"write Your Feelings,

"write your feelings,

write your sorrows.

write your emotions like

there's no tomorrow."

- spilled thoughts (via @angleofdepression )

I hope you ruin me.“ “Why?” “I don’t ever want to forget you.” “I don’t have to ruin you for that.” “Maybe not. But there’s a special sort of memory that comes with being ruined.

Sue Zhao (via blossomfully)

to "the boy"

to the boy who’s heart i broke,

i’m sorry, i really am.

i’m sorry for leading you on, i’m sorry for saying all those misleading things, and i’m sorry for not being the one for you.

i’m sorry for not realizing this earlier, i’m sorry for not being sure of my feelings, and most of all i’m sorry i couldn’t let go of my feelings for someone in the past.

.

.

.

.

.

to the boy that i fell in love with,

i’ve read somewhere that you don’t just stop loving someone. love is eternity and the choice was whether to commit or move on with the strong emotion buried deep down in the pits of your gut with the thoughts and fantasies of what could’ve been.

my first love, you’ve ruined me for other people.

i will probably never be able to have a conversation with any other guy without comparing them to you. the way your hand gestures and voice raises when you’re verbally defending yourself, the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you’re passionate about, amongst other things.

i blame the girl that destroyed your heart, that ruined you for other girls, that burned the light out of your beautiful brown eyes.

but at the same time, i’d thank her. if it was not for her we would never have been as close as we are now.

i was there. through all the emotional downfalls you’ve had at 1am in the morning because of her, i was there. i was the one asking if you were okay, that sent you all those good morning texts and virtual hugs when you were breaking down on the other side of the phone and i couldn’t be physically there for you. if i was annoying you doing all those things, i’m sorry, i’ve stopped doing them now.

i was there too, hugging your broken pieces back together. i was there, offering you glue or needle and thread to mend your heart back together. but it was you that made the choice to stick them back, to pull through all the shit you’ve faced and stand up from where you’ve fallen down. i admire that.

deep down, i know that i will never be the one for you. the one to make you smile, the one for you to get protective over, the one to hold your hand in public, and the one to call you mine. the closest title to “mine” i’ll ever get from you is “my best friend”.

but that’s okay i guess. because the one thing that i know about love is sacrifice.

the phrase goes, “if you love something, set it free. if it is meant to be, then it will come back to you.” although i haven’t stopped holding on to the sliver of hope of us and what could have been, i’ve stopped pursuing after it.

i know that deep down, some part of me will always care about you and there will always be that dull ache in my heart when your name is heard, because love is eternity and the choice is commitment.

for now, thank you for everything that you’ve done and not. because if it was not for you, my heart and eyes would not have grown as wide as it does now.

- letters to my first love (via @angleofdepression)