Lucifersbartab - Peace - Tumblr Blog

Maybe the reason why Mephisto is good w/ children is bc up until recently his parents shunned him to the kiddie table at all the fancy demon gatherings and he had to either prove his worth, or starve.

Mammon: *Deep breath* I think about MC a normal amount.

The brothers, dateables, MC, his renounced angel brethren, God:

I fear this damned duck.

MC: Hey, haha, hey guys, how do you spell Asmo's full name?

Mams: Are ya stupid or sumthin? It's A s m O de-

MC: EZNUTZ

Sol: MC, respectfully, what the fuck?

A quote that is incorrect

MC: 'i kissed a girl and I liikkked itt, I hope Jesus don't mind it'

The demons and angels: ಥ‿ಥ

Sol: 'It felt so wrong, it felt so right'

INCOREECT QUOTE 666?

R.A.D Philosophy lecturer: Lucifer, your brothers have actually performed quite well on this exam. However the same cannot be said for MC.

Lucifer: *debating the ethics of strapping MC to the ceiling* What?!

Diavolo: MC? 🥺

MC: ngl I was jacked up on cough medication so I don't actually remember what I wrote.

Lecturer: Ah yes, well, unfortunately your answer to the the ultimate question of life, the Universe, and everything was...42?

MC: Yea sounds 'bout right.

Satan & Solomon: Lmao good one MC

Barbie, ancient being, lord of time: (((;ꏿ_ꏿ;))) *Ayo what, how da fuq do they know that*

If I ever had a sleepover with Asmo, my guy is signing an NDA, like I luv him to death, but NO TRUST. none. Nada.

Lawyer MC would be sumthin else, like:

Demon 1: I am so warmed to your companionship and agree to enter a pact with you (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

MC, donning thick lensed glasses and a smile that doesn't quite reach the eyes: excellent now here are the terms-

OR

Lucifer: Who in Diavolo's name called the police on Belphie?

MC: Me

The brothers: ?!Why

MC: Ayo, my guy like killed me?

Lucifer: That's it, who broke it, wait, why am I even asking, MAMMON!

Mams: Luci-

MC: sash sh babes, I got this. My client will not-

*Strung up to the chandelier together*

Incorreeeccct Quotion

Diavolo: I've ordained a ✨special✨ place in HELL just for you, MC

MC: IM SORRY WHAT? I REPENT, I REPEEENNNNTT-

Diavolo, gets down on one knee: On the throne, by my side, as ruler.

MC: Oh?! ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

*Later*

Solomon: What d'you think he meant?

MC: well for the past year I been hoeing around an ungodly amount, so...

Solomon: AND? I've been doing it for millenia

Asmo, slapping Sol's ass affectionately: Ain't that the truth

OBEY ME BOYS AS SHIT MY FRIENDS HAVE, UNFORTUNATELY FOR THE WORLD, SAID

Luci: (Satan abt Luci) Schrodinger's Lucifer. The concept by which Lucifer has his head up his own ass, and his own cock in his mouth.

Mams: I'm worth a dollar. I feel very affordable

Levi: Genuine connections are overrated

Satan: Your method of argument is like watching someone climb a sand dune at a 50 degree angle, it's quite saddening to watch

Asmo: *leaning over to Solomon* When you get down to it, Geology is just looking around in people's holes

Beel: (I rly don't have nuthin)

Belphie: It's not a hate crime if you love doing it

My MC: And the current consensus is that Malaysia is the gayest of the Balkans, but that could change tomorrow

INCORRECT QUOTE

HUMAN WORLD MATTRESS STORE

Diavolo: Oh! And they say this one here is made of memory foam? I'm not quite sure what that entails... maybe it increases your ability to remember dreams, would you like that MC?

MC, chuckling softly: Unfortunately, memory foam does not have those qualities, but honestly Dia I'd be happy with anything.

Dia, kicked puppy face activated: But only the best for my Queen-

MC: With all due respect babe I slept through college on a cardboard box and a Doona, I have no need for luxury, I am set, think of any situation and I can sleep through it.

Belphie: respect.

Incorrect Quote

Lmao imagine Sol & MC having to beta-test a haunted corn maze/house the brothers had to set up for the R.A.D Halloween festival, an unfortunate product of Diavolo's discovering the holiday.

