*throws Up In My Mouth*

*throws up in my mouth*

There's hazel eyes and then there's whatever tf this is

My husband and I seeing Star Wars: episode 1, the phantom menace

Him: the pod racing is gonna be super loud

Me: if the pod racing scene doesn't make you go deaf, have you even seen star wars episode 1 tpm

Took everything I had not to stand up and shout "Predator" when Padme met little Anakin

My husband confiscated my pocket movie snacks that I tried to smuggle in

Should've tucked a slim jim under my left tiddy, that way I could accuse him of going for my heart, mortal combat style if he reached for it

I was afraid sweat would cause it to fall out and then people would think I shit myself when they see the slim jim on the ground, it's little meaty eyes staring up at me in shock and audacity

Started laughing out of nowhere and my husband goes "You're thinking of it again, aren't you?! It's not funny!"

Hes so cute when he pouts🤭

Don't be shy, give someone a wedgy they have to take their pants off to fix.

My husband: you're a monster

Me: el cucuy checks it's closet for me at night