This Is Just A Vent For Me.
This is just a vent for me.
I have so many mixed emotions and I don’t know know what I want. I feel like disappearing from existence, but I don’t wanna die. I wanna mark my skin with scars just to release some tension, to feel something. I feel like a stranger in my own mind. I feel like I fake my laughter and my happiness. I don’t want to go through this again. I just wanna have normal feelings and not have good super high moments only to crash soon after. I want this to end, I wish I wasn’t me. I want to sleep and not wake up, I just want to dream forever and never feel this sorrow. Please just let me sleep and rest my mind. Let me disappear and fade away. I want to feel love and warmth. Take me away god please, I can’t do this anymore. Let the war be over my lord, please save me now.
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loona-beans reblogged this · 2 years ago
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Imma cry 🥺🥺🥺
New request 🥳 Ok but seriously don’t feel rushed :). But based on the Disney land tommyinnit vlog imagine the reader gets separated from the group and Wilbur gets worried searching for them while the rest of the group splits up and you can decide who ends up finding them and it’s just a fluffy reunion with Wil :)
not 100% sure this is what you wanted but i hope you enjoy. love all the requests being sent in <33
if wilbur hadn't walked into the amusment park with you-like, knocked your shoulder and made some stupid fucking joke to you-he almost wouldn't believe you were here. like, you were just next to him, helping him pick out the right pair of ears (you insisted it was a big deal) and he was thinking of ways to get the ears you kept eyeing off the rack and pay for them without you knowing when suddenly-you were gone.
wandered off? probably, but his mind was going to the worst parts. he purchases the ears (both of them, much to Tommy's entertaimnet, got a jab in the ribcage from it) and wandered out with his friends.
Wilbur drags his feet behind his group of friends, asks Phil in passing if he's seen you, and he makes a non-committal answer, points at something in the difference, and he's afraid anyone more attention, anymore asking about it, will make someone jab at him again about a crush.
it isn't until tommy finally says something, that it's taken seriously, because of fucking course that's how it goes.
wilbur tries to not act grouchy about it, the group splits into smaller groups and even though he wants nothing but the glory of finding you, being prince charming or whatever, he stays in a group with tommy, the two wander around the park, yelling your name, going by your favorite rides, or any place where you had small tidbit information about.
and its tommy, the bastard, who finds you.
they parted for two seconds, tommy insists on checking a certain ride that wilbur doubted you could be found on-and when he comes out with you, hand in hand, tommy is smiling so big it has to hurt.
"Wil!" Tommy is yelling, pulling you along with him as your giggling, "I found them! i told you-"
But he doesn't care what stupid shit tommy has to say because holy shit here you are and it's hard to tear his eyes away from you but he doesn't have to-your yelling his name with a giggle, running towards him with your hands up in the air, running towards him-and you intend to stop right before you get to him but somehow you just-don't-and he's catching you, like mid-air and spinning you in the air like you two are a couple or something.
he doesn't give himself time to overthink it..but his hands are on either side of your face: "Where did you go holy shit. we were so worried." Tommy's at his elbow, "he was so worried. we know you're a capable adult-" "Quiet, child." Wilbur says, palms his face away from you two, making you giggle.
"Sorry, I got distracted and went to the store next door, hoping they'd have those ears you wanted. they didn't. then i went to the bathroom and got lost for a little while." You giggle, your face is red, didn't think anyone would actually notice or care or anything.
"We were all so worried, fuck." Wilbur whispers, wants this moment like, between you two.
"Sorry," You whisper back, "I won't wander off again, promise." You hold your pinkie up and he hooks his around yours and he's brave for a second.
"I think you should hold my hand," He smiles at you, "So you don't wander off again." he teases, and doesn't think you'll actually do it, but you lace your fingers around his and rejoin the group, both of your faces flushed pink, two idiots in love.
Check them out and if you like and follow them, please vote in the poll!
Let's have a chat, I need your input on some stuff.
(I know I tagged this with "fanfiction" and other similar tags and this is not fanfiction, but I need to reach my audience to get a response I'm sorry)
Hey, y'all! First of all, I want to apologize to those who have sent me requests. I am so sorry that it takes months for me to get back to you guys. On top of doing school, I really struggle with having the motivation to write consistently.
I feel really bad for those of you who have sent in requests and have to wait months for me to respond. I'm sorry.
With that put aside, let's get into why I'm actually writing this:
I currently have multiple works in the process of being written, but I'm trying to decide if I should just write Twilight Fics or if I should branch out into some other series that I like. (there is a poll at the bottom of this post if you want to vote on it)
If I do decide to branch out I will finish the Twilight requests that I have right now first, and I won't stop writing Twilight fics either. Right now, I have two Twilight-related requests that I'm working on and a non-Twilight-related idea that just popped into my head the other day.
