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Paradoxical

Summary: When your ex husband draco finds you at a club that same things that led you far away from him, pave the way back.

Warnings: Smut. Blowjobs, vaginal penetration, cumplay, slight spit, mirror and sir kink. Ex!husband!Draco. Possessiveness with a dash of toxicity.

a/n: ahh yes, my assignments lay incomplete but i sure can write p0rn on a school night.

NAVIGATION

—————

The flashes of neon light flickered over his features, but those cold edges of silver remained unaltered, his eyes seemed to have been painted with his possessive and obsessive behaviours.

There was a part inside of you that wanted to do the classic throw-your-drink-at-your-ex act and this other part that was craving the antonym of that act.

Maybe you’d caught his paradoxical behaviour— the apple never falls too far from his tree.

“Babe, do you want to leave?” Hermione whispered, looking at you sympathetically.

Certainly not— he’d silently sent provocations to you a thousand times over, and there could never be a time where you would’t be prepared for a war— just like the old times.

“I think I’ll stay” Your voice had no cracks or crevices, and you kept your cool hard gaze on Draco as you answered her.

“You sure?” She questioned again, eyeing between you and Draco, and you simply gave a nod.

Draco smirked and his eyes met yours. The moment they did, his hands dusted off his coat and he soon stumbling out from the croud towards you.

His movements were more graceful than the dancers, even though he was simply fucking walking, he always found a way to make beauty.

“Hello darling” He said curt, his voice deep and smooth.

“Fuck you” You snapped back immediately, and his eyes widened at your response.

His hand fell over his chest dramatically as though your words made his heart ache, “That’s not very nice, I expected a far more sweeter response”

“Well, you’re my ex”

“Let’s be civil yeah? I still like you very much angel”

You huffed, eyes rolling and he caught that exact movement. You stared over at Hermione, who was looking as awkward as ever, shifting in her seat to somehow be a little more comfortable.

“I got it Hermione, you can leave” You leaned ahead and whispered. She gave a skeptical look and you reassured her with a smile.

From what she gathered, you two certainly wouldn’t go through the night without fighting or fucking. She didn’t feel like being a barrier tonight so then with a small peck on your cheek and with a small goodbye, she was off to finding Ron and Harry.

“Well” Draco said, looking ahead as she walked away, “Now that she’s gone, we can talk better”

“I have nothing to say to you”

He chuckled, swiping his thumb over corner of his mouth as he took a sip of his drink, his rings shining brightly and his viens prominent.

Draco had always had the most beautiful hands you’d ever seen. And a while ago, you were blessed to have that same hands pleasuring you in the most sinful of places— a privilege which you’d now lost.

“I see you still have the hand kink” His voice broke off your focus, and you were silent for several seconds shaking your head and scoffing.

“What are you doing here?” You asked defensively, pinching your eyebrows.

His teeth grazed his lip and his eyes traveled down your pretty body, noticing every perfection of that tight little black dress.

“Was it necessary to wear that” He sneered, not giving answers but rather more questions.

A giggle passed through you as his possessiveness came to surface, a reminder of why you left in the first place— well honestly you couldn’t just put blame on one thing, there were multiple reasons why you left but his jealousy was definitely one of them.

That giggle went silent the moment his warm large hand rested on your thigh, caressing and petting the soft skin, his rings leaving burns wherever they touched.

His fingers were barely ghosting over your panties, and your breath caught, your eyes quickly scanning over the room to see if anyone was paying attention to you two.

“Did want some random idiot’s dick? Is that why you’re so indecent tonight?”

“I—” Now your voice had cracks, you shuddered and throbbed as his words got more and more vulgur and much to your dismay, you got more aroused.

“There’s nothing— nothing, I hate more than the thought of my baby having to go to other people to get taken care of”

He sensed the libido, the clenching thighs and the darkened irises. His possessiveness got the best of him and he was willing to fall on his knees again, only for you.

“Don’t you want me to take care of you?”

—

His lips were soft but the way he kissed you was ravenous and rough. His tongue was moving along with yours, asserting dominance.

Your legs rested on his hips as he pressed you against the wall, kissing you deeply.

