TW Depression - Tumblr Posts

Tiny best friend 3/5

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!Warning!

paranoia, mental health issues, gore, murder (noone really dies), being scared, angst

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Their meeting was not long. Jake begged Lucas to let him go and promised to come back the next day and explain everything, because at the moment he was under the influence of too much emotion. Lucas agreed. He really wanted to come back, but when the next day came he realized that it was dangerous and that he couldn't do it. At least not yet. Many days passed in this way, and eventually weeks. Jake blamed himself for bringing up the subject of borrowers at all, and now he had lost a great friend. Lucas didn't hurt him when he shrunk and released him, but his earlier words and how gigantic he was compared to Jake made him unable to go back there. He tried to force himself to, but he was too afraid. He never wanted to go back there, he was afraid that everything could go very badly. In the end, he decided to give up his friendship, even though he suffered a lot from it and fell into an almost depressive state when he realized that he would never get back what he had before.

Lucas was no better. The boy blamed himself for what he said, but still he couldn't suddenly change his whole way of thinking, all his life he saw the tinies as toys, that's what he was taught by society, and suddenly he saw his friend in this form. It wasn't easy for him. He had many questions but when he saw how Jake was he couldn't bring himself to ask him, he let him go because he believed that he would come back and explain everything. He believed everything would be fine. But Jake did not come back. Lucas was slowly losing his mind day by day, worrying and being mad at his friend at the same time, falling into paranoia. Ultimately, he didn't know what to do with himself, he was waking up at nights having nightmares about Jake and trying to find him around. He didn't want to give up.

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Lucas didn't want to go to school. Recently, he could not eat, drink, sleep or functionate. There was nothing unusual about it, after all he had lost someone he considered family. Jake had a special place in his heart that was empty now, as if pierced through and bleeding. He didn't want to get up, but he knew he was worrying his friends and his mom, who looked like she was considering more and more of locking him up in a mental institution. He understood why they were worried, but he couldn't live like this. It was even worse when his mind played with him and reminded him how he and his friends had killed that tiny and replaced it with Jake. He felt terrible and decided that he had had enough and went to the forest. He hoped his mom would at least think he went to school and lived a normal life, but his plan was obviously different. He just wanted to lie in the woods where no one would see, criticize, or worry about him. When he reached the forest, he lay down and went to sleep. Maybe he'd at last have peace of mind in his sleep.

He slept long. His head was slowly starting to hurt. He heard screams around him, which suddenly stopped. He opened his eyes and saw what he was holding in his hand. Blood ran down his fingers. There was so much blood and broken flesh. This small, delicate creature was in his hand, completely crushed, destroyed, broken, with an unreadable expression on its face, dead. He crushed a tiny. He killed someone again. God, he did it again. He started hyperventilating. He lost his sense of everything. He tossed the ruined corpse away from him and backed away in panic.

"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he started crying and panicking. He didn't mean to hurt anyone. Oh my god, what if it was Jake?! He now understood why Jake didn't come back, he was a monster even in his sleep! He was a murderer who hurt everything around him. He sat down on the ground under a tree, panicking, but as soon as he sat he heard an unpleasant crunch. Hell no. He got up and saw that he had just squashed some more tinies. He sat on them. They were innocent, they did nothing wrong, and they got the worst death under a huge weight, crushed to the thickness of a sheet of paper, destroyed, bled out, with no chance of rescue. He panicked and screamed, trying to get out of there. He did not mean to do this. He really didn't mean to do this. There was so much blood and dead bodies. The bodies were ripped, organs out. He though he would be sick. There were screams coming out from everywhere. There was tiny flesh everywhere. It was all his fault. He did that. He murdered them. He had to run. To leave. A scream pulled him from his run. Lucas got up. It was a dream. Luckily it was just a fucking dream. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, he was covered in cold sweat and his hands were shaking. Even though it was just a dream, the feeling of murder stayed with him. He really didn't mean to do it.

