going to look at Namjoon and say, ha ha, isn’t it so funny someone thought we would have sex? I don’t think about it at all because I am so cool and normal about it.

You’ve got it all planned out. You’re going to show up fifteen minutes early with your own box of pastries. You’re going to look nice, if not a little pretentious—maybe a nice sweater. You’re going to be prepared with notes of your own. You might even be nice to the villain of the week so Namjoon doesn’t have to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh at you.

And then someone knocks on your door.

You find Namjoon on the other side, and all your plans immediately go to shit.

Has he always been this tall? You can’t remember. You can’t remember a lot of things, including how to speak, because Yoongi had launched you into a crisis of epic proportions and now here’s the source of it, standing right in front of you. With all of his… height. And thighs. And that heady, musky cologne he always wears, that you can still smell now even though there’s an unfortunate amount of distance between you.

“Uh, hi.”

You blink. “Hi,” you parrot, and it’s a little insulting how one single word seems to have sucked up all of your brainpower. “Namjoon,” you tack on, not awkward at all.

“Sorry to just show up,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. Very bad idea; makes his biceps bulge. You barely swallow your whimper. “It’s just—my phone’s still broken, and it felt bad leaving things how we did? So I was hoping we could talk.”

Talk. Namjoon wants to talk to you. Normally: not a problem. Currently: big problem. You manage a nod, open the door wider to let him in, and you don’t think about how jarring it is to have Namjoon in your space. You don’t think about how your legs feel like jelly all of a sudden, or what it’d be like if Namjoon bent you over the couch, or the kitchen counter, or the—

You cough. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Oh, sure. Maybe just some water if you have it.”

If you have it. What kind of person doesn’t have water? But you tell him to make himself comfortable and get him some anyway, and you mull too long over the size of the glass. Ultimately decide on a smaller one, because if things get unbearably awkward you can excuse yourself to the kitchen to get more.

“I haven’t been here in a while,” Namjoon says from the living room, and when you look up he’s sorting through a stack of books near the window. Some he’d lent you months ago, notes jotted in the corners, sticky notes in the shape of sea animals on important pages. “You ever wind up reading this?”

The Idiot. Namjoon had raved about it when he was in the midst of his 19th century Russian phase, right after he’d read a bunch of Tolstoy and Pushkin. You shake your head—though, judging from the title, you wonder if someone hadn’t written your biography.

“It’s good. If you have the time, you should definitely give it a shot.”

“Yeah, of course,” you say, handing over his water. You take a seat in an armchair, pull your knees to your chest. Namjoon’s still looking through your books, isn’t looking at you, so it feels safe to say, “You wanted to talk?”

“Yeah.” He moves to sit on the floor, massive thighs spreading until he’s comfortable. Thank god he can’t see the look on your face. “I just wanted to make sure we’re alright. Things have felt pretty weird since we filmed the, uh.” He coughs. “Thing.”

“Right, yeah.” You realize he’s waiting for an answer, and you offer up a very rushed, “We’re fine, Joon.”

“Are you sure?”

Yeah, you’re sure: sure you absolutely cannot be having this conversation in the safety and sanctity of your own home. It’s tainted now, contaminated by all your uncontrolled horny thoughts about the man in front of you. You’ll have to fumigate. Might have to pick up and move, actually, or call an exorcist.

“I’m sure,” you assure him. “The… thing… was weird, but it’s fine. Temporary.”

“Do you think we shouldn’t have done it?”

That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Because, in isolation, reading a porn fic about yourselves wasn’t a big deal. No one got hurt. Everyone who needed to be consulted was consulted. The episode made the two of you a lot of money, and Jungkook even promised to send some of it to the author, so your bases are beyond covered.

So, should you have done it? There wasn’t a good enough reason not to, because the story itself was never the problem.

The problem is staring you right in the face. It’s sitting on your floor, a book cracked in half at the spine and forgotten in his lap. The problem is looking at you like you hold all the answers to the universe’s secrets, and it’s no small thing to be looked at like that. The problem is that Namjoon is looking at you like that from across the room but you’re wondering what it’d look like from on top of you.

The problem is that you’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, have known him even longer, and you’ve just realized today that you want to have sex with him.

And you can’t say that, can you, because Namjoon came here to fix things which really does not lend itself to a hookup. Namjoon cares about your friendship and your working relationship so much he came here to try and salvage it, so you’re going to keep your mouth shut. You’re going to say, “I think it’s okay that we did,” and leave it at that. Because it is okay.

Because you’re the problem.

It feels like a small victory when Namjoon sags in relief. When he exhales and says, “Okay, good, because I think so, too.”

“It made us a lot of money,” you tack on.

Namjoon’s eyes widen as he laughs. “Right? Like, that was almost too much money. Just to watch us read porn?”

“About ourselves. I think that was the selling point.”

He stands. You do, too. “Never thought I’d be doing that,” he says, returning the book to where it belongs. “Definitely the most embarrassing thing I’ve done for money.”

“Being a man with a podcast wasn’t embarrassing enough?”

He snorts. Gets closer to the door. “Hey now.” You’re going to survive this. “Thanks for entertaining me, by the way. For a second there I was really worried we’d fucked it all up.”

Just the ending. Just one more thing to say and you’ll be done with this, and then you can take your third cold shower in recent memory and triple text Yoongi with a full-fledged mental breakdown. Maybe he’ll bring Holly back and you can register him as your emotional support animal.

And Namjoon must sense the awkwardness that’s crept back in, because he tries to cover it with a joke. Says, “Haaa, like you’d actually piss on me, right?”

Except it sounds like he’s got a mouth full of marbles.

It’s no wonder you mishear him.

Because he says like you’d actually piss on me but you hear like you’d actually kiss me, and there isn’t a universe that exists in which the following makes sense: you, stunned into silence in the doorframe, Namjoon saying his goodbyes, you thinking fuck it, last chance and saying, “Yeah, I’d kiss you.”

Namjoon stops dead in his tracks. “What?”

Your entire body is on fire. “Is, uh. Is that not what you said?”

“I don’t think it matters anymore what I said.”

“I’d argue that it does, for the sake of my digni—”

“You’d kiss me?” Namjoon… doesn’t look put off of the idea, which is surely a point in your favor. Interesting to note that his diction is crystal clear, now. Bastard. “You’d kiss me right now?”

There’s also no explanation for the way you say: “It’s only been an option for ten seconds and you’re already begging for it?”

You’d say there’s no explanation for the way Namjoon’s jaw clenches, the way he repeats I don’t beg for anything, but maybe the simple fact is: the two of you want to fuck each other. And, judging from the way Namjoon crowds your space, keeps dropping his gaze to your mouth, it seems very likely to happen.

All that fixating you’d done on Namjoon’s thighs was wasted, you think, as you take in the shape of his mouth. His lips. The way his tongue darts out to run along the bottom at the last second before he reaches out, tilts your head up, and finally presses his mouth to yours.