“Mine, mine, all mine” He muttered as he kissed along your throat and over your breasts. You moaned as he squeezed your arse, and grinded himself against your slit.

Suddenly, he pulled you down from him and you were left with wonderment before he pushed you down on your knees.

“You know what to do doll” He said, pulling your strands of hair back from your face.

“Yes sir” You only nodded with anticipation, hands trembling as you worked to unbuckle his belt. His breaths were ragged, and his hooded eyes fixated on your mouth.

His cock was hard as a rock, and heavy in your hand. You only needed to give him one firm stroke to have him grunting.

Your mouth wrapped around the head of him, licking up his tip and brushing and squeezing at the base of his thick lenght. Your eyes flicked up, maintaining contact as you took his entire shaft inside.

His fingers tensed, and your mouth sucked, and then bobbed back and forth, earning a throaty, ‘good girl’

The praise motivated you to make him feel ever better, your hand working at the base of him, stroking the flesh as you took the rest in your mouth.

“That’s it baby, you still take me so well” He groaned, giving an experimental thrust of his hips.

Soon, your eyes were watering and he was feeling that fimilar euphoria blooming down in his abdomen. When each one of his hands rested on the side of your face, yours rested on his thighs and you inhaled for what was to come.

His hips canted and thrusted into your mouth, your chin smeared with drool as he fucked your mouth. Your cheeks were stained with the tears that slipped down your pretty eyes.

“God, fuckin’ love this filthy little mouth” He grunted, pulling his cock out, spit connecting your lips with his head.

Your arousal smeared your thighs, it was almost painful. He was right in front and yet you hadn’t had him.

When you looked up, his expression was proud and satisfied, he gave your head a pat, muttering even more praises as he pulled you up. His thumbs cleaned up the remaining tears, kissing your nose and cheeks and healing the ache.

Draco pulled you up again, carrying you across his penthouse to his bedroom.

There were candles lit all around his room, and it gave everything a golden hue.

A whine fell from your lips as he pushed you down on the bed, “Draco please” You mewled, spreading your legs wide apart.

His pupils dialated, and he bent down to kiss along your thighs, your panties went down your legs, and he made it sure to make it absolutely excruciating.

He pulled at your knickers until they were down to your ankles and then he moaned as he stared at your possession.

“Fuck— I missed my girl so much” He spoke, kissing right abode your aching nub.

“And what about me?” You pouted, staring down at the blonde man between your thighs.

“Course I missed you too, silly” He sighed, “I just missed her more”

His finger prodded at your entrance, with a glance on your face, he pushed them inside and immediately curled them— and you cried out as his rings juxtaposed against his skin and the tips of his fingers scraped at that spot.

That feeling was lost soon, way too soon as he pulled them out. His grey eyes taking in the beautiful details of your responses. You looked at him avidly as he sucked on the arousal covered fingers.

“Still the sweetest”

“Please, please sir” You begged, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him towards you.

“Brat” Draco said, and swiftly turned you around, pulling your dress above your hips and cupping your arse.

He gave you a spank making you yelp in surprise. “That’s for earlier”

Draco spit on his shaft, jerking himself off and he still teased you and dragged out your desire. He aligned himself perfectly with you, and stayed still. He was always such a fucking tease.

With a strong thrust, he was buried deep inside. You trembled, gripping the sheets beneath you. His ripped muscular arm pulled you against his chest, keeping your skins together as he rut inside you.

“See how perfect I fit you?” His hand made you look right forward at the huge mirror in front of his bed.

And you stared at the sight of him and you. How you were filled with him so beautifully, how he was dragging your tits out from your dress, how his mouth was on your neck, and his arms around your waist.

When he gave a single hard thrust, you gave an embarrassingly loud gasp.

Then he gave a second and a third and several others and you were already shaking and struggling to keep yourself up.

You’d forgotten about the affect that he had on you. How much power he held.

His thrusts got harder and harder with a certain symphony hidden in them. “Oh fuck—” You sobbed, “I love your cock so much”

At that, he grunted loudly, and turned your head so that he could kiss you.

Your tits bounced as he got rougher, fucking you until he lost almost all control over himself.

It wasn’t until he felt you tighten unimaginably hard around him that he pulled out and you whined impatiently.