Sol, in Shane Madejs infamous voice: daemon? (•‿•) daemon? Ó╭╮Ò

MC: We met a pal named Simeon who told us not to talk to you, but... I think U guys are swell ^_^

*Borderline dangerous scare on the part of Asmo*

The brothers: }:‑)

*Sol & MC Continuing to act as if they're on BuzzFeed unsolved*

The brothers, literal fallen angels, and high ranking devildom officials being slandered and mocked by two humans despite their history: (ಠ_ಠ)━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

Alright was no one going to tell me that in the middle of the Nevada desert is an old cemetery that contains the bodies of a bunch of miners who died in a fire and next door is a haunted clown motel

Why are we still setting horror movies in generic Victorian houses in the woods when this is a real place in the world

DINNER AT PURGATORY HALL

*Solomon's D.D.D rings in the pleasant silence*

Solomon: Hello, Asmo, it's dinner-

Asmodeus: *Indistinguishable*

Solomon: ...

Asmodeus: ...

Solomon: How the fuck do you suck dick on accident?

Luke: *precious cinnababy's soul has ascended*

Simeon:

I hope i die warmed by the life that i tried to live

Nikki Giovanni, The Collected Poetry, 1968-1998

MC is probably a BuzzFeed Unsolved missing person case. Some real True Crime ™ Podcast material. There's fan theories on Reddit about what happened to them. There's literally no leads as to where they went.

A normal person vanishes out of thin air? No sign of anything happening to them?

In this economy??

Any roofers in the chat?

roof time

i don’t care if it’s making me sad, leave me and my tragic pairings alone.

Incorrect Quote

MC: Solomon honey, I have a bone to pick with you :D

Simeon: MC not again ರ_ರ

Solomon: Alright, hit me.

MC: What's with the whole cutting the baby in half ✨ting✨

Solomon: ...

MC: ...

Solomon: ...

MC: I thought you were the wise king of-

Solomon: I PANICKED OKAY?!

What's Your Damage, Devildom?

(MC is Veronica Sawyer from Heathers, (the original West End Musical))

THE BROTHERS:

Lucifer:

-> Genuinely enjoys the musical.

-> Expect some theatre themed dates.

-> Disgruntled when Diavolo makes him dress up as Veronica tho.

Mammon:

->So damn proud of his human.

->Tells literally everyone.

-> no.1 fanboy.

-> Theatre dates.

-> His modelling agent recognised you and now you’re the face of this month’s issue of Devil Style.

Leviathan:

-> Has heard of Heathers, never knew that you played Veronica Sawyer though.

-> C O S P L A Y.

-> Instantly a fan, although he still insists that musicals are a normie thing and was outraged that you would betray him like that.

-> Finds himself humming your songs more often than wants to admit

Satan:

-> T H E A T RE NER D.

-> Enjoys reading scripts.

-> Would love to write a musical with you.

Asmodeus:

-> MC~!

-> Wants a private showing of specifically Dead Girl Walking, for totally, not obvious reasons.

-> Seriously loves your acting and voice though.

-> Honestly impressed.

-> Parades you around to his theatre friends.

-> Will be upset if you don’t choose him as your costume/set designer, and hairstylist.

Beelzebub:

->Wasn’t interested in musicals before, but is now, thanks to you.

-> Becomes a ‘lil bit of a theatre nerd.

-> Attends all your rehearsals.

-> Though, what’s a jiffy pop, MC?

Belphegor:

-> Oh, you’re in a musical, that’s pretty chill.

-> Says he doesn’t really care, but actively stays awake when Beel watches it.

-> Falls asleep to a musical recording of your songs.

.

.

.

UNDATEABLES + LUKE (everyone’s favourite racist, chihuahua twelve-year-old):

Diavolo:

-> You really shouldn’t have told him that :/

-> Immediately your no.1 fan, suddenly knows all the lyrics and parts better than you.

-> Forces the Royals to cosplay characters according to their signature colours, Dia obviously being Heather Chandler, Barb as Heather Duke, and Lucifer, much to his dismay and your amusement, as Veronica Sawyer. Mammon even gets roped in as Heather McNamara.

-> Now interested in other human world musicals, surprised at how dark some are, compares them to stage performances in the Devildom.

-> Takes you to the best theatres both in the Human World and Devildom.

-> If you even give the slightest of hints about directing a musical yourself, or something of the sort, suddenly you’ve got yourself an entire crew of confused and scared demons at your disposal.

Barbatos:

-> Finds the musical amusing.

-> Listens to it when he does his more menial tasks.

-> Will want to hear any and all details about its performance.

-> How many other performances have you been in, Mc?

-> Always somehow there at any of your performances.

-> Though his Lord’s singing is starting to get on his nerves.