And you’ve got to laugh, because no piece of written fiction could ever accurately portray what it feels like. How soft his lips are. The way he touches you—gentle, but still dominant enough to have you moving the way he wants, have you backing up into your apartment so he can smile against your mouth as he closes the door behind him.

No piece of fiction would get it right, the way you’re unsteady on your feet, breathless at the way Namjoon’s kissing you. How he only breaks apart long enough to ask where do you want me in that throaty, deep voice of his. How you’re so overwhelmed you can’t decide: unsure if you want to waste the time it’d take to get to your bedroom, but if it’s only going to happen once, wanting to make it count.

So you decide to risk it. Plant your hands in the middle of his exceptionally broad chest and push him in the direction of the hallway, and if the two of you can’t wait, can’t control yourselves, well.

But the story had gotten one thing right: Namjoon does kiss like a branding iron, hot and greedy. Namjoon kisses you like there’s nothing else he wants to do in this lifetime, and it makes you dizzy. Has you off-kilter, stumbling into the wall as you try to remember where the fuck your bedroom is and why it’s so far. Just like the fictional version of you, you also moan when he licks into your mouth.

“Should I do it the way we did in the fic?” Namjoon asks as the two of you cross the threshold into your bedroom, a cheeky grin on his face. “Do it like this?” he questions, pushing you gently until you’re on the back in the middle of your bed, chest heaving as you lift your head to look at him.

Namjoon is so, so big from where you lay, just hovering at the foot of your bed. Cheeks ruddy, bulge prominent. “What’d you say you wanted?”

Takes a second to remember how to breathe, let alone what you’d read. What do you want, Namjoon had asked, right before he’d sank to his knees in front of you. “Whatever you’re willing to give,” you answer.

Namjoon smiles. Puts one knee on the bed, and the way it dips beneath his weight is unsettling. Why does he have to be so fucking large. “That’s right, baby.” Christ, you think, because there’s another thing that fic had gotten right. No one on earth would be immune to Namjoon calling them baby in that tone of voice.

The riposte biting at the back of your teeth gets swallowed whole as Namjoon grabs your ankles and drags you to the edge of the bed. “May I?” he asks, hands poised above the waistline of your leggings. You nod, and Namjoon drags down your underwear with them. “Fuck, look at you,” he groans, awe creeping into the edge of his words.

“You want me to do it the same way? Hm? You’re being awfully quiet; thought you were giving me shit about being the one in charge,” he chides.

Because you’re short-circuiting. Namjoon’s on his knees, just like you’d envisioned, and his mouth is dangerously close to your cunt. How can you be expected to think and speak under these conditions? But if Namjoon can find the brainpower to be a bastard, so can you, because what you’d read and the way he’d reacted can both never be forgotten. So you thread your hands into his hair and pull. The resulting moan is enough to sustain you for years.

“Are you gonna keep running your mouth, or are you gonna make me come on it?”

He blinks. “Jesus Christ.”

There’s precedent. Fictional Namjoon ate you out like a man starved, like he couldn’t get enough. Had fictional you writhing and insatiable, so it’s a lot to live up to, but it doesn’t deter him in the slightest. He hesitates for only a second, giving you one last chance to back out before the two of you set every last boundary on fire, and then he’s settling between your thighs and making you see stars.

Now you know what it’s like. Now you don’t have to rely on fiction, and it doesn’t matter because it’d never compare to the way Namjoon feels as he works to bring you to your ruin. The way he flattens his tongue to lick long, thick stripes; the way his lips suction around your clit. The way it feels when he groans against your core. The way he says, “Fuck, you do taste good,” like that’s a completely normal thing to say. Like he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing to you.

But you need more and Namjoon knows it. His mouth doesn’t leave your cunt for a second, but his fingers find your mouth, so you put on a show. Wrap your lips around them, suck on them the way he’s doing to you, make sure they’re slick. Namjoon groans again, doubles his efforts. Slides one thick finger inside of you and barely lets you adjust before he’s adding a second.

In an embarrassingly short amount of time, Namjoon has you unraveling. Presses incessantly on a spot that has your vision whiting out. Has you trembling, a little panicked as you say, “Joon, fuck—Namjoon, wait—” as it builds and builds and builds.

You might black out for a second, because you come to and Namjoon looks… stunned. He looks like he can’t believe any of what just happened, and you blink a few times, try to come back into your body, and when you regain enough consciousness, you’re extremely aware of the large wet patch beneath you.

“Um—”

“Holy shit.”

“Namjoon, that’s not—that’s embarrassing—can you grab a—”

He shuts you up with a kiss. Presses the taste of you into your skin, and all those silly protests die in your throat, because if Namjoon was needy before, he’s desperate now. Covers your body with his own, hips dipping down low enough to press his erection into the juncture of your thigh, and the weight of him is delicious. Has you fisting the fabric of his t-shirt to pull him closer, has you pulling it over his head, his pants following. Has your hands skimming down every thick part of his body until you reach his cock, hard and aching and slick with pre-cum.

“I need to suck you off later,” you say, done with overthinking. Time to just be honest, and Kim Namjoon has a dick you need to feel down your throat. “Remind me.”

He whines, thrusts into your hand a little harder. “How could I forget that?”

“Don’t know. Didn’t know if this would be the only time,” you answer. “Did you bring a condom?” Namjoon nods, fetches one from his wallet and rolls it on.

He hovers above you again. Looks nervous, all of a sudden, like he can’t tell his lefts from his rights. All out of sorts. You’re about to tell him it’s fine, you don’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to, don’t have to do anything at all, when he says, “It doesn’t have to be.” You just stare. “The only time.”

There’s a conversation to be had. You know that. Both of you clearly have feelings you need to talk about and sort out, but you reckon they can wait. They’ll still be there in the afterglow, in the morning. So you nod, say okay, Joon, and kiss away the insecurities that still linger.

You think about the fic. Think maybe Namjoon would appreciate it if you cracked a stupid joke, just like he’d tried to do earlier. “Has anyone ever called your cock stupid?”

He laughs, breath fanning against your skin. “No. Wanna try it and see what happens?”

Might as well. You try to remember the exaggerated tone of voice you’d used. Repeat the line—“Do you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?”—and wait.

There’s a beat of silence, and then—

Namjoon swallows thickly. “I, um. Unfortunately, I think that really works for me.” You laugh. Pull him closer. Wrap your legs around his waist as he starts to move against you. Has jokes of his own. “Please. Please let me fuck you.”

You roll your eyes, laugh tapering into a giggle. “Do you know how?” Namjoon nods, looking all too much like a puppy eager to please its owner. “Do you promise?” He nods again. “Okay. Okay, come here.”