Draco manhandled you onto your back, he kissed you as he climbed on top of you, his hands sliding along your body.

He placed his palms on your thighs and pulled both of your legs up until they rested on his shoulders. He pressed a kiss on the inside of your thigh, cherishing the sculptured skin.

You whimpered as he sank inside again, drawing that coil inside you again. You were mesmerized as you stared at his sweaty broad shoulders and admired how your legs rested on them.

As he began to move inside again, you only stared at his face, and the illuminating orange colour of the lighting on him.

He was thrusting hard, trying to surpress feeling with the way his hips roughly met yours, with the way his lips moved with yours.

Your underwear dangled off your ankle as he pounded inside your pussy, leaving you shaking under him.

“I’m— I’m close”

Draco grunted, and his hand slid between both your bodies, drawing tight circles where the two of you met, “Cum for me”

And for him, you did. For him, you cried, and unraveled pleasure beneath him. Tears right at your eyes, like pearls decorating them, and your sobs and pants like melodies to his ears.

He pulled out quick, panting as he came and stained your flawless skin with his sin. His cum spilled over your belly and spread down to your pussy.

He panted near your shoulder and kissed it, feeling adoration come to surface, that one thing he’d tried to deny.

But all he could see was how the world was much more better and beautiful when you were present in his eyes, or in his arms.

And it was amidst all the lust and vexation, that you knew; knew that you were still almost as much in love as the first time the rays of the sun ever reached the earth— the first time you ever felt love for him sear through you.

His forehead rested against yours, and maybe it was the heat of the situation, but that possessiveness was appealing. You wanted it, you wanted him.

Draco kissed your cheek, “I want you back” and to that, you answered with a smile, a dimple forming right where he’d kissed away any doubts to not be called his.

—————

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Crybaby

Summary: Reader cries because of lack of attention and Draco finally gives in to comfort her.

Warnings: Smut. Draco is just big and strong lol. Innocence & hand kink. Fingering. Dom!Draco. Crybaby!Reader. This is super short and a little rushed, srry :(

a/n: hi i am back after 20 days, i got some of the inspiration to write this after listening to crybaby, so everyone go steam it. enjoy :p

NAVIGATION

————

There was that pout, and your fists— curled— and eyes teary, and your throat dry.

It had to have been an infinite amount of times you’d called for him, but he’d shake his head, swipe his eyes over you for a mere moment, and return to whatever activities he was doing.

Now there was that cry caught in your mouth— and you were pressing your lips together into that hard flat line to contain your sobs— but they fell through your efforts— and that immediately got his attention.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” He sounded worried, but it felt like a joke to you, you didn’t look back at him or answer him as he stood up from his seat and went to grab you.

You hated being a crybaby, but in all honesty, you were right to be in this position right now. He’d payed no mind to you, shoved you aside, all until you were crying, and wiping away your tears yourself, despite his being present.

“Love. Love. I’m here, can y’look at me?” His voice was gentle— apologetic— as he bent down, settled his legs on the couch, and sat you up to straddle him.

Draco’s hand rested behind your head, patting you softly and pulling you into his chest, kissing your forearms, and whispering into your skin. “Darling, m’sorry, I swear I was just joking”

Your sobs didn’t falter as you spoke softly, “Am I annoying you?” You said, still covering your face.

“No! Not at all, I was playing around, I’m so sorry for ignoring my love.”

His hand put away yours from your face, intently staring at you, and giving you a warm smile. Draco wiped away your tears using his sleeves, guilt bubbling in him as he cleaned the tears he’d formed, “I’m sorry” He repeated, resting his head against yours, “Can you please forgive me? I’ll do anything”

You giggled lightly, and nodded, “I forgive you”

“Good girl. Now, what do you want?”

You sniffled, fumbling with his tie nervously, “I jus’ needed you— to take care of me however”

From the stuttering syllables, and shy behaviours, he picked up where you exactly needed him.

He chuckled into your hair, giving both your eyelids a kiss as his big hands held your waist and he picked you up with ease.

You aligned your lips with his, and his kissed him ravenously as he stalked towards his bed and put you down on it. His lips were like clouds that felt like they’d been danced on by angels.