If I do branch out some of the other series I'd write for are:
(The ones in italics I will probably only write for if someone requests them)
Marvel
Criminal Minds
911 (and 911 Lone Star)
The Rookie
Hunger Games
I'm sure there's more; I just can't think of any at the moment. Assume if I've mentioned it on my blog before I'll probably write about it.
I know in the past I've written fics for stuff like Victorious and Descendants and I wouldn't be opposed to writing in those universes again.
Oh yeah, another thing before I go, I have a Masterlist in the works (even with the cringy fics that I wrote in middle school on it) should I post it?
The most popular fics I've written are the newest ones and they aren't particularly hard to find on my blog, so I've never seen a need for it, but if I branch out into other series I guess having easy access to them is important.
WAIT I LIED- that is not the last thing. This is: I recently remembered a few years back that I reblogged a list of prompts, would you like if I included it in my bio so you could send it with your requests? (If your request isn't a list of headcanons)
Well, that's it. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
I would really appreciate it if you put your input in the comments and vote in the poll below so I know what you guys want. I'm going to try to get at the very least one of those requests out before the end of the month, although I can't promise anything. Love you guys <3
Also I always see posts about "what's your least favorite trope" I wanna know what people's MOST favorite trope is..like what's something that makes you scream into your fist and slam it on the table bc you love it THAT much
Love this so much and want a part 2 so bad!
1945 - Bucky Barnes x Reader
a/n: guys, guys, guys. i randomly thought of this and wanted to write it so bad. if you want a second part, let me know! i definitely can do that, i just wanted to see if this might interest you all! i'll even explore the reader's time as an assassin. i rewatched the train scene from TFA, so some lines and areas are switched to fit what i wanted it to be like
summary: Bucky wasn't the only one who fell off the train in 1945. Falling to your 'death' while fighting alongside Steve and Bucky to take down Arnim Zola, Bucky has no idea that you were still alive... until he receives a newfound surprise.
warnings: slightly angst, if a second part happens, definitely angst.
tagging: @sebby-staan, @bluemoon-icecream, @lejardinfleur, @miss-i-ship-it
- 1945 -
You stood beside Bucky and Steve, noting the rigid temperatures around you as the land from as far as you could see were coated in thick snow.
“Remember when I made you ride the cyclone at Coney Island?” Bucky looked at Steve.
“Yeah, and I threw up?” Steve called back. You chuckled, knowing what his next words were.
“This isn’t payback, is it?” Bucky pondered, gazing down the long stretch.
“Now why would I do that?” Steve countered.
You smirked at the two of them, shaking your head. “Better not be payback for me, too, because the last time I recalled, I was a part of the cyclone incident.” You giggled. Bucky flashed a smile at you.
Steve and Bucky were informed that on the train upcoming was none other than Dr. Zola, the man you all had been on the hunt for some time. Hydra needed to be put to a stop.
“Doll, I really don’t like that you’re here,” Bucky whispered to you. You gazed up at him with a fainthearted smile.
“I’m serving my country and about to stop this madman. What better way to do that than to do it alongside my two best friends, one of which happens to be my boyfriend?” You smirked.
Bucky shook his head, knowing the dangers this mission was about to entail. He wanted nothing more than to have you protected at all costs.
The zip line was prepared and Steve was the first one down. Bucky was right behind, with you coming next in line. The three of you zip in down and all planted your feet perfectly on top of the high-speed train, Steve leading the group to the destined position.
As he opened the door to the train, the three of you walked in briskly, being stealthy. Bucky and you had your guns drawn and aimed as you all carefully walked through.
You glanced at Bucky who you mouthed a quick “I love you” to, to which he mouthed the same in response to you.
Just as you were about to walk through the door, only Bucky and Steve managed to get through before the doors shut immediately, locking you in with an enemy. Bucky wanted to scream for you, but he remained quiet, helping Steve take down the gunman who was decked out in machinery.
You held your own within the room, your useful tactics with a gun coming in hand as you hid, firing when possible. You suddenly ran out of ammo, your heart picking up the speed as you whispered an audible curse word under your breath.
Just then, as you remained crouched, the door opened. Steve looked at you and tossed you a spare gun to which you nodded your head as a thank you. As you caught it, he rushed ahead of you and slammed into the barricade with his shield. It flew past and the enemy ducked, but you easily obtained a headshot, causing him to die immediately.
“I had him on the ropes.” You chuckled softly, Steve and Bucky laughing.
“We know you did.” They said in unison.
Suddenly, the enemy that Steve faced on the other side of the door appeared. “GET DOWN!” Steve yelled as he fired. He held up his shield, blocking the blast from you three, only to have it launched forwards and bust open the train, revealing the outside world.