You expect him to move fast; expect the first time to be frenzied and a little awkward. It isn’t. Namjoon lines himself up and pushes the smallest bit inside, and then he’s leaning down to kiss you. Threads your fingers together, squeezes your hand. Pushes further inside and mumbles praise just beneath your ear.

It’s dizzying, the amount of care Namjoon handles you with. How soft he is. Does nothing to ease the discomfort of the stretch, the overwhelming fullness, but he talks you through it. Tells you how good you feel, how beautiful you look. Spills a lot of words you’d probably be embarrassed to hear and he’d be embarrassed to say if this was any other time, but in the heat of the moment it all just works to unravel you faster.

He bottoms out. “Okay?” he asks, and you’re rewarded with a dimpled smile when you say you are. Namjoon is a devastating kind of beautiful.

But, as he gives you time to adjust and you give him the all-clear, he also fucks like a demon. What once was hand-holding is now your wrists pinned to the bed, your body caged beneath him as he rolls his hips at a pace that has your eyes rolling back into your head. You’ve been deceived. Lured into a false sense of security.

It’s almost a shame this isn’t being recorded, because you want to memorize all the sounds Namjoon’s making. Want to hear them for the rest of your life. Don’t want anyone else to be the reason he sounds like this, and as he ups his pace and presses his lips to your neck, you don’t want to sound like this because of anyone else, either.

Maybe one of those times in the future, you can talk him into it.

Namjoon reaches down, rubs circles into your clit. Every time you think you might be close, he pulls his hand away, smiles like the devil. You let him have his fun for a while, let him think you’re keen to lie back and take it, and then you tighten your legs around his waist and flip him onto his back.

He doesn’t think it’s very funny. Looks up at you all bewildered. “What’re you—”

“You were taking too long,” you snark. “Figured I’d take matters into my own hands.”

“Yeah? Shit,” he says as you begin to move. “Fuck, baby, like that. Ride me just like that.”

You do. Don’t change a thing, because Namjoon’s cock is long and thick enough to hit exactly where you need it to. You can feel yourself clenching, feel yourself getting wetter, and the sight of Namjoon beneath you does nothing to stave off the inevitable. He looks even better than you’d imagined: skin flushed, eyes squeezed shut, head thrown back, sweat-slick. You want to make him cry. Want to give him the entire world. You will.

Namjoon thrusts at the same time you roll your hips, and that’s what does it. Has you crying out, has stars flashing behind your eyelids. Has you saying fuck, fuck, fuck as he drives you over the edge for the second time. Has you on the brink of oversensitive as he thrusts a few more times to chase his own end, almost delirious at the way Namjoon moans as he spills into the condom.

Has you swooning, just a bit, at the dopey way Namjoon smiles at you, eyes half-lidded and crinkled at the corners.

“Was that okay?”

You snort. “Yeah, I’d say it was decent.”

“Maybe next time you could pee on me,” he jokes.

You whack him on the chest. “Sure. Or we could record it.”

Has you a little shocked at the way his cock twitches inside of you at the mention of it.

On Monday, you don’t wear a pretentious sweater.

When you stroll in, Jungkook’s already got the best donut shoved halfway into his mouth because he’s a shithead. He eyes you warily, probably hoping with all his hope that you spent the weekend finding God and getting your shit together.

And then he realizes you’ve got on Namjoon’s hoodie and he nearly chokes to death.

“What the fuck are you wearing—”

Namjoon appears at that very moment, and it’s so hard not to take credit for the way he’s glowing, the dazed smile on his face. But Jungkook notices, because Jungkook notices everything, and his gaze darts between the two of you: your hoodie, Namjoon’s face, your face. He opens his mouth, something inappropriate bound to spill out, but Namjoon beats him to the punch. “Ready?” he asks you, and you nod.

It’s seamless.

No hiccups, no awkward stuttering. Namjoon gets through the intro without a hitch, and it feels exactly like it used to. Just two friends having a conversation. It’s obvious Jungkook still wants to say something, but after suffering through last week, he stays quiet lest he makes it worse and sends the two of you back to the bad place.

“How was your weekend, Pipe? Do anything fun?” Namjoon rolls his lips, tries not to laugh.

So you play along. “No, not really, just some dog sitting. How about you?”

“Oh, you know me. Had another first date on Saturday.”

“Did you? How’d it go?”

“Perfect.”

It’s a blessing Jungkook isn’t filming this, because your eyebrows raise so far they nearly disappear from your face altogether. There isn’t even a hint of hesitation in Namjoon’s voice, and although you would’ve described it the same way, hearing him say it with such conviction has you a little stunned. “Wow. You gonna see her again?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, sharing a private smile with you. “I think I am.”

who the FUCK is namjoon dating Posted by u/pod-shipper 7 minutes ago This has honestly ruined my entire day. I thought all the stories he told about dating were a bit… Like, what kind of guy has a podcast about relationships but can’t seem to be in one? But you could just HEAR it in his voice how much he likes this woman he went on a date with over the weekend and I’m sick to my stomach. (+2195) ↳ bro you and me both 😭 i genuinely thought him and piper had something going on fr (+1302) ↳ Seriously might stop listening because of this! Any woman with self-respect would never let their partner host a podcast with someone they’re obviously in love with. If he gets serious with this woman, Piper will be gone within 6 months, mark my words. (+927) ↳ I wouldn’t worry about it too much! My cousin works at a really nice restaurant in the same city Namjoon lives in, and she said she saw this “date” on Saturday and that it wasn’t anything serious. (+788) ↳ Piper got a cat and Namjoon finally got a second date. Face it, it’s over. (+325) ↳ cannot believe him and piper aren’t dating.. do you think i should delete all my tiktok edits? (+4) ↳ this is unhinged lmfao i thought y’all hated piper? you’re in here bitching abt her being a “misandrist” every week and now ur gonna stop listening bc namjoon isn’t dating her? pick a lane and stay in it (-64)

Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts, and reblogs/shares are always welcome! I appreciate you very much~ ♡

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broken, pt. 1 (3tan) | myg

title: broken (pt. 1) pairing: 3tan!yoongi x reader(f) series:masterlist | three tangerines | fireworks | house party | basketball | stay | sidewalk talk | friends | dalo | like that | anytime | sundress season | yoongi’s interlude | forfeit | flutter | video call | busted rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , fluff ; brother’s best friend au, implied age gap au summary: chilling conversations prolong things even further… until everything goes to hell. note: this is only one half of what was supposed to be a whole chapter! broken, pt. 2 will come out after i’ve had time to make it something i’m proud of. trying to rush everything out didn’t do any favors, so hilariously and ironically, broken is broken up into two hahaha. warnings: language, angst, tension, yoongi’s pov is longgg, alcohol consumption, tobacco mentions, bro🥲, yoongi in the studio😩, the studio boys make another appearance👀, …someone else makes their first appearance👀👀, scuffles, tense situations, did i say angst?, water bottles get their own warning, long hair yoongi, basketball yoongi🫠, crying, bro a ha ha, jimin has tats and he’s not afraid to show them, the chains stay on(???), …bad boy yoongi😀👍, honestly he is on another level of warning here don’t perceive me💀, the fluff is fluffing here like what, backstory we’ve been waiting for😗, yoongi on the phone, hand holding :’)), kissing :’)), oh god the kissing❤️‍🩹, there’s just a lot in both parts i’m sorry y'all playlist: broken (lp) drop date: dec 3rd, 2023, 4:00pm est word count: …19.1k 🚶‍♀️

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Words abandon you.

