A Taste Of Something New Soobin X F!reader

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

45. help (part one)

A/N: ajsdkhasd poor soobin but also i wanna punch him 😃 at least yeonjun is still there for us. anw the second part will probably come out tomorrow and it'll be from yn's perspective!! but yea enjoy this one for now 🥰 (and thank you for the positive feedback on the previous chapter i'll still reply but i just jsdakhldsa the comments made me super happy 🥺)

WARNINGS: the usual swearing, mentions of being under the influence of alcohol, mentions of sex (obviouslY), a lil hint of anxiety, soobin being dumb (is anyone surprised tho)

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← chapter forty-four | masterlist | chapter forty-five (part two) →

HYPE BOY — CHAPTER ONE

level one . . : the encounter (written + smau)

WRITTEN PART - WC : 0.3K

It was just an ordinary day, as usual. college life is definitely difficult. what do you do get rid of all your stress? playing games--of course.

You messaged your friend group but no one was available. All your friends were busy, you honestly couldn't believe taeyoung, your gaming buddy, had something to do as well. who would've known he would be studying for his exam? taeyoung is an A+ student anyways, it wasn't surprising he would prioritize studying.

Since there was no one to play with, you just decided to do co-op. As you wait for someone to join you, you see someone's user pop up.

hypeboy requested to join you !

hypeboy. hm, interesting username. As you accepted his request, you instantly started speaking.

"hiiii"

“hey hey hey!” said the guy with a deep accent. now you found this voice attractive. you just couldnt help it.

you guys decided to play a couple of rounds. he was better than you expected. the round was done in no longer than ten minutes. he was actually an reliable teammate, which was quite rare nowadays. everyone else would be so focused on winning and even starts yelling all the time—causing you pain in your ears. meanwhile he would tell you what you should be doing and even taught you some of his gaming tips. you guys were able to communicate together nicely—it was better than your teamwork with taeyoung.

there was just something about his voice. his giggles and the way he spoke certain words just made you gush over him. you guys been playing for hours and you didn’t realize it.

“it was nice meeting you! i really enjoyed playing with you” said the cheerful guy.

“you’re actually really good! thank you for playing with me!! lets meet each other again!”

“of course! i’ll always remember you, user ynluvi.”

“take care hypeboy.”

-

before you logged off, you made sure you sent a friend request. you couldn’t wait to tell your friends all about this guy.

previous | next | masterlist

A/N : first chap 😋😋😋

TAGLIST . . OPENED ! 👾

- ask / dm to be tagged in hype boy 💜

( @son4taa ) - ( @yenqa ) - ( @makiswrld ) - ( @ktttwwn ) - ( @lvepsh ) - ( @urszn ) - ( @nenojaems ) - ( @ahnneyong ) - ( @l1lac-reader ) - ( @ihrtadri ) - ( @wonioml ) - ( @roseidol ) - ( @ilovewonyo ) - ( @luveuly )

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

48. brilliant

A/N: i hate this chapter with all of my might and i don't know why it's so long. but here u go! we're getting there! two more chapters! yay! also just letting you know i'll close the taglist for atosn when the next chapter comes out bc we're reaching the end so there's no point in keeping it open just for the final chapter lol

WARNINGS: swearing, brief mentions of sex and jealousy, beomgyu being a whole BABIE, the usual

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← chapter forty-seven | masterlist | chapter forty-nine →

lavender haze; park jongseong.

— midnights series: one out of twenty.

pairing // high school student jay x gn reader.

wc. // 468

watching the ceiling fan spin, jay held you in his arms close to his body, your head on his chest. his arm beneath you wrapped around your shoulders while his free hand held the side of your head, caressing your head softly. the only sounds audible were the faint spinning of the fan and the low humming of frank ocean’s songs on shuffle. the faint smell of his cologne and the lavender candle lit on your bedside table invaded your senses, and you loved it. every spare moment you had was spent like this, unbothered by the silence settled between the two of you.

but you were different. you hadn’t been childhood besties or anything, but you knew him throughout your school career. you watched him from a distance, some with adoration and some with curiosity. it wasn’t plausible to you for everyone to avoid, gossip about, or take advantage of him; so you wanted to find out for yourself.

for the past three years, you took time to get to know him despite the stares you would get from the people who thought so poorly of him. it only took so long because he’s been used to people using him. but when he noticed how carefully and attentively you acted around him, jay found his heart yearning for you. he hadn’t experienced someone as kind as you besides his family, but it was different with you. this was romantic.

after he realized his developing feelings for you, jay seemed to be more affectionate towards you even with dozens of people around you. from holding your hand, to allowing his gaze to linger on you a little longer with a fond smile adorning his features. he looked at you as if you were the only person in the world; and to him, you were.

the more people noticed how close you were, the more they began talking about you. some said you were the only one for him—in a mode more derogatory way than sweet—while others believed it was “just a phase” and it would end with time. though he knew that wasn’t the case; he didn’t see himself with anyone else but you.

you never minded these quiet afternoons in each other’s arms, simply enjoying the company of one another. every now and then he would express his adoration for you or kiss your head, a smile settled on his lips every second.

. . .

