Stuff My Physics Teacher Has Said This Past Week.

Stuff my physics teacher has said this past week.

“Hey guys, how many rice puffs do you think we’ll need to cushion Billy’s fall when we chuck him off of C block?”

“Yelling is not good for my emotional state.”

“I wish they'd stop giving serial killers Nobel prizes.”

“You're a child, you're stationary. Suddenly you’re going 40mph.’’

“I saw a man blow his head off with a shotgun once.’’

*Goes on a rant about faeries after being asked a question about special relativity.*

“The 1600′s must’ve been wack.’’

“WYOMING IS A LIE!’’

“I smile at you, not because I like you. But because I’m imaging myself pegging a chair at you.”

*Stops the lesson to talk about that time he and his friend discovered some matrix fucking shit in a shady London bar.*

Student: *Rushes outside and starts puking.* Teacher: *Gently shuts the door, smiles and continues to teach the lesson over the sounds of someone purging the contents of their stomach.*

Mammon: *Deep breath* I think about MC a normal amount.

The brothers, dateables, MC, his renounced angel brethren, God:

Death of a Human

The House of Lamentation had never experienced such quiet. Heavy was the hush of death that weighed on the immortals as they regarded the mauled, broken, lifeless thing that had once burned with the exuberance of life. Even the house moaned, the grief of its occupants threatening its structural integrity, such was the despondency of the seven demons. Avatars of Sin, Lords of Hell. Tears welled in the eyes of these beings that had experienced a millennium of humanity, that knew too well of their fragility, the expiry date that brought each down before they could achieve greatness. So why did they think this one was different? Why did they believe that their love could conquer fate? Could supersede their Father’s hand.

From the supple lips of the fifth-born a strangled cry erupted, so ugly, so fractured, so unlike him, that it broke the rest. Seven of the most powerful entities in the three-realms were on their knees, in tears, and shattered, all because a stupid human had up and died. They were all acquainted with death, old friends to fate, but oh how they despised the greedy hands that had ghosted over their beloved and left them, eyes wide open, without a soul to make its colours shimmer.

Hurried footsteps, familiar, typically welcomed raced towards them that the brothers made no move to acknowledge, and only waited for the newcomers to recoil and gasp, for they knew it to be grim, nevertheless, the reality was still  crushing.

The foremost of the newcomers froze, and perhaps for the first time the old angel was surprised, hurt even, by the loss of a human. The younger breaking down completely in the Sorcerer's arms because he had failed. Failed in his sworn duty to protect the one person who cared for him most.

The Sorcerer on the other hand smiled, but there was no inkling of joy to it, because he especially should have known. He himself being human, having lost himself to time, long, long ago, and so, he’d let himself be entranced by this rejuvenating show of the spontaneity of mortality, and duly paid the price.

Then there were the royals. The acting King of the Devildom, and his loyal servant, lord over time and reality. They too, arguably among the most powerful entities in existence, fell quiet, their hearts, beaten, torn, and shredded by the meaning of the sight before them. The butler, ever pleasant in expression, lost his resolve, shattered. He, out of them all, with the fabrics of reality and time constantly being tailored to fit the calculations of his Lords agenda had failed him, he should have seen this coming. Yet he hadn’t, why was that? It was maddening, for the one person that mattered, how had he failed to keep them alive? Pray tell, how had he failed?

And then there was the prince, to whom this human had bestowed genuine compassion and companionship was lost on the high seas of anguish. His lofty ambitions, and the shore where his subjects waited were lost to him now, drowned in the waves of his despair.

Still, there was one thing abundantly clear to them all. The death of this human meant war, the very thing that the prince was working to avoid, brought this human to hell to achieve.

But so be it.

Someone had to brunt the sheer force of the depths emotion that they still couldn’t believe this human had summoned.

Someone had to pay.

i don’t care if it’s making me sad, leave me and my tragic pairings alone.

DINNER AT PURGATORY HALL

*Solomon's D.D.D rings in the pleasant silence*

Solomon: Hello, Asmo, it's dinner-

Asmodeus: *Indistinguishable*

Solomon: ...

Asmodeus: ...

Solomon: How the fuck do you suck dick on accident?

Luke: *precious cinnababy's soul has ascended*

Simeon:

Alright was no one going to tell me that in the middle of the Nevada desert is an old cemetery that contains the bodies of a bunch of miners who died in a fire and next door is a haunted clown motel

Why are we still setting horror movies in generic Victorian houses in the woods when this is a real place in the world