Keep reading

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a l l m i n e

p a i r i n g : hoseok x reader

g e n r e : friends w/ benefits au.

t a g s : idol!reader, producer!hoseok, casual sex, y’all act like a couple without exactly saying you are, careless sex, fingering + cunnilingus, studio sex, 69-ning, spanking (f receiving), hoseok’s a little mean, mc from ‘3:00 am’ makes a cameo ft. JK, attempted quiet sex, unprotected sex at the end, mentioned degradation

s u m m a r y : you never expected in a million years to work with the one and only jung hoseok. you also didn’t expect to indulge in a series of hook-ups with the rapper, but like a good girl you obey your senior.

w o r d c o u n t : 6.9 k

“I’m what?” You frowned with your head tilting to the side, trying to comprehend what the heck your manager was telling you.

She sighed deeply, hand coming up to massage her temples, "You know, Jung Hoseok? From BTS? We're having him come in to help produce your mini album. They think this collaboration will do good, rise your popularity even more."

You were a bit baffled by this, you didn't need the popularity. In fact you were well off without anyone's help given the company you came from and your talent/skill. They referred to you as the monster rookie who scored an all-kill on the charts with your debut song alone. You were an ace destined for greatness as Bang PD-nim had once said, and you believed him.

"I see..." you trailed off, frown settling on your features ever so slightly, "I was just surprised is all."

"I know, I know, I didn't think it was necessary either but what can I say? It was direct orders from the higher-ups."

It wasn't like you interacted with Hoseok though.. you hardly ever saw the man given that he was busy with his work and packed schedule. You yourself didn't ever encounter your supposed older brother group(s)—TXT & BTS—it would be a rare sighting if you ever did pass by them. Usually you bowed and greeted the said member before continuing on with your day.

They knew of you, often times supporting your comeback and commenting on it. Wasn't like you were complete strangers. You supposed now would be the time to finally meet him.

"When do we start?" You softly piped up.

"In about a week or so when he isn't busy with his photoshoots and performances. We sent your contact information to him, he'll personally message you and from there you know what to do. But if you want some more information you can speak with him in a few days since the BigHit photoshoot will happen."

You weren't so sure if you wanted to talk with him.. you had seen videos of him hard at work and couldn't help but notice how strict and serious he seemed. His happy go lucky nature seemed to disappear once it was time to work. That and the fact that he was your senior intimidated you. You just hoped he didn't go all serious on you..

"Okay, thank you I'll keep that in mind." You murmured, collecting your thoughts.

The days went by quite slowly, true to your manager's word Hoseok texted you. You hadn't been anticipating the message, heart nearly stopping when you saw the notification light up. You could have brushed it off and just went back to practicing your dance, but it was like there was a tiny devil whispering in your ear about him.

It was a simple text, one so simple you found your paranoia spiking. You were sure you were just acting a fool and Hoseok was just being professional. But still, your darker inner thoughts lingered around in your head. Something about him was just so.. irresistible, the man himself looked like he came straight out of a wet dream.

From the way he could mesmerize a whole crowd with his sensual dancing, to how low his voice could get when he spit his verses into the mic. You wouldn't mind having a small round in the sheets with him. Besides, it'd most likely just be one of those one time things. You just hoped he didn't see you as just his co-worker.

You met up with Hoseok on a Friday night, it was sundown when he asked you to meet him in his studio. The entire car ride was spent with you fussing over your nerves and trying to calm down. This was really happening.. you were going to work one on one with your senior. Alone.

No managers. Just the two of you.

The mere thought sent shivers down your spine as you clutched your concept book closer. "I just hope he's as nice as he is on TV." You mumbled to yourself, car coming to a stop as you exited the company van and sent a quick text to Hoseok.

hoseok [5:25]

come up

i'll open the door for you.

You didn't reply, greeting the receptionists and other staff members as you made your way to the elevator and punched in the floor number. When the elevator door dinged and you stepped out, you looked down the hall to see Hoseok already standing outside his studio leaning against the wall. He had his hands in his pocket with a laid back smile on his face.

"Surprised you didn't get lost y/n," he said almost in a mocking way, teasing you even.

"I've been here for like a year already. I know my way." You rolled your eyes and stood in front of him, "You do this to all your poor co-workers?"

Hoseok chuckled, "No, only the ones who look like they're here for other things." He eyed you up and down slowly before side-stepping, "After you."

Other things? You frowned in confusion and walked into the studio wondering what the hell Hoseok meant by that. You looked at your clothes in wonder, maybe he was talking about that. But why would he be talking about your cotton shorts and sweater? You sat down still blinking in confusion before realization kicked in.

And god did you feel stupid.

"Pervert." You muttered, giving Hoseok the side-eye as he shut the door and took his seat in his chair.

"What? Something wrong y/n?" There he went saying your name all weird. If he was just messing around and trying to annoy you then he completely succeeded.

You shook your head slowly, if this was how it was going to be then you might as well just give up. You leaned back in your chair, softly humming as you looked into his eyes, "No. Just wondering what we're gonna be working on today. I brought some of the concept photoshoot pictures so you can get an idea of the mini-album in general."

Hoseok's hand brushed against yours as he took ahold of the concept photos. He went through each of the photos slowly, taking his time to take in every detail. You were a bit embarrassed as the photos consisted of you in provocative outfits in lewd positions. The album's genre had been set, you had decided on a more sexier comeback. Not too sexy and just the right amount of sensual.

Blame Chungha and her damn bicycle song.

You watched for his reaction very closely. Hoseok's tongue had darted out to lick his upper lip slowly. He was reclined in his chair with legs spread as he tapped his foot on the ground. You could tell he was just checking you out in your photos, eyes slowly moving downwards.

"I see," Hoseok murmured, "and you came up with this yourself right? The whole idea I mean." He cleared his throat, looking at you as he sat up straight.

You nodded, "Is it bad?"

Hoseok shook his head, "Not at all, it suits someone as sexy like you." He chuckled breathily, "Alright, let's get started yeah? This is gonna be a trip." He said with a wink whilst starting up his computer.

Lord it was.

The two of you worked diligently, you half expected for there to be more teasing but surprisingly not. Hoseok looked attractive when he was entirely concentrated on work. It was the way he'd address you with intense eye-contact, never keeping his eyes off of you even if you weren't exactly talking anymore. You even caught him checking you out mid-conversation.