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Jake couldn't believe what he saw. When he saw Lucas lying in his forest, not far from his hideout, he wanted to run away and preferably move. But then he realized that the boy was sleeping. He was clearly having a nightmare. Tears ran down his cheeks, he struggled in his sleep. Even though Jake was still terribly scared, he couldn't look at Lucas at that state. He had to do something before the boy hurt himself in his sleep. He shouted on top of his lungs to wake the boy up. As soon as he shouted the boy got up and looked around everywhere and on his shaky hands. He looked like he'd seen a ghost a moment ago, but it was a bit better now. Jake sighed with relief. As soon as he opened his eyes again and looked at Lucas, he saw that his gaze was fixed on him. A cold shiver ran through his body. Lucas was shaking, crying, and now he was looking directly at him. Jake froze in fear. Why did they have to meet like this again? Why did they have to see each other after so many weeks under these circumstances?

"Jake..?" Lucas whispered uncertainly through his tears, not blinking as if he was afraid that when he looked there again, it would turn out to be only hallucinations. Jake took one hesitant step back. That's when Lucas stroke in a panic.

"Don't leave, I'm begging you!"

This show cured my depression 😂😂😂😂

lil ranty ramble bc no one follows me and i want to say shit into the void also if someone read all of this let me know if i forgot any tws in the tags

ive been more stressed than ever with college + working 2 freelance jobs (theyre freelance but i have a steady amount of work in both, so no fixed schedule just a billion deadlines which makes me want to rip my scalp off)

i know im really stressed out when the palms of my hands start to kinda peel off. some lil blisters appear, the next day they pop and just become peeling skin. its kinda satistying to peel the skin so i dont use moisturizer or anything, i just have fun with it, but anyway the point is: built up stress

i have a really hard time dealing with stress and anxiety (by which i mean anxiety inducing situations, im not diagnosed with anxiety) because they put me in a kinda self destructive mood. not like in a self harm way, just drinking too much, hooking up with strangers (which is not a bad thing, just not my thing. ive used it as a kind of escape before), sometimes just sleeping so i dont have to deal with anything.

so thats where im at.

i have a birthday to go to today but my back hurts from working on my computer all day but also i wanna make terrible decisions and this would be a great opportunity. also my ex and his current girlfriend will be there so thats great

which brings me to lil ranty ramble part II: 2 ranty 2 rambly

i feel SO ALONE even though i know i have lots of friends, some truly are like family to me but i just dont feel like i fully trust anyone so i dont open up i dont talk about my problems or how im feeling or anything i just make jokes and im funny and silly and giggly. and i love being funny its what i like the most about myself (along with my boobs) but like oh my god how can you be friends with a person you know nothing about

i know thats not 100% true they know me and have been with me through some of the worst moments of my life and they still love me and blablabla i was diagnosed with depression like 8 years ago i know how this goes

but ya know what they say it do be like that sometimes (and it sucks

but yeah i guess thats what going on up in the cuckoo's nest haha lol

if anyone read this, thank you for being here

Leelah Alcorn’s blog was deleted and posts about her are being removed. Don’t stop spreading this. Reblog everything you can, post everything you can. 

These are her pictures

here are some of her drawings

this is her note

Don’t let this die.

Not this.

hence the hiatus

i'm careful to use the term depressed. i don't know how you act or feel when you are depressed but i know it's a serious thing to be, and it's not to be used lightly. i don't think i'm depressed.

last night was, what i'm thinking, probably my official breaking point. i was ready to hurt myself, for real, for the first time ever. i've had a tough couple of months, and the last week especially has been... honest to god, hell for me. the fandom and the wank there are just getting too much, which has been going on for a while. but then i got hate and then people sent my girlfriend hate because of me. it wasn't even hate to her, it was hate to her about ME. which i don't get? i don't get hate at all, but, ???

and i acted stupidly yesterday. i feel like i'm in no control of my emotions, i keep hurting people without meaning to, i don't see when they hurt the way i used to before. i did something that had huge consequences for my relationship and today my girlfriend broke up with me. i'm not even sure if she likes me talking about it openly, but that helps ME getting through it. not having to talk to a specific person, just write it down. i don't know if anyone will read this, but it always helps me to write things down on my blog. that's how i am. i can't help it.

but yeah, she broke up with me and i get it. i totally do. i told myself i wouldn't beg for her to re-concider but i did. i'm in love with her, y'know? how could i not? but we're not getting back together. which hurts as fuck but i'm supporting her decision 100% present. if that's what makes her happy, if that's what she needs, then i won't stand in the way. not only am i in love with her but she's my best friend and i don't want her to be hurt.

i just want us to remain friends. that's all i want. that's all i need.

so this is why i'm on hiatus. it won't be long, a week tops. or so i think right now.

