No Future - Tumblr Posts
Not My Future
He had very specific goals. By 30, he wanted to have a career, a woman, a new car, a house, x amount of money in the bank. We achieved these goals together
He never ever set plans in place based on my goals. Mostly because he didn’t know what they were. Goals are a really hard thing to have as a survivor, especially when still in the relationship.
But I still had a few ideas. I wanted to travel. I wanted to have a career where I genuinely helped people. I wanted to be happy.
The look he gave me told me I was foolish. "And that's why we don't let you make the decisions."
I never
ever
ever
could understand in school that one day I might need something I studied then. Newsflash: this day has not came yet. And I'm 43. What I use, I somehow learned myself outside the school. Like reading, writing, basic arithmetic, some history-stuff, mythology-stuff, English. What I learned only in school is mostly forgotten, some things hang in my head uselessly (half a poem in Russian and how to exuse for being late, some French, than salt is NaCl)
"One day you will be thankful for what I did to you today." Nope. Never. Not happened.
"You should make plans ..." (for future year, vacation, for the time I may inherit half a house ...) No. I have made some plans. Never - and I mean NEVER - has anything of those worked out.
Time. As AuDHD I have only very vague understading how time feels for neurotypicals. I only know that it must be very different for them, because how they want me to feel about time makes no sense for me.
"...a vague and abstract possible future that I may one day experience." - Untypical, by Pete Wharmby
With regards to the perception of time. Things that aren't immediate (this week at the latest) feel like a far off future for those of us with time-blindness.
its staring to feel like i have nothing ahead of me again
I wish I didn't wanna kill myself
DE PROFUNDIS CLAMAVI
Huile sur bois 40x40 cm ~ Baldo ~ 2018 ~
Tableau réalisé comme une pochette de disque en pensant au long poème d’Oscar Wilde, De Profundis, pour l’exposition collective FIND “Future Is Not Dead” initiée par les KING'S QUEER.
Galerie Corinne Bonnet, Cité artisanale 63 rue Daguerre, Paris XIVe
Vernissage 17 mai 2018 CARTE BLANCHE À KING'S QUEER (Fin de l’expo le 9 juin 2018)
Exposition collective avec la participation d'Alain Maneval et de Baldo, Sarah Barthe, Arnaud Baumann, Carotide, Corinne Bonnet, Olivia Clavel, Epsylon Point, Kim Prisu, Kiki Picasso Christian Chapiron, Anne van der Linden, Miss Fuck, Arnaud Rabier Nowart, France de Ranchin, Simonne de Saint-Ouen, Pierre Terrasson, Yarps, Fred Zag.