Simeon:

-> I hc him as loving My Dead Gay Son.

-> Really supportive of you as a stage performer.

-> Goes to all your shows over and over again.

-> Writes you into an official stage-play of The Seven Lords.

-> Essentially, becomes your personal scriptwriter after that.

Solomon:

-> Was already a fan.

-> You two cosplay JD and Veronica EVERY. HALLOWEEN.

-> References it in your conversations.

-> Uses, ‘Greetings and Salutations,’ as an ACTUAL greeting.

-> WhAT’S youR DaMAGE, MC?

->Literally won’t shut-up, thinks he’s so damn funny.

Luke:

-> Doesn’t like/entirely understand the musical.

-> But is supportive, nonetheless.

-> You make mini musicals with him all the time.

-> Likes your voice.

-> You sing him to sleep, on the nights he has nightmares.

(Don’t know enough about the new exchange students ngl, (though I wish I did))

Death of a Human

The House of Lamentation had never experienced such quiet. Heavy was the hush of death that weighed on the immortals as they regarded the mauled, broken, lifeless thing that had once burned with the exuberance of life. Even the house moaned, the grief of its occupants threatening its structural integrity, such was the despondency of the seven demons. Avatars of Sin, Lords of Hell. Tears welled in the eyes of these beings that had experienced a millennium of humanity, that knew too well of their fragility, the expiry date that brought each down before they could achieve greatness. So why did they think this one was different? Why did they believe that their love could conquer fate? Could supersede their Father’s hand.

From the supple lips of the fifth-born a strangled cry erupted, so ugly, so fractured, so unlike him, that it broke the rest. Seven of the most powerful entities in the three-realms were on their knees, in tears, and shattered, all because a stupid human had up and died. They were all acquainted with death, old friends to fate, but oh how they despised the greedy hands that had ghosted over their beloved and left them, eyes wide open, without a soul to make its colours shimmer.

Hurried footsteps, familiar, typically welcomed raced towards them that the brothers made no move to acknowledge, and only waited for the newcomers to recoil and gasp, for they knew it to be grim, nevertheless, the reality was still  crushing.

The foremost of the newcomers froze, and perhaps for the first time the old angel was surprised, hurt even, by the loss of a human. The younger breaking down completely in the Sorcerer's arms because he had failed. Failed in his sworn duty to protect the one person who cared for him most.

The Sorcerer on the other hand smiled, but there was no inkling of joy to it, because he especially should have known. He himself being human, having lost himself to time, long, long ago, and so, he’d let himself be entranced by this rejuvenating show of the spontaneity of mortality, and duly paid the price.

Then there were the royals. The acting King of the Devildom, and his loyal servant, lord over time and reality. They too, arguably among the most powerful entities in existence, fell quiet, their hearts, beaten, torn, and shredded by the meaning of the sight before them. The butler, ever pleasant in expression, lost his resolve, shattered. He, out of them all, with the fabrics of reality and time constantly being tailored to fit the calculations of his Lords agenda had failed him, he should have seen this coming. Yet he hadn’t, why was that? It was maddening, for the one person that mattered, how had he failed to keep them alive? Pray tell, how had he failed?

And then there was the prince, to whom this human had bestowed genuine compassion and companionship was lost on the high seas of anguish. His lofty ambitions, and the shore where his subjects waited were lost to him now, drowned in the waves of his despair.

Still, there was one thing abundantly clear to them all. The death of this human meant war, the very thing that the prince was working to avoid, brought this human to hell to achieve.

But so be it.

Someone had to brunt the sheer force of the depths emotion that they still couldn’t believe this human had summoned.

Someone had to pay.

Stuff my physics teacher has said this past week.

“Hey guys, how many rice puffs do you think we’ll need to cushion Billy’s fall when we chuck him off of C block?”

“Yelling is not good for my emotional state.”

“I wish they'd stop giving serial killers Nobel prizes.”

“You're a child, you're stationary. Suddenly you’re going 40mph.’’

“I saw a man blow his head off with a shotgun once.’’

*Goes on a rant about faeries after being asked a question about special relativity.*

“The 1600′s must’ve been wack.’’

“WYOMING IS A LIE!’’

“I smile at you, not because I like you. But because I’m imaging myself pegging a chair at you.”

*Stops the lesson to talk about that time he and his friend discovered some matrix fucking shit in a shady London bar.*

Student: *Rushes outside and starts puking.* Teacher: *Gently shuts the door, smiles and continues to teach the lesson over the sounds of someone purging the contents of their stomach.*