"I just think maybe you could delay the bass guitar riff just a little before the chorus and then the beat drop." You looked at Hoseok, "It just sounds better that way if you like really get into it."

Hoseok leaned against his desk with his head resting on his hand and tilted to the side just a bit, "Yeah?" He mumbled, hooded eyes staring into your own, "I mean I see what you mean it sounds pretty hot." His eyes trailed down to your thighs, lingering, "Let's try it." He slid his hand to your upper thigh, giving it a soft pat.

You were shocked to say the least. Up until now he hadn't really initiated any contact with you. But when he touched your thigh it was like the tingles went down your spine. Needless to say you were left wanting for more, a second heartbeat down there between your legs.

You took notice that during your little breaks or conversations he'd be a lot more touchy with you. His hand was always either on your thigh, your knee, or the back of your chair. He spoke in a lower tone too, eyes practically glued to your lips as he got bolder and bolder. At first it was a silly little comment about your song potentially being for the bedroom.. but then it was directing towards you now.

"Say," Hoseok began, his hand on your thigh which had become a permanent resting spot for his hand, "do I make you nervous?" He tilted his head, lips curled in a faint smirk.

You didn't know how to reply, heart beating a bit faster because now things were getting hotter. You hadn't come here with the intention of hooking up but if it was going to happen who were you to deny? Not when Hoseok was a whole wet dream himself. "Yes," you softly replied, thighs pressing together which didn't go unnoticed by the older, "you kind of scare me.." You quietly admitted.

Hoseok hummed, his interest was definitely piqued at this point. "Really now," he leaned in his chair, facing you as he continued stroking your thigh, "but you want me don't you?"

A faint hum passed, you turned to look at him with a lick of your lip, "Yes.."

"Oh? How adorable, actin' like you're about that life sweetheart." Hoseok laughed softly, "Look at you? You're so little, and I don't do little. What's a cutie like you gonna do for me hm? I'm not like the little boys in your dm's, in fact I don't think you could please me at all."

Fuck.. there was something so hot about being humiliated like this. You found yourself blushing red at his words, leaning in to his hand, which was now teasing your inner thigh. "What if I don't want those boys? What if I want a man." You softly replied, shame thrown out the window.

Hoseok leaned in close, lips ghosting over yours, "Yeah? But the real question here is sweetheart," he grabbed your chin gently shaking you, "can you take me like a good girl? Or you gonna cry about the dick being too much?" He smirked, clearly getting off to your embarrassment.

A soft whine bubbled up in your throat, you messily slotted your lips against Hoseok's. Your hands came up to gently hold his face, lips moving slowly and a bit clumsy on your part. Hoseok didn't move at all, you could tell he was smiling by the way his lips were curling faintly. It was so degrading but you were loving every single second of it.

"Cute." Hoseok mumbled against you, "Now let me show you how I like it." He grabbed your face roughly, one hand holding you in place and another tangling in your hair. He kissed you hard, knocking the air out of you.

You mewled quietly, scalp stinging pleasantly from his grab. He bit into your bottom lip, gently tugging on it with his tongue darting out to lick over it. You parted your lips, letting his tongue slip into your mouth. Hoseok let out a muffled groan, hand sliding down to hold you by your hip and then to your ass.

He pat you gently, signaling that he wanted you on his lap. Without breaking the kiss you plopped yourself in his lap, chair creaking slightly as his hands immediately dropped down to your ass. You broke from the kiss, a string of saliva connecting you two as soft pants left you, "Please,"

"Please what? What do you need sweetheart?" He murmured, thumb rubbing over your swollen lip.

"I need you here," you gently motioned between your legs, "need you to fuck me please. 's all wet for you.."

Hoseok bit his lip, eyes raking down your figure as he spanked both asscheeks, "Pull your fucking shorts and panties to the side. Now." He spanked you again, "You wanted my cock well now you're gonna fucking get it sweetheart. Just don't cry about it when no one else fucks your pussy as good as me." He growled lowly, hand rummaging through a small random box he had on his desk.

You whimpered at each spank and reached down to grab at your shorts and panties pulling them to the side, exposing your wet pussy. Something about his authority and the way he carried himself was hot. You liked how big he talked about his dick game. Now all that was left was to see if his cock would ruin you for anyone else.

"What? You didn't expect me to do all the work now did you? If you want my cock you're gonna have to get it yourself." Hoseok narrowed his eyes, a condom sitting between his fingers.

Your hands shakily came down to push his gray shorts down, sitting under his balls as his cock slapped against his stomach. Your mouth watered at the sight of it, it looked so fucking good you just wanted it down your throat. His cock was thick.. and had a little curve to it which no doubt would be hitting all those sweet spots within you.

"Go on, put the condom on me sweetheart." Hoseok stroked your ass, eyes hooded and glazed over with lust.

Without wasting time you tore open the foil packet, one hand held his throbbing cock while the other rolled the condom down slowly. You heard him quietly hiss at the contact. When you finished with the condom you positioned yourself over his cock and pulled your shorts to the side once more, "Can I?" You mumbled, your mind in a submissive headspace.

Hoseok smirked softly, he had his hands on your hips just holding them. "Ride me like you mean it." Was all he said.

You pressed the tip over your hole, slowly pushing down until he popped in. Your mouth fell open, slowly pushing yourself down on to the rest of his cock. The delicious slide against your walls unconsciously had your pussy tightening around him. You both moaned at this.

"Oh fuckk," you whispered, head leaning back as you rolled your hips forward just a little, "so good.."

Hoseok looked like he was in heaven with how his head was leaned back, adams apple bobbing as he swallowed harshly. He reached forward to spank you hard once again, grabbing your cheeks through the shorts and rolling your hips on his cock. "C'mon, show me how good you can ride my cock. It's all yours." He purred.

You braced your hands on his shoulders, back arching properly as you began to move on his cock. You slowly bounced, trying to get used to the intrusion with your toes curling. Soft little moans left you, his cock was hitting all the right places so far and it left you weak in the knees. Hoseok had stayed true to his word and didn't do any work.

His lips were parted as soft grunts and moans left him. His eyes were focused on your face, he stared up at you through hooded eyes. He had moved his hands above your ass, pulling you closer and holding your body tightly as he sat up. Hoseok watched the way your hips bounced on him, pussy swallowing his cock whole.

"There you go sweetheart, fuck yourself on my cock–oh god–c'mon you can do better baby." His moans needy and hoarse.

Your hips came to a slow halt, rising steadily until the tip of his cock was left inside before sliding back down. You did this a few more times, letting his cock explore every inch of you. Soft whines and little cries escaped you, ".. H-Hoseok," your lips fell open, hands gripping him tighter as your thighs quivered.