Does anyone know how to deal with depression when you have to hide it from your parents because only your mom know you "used" to be suicidal and you don't want to be told its an excuse?

What do I do?

So at first my parents seem great

They are kind to guests and gave me extra snacks for my friend's

But I show signs of mental abuse. I don't think they know what there doing to me but. . .

i caN't be hUrting I'm tO0 y0unG to gets tiring, teaching me that church is mandatory is tiring, being told I have to be a church staff is tiring, having to hide mental illnesses is tiring, afraid to tell them I'm feeling suicidal is tiring, being afraid of being left with my thoughts causing me to hurt myself is tiring, being in constant pain is. . .

You get the point, what do I do? I don't want to be ungrateful, their better than other parents, I don't think there doing anything intentionally.

Please leave comments cause I need help and have nowhere to get it.

Yes, I have another oc slasher but this one in particular has a girl boss vibe

Sorry the description of the drawing is very small, it's just that the space is small and it wouldn't fit much

Tradução:

sim, tenho mais um oc slasher mas este em especifico tem vibe de chefona

desculpa a descrição do desenho estar muito pequena, é que o espaço é pequeno e não caberia muito

mental health, the inadequacy of words, & being kind to yourself

Hello friends.

I am going to be very transparent with you all. I did not get anything done this week. It was a very rough week for me mental health-wise and I could barely drag myself through completing my class assignments, let alone think about writing creatively for fun. (Technically this blog is a class assignment for now, but I try to think of it as a fun hobby so I don’t burn my inspiration out. Having to post once a week for class is just extra motivation to continue to work on my creative writing as opposed to neglecting it for “more important tasks”.) 

I was disgusted with myself this week. I was bone dead exhausted. I kept wanting to cry and cry and cry and never stop, yet the tears would never come. I was so, so very angry, at life, at the world, at myself,  in a way that I rarely ever experience. I felt like I could shatter to pieces at any minute. 

I had a talk with my cousin the other night at a family birthday party about the inadequacy of language, particularly the English language, to truly capture emotion. I envy poets and authors who have the skills to evoke even a mere fraction of the emotions they are feeling or projecting upon their characters through the limited conventions of words. I hope to harness such skills someday. I am most certainly not there yet. I cannot even begin to describe to you the depths of my headspace this past week, and yet I still try. To be quite frank, I have not had a depressive episode so bad in months. It makes me all the more glad that I finally made the decision to attend therapy/counseling. 

I know at least one thing my wonderful therapist (she truly is lovely) will tell me when I visit her this week. I need to practice being kind to myself during tough times. I often get so frustrated when I can’t find the motivation to “properly” do my work or devote my time and energy to something important or beneficial, such as working my creative writing muscles as I do in this blog. And I have always been the type of person to project that frustration and anger inwards, instead of letting it explode outwards. But being negative will only keep me trapped in a vicious cycle of mean thoughts and hurt feelings. Being kind to myself, and giving myself space to rest, recharge, and eventually regain motivation is extremely important. I would do well to remember that more often. And I don’t think I’m the only one who could use a reminder. 

I apologize for dumping that on y’all and the jumbled mess I feel that this post has become, but I think it’s important to be transparent about my ups and downs, in life as well as in my writing. I’m still pulling myself out of the hole I dug this past week. Yet, I do want to reassure you all that I am okay. I may not be great, or even good, but I will get there in time. I am okay.

Whatever you all are going through this week, please remember to be kind to yourselves. And even when it’s hard to, try to remember to dot your j’s and cross your t’s. (Sometimes satisfaction is found in the little things.) It will get better soon. It will.

With lots of love and positive vibes to carry you into this next week, 

~Clementine J. Quincey 🪷

P.S. This post was a bit of a downer (much like my week) so here is something that made me smile this past week; a bright spot in the midst of some cloudy weather, if you will. 