Bucky raced to grab Steve’s shield and held it up, shooting the machine in the process. Suddenly, the blast that was sent raged through and knocked you and Bucky both outside of the train. You let out a scream as Bucky immediately grasped your arm, holding you tight, while he dangled from the train with one arm.
“BUCKY! (Y/N)!” Steve yelled, racing to the edge to see you two.
He crawled out of the train, telling you both to hang on, but you already felt your fingertips begin slipping.
“Bucky, I-I’m scared,” You cried, looking down at the passing ground.
“Doll, it’s okay, do not let go of my hand!” He told you in urgency.
As Steve moved in, you felt it when it happened. Your hand slipped out of Bucky and a blood-curdling scream issued itself from your throat.
“NO!” Bucky screamed, watching as you fell. Steve watched it utter disbelief, his heart pounding in his chest. “Doll, no, no,” He cried to himself.
“Bucky, grab my hand,” Steve said, but suddenly, the railing Bucky was hanging onto ripped itself apart from the train. His scream sounded next as Steve watched him fall.
You remembered falling and falling for what felt like hours, until your body smacked into the ground full-force, everything cracking at once.
All you remembered was the coldness of the snow and blood pooling around you before you passed out.
-
“Darling, I promise you’ll start to feel better once this is in your system,” The woman smiled at you as she brought the needle to you. You gazed up at her, your head heavy, eyes groggy as you gazed around the room at the numerous lab coats.
“W-Where am I?” You mumbled, tears filling your eyes.
“Do you know who you are?” The doctor questioned you, flicking the needle to remove the air bubble.
“(Y-Y/N) (Y/L/N),” You whispered.
She nodded in confirmation. “Do you remember what you were doing prior to the fall?”
“I-I was a part of the 107th Infantry… I… where’s Bucky?” You suddenly remembered your boyfriend. “Does he know I’m alright?”
She administered a look to you that symboled empathy, but she had no reason to feel bad for you.
“Sweetheart,” She sighed, beginning to inject your body with a green-colored substance. “Bucky is no longer a part of you. Captain America is no longer a part of you… You are the future.” She smiled, pushing the needle further in. Your veins felt as though they were on fire and as you tried to move, you were restrained to the metal chair.
“W-What are you doing to me?!” You hissed.
“You’re our new project,” She smiled evilly. “With that new bionic arm of yours, mixed with the serum, you will be the best Winter Soldier you could ever possibly be. Arnim Zola has no clue who he’s dealing with. He wants to make Winter Soldiers? I can too.” She laughed, tossing her back.
You gazed down at your arm, noticing the metal. “I lost my arm…” You whispered faintly. It just so happened to be your right arm, your dominant one.
She sighed and brushed her hands together once she finished administering the full syringe, your body heating.
“Start the brain-washing. I don’t want this girl to have a single ounce of memory of Captain America or Bucky Barnes ever again. Her only initiative should be to kill whatever is in her sights, under our command.” She trailed.
- 2023 -
He had finally caught up to Zemo. He had the gun hidden out of plain sight but had already informed the Dora Milaje to come and apprehend him.
The two shared their conversation to which Bucky dropped the bullets after he had held the gun to Zemo’s head and pulled the trigger. Zemo looked at him, amazed.
“I took the liberty of crossing off my name in your book. I hold no grudges for what you thought you had to do.” He tells him as the Dora Milaje stands beside him.
Bucky nodded, remaining silent.
“James, there’s also something I want to give you. I wish I could have told you about it sooner, but,” He sighed and reached into his jacket pocket to retrieve a photograph. He extended a hand forward and Bucky carefully examined the picture.
In the photograph, was none other than… you.
“(Y/N),” He whispered, his mind engaging and recalling his time with you - when you fell when he had lost his world before his chaotic one ensued.
“Where did you get this?” He stared up at Zemo who noted the pained expression on his face.
“I remember viewing your files repeatedly. Many of them mentioned (Y/N) (Y/L/N) as someone with who you were close. I took it upon myself to research. She was turned into a Winter Soldier, just like you.” He informed him. Ayo noticed Bucky’s expression and she inhaled slowly.
“What do you mean… was? You mean to tell me, my girlfriend survived the fall and… and,”
“She’s alive, James,” Zemo confirmed.
“And you’re telling me this now?!” He cried. The Dora Milaje began to adhere and place their arms around Zemo.
“I was desperately trying to find her coordinates while we spent time together,” He quickly said. “And I did. She’s in Romania.” He grasped the book and handed it to Bucky. “Her coordinates are in there.”
Bucky quickly took the book and grimaced, the tears building behind his eyes.
“Can I call in another favor?” Bucky questioned Ayo who smiled softly at him.
As they left with Zemo in custody, Bucky’s world felt as if it was about to shatter. Did you even know he was alive still? Surely you had to have an idea.
Bucky made it his new mission, he was going to find you.
He needed to see you.