“i just wanna stay in that lavender haze.”

masterlist.

a taste of something new — soobin x f!reader

50. say you love me — WC: 9k LMAO I'M SORRY

A/N: and here we are, the final chapter! well not really bc we'll still get a lil epilogue soon but technically yes this is the final chapter. thank you to everyone who has read this story, especially those who left comments, sent asks about it, reblogged the chapters, interacted in any way. i'm sorry for not replying to every single comment, but just know i've read all of them and i can guarantee you that all of them made me smile a LOT. you have no idea how much that motivates us writers! i'm feeling a little sad bc this is the first time a series of mine reaches the end, but i'm also extremely grateful for the number of people who took interest in this story bc honestly i thought it would flop 😭 but it didn't!!! so ye. this chapter is far from perfect, and i know it's long as FUCK, but i gave it my best and i actually kinda like it so i hope you like it 🥰 ok now let's goooo

WARNINGS: swearing, mentions of sex, some nervousness and hints of anxiety, dual pov bc i couldn't pick only one pov to focus on lmao, obviously there will be kissing, tumblr is breaking the part where i put the lyrics i'm sorry idk why some parts refuse to stay italicized, the word "stupid" is used 17 times and i think that's beautiful tbh this is what real romance looks like

playlist here | ko-fi | taglist on the reblogs

← chapter forty-nine | masterlist | bonus chapter (50.5) →

Soobin knows his friends and yours all seem to collectively agree that he fucked up, and honestly, he won't deny that. He shouldn't have just let you talk and talk and talk just to leave you hanging while he stared at you in total silence in the end. That definitely was a dick move on his behalf, but it wasn't intentional; he simply didn't know what to do. He was just panicking inside.

How was he supposed to take all of that? How was he supposed to understand that you could find a way to actually like him? He was already planning on confessing, but he didn't actually expect to hear you say all of that, especially so out of the blue.

It gets him thinking about worst-case scenarios, because well, that's how his brain works. What if you end up getting tired of him? Would you break things off nicely? Or would you just run off and do what his ex did behind his back? 

He knows he shouldn't be so scared of everything, especially of you. And he knows he shouldn't be associating any of your qualities with the ones Jiwon had. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to himself. The problem is that she was the complete opposite of him, and so are you, but being an extroverted social butterfly who enjoys parties and is not afraid of doing whatever they want is not enough to put anyone in the same category as her. The similarities you share are extremely superficial, it's ridiculous that his brain would even do that association. He can't control it, but he's trying to fight it.

Sure, the fact that you got into this fake relationship with him specifically because you couldn't maintain a relationship and wanted to prove your friends wrong when, in fact, they weren't, was something that terrified him from the moment he realized he had feelings for you blooming in his heart. But you going out of your way to tell him you want him should be enough to make him see that things have changed.

Maybe his insecurities are to blame. After all, why would someone like you be interested in someone like him? Why would you want to be with someone so quiet, so moody, so awkward, so boring? He's always whining and complaining about everything, he doesn't have a nice apartment or a lot of money to spend. Sometimes he doesn't know what to say, and sometimes he just wants to be alone, and he definitely can't go to the multiple parties he knows you're gonna want to take him to, at least not without losing his mind. Fake dating is all about keeping up appearances, posting pictures, and coming up with stories to tell your friends. However, dating for real is not as easy, is it?

But somehow you still managed to see him in a way he has never seen himself. You took each flaw and turned it into something lovable for reasons he can't understand. And if you wanna do your best for him, don't you deserve to get his best in return, too?

He's not sure whether Sunoo hates him or not, but he's still thankful for the help he's getting from the youngest, so after your roommate takes him into your building and gives him a brief lecture on how he expects Soobin will not mess up this time, the oldest offers him a quick bow and finally steps into the elevator, feeling his heart palpitate in his chest.

You, on the other hand, are sprawled on the couch, with your head full of thoughts you're trying to erase. You don't even want to be in the living room, but if you stay in bed you might end up dozing off, and Sunoo specifically asked you to stay put in case the burgers arrive, so that's what you're doing. In the meantime, you can just overthink everything for the millionth time.

Maybe all of this is karma. Maybe it's your divine punishment for all those boys you ditched. Not that you've ever given anyone the time to actually develop feelings for you — just a couple of casual fucks and you were done —, but who knows? Maybe one of them might've secretly fallen in love with you and now you're paying the price. Or, well, maybe love truly isn't for everybody, and you're one of the unlucky souls damned to live alone.

Still, part of you holds on to the hope that something might change. That's probably the reason why you told Haneul that Soobin is "still a little sick" when she asked you about him on the phone, saying she wants to see him again. You don't like lying to your little sister, but hey, you've been doing that from the moment you introduced him as your boyfriend, right? And you're not ready for the conversation that will follow after you let her know you're no longer "with him" because you know she's gonna ask a million questions, and you can't blame a six-year-old for wanting to understand things, but you don't wanna think about it either.

The stupid anime episode on the television in front of you only reminds you of that stupid asshole who just stared at you with his stupid blank face and let you walk away after you poured your stupid heart out. 

It's revolting. You hate it.

A moment after you turn it off, though, the doorbell rings… which is odd. Sure, Sunoo said he'd buy some food, but the delivery should take longer to arrive, and whoever's delivering it shouldn't have direct access to your door. You were expecting the intercom to ring, not the doorbell. So you decide to simply ignore it — maybe it's an annoying neighbor, after all, and you don't wanna deal with people right now.

About two minutes later, your phone buzzes with a text from Sunoo simply saying "girlie can you pls answer the door", which makes you frown. He said he'd take longer to get home, and even if he just got there now, it's not like he can be locked out of his own apartment unless he completely forgot his code, and that's highly unlikely. You try to text him back to ask him why, but he leaves you on read, so in the end, you sigh in defeat and get up to answer the door.

Out of everything you could expect to see behind it, the sight you meet is the only one you wouldn't have imagined to find there — especially considering Sunoo's involvement in it.

"Hey," the familiar tall figure says sheepishly as soon as he lays his eyes on you.

You stare at Soobin for a few seconds, furrowing your eyebrows. He has a paper bag in one hand, and the other holds a bouquet of daisies close to his chest. And you don't mean to be petty, especially because the sight of him makes your heart flutter, but the worst part of you tells you to stay in silence after what he did to you. 