A soft squelch could be heard, your pussy was practically gushing by now. Every time you slid your hips down more trickle of slick dribbled down his cock to his balls. Even his shorts had small wet spots on them. His hands gently cupped under your ass, he took control of your movements and began to bounce you on his cock once more.

"W-Wait," you whimpered out, head thrown back as the pleasure suddenly hit you in the gut.

"What did I say baby? You that fucked out dick got you stupid? C'mon, think for me, use that little brain of yours." Hoseok grunted whilst gently slapping your cheek with one hand.

You tried to think of a response, eyes closing as more moans and mewls escaped your lips. It was so hard with the way he had you bouncing up and down on his cock. The tip of his cock brushed ever so slightly against your g-spot, cock curving just right to give you that delicious friction. "U-Um.. ngh you said..." a moan abruptly cut off your words as you dug your nails into his chair.

"Said what?" He breathed out softly, bouncing you harder and faster on his cock, "Go on I'm waiting,"

"H-Hobi!" You cried out, eyes wet with tears as your cunt squeezed his cock. You reaching down to rest your hands on his lower abdomen, steadying yourself as you fucked back on his cock. Your hips were now grinding back and forth at a quick pace, something that caught Hoseok off guard.

He let out a filthy moan, head leaning back as he squeezed your ass tightly. "Oh fuck yes," he grit his teeth, cock throbbing inside of you, "keep going baby right there–" he choked up.

"Gonna cum!"

The squelching noises your cunt made was much louder than the chair creaking and the shuffling of your clothes combined. You were desperately riding him now, eager for release as you rubbed at your clit in fast circles. Hoseok's drawn-out moans grew a bit louder, he was clinging on to you with his hands tightening on your ass by the second.

"I'm so close," he groaned shakily, "shit baby, riding me like you were made for cock." His eyes squeezed shut, mouth falling open as the pleasure took over.

Your hips stuttered in their movements, a long cry spilling from your lips as you rubbed furiously at your clit. You throbbed in pleasure, clit becoming far too sensitive to touch anymore as your legs trembled. "C-Can't, no more please," you began to sob, hips trying to escape from the stimulation.

Hoseok hissed softly when your pussy tightened around him, trying to milk his cock for all it's worth. "On the couch," he moaned, "fuck, fuck spread your legs."

You shakily fell on to the couch, pushing your shorts and panties down as you spread your legs widely. Hoseok tore the condom off, tossing it on your thigh as he stroked his cock furiously. "Show me." He growled, eyes trained on your fucked out pussy.

Your hands came down to gently spread your pussy apart, showing off how ruined you were. Slick was smeared all over your folds, hole gaping slightly from how stretched you were. You held yourself open to him, lip between your teeth, "On me, please." You begged softly.

"Yeah?" Hoseok cursed under his breath as he leaned over you, hand resting on the backrest of the couch. He closed his eyes, moans breathy and quiet, "Fuck, fuck," he spilled onto your mound, thick globs of cum running down and coating your folds.

A delirious giggle left your lips, finger coming down to dip in the mess Hoseok made of you. His darkened eyes watched as you slowly brought your finger up to your mouth. Your tongue lapped up his cum, a soft moan escaping you.

"Tastes good." You smirked.

Hoseok fisted your hair, leaning down with his lips ghosting over yours. "You're a fucking dream." He grinned back, lips pressing to yours moments later.

+

It became a casual fling, you both almost always ended your studio sessions with fucking each other either then and there or your place. You didn't know what it meant for the two of you, you didn't care either. If it happened it happened, but for now you'd just stick to your arrangement.

Texting each other became more frequent too, it was always a 'you up?' text. You noticed he was a lot more comfortable with the whole situation than most guys would be. He'd leave you his hoodies, offer dinner, and even on several occasions asked to chill with you. You didn't mind one bit though, glad he didn't make this into a awkward strictly sex type of thing.

So here you were, confiding in your close friend like you always did. By close friend you meant Nayeon, the only other idol you ever interacted with.

"Oh wow," Nayeon mused, eyes focused on her wine as she mixed the drink around, "I totally didn't expect the guy to be a sadist in bed. He's the happy go lucky one out of all of them right?"

You rolled your eyes at her obvious disinterest in Hoseok, "He isn't a sadist sadist, just a little mean you know? I like it though, it's hot."

Nayeon quietly snickered, smirk on her face as she raised her glass at you, "Whatever floats your boat you pervert.... So like what do you guys do? Some vanilla sex with a little spanking here and there or what?"

"Wow, so much for me being the pervert." You rolled your eyes and took a sip of your wine, "No, we do a lot thank you very much. I mean if we want it then it doesn't matter where we are we get down and dirty. He's literally ate me out on the side of the road or in the practice room whenever I'm in there." You giggled softly.

"Oh my god y/n," she squealed, "what else? Does he like slap you on your face and stuff?"

You cupped your hot cheeks, an embarrassed laugh leaving you, "Nayeon! You're so–ughhh okay yes he does. He'll like spit in my mouth sometimes and say really degrading shit. Happy now?"

Nayeon stuck her tongue out at you, "I'm just milking it out because c'mon now would I really be your best friend if I didn't ask for every little detail? I also have a serious question though, tell me the truth I won't be mad I swear." She then cleared her throat, going all serious on you, "Did you and him fuck the day you were sleeping over at my place?"

"Yes." You bluntly said, the wine kicking in and making you a bit more shameless, "Not all the way though. He didn't have a condom with him at the time so we just sixty-nined."

"I knew it you little–" she grit her teeth smacking your arm, "I was so traumatized I thought I was hearing things I was so damn scared to leave my room!"

You giggled madly, hiding your face as you leaned back in your seat. You felt bad, you really did after lying to Nayeon the day it had happened. You remember telling Nayeon all he did was make out with you, denying that you guys fucked every time she asked.

Hushed whispers and soft grunts left Hoseok, the two of you lip-locked under the covers. Your hand slowly slid down between the two of you, slipping into his sweats and grabbing ahold of his cock. He quietly hissed, hands gripping your ass tightly.

You kept in mind you were supposed to keep it down because Nayeon was a door down and it was her apartment after all. You felt a bit bad for doing this to her but Hoseok was just irresistible. You had fallen victim to his wicked desires rather quickly.

"Seok," you whispered softly, "we don't have condoms."

Hoseok sighed wistfully, head flopping on the pillow as his thumb gently circled your hip, "Shit I forgot to bring them. We don't have to, 's not safe if we do it without one." He mumbled out, eyes closed as he tried to stave off his arousal, cock throbbing in your hand miserably.

You bit your lip and softly whispered in his ear, "I got an idea." This had definitely gotten his attention as he opened his eyes to give you a curious look. What could possibly be an alternative to sex?

Slowly you peeled the blankets off, shimmying out of your shorts and panties. You tapped his thigh, as if you were asking him to take his sweatpants off. Hoseok quickly got the memo and slipped his sweats down, kicking them off, "C'mon baby, bring that ass over here."