Draco pressed his tongue inside you, swiping it over yours, and teasing your lips with his teeth, and then as you just got indulged in it. He pulled away and left you wanting again.

At your expression, he laughed and gave you back a small peck.

His hands pulled up his your hoodie to reveal your soft tummy and your navy blue underwear.

“Pretty” he muttered, and he rested his soft lips on your neck, and ran a finger through the outline of your slit, gently tracing your folds and feeling the slight dampness of it.

“Is this what you need taken care of?” Draco said, cupping your cunt, and staring into your wide eyes.

“Y—yeah” You meekly said as he smirked and part your legs further.

His heavy hand rubbed you over your panties, putting pressure on your clit and he made circles around it. Your gasps going up as his movements got more and more intense.

You fingers went up to grab his silver strands of hair. Pulling at them as he pulled your knickers down your legs, and threw them on the floor. Staring at your pussy hungrily.

Your cheeks burned in shame. He bent down to give your core a little kiss— inhaling your scent as he did so— and then coming back up to your face.

“Draco” You softly gasped as he pulled apart your lips with his fingers, and revealed the pretty flesh.

He shut you up with his lips, kissing you hard as his hand worked over your pussy to give you the best orgasm possible.

As he were kissing you, you felt his hand slip between the two of you, and pulled away from him to look down and there you found his pulling off his silver rings— very much to your dismay.

He stared at you confusingly as you quickly reached down and removed his hands from one another.

“What—?” He asked, pinching his brows.

“I want you too keep them on. Please?”

Fuck. He’d sell his entire estate, his soul, if you ever asked him like that— or in any other way really. He was as dedicated as an angel was to be.

“Right, of course I will”

Then without any wait, or hesitancy, his fingers shoved inside, and immediately curled to find that euphoric spot.

You squealed, and creamed around his fingers as they scissored inside of you, opening you up for when he’d give you the bigger reward.

His held your hips in place as he started to thrust his digit faster. Those rings which you’d asked him too keep provided that extra pleasure which you’d expected.

They were cool around your entrance and inside of you, burning through you, as he expertly worked his hand.

As his thumb fell over your clit, your thighs jolted, and your hand went down to grab his.

Tears brimmed your eyes again, and they filled the path of the previously dried up tears.

Draco looked down at you so so lovingly, that the black avid iris of his eyes might as well have been painted with with outlines of hearts. He had literal heart eyes sparking in him for you.

“Why are you still crying baby?” He smiled, increasing the pace of his hand. “I’m giving you attention now, aren’t I?”

“Just, fe—feel— too goood” You whimpered, curling your hands around his tie, and bucking your hips into his hand.

The coil in your belly spread warmer, and your thighs shook hard around his arms, by that, he knew that you were close to your much needed orgasm.

His fingers pumped into your pussy more, and he used his other hand to rub circles on that sensitive cluster of nerves, when his lips crashed on yours— you only saw and felt cosmos.

Crying out against his mouth, you reached your climax and came on his fingers hard. Riding his palm as you reached the end. Panting and trying to catch your breath as he stared at you mesmerized.

“Atta girl” He praised, pulling his fingers out from your cunt and putting them into his mouth. Groaning at the sweet taste of you as you shyly smiled up at him.

“M’sorry— for crying”

“S’okay, I love my crybaby”

————

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A masterpiece...

“Stop calling yourself a failure. There are planets and stars in your eyes; There are fires and oceans in your veins. Your head is a forest, your heart a meadow. And you, my Love, are a work of art!”

— 3am

“Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes. Notice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more. You’re doing just fine.”

— Charlotte Eriksson

Empathic Forecast

How are you able to detect the cloudy thoughts brewing away inside the roof of my skull?

You look over at me, as I try my best to hold it all in, the storm of my emotions shifting in the ever changing ether, peering straight through my mask, and wanting me to unsheath the tiny trinkles of rain until I’ve flooded you with all of my internal burdens; Strange interest in how I am feeling.

I lack the understanding of why you even care if I need an umbrella, let alone yours.

And yet here you are, extending a hand to me, a little-smoky-callused hand that I can not take, for I am a masochist who likes to suffer alone in the hurricane that thrashs through me; Stubbornness at its finest.