Autumn is my favorite season, (I oft tell my friends I was built for autumnal weather), and this song is just so hauntingly beautiful and melancholic. It almost hurts in a good way. When I stumbled across it this past week, I played it on full blast in my car with my heat pumping but the windows rolled all the way down on my way to class. It was the best. ᕱ__ᕱ

depression tips™

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

Awww this is a nice story, albeit very sad...

Murder Drones Fanfic - Cypress Trees and A Good Boy - Tessa and Butler N story (non-ship) TW// Depression and Su1c1de mention

a 12 year old Tessa is dealing with a lot, she goes on a walk at night but needs someone to help her.

Warning: contains mention of child neglect, child abuse, suicide, and depression

The autumn air prickled the girl's skin as she opened her bedroom window, but she didn't care. Her conscience screaming at her, "Go, now... go, run," She glanced back at J who had fallen asleep at the foot of her bed, and N who had fallen asleep sitting upright on the chair Tessa stored her stuffed animals on during the day.

"They... they don't need me," the ebony haired human girl reassured herself as she climbed out the window, shutting it softly behind her so it wouldn't make a sound. She climbed down off the windowsill and began her journey down the garden path and through the marsh.

The song of the few remaining frogs greeted Tessa, and yet the girl didn't react to it how she normally would. Continuing her journey across the property in somber silence.

Normally, the girl would walk under the willow tree and into the graveyard, but she walked west of the tree, through the wild flowers that were starting to die off from the colder weather, her night gown catching the wind yet her striped black and white leggings kept her warm. The longer sections of her hair trailed behind her as she ran to the cypress trees that were coming into view, the ones that made her think of Starry Night. She walked up to the trees and sat looking outward, there was a steep drop off to a lake below, she heard the ebbing of the water as it was louder thanks to the night fall wind. She looked down at the water, her grey eyes filling with tears, she could almost imagine the wind calling her name in a soft voice.

"I wouldn't be able to get to terminal velocity, but... the sharp rocks could do the trick," she glanced back to the manor in the distance after her whispered assessment. Her hair being pushed by the wind so the longer sections flew in front of her face, wicking away some of her teardrops. She turned back to the cliffside, staring down, her breathing turned to sobs as she fell to her knees. Her wrists ached from today, an accident, she had insisted to J, but that was a lie.

"The little match girl..." Tessa spoke with a whimper, "She... she got to be happy..." she inched closer to the edge, her soft voice almost lost in the torrent of air, "It's for the best," The girl felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around, being slightly startled by a pair of snow-white LED eyes of a little butler drone.

"Hi Tessa!" the curly-haired butler drone greeted cheerfully.

"Eep!" the little Aussie girl squeaked as she was greeted by N, her beloved little butler.

"I noticed you left your bed and the window was open," the drone trilled sweetly, "A night walk is sure fun though." He kept holding Tessa's shoulder, noticing the tears in her eyes. "Are you alright?"

Tessa looked away, she knew he meant his best. The little Aussie voice quivered as she asked, "D-do you ever feel..." she hesitated, knowing that he was a delicate soul and she'd have to be gentle with her words, "... unhappy..."

N pulled Tessa into a hug and responded, "I do sometimes, but, it's hard to stay sad long with you around."

The 12 year old Elliott heiress felt more tears coming on as she hugged the butler drone back. "D-do you ever wish... you weren't ever built?" she began to ask, her voice shaking like a scared puppy, "L-like you don't want to be here, at all?" She leaned into the hug more, she held back her sobs to not make her precious little ray of sunshine more worried.

N rubbed his friend's back, he didn't realize how deep this well of emotions went. "Tessa," he began gently, letting go of her but still holding her hands in his, "I enjoy every day since I was built by you, but... sometimes it can be scary. Do you want to talk about your feelings?"

The girl sat on the grass next to her butler drone, she hugged his legs and began to explain, sugar-coating the scarier parts, "What do you do when someone who's supposed to care for you hurts you a lot, and the other someone who was there for you since you were little now doesn't care anymore?" she meant her mother and father when she said this, she rubbed her wrists that were aching a little from being chained up this afternoon. Her grey eyes twinkled, the moonlight making her tears look like orbs of crystal while they ran down her freckled face. "What did I do to deserve it? Why do I want to-" she stopped herself, explaining as she looked up to the drone's worried eyes, "Run away, where no one can find me..."

