Kriimuline-blog - Luulud

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I never

ever

ever

could understand in school that one day I might need something I studied then. Newsflash: this day has not came yet. And I'm 43. What I use, I somehow learned myself outside the school. Like reading, writing, basic arithmetic, some history-stuff, mythology-stuff, English. What I learned only in school is mostly forgotten, some things hang in my head uselessly (half a poem in Russian and how to exuse for being late, some French, than salt is NaCl)

"One day you will be thankful for what I did to you today." Nope. Never. Not happened.

"You should make plans ..." (for future year, vacation, for the time I may inherit half a house ...) No. I have made some plans. Never - and I mean NEVER - has anything of those worked out.

Time. As AuDHD I have only very vague understading how time feels for neurotypicals. I only know that it must be very different for them, because how they want me to feel about time makes no sense for me.

"...a vague and abstract possible future that I may one day experience." - Untypical, by Pete Wharmby

With regards to the perception of time. Things that aren't immediate (this week at the latest) feel like a far off future for those of us with time-blindness.

so i have a little nonsense theory about the name Dernhelm, the name used by Eowyn when she rides with the Rohirrim to Gondor in The Return of the King.

just a couple things i noticed on my read through:

the prefix 'dern' means secret or hidden (also seen in Derndingle, the location of the Entmoot).

the captain, Elfhelm, and the rest of the company 'Dernhelm' was riding with ignored her, and she rarely spoke.

the way its described in the book its implied that the captain and company were simply turning a blind eye to her coming along, however, i think that its unlikely that the men of Rohan would allow beloved Eowyn to ride to war and likely death, especially when she was supposed to be governing the people left behind in Meduseld- surely at least ONE would disagree, and then the jig would be up. additionally, why Dernhelm? its a good name, but with people who understand the meaning of the words, you might as well be calling yourself something like sneaky bill.

so here's my extravagant, unnecessary and probably incorrect proposition: the name Dernhelm is a mantle that anyone can take up when they dont want the trappings of their old name. maybe they did things in the past that they arent proud of, or maybe their family name has been somehow dishonoured, or maybe even they dont want their actions in the upcoming battle to be associated with themselves. in any case, Dernhelm is simply a name that anyone can use, and people will politely act like they do not exist, and not try to learn the name or the face behind the helm. Eowyn takes up the mantle, and can fade into the company of riders unchallenged