Is it mature to give him the same attitude he gave you? Probably not, but you don't care.

His lips press together into a thin line when he senses the coldness in your stare. Or is it just his imagination? No, he knows you have every right to be mad at him. He'd be completely heartbroken if it were him in your shoes.

He straightens his posture and clears his throat, trying his best not to be affected by your lack of reaction. He's here to make things right, or at least try. He can't start overthinking. It's not the time for that.

"I, uh, I… got you that burger you like. With fries, of course." He offers you the paper bag first, and then the flowers. "And these. I– I picked them myself, so, um, I hope you like them."

While his brain goes "fuck, why am I so lame?", yours goes "fuck, why is he so cute?". In the end, you can't really give him the silent treatment he deserves, but you still try to be stern.

"You can't expect to win me over with some food and some flowers."

"I don't. I just, well, I don't know. I just feel like you told me a lot of things and I didn't say anything at all, and it's been haunting me since it happened, and I tried to text you, but you blocked me everywhere, and I know I deserved it, but I still wanted to tell you what I'm feeling, so I had to get your friends to help me, and now here I am." The thing about Soobin is that whenever he's nervous, he'll either talk too much (and too fast) or not at all. And considering the last time it happened, he didn't say a word, now you're getting the other side of him. "So," he looks around nervously, "erm, can I come in?"

"No," you reply right away. "Why would I let you in? So you can come in here and stare at me with those stupid bunny eyes again just to make me cry? No! Go to hell."

"Y/N–"

"I said no. Whatever you have to say, you can say it right here, at the door, so I can slam it in your face if you make me cry again."

"I– Ugh," he groans, "fine." If you're not gonna let him in, he'll improvise.

The boy shoves his hands into his pockets, pulling out his phone from one of them and his earbuds from the other. He reaches for your head to put the earbuds in your ears, but you move back to avoid his touch, so he hesitates. Maybe he should've asked for permission first, but this is definitely not going as he planned, so he's just acting on his own impulse and nervousness right now.

"What the fuck are you doing now?"

"You told me to say whatever I have to say right here," he explains. "I'm trying to do that. Um– May I?" He gestures, holding one of the earbuds up, so you roll your eyes and nod.

The temptation to touch your face and maybe even kiss your cheek is strong, but he settles for just looking at your eyes while he puts the accessory in your ears, though he gets a little distracted while doing that. 

He misses having you close like this. He even misses the times he had to act "cute" around your friends. At least that meant he could touch you, and you never complained about it — because it turns out you actually liked it just as much as he did. Now all he gets is the look of distrust on your face, one that weighs his heart down, especially because he knows he deserves it.

"Remember, uh, well–," he clears his throat again, "remember when Beomgyu was pestering everyone about a song I was writing?" Soobin starts while connecting the earbuds to his phone. "Well, hm, I started working on this when you… when you went to that party by yourself. And I, um, I added some new lyrics as well, rewrote some parts to make them sound better after we… you know. Usually, I'd get Taehyun to record the vocals for us, but I, uh– I wanted to do it myself this time. I don't know. It felt a little too personal. So I talked to Beomgyu and he helped me with that. If you– if you could just… you know. Just listen to it. It's just a demo, so it's not too polished, but, um… Yeah. I'll leave after it's over if you want me to."

Your eyes keep staring at him and you keep your mouth shut, so he decides the best thing he can do right now is just to press play on the song. 

I Know I Love You.

You take a deep breath and look down at the phone he's holding, just to avoid looking at him. Judging by the way he's gripping it so tightly, you can tell how nervous he is. 

See, being in his position right now is not exactly nice. While you have music — his song about you, sung by himself — playing, all he has is that silence that is only filled by the sound of his own heart drumming in his ears. 

You're not looking at him, but he watches every minor movement you might make, although his attention sometimes switches back to the screen of his phone just to check how far into the song you are.

Meanwhile, your full attention is on the lyrics and Soobin's voice. You've never heard him sing before, and the fact that he sounds like an angel just makes you feel more frustrated. It doesn't help that you can feel the emotions his voice carries on each line.

From this bottomless pit You're the only shining gold Now I can't stop thinking 'bout you When I'm sinking alone Angel who appeared to me one day Take me away to your hometown I know it's real, I can feel it

You look up and your gaze meets his worried eyes, and he immediately looks down to avoid it. For some reason, the line about your hometown is one that hits you a little deeper, just because of the memories that come to mind. Sharing a bed for the first time, waking up in his arms, running around with him and the kids, getting so close at night that you had to fight the urge to kiss him, hearing about his past, cuddling him to sleep… Those were important moments for you. You're pretty sure that was when something started to grow in your heart.

I'm full of problems, lovesick With no way to go I was okay with dying I'm a loser in this game The only rule of this world Save me Take my hand Please use me like a drug I know I love you Say you love me, say you love me Till the end of the world All or nothing, I want all of you I know I love you

The more you listen, the more you feel the tears starting to well up in your eyes, so you go back to looking down and try your best to hold back, but your resistance doesn't last long. 

By the time the second verse ends, a few tears are already dripping down. When you reach the bridge, it feels more like your eyes could be turned into waterfalls. And when you get to the end of the final chorus, well, you feel as if someone tore a hole in your chest and ripped your heart out.

This isn't fair. It's just not. How can he do that? How can he tell you the night he spent with you was a mistake, say all of those things to your face, and then leave you hanging when you finally open up about your feelings, just to come to your door and present you with a song he wrote for you, about you? And how is he capable of writing something so damn beautiful and heartfelt? Is this really the same guy who didn't even answer you just a day ago?

With your dumb heart thumping the way it is right now, you have no other option but to let him in. You step aside and make room for him to come in, gesturing for him to do so.