N got down to Tessa's level, he had seen many times when J would do that and give some amazing emotional wisdom, but this was N, he just didn't have that knowledge or emotional maturity, but he offered gently, a story he once read. "Once upon a time, there was a king, and he had a troubled heart. He asked a blacksmith to make him something that would help make his sorrowful heart hurt less."

Tessa felt odd that N was telling her a story, but she let him finish.

"The blacksmith returned later that day with a golden ring, he presented it to the sorrowful king, and when the king saw the words engraved upon it, he smiled," the butler told, a smile in his voice, despite the worried expression, "This too shall pass" He pulled in the girl for a hug.

The Elliott girl started crying, holding onto N like he was a life preserver after she almost drowned in a pool.

"It might be bad right now, but it won't be bad forever, we still make happy memories through all the scary times," the butler explained soothingly

The girl hugged her drone silently, they listened to the sound of the waves at the cliff's bottom, looking out to the stars. Eventually, Tessa found her voice, she remarked softly, "When I'm big and strong, some day... I'll get far far away from here. And we will all be under a big starry sky again... and all of this, will be a memory"

N reassured kindly, while smiling to his favourite human, "I'm glad you didn't run away, Tessa. All of us adore you; me, V, J, and even the maids and butlers without names all like you lots." The snowy-haired drone even trilled, "One day you'll be our boss and you'll be able to keep us all safe and you'll be free to do whatever you'd like."

This made the ebony haired girl laugh a little, she let go of the butler and looked up to the crescent moon in the sky. "I can't wait to be in charge, the first thing I'd do is give you all the names I wanted to give you, your name will be Nate, which means Gift from God."

The butler smiled at that name, responding joyfully, "I can't wait to be called that! It sounds nice!" He stood up and held his hand out. "Let's get you back home, okay? I'll make you waffles in the morning."

The girl asked curiously, accepting the butler's hand up, "Will they have strawberries?"

"Always!" the drone insisted happily, pulling Tessa to her feet before they began heading back to the manor. Nate giggled cheerfully, "I love your new hairstyle, by the way, Tess. It looks great."

Tessa knew her hair was breaking off lately due to not eating enough and she had to cut off most of the longer bits with a razor comb, but still wanting to protect Nate, she giggled, "I had a little accident and I thought, hey, it'd be fun to try something uneven. Might as well, makes it easier for Jaybird to brush."

The two laughed together at Tessa's reasoning as they headed back to the manor, and while the next day wouldn't be that much better, at least Tessa knew in her heart that she was loved, even if it wasn't by her parents, the drones of the manor were her support system, and that gave her courage, only returning to the cliff side to practice the harp or for reading books during the day.

The End

Feral J AU - Mutuals Roleplay - Bringing her Out of Hiding.

Tessa sat in her bedroom, she hadn't left in 4 days since the incident with the Feral J, she sat in the dark on her charger bed, with her laptop, bottles of strawberry oil were littered around the room so badly it was starting to smell like a Strawberry Shortcake Doll factory.

Tessa's hair, the glorious length that had been stolen from her, had been replaced with a long and tangled mess, tied up in a high ponytail. Still draped over her shoulders were the tensor bandages, even though the injuries had scarred over. She didn't also either bother wearing a pretty dress and bows, just a plain black cotton dress with a long floor length skirt. She sat looking at cute cat photos, but everytime she'd hear a sound, she would jump a little.

She no longer sang, or laughed, nor was even @sd-lowercase-j able to coax her gently back from this depressive episode.

Tessa had not only lost her anger and fight towards the feral J, but she had somewhat lost herself in the fray.

J's voice made her jump slightly, before she looked over in the dark to the J she had created after her J vanished. "S-s-sorry Jaybird, I... I'm r-right," the drone with the dark turquoise tangles greeted sadly, but she clearly wasn't alright at all.

