Historians, About The Relationship Of Achilles And Patroclus: They Were Just Good Friends! Good Bros!

Historians, about the relationship of Achilles and Patroclus: They were just good friends! Good bros! Nothing really gay about it!

Achilles: "My Patroclus"

Achilles: *sleeps with Patroclus*

Achilles: *the person he is closest to is Patroclus*

Achilles when his bedwife gets taken: *merely refuses to fight* Achilles when Patroclus is killed: *goes on a slaughter spree*

Achilles, when he finds out about Patroclus' death: *screams so loud he can be heard from the underworld*

Achilles: *demands his ashes be mingled with Patroclus'*

Achilles: *kills a fucking river/ defeats a river god when said god is trying to stop him from murdering Patroclus' killer*

Achilles: *murders Patroclus' killer knowing full well it will result in his death, although he wanted to live in glory*

Achilles: *drags Patroclus' killer around the city of Troy, in the dirt, three times, dishonouring him although he partly admired Hector before Patroclus' murder*

Achilles: *refuses to have Hector buried/sent for burial*

Achilles: *has to have Priam come to him and beg for his son's body for him to return Hector for burial*

Achilles: *prowls the battlefield, wanting death, so that he can be reunited with Patroclus*

Achilles: *smiles when he dies because he's going to be reunited with Patroclus*

This is happening and I won’t be taking any arguments

I think we're all missing something very important

He's cheering

Yes. Just yes

We like to think Lucy was going to be the perfect ideal accepting cute mom we want for Simon, and that she would open her arms selflessly to his boy's boyfriend and bless their union. And she is, she totally would. But I bet she would be a little shit about it, and she would DUEL Baz on a football match to prove his worth of Simon's hand. She would ruthlessly take down this kid who claims to be her son's true love. "Let's see, Basilton Pitch, if you are good enough for my son. Break me in a football match, no magic, and then you can attempt to propose to him. Salisbury's don't play games boy, we win them!" Simon would shout in embarrassment 'mooooommmm' and Baz would be compelled by Old Family blood manners to accomplish, only to be ugly beaten by his mother-in-law. Like, very ugly beaten down in the football pitch. (Of course she just does it for the fun and bless their union anyway, and she would bond with Baz over sports, team sports, cars and old magic. She would never shut up about how Baz is not 'strong enough for her son' but she does it jokingly and Baz just rolls his eyes in fondness. Simon never stops yelling 'moooommmm' everytime Lucy brings it xD )

James: Would you still love me if I were a worm?

Regulus: Still? You’re assuming I love you

James: … :’(

Regulus: I would love you in any form James.

James: *sobbing*

(Sirius standing at the door like 🧍🏼)

*sirius walked into a closet where James and regulus may or may not have been making out and now the doors stuck*

James: Well this is nice, just the three of us

Sirius and regulus: No!

Sirius getting a dog and being furious when it likes Remus better than him