"Take these earbuds back," you instruct him, since your hands are too busy with the stuff he gave you, "and take off your shoes. I'm giving you five minutes to talk."

His eyes shoot up, full of hope and anxiety. He nods quickly and follows your orders in silence, without any questioning. He's not stupid enough to ask anything right now, he doesn't wanna miss the chance of pouring out his own feelings and hopefully making up for the mess he has made. Your sniffles shatter his heart, but he can't be too hasty and try to solve everything at once. One step at a time, that's the way to go.

While he takes his shoes off, you walk away from him to leave the paper bag and the flowers on the large coffee table in the living room. He hesitantly follows you shortly after, unsure of how to proceed, especially because you still haven't said anything. 

"I'm still mad at you," you tell him, despite the fact that you're wearing one of his t-shirts and your eyes are still full of tears provoked by his song.

"I know," he replies and then reaches for your face, but halts before touching you. "Can I…?"

Stupidly, you grant him permission to touch you, so his fingers gently try to wipe your cheeks and dry the corners of your eyes. Even after he's done, he doesn't move his hands away, but uses them to cup your face instead, allowing his gaze to meet yours.

"I'm sorry." His voice sounds as soft as it can. "I know I should've said something, but I panicked. I'm pretty sure I was on the verge of an anxiety attack and then you showed up out of nowhere, so my brain just… didn't work. I didn't– I didn't mean to hurt you. And, um– I also wasn't calling you a… You know." He can't even say it. Sure, he was terrified that you'd get bored of him, but it wasn't for the reasons you thought it was. "I'd never call anyone that, especially you. What I w–"

"What about the song?"

"I– Uh, well, I was gonna surprise you with it today as an apology. It was my plan all along, even before you showed up at the cafe, I just– just needed to have it finished. In hindsight, I guess I should've at least said something, maybe told you I wanted to see you today so you wouldn't feel like I was just avoiding you, but I– I'm stupid and I was scared, I don't know what I was thinking, I'm sorry," he explains hurriedly. "But Beomgyu worked on it as much as he could, even though it's technically just a demo. We just wanted to make sure it sounded good enough for you, but we didn't have a lot of time to do much, so it was kind of–"

"The lyrics, Soobin," you cut him off softly one more time. "Do you mean what they're saying?"

He nods, making an effort to keep his eyes on yours, despite his nervousness constantly trying to make him look away now. "Every word. I think it's the most honest thing I've ever written."

And there they are again, those goddamn butterflies and those stupid tears. For someone who has always said you could never fall in love, you're surely tumbling down that hill rapidly and willingly because of that human noodle standing in front of you.

"But I s–"

"Sing it to me, then," you interrupt him again, and his eyebrows rise in surprise.

"I– What?" 

"Sing it." You also cup his face just to bring it closer to yours. His fingers are still on your skin too, as if he's too scared to let go. "You said you mean all of it, so sing it to my face."

"Uh, you– I– Okay, yeah, um, yeah. I can do that, yep."

"Doesn't have to be the whole thing," you show him some mercy, considering how nervous he sounds and looks right now. You wanna make him suffer just a little bit to get back at him, but not to the point where it becomes too much for him to bear. "Start from the angel part. I like that one."

And he's thankful for that, of course, but little do you know that he'd find the courage to sing you a whole album right there if it meant keeping you this close, feeling your breath fanning his face. 

He simply nods and does as he's told, starting from the line you chose, his voice coming out quiet due to the lack of distance between you two.

"Angel who appeared to me one day, take me away to your hometown. I know it's real, I can feel it…" Your eyes are focused on him, and your thumb is doing that thing where it runs softly below his lower lip, pulling very slightly as if to tease him, which makes him lose the tempo and slow down a little. "I'm full of problems, lovesick, with no way to go. I was okay with dying, I'm a loser in this game. The only rule of this world: save me, take my hand, please use me like a drug…" God, why is his heart speeding up so much? Why is his breathing getting so fast-paced? Why are your lips so close to his?

"Just one more line, Soobin," you mumble, your eyes still teary.

"I know I love you," he says quietly instead of singing it, and the next thing he knows is that your lips are on his. 

And you kiss him like a desperate lover, as if your life depends on it, as if this is the last thing you're gonna do before the world simply ends. Your hands grab him by the shirt and guide him towards the couch, his right arm gets wrapped around your waist, his lips follow your pace as he savors every second of that kiss. But instead of pushing him to sit down, you stop kissing him as soon as his calves touch the furniture, giving him a moment to actually think.

"I… still have a lot to say," he breathes.

"And I'm still mad at you," you retort, "but I can't resist your stupid face and your stupid angel voice and your stupid pretty lips."

The tips of his ears get tinted in red and he tries to hold back a sheepish smile, but his attempt only makes his dimples show up, and it's infuriating to see that right in front of you, to the point where you have no choice but to kiss him again until you're both out of breath. You're still hurt, but you've missed him and you're desperate enough to want to keep him as close as possible, as if he could disappear again at any second.

He knows he should resist it, but how is he supposed to say no to your kisses when you're the only thing that's been on his mind for the past week? How is he gonna push you away when your lips are the thing he's been craving the most for so long? Besides, despite all of the things you've told him and the fact that you keep kissing him with tears in your eyes, there's still a little voice telling him he might get rejected in the end, so he should enjoy it while it lasts.

However, when your moth moves away from his, he takes the opportunity to try and regain at least some of his self-control.

"Y/N, we– we need to talk." His hands hold your waist and carefully push you a step back, but not too far from him. "If you keep kissing me like that, I– We need to focus, all of this is happening 'cause– we couldn't communicate, and I want to fix things, so please, just–," he sighs, "let's just stop for a second. You gave me five minutes and you're not letting me use them right now." He furrows his eyebrows, trying to stay serious.