The mere suggestion of J even being an inch away from her hair made her flinch, holding her ponytail close like it was a beloved toy that someone wanted to take away from her. "I don't... I don't think that's wise, J..." she advised, looking away in embarrassment, admitting sorrowfully as she trembled having noticed the legs J was using, "I... I'd prefer if you didn't wear your armoured form's legs at home... They remind me of..." she paused, thinking about the big scary J that had hunted her down, ambushed her and broke her shoulder and also stole Tessa's confidence.

Feral J AU - Mutuals Roleplay - Bringing her Out of Hiding.

Tessa sat in her bedroom, she hadn't left in 4 days since the incident with the Feral J, she sat in the dark on her charger bed, with her laptop, bottles of strawberry oil were littered around the room so badly it was starting to smell like a Strawberry Shortcake Doll factory.

Tessa's hair, the glorious length that had been stolen from her, had been replaced with a long and tangled mess, tied up in a high ponytail. Still draped over her shoulders were the tensor bandages, even though the injuries had scarred over. She didn't also either bother wearing a pretty dress and bows, just a plain black cotton dress with a long floor length skirt. She sat looking at cute cat photos, but everytime she'd hear a sound, she would jump a little.

She no longer sang, or laughed, nor was even @sd-lowercase-j able to coax her gently back from this depressive episode.

Tessa had not only lost her anger and fight towards the feral J, but she had somewhat lost herself in the fray.

She looked up from her sticker-covered laptop, her LED eyes that were on dull-low light turned bright as she saw Nate, digital tears trickled down. "Nate!" she exclaimed in a shaky voice, she got off the bed and held him up in a tight hug, but didn't swing him around like when she was a human girl, she just stood there, in the dark room, hugging Nate.

Her little Aussie voice chip let out soft sobs.

Feral J AU - Mutuals Roleplay - Bringing her Out of Hiding.

Tessa sat in her bedroom, she hadn't left in 4 days since the incident with the Feral J, she sat in the dark on her charger bed, with her laptop, bottles of strawberry oil were littered around the room so badly it was starting to smell like a Strawberry Shortcake Doll factory.

Tessa's hair, the glorious length that had been stolen from her, had been replaced with a long and tangled mess, tied up in a high ponytail. Still draped over her shoulders were the tensor bandages, even though the injuries had scarred over. She didn't also either bother wearing a pretty dress and bows, just a plain black cotton dress with a long floor length skirt. She sat looking at cute cat photos, but everytime she'd hear a sound, she would jump a little.

She no longer sang, or laughed, nor was even @sd-lowercase-j able to coax her gently back from this depressive episode.

Tessa had not only lost her anger and fight towards the feral J, but she had somewhat lost herself in the fray.

Tessa's LED eyes lit up brighter, she was shocked by the fact that the J she had built when her J vanished WAS her J. "... I'm... I'm so sorry I didn't see you and was so engulfed with grieving that I neglected to notice you were right here..." She rubbed her right hand over her knotted ponytail and replied, "It was very stupid of me to chase down that other J... Studying her... trying to save her... only for my singing to get me in a heap of trouble..."

She felt scared at the thought of a J anywhere near her hair, but... she knew how bad it was. She was a hairdresser... well WAS, she had all her work on back order for the last 4 days, but she didn't have the strength or will power to undo all the knots, and the thought of cropping it short made her terrified.

She took J's right hand in her left hand and kissed the back of it softly. "I'll go take a bath... I'll meet you in the living room after... I'm so sorry I let things get this bad..." she admitted before letting her darling J's hand go, she turned to go use their shared bathroom, but glanced back over her shoulder before responding, "I'm... I'm so happy you're back... You've always been able to pull me back from the brink."

Feral J AU - Mutuals Roleplay - Bringing her Out of Hiding.

Tessa sat in her bedroom, she hadn't left in 4 days since the incident with the Feral J, she sat in the dark on her charger bed, with her laptop, bottles of strawberry oil were littered around the room so badly it was starting to smell like a Strawberry Shortcake Doll factory.