My shell is prickly and avoidant, locking me in tightly, keeping everyone out and at an invisible distance, for she can not seem to do it, just unlock this heavy door she's bolted herself behind, let in the people who seem to care, it just doesn't seem quite right, allowing guests into her private quarters; Keeping the storm on her side, all to herself.

“You seem off.”

I am, off in my head, dancing to songs, thinking of the things I’d like to create, making movie references only my family knows, replaying the ever insulting jokey words that have disrupted the version of me that you see, the side of me that has to recover in the back in silence, while also remaining present in the public, she gets wounded easily by the insulting assumptions blown her way.

“Just tired.”

Tired of this weather.

It's a mystery to me how you seem to pick up on it so quickly, my mood disturbance, my sudden hyper focus on tedious mundane tasks must give it away, who stares so distantly at a dirty tray anyway?

Why do you even want to know, Weather Boy?

- Autumn(Me)

Sweat Locked Exhaustion

Run your fingerprints all along my sticky pores, feel the stench dive deep within your divots and grooves, let it clench and coil along your bones; Filthy.

Glistening in a saucy sweat, dripping down from her dry silky scalp all the way to the foul smelling toes, curling at the sight, isn’t she gorgeous?

Never have you been faced with such a familiar dreadful aroma, so intoxicating the way it stings as it clings, hooking in sharply as it begins rooting itself deeper within the murky funky mold of her mind; Fungus of empty thoughts.

Spores open to breathe, only to find no air in their home, baking to a crisp inside her dome, glued down tight, entirely one with the oldeny-fresh-gunky dust of jaded silence; Fully nestled in.

Glide down tenderly as you get stuck in the puddles of dressings and every other disgusting thing that has latched onto her tired skin, circling through every dry sticky patch as you try not to barf, take it all in, inhale deeply as you do your best to pull yourself together; Exhausted and teary eyed.

Get down on your knees my sweet little sheep, bare down on my rotten selfish core, lick it all up, all the dirt and grim, between each crack and crease, exfoliate me until I’m nothing but a hollow shell; Dirty.

-Autumn(Me)

4/27/2024

Lying Within Her Nudity, There Is Truth

I don't think you want me, just my body, the parts of me that leak in horniness, apparently; Art of sin.

It's painted everywhere, her ache for warm saliva, bare skin sweating against yours, quivering in 50 ropes of lust; Her inner desires so obvious to the predatory eyes of the perceiver.

There is no more meaning behind her work, behind her eyes, alongside the curves of her awkward-plump-tiny form, just snake your way into her mouth, underneath all her clothes, it's what you really want.

Fingers circle and glide, traveling wherever they so please, moving her legs, bringing her closer so that you may feel the pleasures of heated close proximity; The touch starved boy has got to eat.

The amount of strength in your lingers, as the pressure of your intentions rests upon her weaker wrists, has never made her want to ignore the little gnawings and cravings for romantic human contact more than ever; Preferably starving and waiting for the right meal, Goldilocks.

I can not bring myself to want you, to lie to myself to not hurt the hearts of others, to hold your gaze, all so that you may slowly place your ashy fruit scented lips against my dry ones, to allow my fingers to explore the damp pores of your skin; Rushed and one sided.

I don't think I want you, just some space, the whole and broken parts of me that need to be alone and breath, apparently; Art of feminine beauty and personal grief.

-Autumn(Me)

07/17/2024

Right All Along

Your words of supposed sincere honesty sit bitterly in my eyes, in my head, in my heart; Dissection of nothing.

“I'm sorry.”

You are sorry, so cowardly sorry for yourself that you're man enough to type out a text for me, dripping with just enough and so little that it passes off for a genuine explanation and peaceful exit for yourself; Thank you for your time and showing me the teeny ounce of care and respect you had all along for me, how considerate.

I'm glad that you're man enough to just cut me loose instead of continuing to lead me on through your sudden distance that I'm not blind from seeing, that you're no longer playing it off as being busy, but laying it down bare as not wanting me, instead of continuing to talk out of a pitiful obligation of fake interest and self guilt; It's nasty but true.