You end up laughing quietly at the sight, though you probably shouldn't, but he looks too adorable and that's making a part of you want to forget everything and just kiss him over and over again, while the other part is still deeply upset. It's like a war inside your own mind, but you know he's right. He needs to talk, and you need to either let him do it or kick him out.

"Okay, sorry." You raise your hands in surrender. "Your five minutes start now, how about that?"

"Thank you." He takes a deep breath, trying to figure out where to start. He should've written down some notes for himself, but he wasn't expecting you to kiss him and make him lose his focus before the conversation even started. "Right, um, I… I'm sorry for making you cry yesterday. What I said… I didn't mean to talk shit about you. I just meant, well, I meant that you've never been in love, you always find everyone boring, and I'm… boring as fuck. I'm just some dude, nothing special."

"Soobin, you–"

"No, I know," he interrupts you before you start telling him off. He knows that tone of yours too well. "I know. Just… please, just hear me out." After you nod, he proceeds: "The point is that I wasn't accusing you of anything, I was just panicking… and I guess I was in denial. But then you started going off about your feelings, and you made a whole list of things you like about me, and I… I couldn't function. I just blanked. None of that made any sense to me, but you sounded so sincere, and I just wanted to cry 'cause you're so… so beautiful, Y/N. Not just on the outside. You're so smart, so funny, so determined, so loving. You always lift everyone's mood, you always know what to do and what to say to cheer people up. You're focused on what you want and you always fight to get it, even if sometimes you get a little tired. I mean, come on, your whole family moved back to your hometown and you decided to stay here so you could build your own life, even though you miss them. And I… I don't know how to explain it, but your presence always makes my day better. I like talking to you about stuff, hearing you when you get excited about something you did or something you saw, or even when you just wanna vent and complain about a shitty day you had. And yes, sometimes I get tired too, sometimes I'm in a bad mood, but you always try to respect my space and that's… I don't know, I like that about you. I like the way you're so fucking loud when you want to, and you're always trying to make me explore more and have more fun, but you always make sure I'm still comfortable. And to be honest, having you around is enough to bring me comfort. Whenever I'm feeling nervous, it's your hand I wanna hold, it's your voice I wanna hear, it's your face I wanna see. I guess we balance each other out, in a way. And you're right, I do let you win at some of the games we play, but it's not because I want something to whine about. I just like how happy you get, and how you love to laugh at me and call me a fucking loser. But it's even better when you actually win without my help, 'cause– well, you get so excited, and happiness looks great on you. Your smile is my favorite, you know? It makes you glow and it's something beautiful to watch." He pauses for an instant, still organizing his thoughts. "Uh, anyway, what I mean is that you're so beautiful to me, and you took all of the things I don't like about myself and found something to like about them, and I didn't expect any of that. So, again, I'm sorry I didn't say anything after you were done. It's just… I couldn't believe I would ever be lucky enough to have your heart. I couldn't believe someone like you saw me that way."

You can tell it's hard for him to get it all out, but you keep watching, waiting for the right moment to say something. He asked you to listen, and that's what you're gonna do.

He reaches for your hands, and you let him take them, knowing well that this is his way of fighting against the anxiety that's probably bubbling up in him.

"And I'm sorry I called it a mistake. It wasn't. It was the same thing when we kissed for the first time and I said I regretted it later. I don't really regret anything we did. I just said that 'cause, well, in my head what we did could ruin our friendship. When we kissed for the first time, things got extremely weird, and it took us a while to get back to normal. And when we had sex I thought… I thought I'd lose you forever. I'd rather have you as a friend than not have you at all, you know, so I was terrified thinking I messed up. I cried every day, I was feeling lost, I didn't know how to fix anything. Yeonjun kept telling me to talk to you, but I– I thought you'd reject me. I kept thinking 'welp, but she was flirting with'–"

"Soobin, I wasn't flirting with anyone," you cut him off, a little frustrated. 

"I know that now, I was just being stupid."

"Minho's just an old high school friend," you explain anyway, just in case he finds any reason to suspect you again. "He's in the same dance studio as Yeonjun and Yeji now, and I hadn't seen him in years, so we were just chatting."

He sighs. "I– I'm sorry. I know. I guess I was just a little insecure."

"No, it's just…" You let out a tired laugh and squeeze his hands lightly. "God, this is so frustrating. You could come up with this whole scenario where I was flirting with someone else, but you never noticed it when I was actually flirting with you."

His eyebrows furrow in confusion and he looks from one side to the other, as if he could find an explanation floating around the room. What do you even mean by that?

"You– you never did that, though," his voice comes out in a quieter tone, but still as confused as his whole face, just hoping you won't get upset over that. He honestly can't remember a single time you flirted with him for real.

"Are you serious?" You don't even sound mad, because truly, you're just as confused as he is. Did he honestly never even suspect you were at least trying to flirt? "Soobin, for fuck's sake, I've flirted with you multiple times."

"Uh… have you?"

"Well, I've tried," you scoff. "Apparently I should've been clearer."

"I thought… I thought you were joking," he admits in a cautious tone.

You blink a few times, still staring at him. Did he seriously think it was all just a joke?

"Did you think I was always trying to be around you as a joke too? I mean, I get that I'm hilarious," you try to lighten up the mood, "but dude, come on, I feel like I was being pretty obvious."

"Well, uh…"

You really had to go and fall for the dumbest idiot you could possibly find, huh?

"Hell, I actually thought you were dodging my attempts, but it turns out you're just fucking blind," you say, and he's the one to scoff now, feeling a little offended.

