Time Capsule
480 posts
Lovey-dovey-hovey - Tumblr Blog
I just can't stay happy. At some point I get sad. I do something out the house and fun, and I come back sad. Dead even.
I hate my life. I am just dying. I don't want to be here. I am just so tired. I don't like it here.
I didn't want to make a long annoying unhealthy vent, but ... I just really hate that.
She was in my life indirectly for over a decade and it brought nothing, but pain for me. Not all the blame is on them, it is also my sister. I think she is really to blame because in some ways her ex is nice, but then I don't understand how them meeting and being close brought the worst in my sister and made her truly despicable (in general but especially towards me for no valid reason).
I would have been treated better by my sister had she not meet that girl because in a way she directed all her niceness towards only her (ex) and wanted to make her life good and rich, while taking away from mine. And for nothing because they ultimately broke up.
She actively stole my stuff so they could use and enjoy them. She took over what was our room and bathroom and also the den area for the two of them. Like I was just constantly being kicked out of my own house so they could be together and watch tv and play games and sleep and eat. I know other younger siblings can relate to that. I would say it's relatively normal and okay when you're just shooed away from hanging around an older sibling and they're friends, but when it's also my own space and all around the house and my stuff ... it's genuinely aggravating and isolating. Especially since my parents just allowed it. I constantly told them how my sister mistreated me and they didn't care or worse told me "no, she loves you very much."
My friends could never come over because she was already there. Literally all the time she was freaking there. Always. And for whatever reason I was hardly allowed to go to my friends' houses. My parents just didn't want to expend anymore effort in letting me have a social life after already letting my sister do whatever. They didn't want me to have schedules for extracurricular activities or have to drive me somewhere, but my sister got all that. My dad actively told me to quit clubs, meanwhile my sister was allowed to be in marching band and have to been driven to school every day over the summer and my mom would go and buy/bring her lunch and take me to wait around all day in a car in the parking lot of the school in case my sister needed something. Constantly, my sister was unhappy with what we brought her and refuse to eat it and we'd go to buy and bring from somewhere else. They always kept her happy and then neglected me.
She's the cause of my sister's two-faced behavior. And then worst they are both so fake and play victim adding another ugly third face. They both cry about being hurt by meanies for being autistic and disabled and whatever else ... after kind of making my life harder for disability and copying things I do. My sister copied how I dressed after bullying me and then she copies it. My sister copies how I talk and then she copies her. They both really try to victimize themselves while acting cutesy quirky only to turn around and treat others poorly.
With my parents' money she bought her ex a bunch of gifts all the time. Her whole collection of interests is just from my sister - everything she likes is stuff she introduced to her. It just weirdly bothers me, I can't fully explain it. I particularly hate it. I hate my sister gave her a nice tablet and it's literally what she uses to make money still. Her blog is mostly gushing about shows my sister introduced to her or games my sister bought her.
Now I have to still put up with screaming and crying because of the "damage" she did to my sister. The tantrums came from her.
Just get out of my life. Stop sticking around. Stop coming back up. I don't care if it's distant - get lost for real.
I want to have sympathy as a fellow human being, but it's too hard. Kicked out homeless and no possessions is tough, but seriously I can only see them sitting on my bed countless time after I told them to stop and practically kicking me out of my home, taking my stuff, and replacing me as a actual person of the household. Like ... okay ... sorry, but that seems like irony. If they were still together I just know we'd be sending money their way or they'd come running here and it pisses me off.
Is ... is anyone going to say it ?
Okay, um ...
The "attempted assassination" of Trump is fake and an inside job to make him look good and powerful.
While we continue to donate to personal evacuation funds, I think it is crucial to keep in mind that these individuals as well as millions more in Gaza are currently actively in need of basic necessities like food, water, shelter, and medical care. Keeping this in mind, and recognising that there is no way to know when the border crossing with Egypt will reopen, I think our attention should also be on raising funds for organisations currently on the ground who will have the widest impact on the lives of Palestinians who are still enduring the genocide in Gaza.
Below are some verified donation links of organisations that are currently providing assistance for the people in Gaza directly:
Food, water, and shelter
Taawon has launched a campaign to provide support in Gaza through food parcels, shopping vouchers, fresh produce, water bottles and shelter tents.