You giggled quietly moving to straddle him, backing your hips back until your pussy hovered over his mouth. You reached for his cock, slowly pumping it and smearing pre-cum all over it. As you did this Hoseok yanked your hips down, tongue rolling out to lap at your pussy. He zeroed in on your clit, swirling his tongue over it in slow circles.

"God–Seok." You moaned out.

Seconds later you leaned down to wrap your lips around the tip of his cock, tongue poking and teasing his slit. Hoseok released a low groan, hands coming up to grip your ass cheeks whilst smothered his face with your cunt. Your hand stroked the rest of his cock, twisting around the shaft and squeezing firmly.

His lips wrapped around your clit, sucking harshly and teasing the soft bud between his teeth. A surprised mewl left you, thighs quivering and hips slowly grinding against his face. You realized how loud you were getting and decided to stuff his cock down your throat to shut yourself up. It was Hoseok's turn to moan loudly as you swallowed his cock whole, leaving no part of him uncovered.

"Shit baby, you're making it so hard not to fuck you into next week." He panted out, stroking your ass and squeezing the jiggly flesh in his hands, "Yeah, just like that." He swallowed thickly, head rolling back on to the pillow as he bit his lip.

You choked around his cock, eyes tearing up as your gag reflex kicked in. Slowly you pulled away with a string of saliva connecting your lips to his cock. You used your saliva to stroke his cock quickly, tongue coming out to lap at the tip slowly. Soft squelching noises filled the air alongside Hoseok's low moans and grunts.

He went back to lapping at your clit, finger coming up to prod at your slicked up hole. Slowly he slipped it inside, curling it just right to aim for your g-spot. You bit your lip to suppress the lewd moan that would escape. Your mouth fell open at a particular stroke of his finger and lick at your clit. It felt heavenly, making your thighs quiver again.

"Right there," you moaned, hips grinding against his face.

You leaned back down to quickly take him into your mouth, bobbing your head at a steady pace. Soft slurping noises came from you, your hand slowly inching down to gently fondle his balls. Hoseok slipped another finger inside of you, groan muffled and hips slowly bucking upwards.

The two of you forgot about the whole 'staying quiet' deal as your moans filled the room up. You were basically riding his face by now, Hoseok's hips canting upwards in return. The filthy wet noises that came from you two louder as well. You pulled back, a broken whimper leaving your lips as your pussy tightened around his fingers.

"Seok," you arched your back, "I'm gonna cum."

Hoseok breathed harshly through his nose, free hand spanking your ass as he doubled his efforts. His fingers pistoned in and out of you quickly, each thrust hitting your g-spot dead on. Your mouth fell open in a silent cry, movements halting as the pleasure crashed through you.

"Oh god!" You squealed, hips lifting off of Hoseok's face.

Your body shuddered, forehead resting on his thigh as you came hard. Hoseok slurped at your slick as he eased his wet fingers out, moaning at the taste. His hard cock twitched again, bringing you out of your orgasmic state and going back down. Your eyes closed, head bobbing slowly as you stroked his cock at the same time.

Hoseok's head fell against the pillow with a grunt, "Fuck, keep going baby I'm gonna cum." He panted, "Fuckkkkkkkk," he grit his teeth as his hips bucked.

You doubled your efforts, mouth sucking harshly at his cock and tongue flat against the tip. Hoseok let out a loud curse when you had moaned against his cock. He throbbed in your mouth, stomach contracting when you delivered a few more harsh sucks.

"y/n," he grit his teeth, hips bucking faster as you sucked the life out of him, "Oh god yes baby," his back arched a little, cum spurting out as he came in your mouth. You happily slurped his cum up, getting a little messy as you bobbed your head.

Hoseok groaned, hips jumping as he attempted to stop you, "No more," he breathed out, body relaxed.

+

You would have thought that hooking up in your friend's home would teach you something but apparently you learned nothing. Now it was Hoseok's dorm. He had promised the guys were all out doing their own thing but you couldn't help the uneasy feeling you felt. What if you got walked in on? Then what?

"Seok pass me the remote I wanna put something on." You softly mumbled as you sat up, hair a bit messy from how he had grabbed it during your make-out session. "C'mon please," you whined.

Hoseok chuckled quietly, "Yeah, yeah. Here," he held the remote out to you, hair combed back. He was lounging next to you wearing nothing but his boxers and chain around his neck. "So what are we watching?" He piped up, hand coming down to gently stroke your hip with his thumb.

You didn't answer at first, mindlessly humming as your scrolled through many shows. "There's this anime.. it's called—uhh it's called Attack on Titan, pretty good stuff." You mumbled, eyes trained on the tv screen as you felt Hoseok wrap his arms around you, "Hold on lemme just–" you cut off with a tiny whine when Hoseok pulled you down.

He had you laid against him, arms around you as he pressed kisses down your neck to your shoulder. "Don't mind me, just put it on.." he murmured softly.

"But you're not even watching it." You huffed angrily, remote tossed on the bed as the first episode began to play, "Just gonna have your way with me aren't you?"

Hoseok pulled back with a breathy chuckle, "How'd you know?" He teased softly, "Here, lay on your stomach and watch your show, I'm gonna have my own fun." He kissed your ear, hands slowly running down to your ass.

There was no use in stopping Hoseok now, you just sighed and brought a pillow with you. He guided you down to the foot of the bed where you laid on your stomach, pillow under your chest and ass raised. "Seok," you mumbled while watching the intro to the show, "want them off–yeah take it off."

Hoseok was already slipping your shorts off, dragging your panties down with them. "Fucking sexy," he grunted slapping one of your cheeks, watching the way it bounced afterwards. He played with your plush ass cheek, jiggling it in his hands, "Spread them for me baby, gonna fuck you real nice." He crooned softly.

Obediently you spread your legs apart, knees hoisting your lower half up was your back arched just right. You put your chin down on the pillow, puppy eyes staring at the tv screen. Hoseok licked his lips slowly, the sight in front of him making his cock throb. "Look at you," he cooed softly, palm on your ass as he stroked it, "every part of you is just so pretty, from your perky tits to your fat ass."

Hoseok slowly peeled his boxers down, flinging them out to the side of the bed as he positioned himself behind you. "C'mere sweetheart, bring that ass back." He muttered, hand stroking his cock slowly as he hissed from the relief he got. "Good girl, raise your hips–yeah, that's it."

You quietly sighed when the tip of his cock pressed against your folds. You buried your face in your arms, breathe coming out in huffs as your hips twitched. You could feel the tip of his cock spreading your wetness and pre-cum around, creating this soft squelching noise. Clearly he liked the sound of that.

"Needy girl," he quietly grunted, cock pressing more firmly as he rubbed himself up and down, "you hear that? Pussy's all wet for me, you want my cock inside sweetheart? Hm?" He bit his lip, hand moving faster.