"Well, takes one to know one, I guess," he retorts. Suddenly his pride has become more important than his nervousness, though his hands still hold on to yours. "Literally everyone around me noticed I was head over heels for you, and somehow you didn't."

"You're not that obvious, Choi Soobin," you snap back.

"What, did you think I went out of my way to take you to a place covered in your favorite flowers just to post about it on Twitter barely a week before we had to break up? That doesn't even make any sense! And you kept talking about our break-up too, reminding me we had to stop doing this and that, that we couldn't be too romantic, 'cause our break-up had to look real and it wouldn't make sense if we just kept doing that kinda shit. What was I supposed to think?"

"You kept being a dry piece of shit whenever I tried to flirt! What was I supposed to think? I had a nightmare and needed to hear your voice and see your face because I was terrified, and still found the strength to flirt with you at four in the morning, and you told me to shut up!"

"I literally offered to get out of my bed and get dressed and go to your place at four in the morning just because you were scared and I wanted to protect you, though??? Do you think I'd just do that for anyone?"

"Shut up, this is about you rejecting me whenever I tried to flirt," you refuse to let him win this one.

"Me telling you to shut up as a joke is hardly a rejection. I didn't think you were being serious."

"Oh, yeah? What about the times you actively ignored it, hm? And the times you– you sent me that stupid emoji with the rolling eyes after I tried to be sweet? Hm? Or when I tried to find reasons to see your stupid face and you–"

"Can we just agree we're both stupid and blind?" He cuts the back and forth.

It's funny, actually. Both of you have raised your voices, but it's very clear that neither of you is really angry. Frustrated, maybe, but he can see you're trying to hold back a smile, and that face you're making is only making him want to kiss you.

"Speak for yourself," you mumble.

"Y/N." He tugs lightly at you, but you let go of his hands and cross your arms like a stubborn child.

"No."

"You looked beautiful in my shirt that night." His index finger pokes your forehead gently to get your attention. "And you look beautiful in my other shirt right now, too."

"And you didn't give two shits about it," you complain with a frown on your face.

"I gave all the shits about it, I just didn't say anything because I thought I was being dumb."

"And then you ended up being dumb anyway," you point out, making him laugh briefly.

He was so anxious before, but somehow all of this bickering has put his heart at ease. It's a subtle reminder that you're still you, and your relationship hasn't changed much from what he's grown comfortable with. The only difference is that both of you have put your feelings on the table now and are no longer hiding behind a mask.

"I tried to make you feel appreciated and cared for in my own way," his tone quiets down. "I'm sorry if it wasn't clear enough. I was just scared. Love is… scary to me."

"How do you think I was feeling about it? I've never been in love, Choi Soobin, ever. And then you come in with your handsome face and your pretty lips and your soft voice and those eyes that make me wanna start a fucking war, and don't even get me started on these goddamn dimples, or your stupid hands too, and– and you make me feel these… things." Your lips pout and you press your arms more firmly against your body. "My heart keeps doing weird shit because of you, and I always feel something in my stomach whenever you do anything remotely sweet, but then you go back to being a grumpy bitch and I don't know what to think. And then I remember the time you gave me this thing," you unfold your arms just to briefly raise the wrist where the silver bracelet he gave you is hanging, "and I'm like, oh, maybe he's just randomly sweet sometimes for no particular reason, because you were very sweet when you gave me this bracelet, and I know for a fact you didn't have any feelings for me back then."

"You're– You're right, I didn't. I just thought you were cool."

"Well, duh," you scoff. "I'm the coolest bitch in your life! But that's not the point. The point is that maybe the flower field and the cute dates and the little treats and the lovely shows of affection were all the same thing: just you doing something sweet for no reason."

He kind of gets where you're coming from. It's not like he ever tried to be super open about his feelings. Whenever he did something sweet, he'd play it off as just "acting for your friends", to hide the fact that he actually wanted to please you and make you smile. It's not too hard to see things from your perspective, but you also can't blame him for not thinking you'd ever like him back.

"Look, I don't know when this started," he admits. "I just– Remember that first time we had lunch with Beomgyu and Yeji? I kept getting distracted by you. I don't know why, but whenever you got too close it was like nothing else existed around us. But we barely knew each other for like… a month and a half, so I brushed it off and convinced myself it was nothing. But then… I remember having fun at the cat cafe with you like a week later, and when Jiwon showed up trying to make it sound as if it was a thing I got from her, I was terrified you would think I was just recycling the stuff I had when I was with her. But you didn't care, so I brushed it off again. And then a few days later we went to your hometown, and your family was so nice to me, and when I watched you playing with your sister I realized that was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. And when we had to share a bed I was totally panicking inside, especially when you started to tease me, because I wanted to kiss you so bad–"

"I… wanted to kiss you too," you confess, eyes still puffy. "You have no idea how beautiful you looked that night. And I woke up in your arms in the morning, and…"

"I know. I woke up first, but I just forced myself back to sleep. Didn't wanna wake you up, you looked too pretty and comfortable."

The corners of your lips rise in a small smile. You didn't know about that part at all, but it's interesting to be hearing about all of this now. Maybe he's right: both of you are dumb and blind, and have been so for way too long.

"Remember I tweeted a picture of you sleeping? That one you complained about?" You ask and he nods. "I, um, I kinda have a private account, you know? I didn't mean to post that on my public one, I just wanted to gush about you with myself. But by the time I realized I had tweeted it publicly, our friends had already seen it, so I thought it would be weird if I deleted it."

He lets some air out through his nose, laughing silently. "That… actually makes sense."

"And on that next night, I… I really wanted to kiss you. Even more than on the night before that. You looked so cute, all sleepy and shit, and you were so close too, and then you were touching my face, and I– If Yeonjun hadn't called you…"

"You know I wanted to kiss you too." His right hand touches your face again, his thumb running gently over your cheek. "I guess we've just been oblivious for way too long, then."

