I Realize That Lately, I Am Afraid Of Doing The Things I Used To Do. I Have Become A Person Who Is Easily

I realize that lately, I am afraid of doing the things I used to do. I have become a person who is easily intimidated. I became afraid of speaking my mind, in fear that someone will deem my words unnecessary. I have stopped myself from letting my pen bleed, criticizing myself every time I start scribbling notes on my notepad. At first, I thought I was just tired, but I realized, I never got tired of writing. I just grew afraid of it. Looking back at the words I scribbled behind my journal saying, "I write and so I breathe," I realized that I have become doubtful of myself. And now I will stay true to myself. I am starting by admitting that I am surrounded by the people who does nothing but drag me down by their unwillingness to listen. People who make me feel small by acting upon their superiority complex. I knew my ideas were great, but why have I became silent? And now, I came to a point of another realization, I cannot hold on to people who intimidate me into hating my own craft. I cannot be with people who manages to pull a big stunt of making a fool out of me. I can no longer be silent.

And suddenly, I feel lonely. Despite having people around, I continue to feel lonely. When sadness takes over me, I am looking for the warmth that none of the people I know knew how to provide. Perhaps it's my fault? Am I being too much? I'm probably just tired.

I did not expect it to end that way. Huhu horrible way of stalking a socmed account.

College came, I lost track of what I believed was important. I continued to lose touch with who I truly am, trying to find the answer to the question of "Who am I?" Clearly, I did not reflect on myself quite right. I shouldn't have asked myself that question, when the answer was right in front of me. WHO I WAS THEN is WHO I AM. It was a mistake, focusing on my journey to finding myself when all those years, I am already being ME. I realized I hated myself for the wrong reasons.

If life decides my misery is not enough, I can no longer accept it. Goodness, it's tiring!!