Endgame Is So Funny Bc They Said Instead Of Respecting The Og Avengers What If We Gave Them Endings That

endgame is so funny bc they said “instead of respecting the og avengers what if we gave them endings that were equivalent to their own personal hells”

Iron Man: you gotta help me fight Captain America or I’ll tell Aunt May your secret identity

Spider-man: why are you fighting Captain America?

Iron Man: he refuses to sign the Sokovia accords which would install oversight for superheroes and require them to disclose their identities

Spider-man: and if we win this fight…. this law would go into full effect?

Iron Man: that’s right!

Spider-man: I mean…. that just sounds like you telling Aunt May my secret identity anyway but with… more steps…

Megoosa.

writers whenever they’re starting a new fic: I have these ✨ vibes ✨ now I’ll have to build an entire plot and write an entire fic about those vibes

when I was 14 I worked in a grocery store and one day I got to bag Stephen King’s groceries and of course, being the little horror fiction nerd I am I was completely starstruck

I think he thought I was gonna ask for an autograph because I was not even lowkey staring I was full on moon-faced and bouncing and he kept looking over at me hesitantly like aw jeez kid fuck off

anyways I finally managed to squeak out that I was a huge fan and asked for advice on writing, “how do I write as well as you do?” in my horrible thick German accent and broken ass English and he gave me the best writing advice I have ever received

“shit kid, stop worrying about how other people do it and just write your story”

14 years later my wife and I nearly hit him with our car because he was jaywalking

Some Avengers headcanons

Scarlet Witch is Cassie Lang’s second favorite Avenger. (Scott, obviously, is first.) That’s why Scott makes a point of saying “I know you, you’re great too!” to her in civil war, and why he later starts learning magic tricks for Cassie.

Bucky has named every single goat he tends to after people he knows. The most reckless one is named Steve. The one that constantly tries to headbutt him is Sam.

Shuri has an extensive database of memes about life in the palace. Her brother and Okoye are the only ones who currently have access.

Peter occasionally doodles spider suit designs on the margins of his homework without thinking about it, and then has to tear them off before handing it in. His teachers are still under the impression that he has a homework-hungry dog.

Clint has purchased each of his children a bow and arrow set for their tenth birthday. He already has one picked out for Nathaniel.

Sam has a special charging station for Redwing set up right beside his bed. He occasionally has Redwing fetch him water or turn of the light so he doesn’t have to get up.

Natasha has a bad habit of borrowing other people’s stuff without asking. Especially sweatshirts and jackets. If it’s kept where she can access it, it’s fair game. If you borrow her jacket without asking, however, expect a big fuss.

Wanda has a lingering habit that she got from growing up poor, homeless, and hungry - she stockpiles food. She hides it away in her room without really thinking about it, and the others occasionally have to go through and bring it all back to the kitchen so they don’t get ants.

Vision tries to avoid the internet, especially after what happened to Ultron. He thinks it brings out the worst in people, and doesn’t quite trust himself to be unaffected.

Steve has always debated getting a pet, but after losing his whole world he’s a little hesitant to let himself love something that he knows only has a lifespan of ten years.

On occasion, T'Challa will intentionally misquote vines to annoy his sister.

When Bruce gets nightmares, he watches obscure crafting and decorating videos on YouTube to calm himself back to sleep. Hearing the generic video background music has him yawning like a charm.

Thor always stocks up on Midgardian food before heading back to Asgard. Lucky Charms is his current favorite.

Peter likes trying to do things upside down just to see how different it is. He’s very familiar with having to explain to Aunt May how pouring himself a drink wound up with orange juice all over the kitchen.

The first thing Aunt May does once she discovers that Peter is Spiderman is examine the suit - she removes the tracker the second she finds it. This is why Peter surprises everyone when he shows up in Infinity War.

Scott has a ranking system from 1 to 10 on how enjoyable each of Cassie’s kid shows are for adults. That way he knows which ones he’s going to need his phone as distraction to sit through.

Lila Barton is the only known person in the world who has gotten away with putting a pink bow in Natasha’s hair.

Nick Fury keeps a couple dozen bottles of aspirin in his desk - one for each of the Avengers, labeled with their name - and he’ll pull from a specific person’s bottle whenever they are giving him a headache. One of the ways he judges performance is by seeing how fast it takes him to go through that person’s bottle.