"Yeah. I guess." You fit your hand on the side of his neck and pull him a little closer, bringing him down enough to have his forehead touching yours.

This is all both of you need to calm down right now. Just have each other near, feel each other's presence as everything starts to become clearer.

"I freaked out so bad when we had the whole making out thing, and when you decided to look for someone to hook up with, I spent the entire night losing my shit and hoping you'd come back to me." Once again, he lowers the volume of his voice, due to how close you are.

"Well, I did."

"Yep. And you were drunk and calling me baby and I couldn't help but fall even more in love with you."

Even those words are enough to get your heart racing again. That's how bad you've fallen for this idiot. You can barely remember why you were mad at him, now that everything's out in the open. You understand him now, and it wouldn't be fair to hold his own anxiety against him.

"To be fair, when you got drunk you were also clingy as hell." You rub the tip of your nose on his, speaking very softly. "You asked for one kiss and gave me a whole make-out session."

He laughs quietly, feeling those butterflies starting to flutter their wings inside of him. You're teasing him, he knows it, or else you wouldn't be getting your lips so close to his mouth without letting them actually touch it, but he's not about to tell you to stop. He loves that rush, that feeling only you can bring him. He wants you, all of you.

"Can I be honest?"

"Hm?" You prompt.

"I kinda remembered it the next morning, but everything was so hazy I thought it was just a dream."

"You didn't suspect it could be true when you realized I had actually spent the night with you?" You scoff at him. "See? You're an idiot. A blind one at that."

His eyes roll affectionately, some air coming out through his nose. "I didn't think you'd actually want to kiss me like that, Y/N."

"Really?" A brief chuckle comes out of you. "Hm. Wanna test that theory right now?" Your voice is not any louder than a whisper against his lips, sending a whole wave of electricity across his body.

See, you've already kissed him twice since he arrived, but the fact that you're making such an open invitation makes him feel a little lightheaded. This whole conversation started on such a bitter note, and now you're all over him, just the way he's been dreaming of, allowing him to do whatever he wants to.

He closes the gap between your mouths with a kiss that feels much sweeter than any of the previous ones. No alcohol, no excuses, no anger, nothing but his desire to kiss you like that, slowly, peacefully. His left hand is pressed against the small of your back, pulling you into him, while the other one keeps touching your pretty face, making sure you won't escape from his grasp.

You finally end up pushing him gently and sitting him down on the couch just so you can sit on his lap and kiss him more comfortably, not thinking too much about anything else. It's like he's the only thing in the world right now. Your hands move around, touching whatever you can reach — neck, shoulders, back, chest, stomach, anything —, and he does the same. Both of you are eager to feel each other, to let go of all the built-up tension, but despite all of that, it's still somewhat soft and gentle. He's not trying to devour you, and you're just trying to feel him slowly, savor every moment. 

It's a little clumsy nonetheless, you have to admit it, but neither of you seems to mind it. You taste him and let him taste you in return, and for once the butterflies inside of you don't feel wrong. On the contrary, you welcome them with an open heart. The past few minutes have been a rollercoaster, sure, but you like the mess you share with him. 

And as your lips move in synchrony with his, the only thing in your mind is how badly you want to have this every day. You wanna be near him, have him by your side. It's probably not gonna be perfect, but it doesn't have to be. That's the fun of it.

He sighs against your lips and you smile, which results in a brief chuckle, and you end up pulling away from the kiss just to give him a little break, but your lips still touch his skin, leaving a trail of kisses on his cheek.

His right hand rests on your thigh, his fingers rubbing circles on your skin, and the left one holds the side of your face, subtly guiding you to move your lips down to his jawline and neck, because he's a sneaky little shit sometimes.

"I feel like I still have more to say," he murmurs, slightly breathless.

"I feel like you've already said enough," you reply quietly and nibble at his skin, bringing some goosebumps to his body. "We still have a lot of kissing to catch up with. Months of kissing."

He laughs silently and you trail back up to his face, peppering sweet little kisses on his cheeks and nuzzling the tip of your nose on his face, turning him into an adorable giggling mess.

"You're not mad anymore, are you?" He asks.

"Hm… Will you keep kissing me until I calm down if I say I am?" 

"I… could try."

You straighten your posture and sigh dramatically, staring at him with your eyebrows knitted down and a pout adorning your face.

"Then I am furious. And extremely hurt."

Deep down, he hopes you know how adorable you look like that.

"We should talk about that, then," he proposes quietly.

You gasp and slap his arm playfully, making him laugh once again. "Fuck off."

But he doesn't answer. Instead, he keeps admiring your face for long seconds, as if you're the most beautiful thing on Earth. To him, you are, and nothing can change that. Being there with you was all he needed to feel better, just keeping you in his arms, feeling your warmth on top of him.

You smile affectionately and kiss the tip of his adorable nose just because you want to — just because you can.

"I missed you." You allow yourself to hug him and lay your head on his shoulder, nuzzling your face into his neck.

"I missed you too." He wraps his arms around your torso and takes the chance to kiss your face just like you did to him a moment ago.

"Haneul kept asking me about you," you tell him. "It made me feel horrible."

"Yeah? Odi kept asking me about you too."

You let out a chuckle, just letting the warm feeling of his kisses on your skin wash over you.

"I could go see him tonight."

"Mhm," he agrees. "There's just one problem, though."

You groan and sit up to rest your forehead on his once again.

"What is it?"

"Well, you need to eat. Sunoo will kill me if you don't eat anything, and then you won't have a boyfriend anymore and you'll have to take care of Odi by yourself."

You narrow your eyes and twist your lips, as if you're in deep thought about what he just said.