Watermelon Relief is a project initiated and implemented by a group of activists in Gaza, who work to provide aid to displaced families in Gaza through meals, support and activities.
World Food Programme (WFP) managed to provide assistance to more than 1 million people in Gaza in May by delivering food in shelters, makeshift camps and shops.
Life for Gaza is an initiative through which the Municipality of Gaza aims to provide basic necessities for the people of Gaza such as water projects, waste collection and the reconstruction of roads.
Arab Group for the Protection of Nature (APN) is working to plant farmlands in Gaza through their "Revive Gaza Farmlands" project, through which they had already started planting vegetables, fruits and leafy greens in Gaza.
Purchasing eSIMs is one of the only remaining ways to keep Gazans connected with the outside world, to get their stories out or even enable them to call for help after Israeli strikes.
The Sameer Project is a donation based aid initiative that provides tents, cash aid, diapers and formula for displaced families in Gaza.
Care For Gaza is an organisation that works to provide essential aid such as food packages and cash to deliver to displaced families in Gaza.
Palestine Children's Relief Fund, through their "Gaza Relief and Recovery" campaign, plan to provide essential medical supplies and treatments, as well as food and clean water.
Mutual Aid for the People of Gaza is a fundraiser managed by Mona in Gaza, who personally purchases and distributes basic supplies including food parcels to families in Gaza.
Help Gaza Children is another grassroots effort operating on the ground in Gaza to support families with food, water and clothing.
Medical care
Medical Aid for Palestine (MAP) provides medical supplies and supports healthcare services in Gaza.
Gaza Wound Care is a medical team in a tent in Nuseirat, providing care to children and supporting pregnant women.
Children Not Numbers is an NGO dedicated to providing medical care for the children in Gaza including delivery of medical aid and medical evacuation for children.
You should not be reading any vent or reflective post and immediately think of how it failed to consider you.
Finished I guess.
Didn't finish ... yet.
These are redrawn of some shots from the cartoon because honestly ... it's an okay style.
I mis-spelled vanity.
I don't think I'll make any communication attempts because it is semi pointless.
I also don't think I'll ever improve in art, but that's probably fine because I want to make others cringe and know what a real neurodivergent artist looks like.
One person I talk to from a different country said that the interview questions from my school are weird and don't make much sense to ask. Like they are more assessing how good you are at lying and even if it's to measure how well you talk and have an open personality, that's not even the most important thing about dentistry or second or third.
😶
I just don't get the US system for this. It's very odd and indirect and almost sneaky in an unfair way.
I kind of regret ever coming here and everything I've ever said.
Actually the second one was "there's no such thing as wasted potential or need to justify your existence", but you can see how that transitions into "failing a former self."
Falling from such a high status just leads to people going "and when will you get better ?" and overall expecting you to return back to that point. Not to mention falling so low just makes you susceptible to getting laughed at by former competitors.
It's the same, but yeah there's a big shift from 1 and so on.
"How do you embody equality and diversity ?"
Do I look like an institution to you ???
Also this
Girlllll
That's not cute or romantic. That's a red flag "love letter" !
I felt sick (very cold in the house and very very sore - my knees and thighs hurt a lot) on Sunday from walking a lot on Saturday (like 7 miles mostly uphill and rocky).
Now I feel like I'm getting a sinus infection :(
I re-downloaded the app and it works much better, but I can't copy stuff or send links :/
It also still crashes when I open, but less annoyingly and only 1 to 3 times.
I guess the lesson is to share and post my ideas, but I still don't think they are very good.
Or if they are good, then I specifically couldn't execute them in a good way. I'm better off giving it to other people to do something with it instead. But either way I'm really bad a conveying stuff and I obviously can't draw it out. It's all in my head and I can't get it out.
It sucks for some big media thing to incidentally have an idea you also had, but never posted anywhere.
Because now if you do anything with it people will go "omg this is like [blank] ! I can see you were inspired by it !"
And I'll say "no actually" and they'll be like whatever, but in the back of their mind they'll think I'm lying.
I guess the positive thing is that the whole time I thought maybe it was stupid, but actually it seems like everyone liked it and thought it was cool. In a way you made something people clearly enjoyed.