Tessa's hair, the glorious length that had been stolen from her, had been replaced with a long and tangled mess, tied up in a high ponytail. Still draped over her shoulders were the tensor bandages, even though the injuries had scarred over. She didn't also either bother wearing a pretty dress and bows, just a plain black cotton dress with a long floor length skirt. She sat looking at cute cat photos, but everytime she'd hear a sound, she would jump a little.

She no longer sang, or laughed, nor was even @sd-lowercase-j able to coax her gently back from this depressive episode.

Tessa had not only lost her anger and fight towards the feral J, but she had somewhat lost herself in the fray.

After a while, Tessa emerged from the room, wearing a black puffy dress with white bows and lace, she held a bag of the bottles of oil in her hand. Her tangled hair, no longer bound by a dirty scrunchy, was now freshly washed, the colour a little lighter now since all the grime was washed off.

"H-hi Jaybird..." she greeted shyly, making her way to the recycling bin by the front door as she put the oil containers in there. She walked over and sat on the floor in front of the couch, trembling a little, the thought of any J placing even a finger on her hair made her afraid, but, she needed the help.

"Alright... I'm as r-ready as I'm going to be," Tessa replied with some fright in her voice, she held her gauntlets to self soothe.

Feral J AU - Mutuals Roleplay - Bringing her Out of Hiding.

Tessa sat in her bedroom, she hadn't left in 4 days since the incident with the Feral J, she sat in the dark on her charger bed, with her laptop, bottles of strawberry oil were littered around the room so badly it was starting to smell like a Strawberry Shortcake Doll factory.

Tessa's hair, the glorious length that had been stolen from her, had been replaced with a long and tangled mess, tied up in a high ponytail. Still draped over her shoulders were the tensor bandages, even though the injuries had scarred over. She didn't also either bother wearing a pretty dress and bows, just a plain black cotton dress with a long floor length skirt. She sat looking at cute cat photos, but everytime she'd hear a sound, she would jump a little.

She no longer sang, or laughed, nor was even @sd-lowercase-j able to coax her gently back from this depressive episode.

Tessa had not only lost her anger and fight towards the feral J, but she had somewhat lost herself in the fray.

The Robotic Tessa was afraid at first, and then, that song... The song she had thought was about her when she was a tot, back before any drones, doing her best to sit still for her Father back when he cared as he redid her braids and retied all her ribbons. A fairly faded out and fuzzy memory, but... that song, it made Tessa feel safe.

She remembered why she loved to sing. All those songs she would sing, they were songs she learned when she was little, and they were both a comfort and an auditory stim.

Tessa sat nice and still, feeling her J working though the tangles carefully, surprised that despite the tangles, there was a very light pull but no strain signals came from the clasps.

She eventually waited for a pause in J's brushing as she remarked, "This... this feels nice..."

Feral J AU - Mutuals Roleplay - Bringing her Out of Hiding.

Tessa sat in her bedroom, she hadn't left in 4 days since the incident with the Feral J, she sat in the dark on her charger bed, with her laptop, bottles of strawberry oil were littered around the room so badly it was starting to smell like a Strawberry Shortcake Doll factory.

Tessa's hair, the glorious length that had been stolen from her, had been replaced with a long and tangled mess, tied up in a high ponytail. Still draped over her shoulders were the tensor bandages, even though the injuries had scarred over. She didn't also either bother wearing a pretty dress and bows, just a plain black cotton dress with a long floor length skirt. She sat looking at cute cat photos, but everytime she'd hear a sound, she would jump a little.

She no longer sang, or laughed, nor was even @sd-lowercase-j able to coax her gently back from this depressive episode.

Tessa had not only lost her anger and fight towards the feral J, but she had somewhat lost herself in the fray.

why am i so bad at not eating. all i have to do is literally not do it. like why is that so hard for me?

i really fucking hate how the media has romantized depression, and all mental illness so much. like it makes people think being depressed is the cool, trendy thing to do. it doesnt show how some days you cant get out of bed and how you cant always even take care of yourself or basic hygiene or how it literally affects everything you do on a day-to-day basis. i wish that the media would stop showing depression as just being sad and show it for what it really is, cause its absolute hell and i wouldn't wish it on anyone.

thank you for listening to my rant

my mental health has never been worse.

what if i just end it all? it would be easier than this.