Having Some Issues With Depression And Bad Thoughts So I'll Write Something. Hopefully It Helps.

Having some issues with depression and bad thoughts so I'll write something. Hopefully it helps.

TW: Mentions of depression and su!cidal thoughts.

You're crying in the bathroom since you don't want to wake your f/o. The thoughts have gotten really bad.

You're ugly.

You're stupid.

You're useless.

You're a bother for everyone.

You'll never pass high school.

You'll never get your dream job.

You just want to die.

You just want to stop being alive altogether.

You sob and sniff and you know you're not even a pretty crier like in all those tv shows, movies and animes. You try to be quiet but your f/o opens the door of the bathroom, having heard you and just silently moves over to hold you tightly but gently against their chest. They just let you cry while they rub your hair and back, sometimes also kissing the top of your head softly.

You just cry and cry and they stay with you, comforting you because they know it's what you need. No words. No nothing. Just the feeling that someone for once is seeing you at your weakest and stays with you because they genuinely care. They're not gonna leave like everyone else did.

y'know sometimes.... you just gotta believe that your f/o thinks that you're pretty/handsome/cute. No matter what you think is wrong with you. Whatever, and I mean whatever it is that you think makes you undesirable, just know that your f/o thinks you are a mf snack. You don't have to be the most conventionally attractive person for them to love you and find you attractive. You have features that are unique to your face that make you YOU and your f/o LOVES all of them. So please don't ever think you're too ugly for your f/o because you're NOT. And dont think that you're not enough for your f/o because you ARE. Having that small positive re-enforicment in the back of your head of your f/o saying "what are you talking about??? You're gorgeous!" when you're down on yourself can really help so don't ever feel like your f/o wouldn't want to kiss you all over your adorable face because they WOULD and they WILL if you don't start loving yourself right mf now.

Your F/O If You're Sensitive To Fireworks: 🎇🎆

• Just to be clear, your f/o completely understands if you have different sensory needs and would never want to make you feel ashamed of that!

• Your f/o would never ever imply that you're overreacting and will immediately see to your comfort.

• On and around firework celebrations your f/o makes sure you eat and sleep well and get plenty of water. They'll even make your favorite food, and snuggle with you in bed.

• As firework time approaches you and your f/o grab some snacks, change into your jammies, and build a small but cozy fort.

• You have noise cancelling headphones to help block as much sound as possible. As well as a couple stim toys on your side of the fort.

• As the sun begins to set and time moves quickly to the appropriate time to set off some fireworks, your f/o pops on one of your favorite movies/shows/videos and crawls into the fort beside you.

• They wrap you up in their body, pull a cozy blanket up to you, and begin leaving soft kisses on your neck and shoulders.

• As the first fireworks of the holiday are set off your body jerks in your f/o's hold. They tighten their grip on you, whispering, "It's okay, my love, it's just fireworks, it's okay."

• As the fireworks continue, they begin to notice you shaking slightly and begin massaging your shoulders, caressing wherever you feel comfortable.

• "It's okay, my love. I'm here..."

• They do their best to keep your attention on what you're watching by making small comments like, "oh that's cool," "what the fuck are we watching," "[insert friend here] would be this character, no questions asked," "that character is cute," and various ways to say to the characters, "you are dumb!!!"

• Your f/o has your tells memorized. They can easily spot when you lie by the slightest shift in tone, the far away look when you dissociate or having flashbacks, and the way your whole body tenses when you're afraid.

• They've picked up on these emotional cues through years of loving you. You two are comfortable, and at home in each other's arms, you fit so well.

• Your f/o, not only doesn't mind when they have to comfort and assure you, but they feel honored that you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable with them.

• As the night ends for the two of you, your f/o puts on a movie/video/show that you've seen 10000 times, and you play soft music in your headphones.

• They guide your head to their chest, and let you rest upon them. Running their fingers through your hair, humming a soft tune, they gently lull you to sleep.

• "Close your eyes, my love, I'll always be there to protect you..."

Just so you know,

if you need to vent about the people in your life that hurt you, your F/O is fine with that.

Seriously.

They’re fine with just listening, or they can verbalize how frustrating the people that you had to deal with seem. They’ll talk smack if you want, or they can offer you soft affirmations and reassure you that, even if it feels like you shouldn’t be saying anything “bad” about them, your feelings are valid and you should express them when you feel the need to.

If you want to talk, they’ll listen. If you want to go somewhere just to move around, they’ll tag along or take you somewhere if you want them to. If you need space, they’ll give it to you. If you just want to be held, then they can do that, too.

They’ll be here for you in whatever capacity you’d like them to be.

<3

And also might crack their knuckles and glare off into the distance dramatically, you know, whatever

It doesn't matter whether they are the most evil being in existence or the most wholesome, if your f/o ever finds out that you are having a rough time for any reason, they will drop everything that they were doing and rush to your side.

If they're not the best with words they will simply stay by your side, and if you are comfortable with their touch they will give you all of the physical affection that you yearn for.

They will do this of their own volition because they love you. It's simply common sense for them to help you.

Please. Please be kind to yourself. Please know that you're important.

Please know that they were wrong when they told you otherwise.

You deserved to be cared for. You deserved to be safe.

Please understand that you are not a burden for existing. Please understand that there is more to life than trying to make yourself as small as possible.

You deserve good things.

You always did.