Boyfriend. Funny word, huh? He's technically been your boyfriend for over three months now, but he hasn't really been your boyfriend at all. The word brings you some agitation, but not in a bad way. It's a mixture of excitement and anxiety, because truly, this is the first time you're experiencing any of that.

However, being excited doesn't mean you're gonna simply let him off the hook, right?

"But Soobin," you start slowly. "I hate to break it to you, but I don't have a boyfriend. Like, at all."

"Is that so?" He asks and pecks your lips briefly.

"Mhm. I'm free as a bird, you know?"

He can feel that thumping in his chest once again, though he knows it's probably dumb of him to be nervous when you're already all over him and your answer is so obvious. However, knowing that still doesn't stop him from feeling like his heart might simply take flight at any given moment.

"Y/N," he calls your name and brings his hands up to your face.

You smile sweetly. "That's me!"

"Well, um. You know, we've been together for a while now–"

"Not really," you tease. "But yep, I know."

"Right, yeah, not really together. So I was thinking…"

"Really? Sounds dangerous." Your cheeky grin gets him laughing briefly, which helps him relax a little bit.

"Shut up. Well, I was thinking that maybe… we could be together. 'Really together'. As in real boyfriend and girlfriend. I know I'm not exactly perfect, but, um, I wanna give you my best. I wanna be with you, take care of you and let you take care of me too. And I'll still be grumpy sometimes, I'll still need space sometimes, but I promise I'll keep loving you with all of my heart, no matter what. I promise your heart will be safe with me."

You can feel his hands getting a little unstable on your face, so you grab them and kiss the back of each of them.

"Will you keep giving me coffee? That's an important requirement." You ask and he rolls his eyes lovingly, nodding in response. "Welp, sounds like a good deal to me, then," you shrug.

"Are you–"

But you cut him off with a kiss before he can complain about your attitude, because both of you know teasing him is your favorite hobby. It's yet another loving kiss, your way of showing him that yes, you belong to him just as much as he belongs to you. No matter how different you are, the two of you fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. 

You guide his hands to your thighs and let go of them to bring your own fingers up to his shoulders. And though you try to make that kiss last — your intentions about to become clearer —, he cuts it off before it becomes something remotely close to the danger zone.

"You still need to eat," he mumbles against your lips.

"But I wanna keep kissing you." You try to steal another kiss, but he pulls back.

"Y/N, I mean it. Come on, you can kiss me later."

"Who's Y/N? She just died. It's baby to you now. Sorry, I don't make the rules." Do you plan on letting him have any peace? Absolutely not.

He gives you a quick peck and delicately bumps the tip of his nose on yours.

"Baby," he corrects himself quietly, "let's eat something, please. I don't want you to get sick. I promise you can kiss me as much as you want later."

"Hmmmm… As much as I want? That's a dangerous promise, my dearest grumpy baby."

"I can take you to my place, we can stay in bed and kiss all night long…" He bargains, giving you a few more short kisses that get you all giggly for no reason.

The sound brings a smile to his face, and the certainty that you are his home. Maybe his friends are right. He is totally whipped for you, and he should start admitting it more proudly.

"Baby," you call in a whisper, getting yet another peck in response. "I think I love you."

And, well, after literally saying to your face that he loves you, finally getting a response for that brings a real hurricane to his chest, but all he does is kiss you softly multiple times, trying to hold back the laugh that's trying to come out, because he can't recall a single time when he felt anything like the pure excitement that's taking over his brain and his heart right now.

He doesn't know how far this is gonna go, whether it's gonna be hard or not to maintain a relationship with you, but he knows he's willing to go as far as you want, hand in hand with you. He's willing to heal, grow and learn how to be what you need, though deep down he feels like he already is. 

"I love you too," he whispers in between kisses. 

"Can we just stay like this then?" Your voice sounds as sweet as honey, and your hands caress his face. "You look so good right now, I wanna keep kissing you…"

Instead of convincing him of anything, you just get him laughing for the millionth time, failing miserably at your attempt.

"Food first, baby." He even pushes you away just enough to keep his mouth away from yours.

"You know what," you whine, pouting, "I take it back. I think I hate you."

"Mhm. Hate me when your stomach is full." 

And well, although you're not getting what you want right now, the feeling of lifting all of that weight off your shoulders is enough for you. 

You wouldn't have thought that wanting to sell your dignity for a PS5 could ever bring you something so much better than the console itself, but looking at that beautiful face in front of you, with his messy bleached hair and that lovestruck smile on those lips that are still puffy from kissing you too much, you can't help but feel thankful that your roommate is such an unhinged son of a bitch with too much money to spare.

You're still scared, of course you are, but it's not that bad anymore. If anything, you're honored to have Soobin by your side and to know he's your first love, because you know you can trust him with your heart, and he will take care of you as much as you will take care of him. And that is much more than you could've ever asked for.

← chapter forty-nine | masterlist | bonus chapter (50.5) →

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ep 8. / ep 9. — the one with reunited by peaches & herb. / ep 10.

end of the line. — p. jongseong

synopsis: thinking it was a hotline for people who just need someone to talk to, jay calls. but why did a clueless student answer? with jay’s phone call has a time limit, you, the clueless student, insists on staying with him until the end of the line.

pairing: jay x f!reader

content/genre: college au (wow shocking), slowburn, fluff, angst and crack, smau.

warning(s): friends teasing friends, yk affectionate teasing, swearing, tell me if i missed something !! jay having delulu panic. mentions of cheating.

note: yes, jay has a delulu playlist for y/n. i cannot with him. i wrote twenty and im having secondhand embarrassment because of him. anyway,, im excited to let you read everything <3 see u tomorrow <3 rbs, likes and comments/feedbacks are highly appreciated <3