Something that you waited days after dinner to confess to me through a screen, when we both knew right then and there you didn't want to ever sit across from me at another table again, that very same night when the air between you and I became cold because you're a spineless little bitch who buys flowers for every whore you see after dark it would seem; Far too mad and clingy for your liking.

My smile clearly not special or working for you anymore, just as crooked and goofy as your long forehead of deceit, it begins to spin itself down at the very thought of you and your existence, every sweet or funny occurrence once looked upon fondly now slowly decaying beneath my ribs as it hollows itself in as it heaves, because I am a jackass who never learns, and you are a dick who knew all along that you had no time to fart around with me, but yet we both indulged; Tell me why that is, Darling?

I honestly wish we never met, wish my sister didn't love me to the point that she’d introduce us, that she wouldn't have my back like that when I tell her that I think that this guy is very pretty, wish that I kept my interest to myself so that we didn't have to go our separate ways; Crying over a heartache of nothing.

I have no direct response back to you and your text, only these words of insanity and sour nothings, because I was foolish enough to have feelings for a boy, a boy who is still young and lost, who isn't ready for a heart that's two sizes too mature; I too type things out like a coward.

The poor little guy is just as ugly on the inside as his truck is on the outside; Full slander of the broken blazer of dreams.

We should go our separate ways, you have a life, so flooded that you can not fit me in your tight schedule of nothing, I have a life, so chaotic yet I wanted to make time for you for nothing, you've upset me and pissed me off even if I haven't gifted you with such feelings, and I'm not sorry because I don't feel sorry for myself like you do for yourself; Complete agreeance.

- Autumn(Me)

08/09/2024

Unclear And Uncertain, Distressed Little Actor

My thoughts are cluttered, a mix of wants and needs, the desires of a dreamer clashing together with the realistic doubts of a pessimist, leaving me in a daze of hopeless fantasies as I waste away on my filthy mattress of hairy-stained-sweat; Time clicking by as she waits and watches.

“Where should I go? What should I do?”

I think and ponder instead of taking charge of my own life, pacing back and forth across the stage, fully understanding and confused that I am the lead in this play, but ignoring the fact that I am the writer, director, and crew as well; An original production called Carmen starring me.

“Where the hell is my script? How am I to know where to block?”

Instead of focusing on the production and all the behind the scenes work that must be done, I find myself captivated by the productions of others performed right a long side mine, lost in a jealous rage of mesmerization as I am dazzled away by their hard work and energy; Where do they find such dedication?

It seems at times that my play could never compare to theirs, take a look at those beautifully painted sets, each paint stroke tells a story somehow, remarkably handcrafted by deligent-independent-self-assured-calloused hands; Empty stares of the tools of potential, wastefully lying upon my vacant stage of possibilities.

Sleepless eyes burningly marvel as the deeply meaningful hues of light dance across each actor and set piece, how groundbreakingly perfect the way it all seems to align with their very essence, every color has a profound meaning that just brings the audience to tears, no real need for dialogue as you feel the story guide you along the stage with them, so powerful, this unspoken connection; Tearing apart another worthless-insufficient-insignificant script, scene by scene.

Lost between the edge of my delightful dreams and dreary doubts, I've twisted myself tightly in a stagnant web of indecision, stressing as time continues to flow even as I am stuck in my own shrill sticky threads of hopelessness, for I am both the spider and fly amongst these lines of thoughts, mashed together on a stage, as I close my eyes to imagine what could be if I detangled from this loud cluster of thoughts scorching my restless brain; Repeating this paradox that doesn't slow the clicks, as days turn into months of blissless slumber.

-Autumn(Me)

08/24/2024

Redolence Of Regret

I like the scent of you lingering on me, coated in your sweat and mine, what an odd feeling, being tangled up in your essence, who would've thought I might have enjoyed such a cocoonly embrace from a stranger of delight dull touches and eyes that never stop staring no matter how much I look away; Or so I thought as my insides were an entangled twist of confusion, sensing that this picture just wasn't right.

I'm haunted by your scent, the date night aesthetic of cologne, ghosting through my nostrils as I try to forget you and the mixed up life lesson that you were, the nice smell makes me want to vomit as I get war flashbacks of your ever gazing peepers; Feeling like Akira as I beg to be left alone.