Your mouth fell open, eyes falling shut as you shuddered, "Yes–god yes Seok, need you in me." You wiggled your ass against him, slowly pushing back against his pelvis. His cock slowly slid between the two of you, pussy lips fully encasing the shaft as the tip peeked out of your mound.

Hoseok smacked your ass harshly, "You think you deserve it? Only good girls get rewarded, not greedy little sluts like you... lucky your pussy so good to me." He muttered while rocking his hips back and forth, just enjoying the wet slide between your legs.

"Fuck me," you whined, head rising up to look back at him, "inside, need your cock inside of me." You softly whispered, hips slowly swirling around and trying to catch his cock, wanting him to slide in you. "Don't even want a condom.." You mumbled.

He was taken by your bold statement, the two of you had only done it raw once and that was because you both had gotten drunk. Needless to say you both vowed not to do it because you couldn't count on going out to buy after-pills. It was as if the topic of raw fucking was taboo between you two.

Hoseok put his hand on your head, slowly pushing you down into the pillow as he rolled his hips, "Fuck you sure? I'm down," he breathed out, "don't want this to be something you end up regretting."

"I'm sure Seok," you cutely mumbled, "just put it in, please." You then turned to hide your face in the pillow, hands reaching behind you to spread your ass for him, pussy on display.

"Okay baby," he breathed out, hand taking a hold of his cock and guiding it to your slicked up hole, "fuck you're so fucking sexy, let me in baby, spread your pretty out for me." He sucked in a breath, slowly pushing forward.

A lewd moan escaped you, eyes rolling back as his cock slowly stretched you open. "Oh god yes," you whimpered, "so fucking big."

Hoseok's moan was ragged and filthy, hand coming down to hold your hip whilst his other held you down. He leaned over your body, chain dangling as he slowly bottomed out in you. "Yeah? Love my cock don't you? Fills you up so good doesn't it sweetheart?" He purred.

"Yes," you mewled, "love it Seok." You closed your eyes and relaxed on the bed. Your clit throbbed from lack of stimulation but there wasn't much you could do. Your body was pinned down to the bed, hips raised as Hoseok used you.

"Greedy slut." Hoseok began to roll his hips into you, low moans and hisses leaving him.

He watched the way your ass rippled against his pelvis each time he thrusted into you. He was so mesmerized by it, keeping his eyes down on your ass as his cock disappeared in you. Soft ragged pants and groans left him as he sped up, hips slamming into you viciously.

You cried out, clearly caught off guard as your body went loose. Your toes curled, ass slapping harshly against his hips with each thrust. The show was nothing but background noise, the sound of your coupling much louder than the tv. His balls were slapping against your clit, causing a pleasurable sting for you.

"Oh–fuck yes–so good," you moaned out, eyes closed and mouth open.

"God you're so fucking tight," Hoseok slammed into you harder and faster. His chain was now swinging back and forth wildly over your head, something that had you clenching tightly. "Oh you like that don't you?"

You whimpered loudly, nodding to his question as you leaned your head back. "H-Hoseok."

He grunted quietly and reached down to hold your ass as he shoved himself in and out of you. Loud slapping noises filled the room, your cries getting louder and the bed rocking alongside his movements. Hoseok was moaning uncontrollably at this point, lips parted and eyebrows pinched in concentration as he watched the way your ass rippled.

Neither of you registered the sound of the front door opening on time. Your eyes widened and you frantically pushed at Hoseok's hip. "Seok!" You whisper-shouted, "Someone's here."

Hoseok didn't look alarmed, in fact he didn't care if someone ever found out about you. He just didn't want anyone ruining the moment. "Hold on," he breathed out harshly, head lolling back as he tried to calm down from the hot and heavy moment. "C'mere." He whispered whilst pulling out of your spent pussy.

You bit your lip, cunt throbbing from the emptiness you felt. Slowly he guided you down to the bed where he rolled the sheets over you both, turning his tv off and letting the room go dark. "Shh baby, just be quiet okay?" He gently slid his arm around your waist, hoisting it up as he slipped his cock back inside.

"Seok.." you moaned quietly, face coming up to hide in his neck.

"Be a good girl and stay quiet.. or else I'll have to gag you." Hoseok warned softly, hips beginning to roll slowly.

The voices grew louder, it sounded like Jungkook... and a girl? You didn't pay too much mind to it, in fact you were more worried about being walked in on. You shakily whimpered, pussy pulsing around Hoseok's cock, "Fuck, right there I'm so close." You whispered in his ear.

"Cum for me baby." Hoseok shakily murmured, hips moving faster. He didn't fully bottom out since he wanted to avoid making the sounds of your skin slapping.

Your legs spread wider slowly, mouth falling open in breathless moans as your body shuddered. You reached down to rub at your clit in tight circles, the pleasure was mounting higher and higher. You could feel your thighs shake and toes curl, orgasm dangerously close. Hoseok buried his face in the pillow next to you, moans and grunts leaving him as he held you closer to his body.

"Shit, go on baby cum for me let me feel you." Hoseok gasped softly, mouth sucking on your neck and leaving marks.

Your back arched a little as you whined loudly, completely forgetting about Jungkook and his guest. The orgasm caught you off guard as you gripped Hoseok tightly against you. Soft whispers of ‘yes’ and ‘more’ fell from your lips, it felt heavenly to feel his cock bare against your walls.

Hoseok hissed quietly when he felt your cunt clench down on his cock, “Fuck yes,” he brought you in for a passionate kiss as he jabbed into your body hard.

A surprised cry left you, body moving as his hips slapped into yours roughly. He pinned you down on the bed, quiet creaking noises filling the room as he chased his own orgasm. Quite frankly your orgasm has taken the life out of you, leaving your body boneless. You weren’t expecting Jungkook and said girl to walk in.

“Shh..” Jungkook whispered, “Hoseok’s probably asleep right now.” Clearly he was unaware of the dull bed thumping and sheets ruffling.

“Just hurry and get the lighter,” the girl muttered back, not interested in the obvious lump on the bed.

You were frozen in place, Hoseok’s hips slowing down to subtle grinds as his cock began to throb. You watched him hide his face in your neck, shuddering as he came hard inside of you. “Oh shit… oh fuck..” he whispered to you, body slumping and hips just lightly moving.

The two of you stayed still, not making a peep as Jungkook rummaged through the room for his lighter. Your heart was beating rapidly, breaths coming out in short soft huffs. Your hands came up to gently stroke his hair, enjoying the waves of soothing pleasure.

Hoseok sighed quietly, eyes closed as he relaxed, “That fucking idiot needs to hurry up. It’s hot as hell in here.” He grumbled, making you laugh quietly, “Never again,”

“Can’t believe you came from him walking in,” you teased quietly, the two of you bickering back and forth with one another.

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