Your desires to be cute like the other people of society pushed me further away into the corner of your brother's couch, overbearingly cheesy in the most unattractive of ways, acting as if we're a couple, politely asking for a kiss from someone you haven't even known for a full week, as you ask me to look at you in those frightening eyes that never seem to close, attempting to guilt trip me with your self conscious fears of not being the prettiest dove amongst the majestic flock; Coming off far too strong with your “end goal.”

“Fuck you.”

I think that's all you ever really wanted to do with me, based on how quick and greedy you were to have me laying with you, your hands traveling over the body of someone you'll never have, thinking you're so sly and sweet; Sweating away in July.

“Are you okay with this?”

I said yes, told you that I didn't care to be in your embrace, but I think deep down in the slimy-sluggish-sensitive pit of whispered truths I fully did, it feels like an invisible boundary I wasn't entirely conscious of has been crossed, sending me in a downward spiralling loop; Curiosity encouraging and creating the discomfort as it whines for new distractions.

There is this area hidden away painted with your foot prints, it's a territory I wish I never let you dip into even if it wasn't sexually exposing, it's as if I did slide down each cloth and garment, revealing some foreign part of myself, leaving a sliver of me feeling not quite right amongst the remaining slices of my pan; Although I am uncomfortably tart and desolate, I can't solely put the blame on you, if I chose to explore.

-Autumn(Me)

09/02/2024

Dipping Into Restless Stupor

Every part of my body is frozen except for my Brain, slowly it comes to the realization that only half of us are awake, a panic builds its way through my system as stress begins to settle in; Sleep Paralysis, again.

Doing it's best, she tries to get everyone else to rise from their slumber, for what if she is the only one awake for the rest of their existence, what happens if the other members of this body don't get back up, would anyone on the outside of this begrudgingly resting form know of this motionless dilemma?

Looking around through closed eyes there are no demons glowering at her still feet, just the darkness hugging tighter as she begins to sweat, trying with all her muster to get any limb that she can to move an inch, any sign of life to ease her out of sleep; The true frightful sight.

It's very slow as rock like limbs do their best to glide across the sheets, each muscle taking their sweet time to untighten as they spark back to life, sluggishly fighting against the powerful tugs of slumber as she forces her body up, eyes dryly burning to return back to the land of dreams and subconscious thoughts that sneak their way inside; The true battle begins.

Without realizing it, her body slips back into the comforting yet fuzzy haze that leaves her Brain in a chaotic frenzy of fear, dragging each stem of creaky sweaty joints at an agonizingly listless pace, hyper focused and strangely aware of the empty blackness she resides in, feeling like an eternity while she finally pulls out of the dreary-warm-night-starry sludge with all of her might one last time; An accidental slip of consciousness.

- Autumn(Me)

09/20/2024

this is a bit different from my usual posts, but here’s a little something i wrote:

there was a fire in the hills

on the tallest tree

in the deepest valley

it engulfed the branches

slowly, slowly

tickled the leaves of bushes,

draped over the shoulders of the earth,

the uneven ground,

and it stayed there.

it flickered.

it reached up, up,

up into the clouds

until it met the rain

and the water fell like an avalanche

and the fire was gone

but i never knew, because the hills were too tall.

What do you want me to do?

Probably nothing, but be happy.

Random conversation with a stranger on the internet

You think attention is love and that’s why you suffer so deeply.

Like Phases of the Moon

To my parents I am waxing and To my sister I am waning To many I am new, unseen and mysterious. Never do I fully show myself to those around me…only to those I deem worthy, If I present to you in my full glory you must know you are special, you have been chosen to seem me as I am. I am a complex web of something quite simple, built to forever stand out in space amongst the many planets who demand majority’s attention Overlook but not underestimated, I am like the moon. -For the Outcasts

Maybe we are all crazy, that’s why we search for love in places it can never be found.

4 a.m. thoughts

They say the truth will set you free, So why am I still here?

God If You Are Above by Falling In Reverse

And then, just like that, we became strangers to each other.

4 a.m. thoughts, words better left unsaid