Spilled Feelings - Tumblr Posts

i do love you more. every day im offered the opportunity to live this life with you in it, of course i love you more.

i promise to love you more than i did yesterday, every single day.

i know i came into your life at this chapter but i would love to go back and read between your lines, and learn what inspired your cover.

i want to be apart of your story till the final page.

isnt it beautiful how someone, somewhere in the world, wishes for someone like you and have yet to know that their wish does exist?

i love people who feel like the sun.

im sure the love i feel for you has echoed across the fabric of the universe for eons.

moments dont last forever but in those moments i felt forever and more

cold water feels warm to freezing skin. your callused hands are soft enough for me, i won't even notice the scrapes.

It’s late so obviously it’s time to have some Big Feelings

Sometimes I am too loud

And I put my foot in my mouth

I say something stupid

Play it off as a joke, it’s okay

But there is one thing that I have always had trouble saying

I’m not sure when I last said “I love you”

I think it, easily, and I feel it

But I can never form the words in a way that others can know

I’m sure I could write it if I tried

But it never feels right

I think the last time I said it

Was as a closing statement to a phone call

But I don’t think it counts

It’s too quick, too perfunctory

Half the time it isn’t even heard

Said too late to matter

I don’t know why I have such trouble with it

I want to but I can’t

So I don’t

And it’s upsetting, to me alone, sure

But I have enough frustration

To make up for for their lack

There are plenty of ways to show love

To make it known

So I employ those instead

Actions often speak louder than words

But even still

Words can be plenty loud on their own

I call myself a poet

Someone who can paint with metaphors

Weave rhymes to make a tapestry of syllables

And yet three little words allude me

Stuck on the tip of my tongue

The edge of my pen

I’ll blame it on the autism

The whispers of my heart hushed into pitiful whimpers unknown to the world outside,

The crestfallen desires, longing for a sweet scent shut down by the ruthless , their attempts fortified.

A cry for help, my every breath utters

My brain explodes , the heart splutters

It isn't the same anymore.

For many this covenant seemed to be immersed into a pot of gold,

However my yearning for a silver contour isn't too bold.

You say that you love me? Is it true?

But you fail to understand me? Who are you?

No, you aren't the same anymore.

The quaking sight — dejected sighs and weeping eyes

I embraced myself, allowed myself to drift into peaceful slumber

Where the happiness may last for a while, the face beams, the heart joys and the tear dries

To exist like this in the real world, the urge never dies.

Why isn't it the same anymore?

Poor heart aching for a mess which wasn't deserved

The eternal peace shall be preserved

The clueless stumbling upon a dark night

Waiting for a light to shine so bright.

Perhaps, it was the same?

The shivering hands, lips quavered and uttered a shriek so loud.

The movements ceased, the heads turned, enough to pull a crowd.

Nobody seemed to care, what a selfish world we live in!

I stand there with my heart stone cold and a despair disguised as a smile.

My heart isn't the same anymore.

—RY

A silent but catastrophic storm drew near and blew all the happiness that could be merely attained by possibly cherishing the right that has been gifted to me by the one who loves me the most in this entire world. An excruciating pain shoots across my head which directly leads to my heart, leaving my brain and heart both paralyzing and dazed. The noise of shattering echoes in my mind. Shattering of what you ask? Shattering of dreams, self confidence, self love, trust, compassion and above all, love. A love that was nothing but a delusional chase that horribly turned into a terrifying nightmare which altered the subtle yet sublime track of my nerves. Yet still, there is a spark of hope that resides in every cell of my body which believes in the course of life—which will prefer my happiness over anything in this temporary hostage. The suppressed tears, the long gasps of air, the stone cold heart, the screeching voice of my heart which limits itself to myself because the world is immune to the pain of others. I am humiliated by my own thoughts. The ocean of thoughts that drown me in the miseries of my choices. However, this won't last forever. The sun will shine and the darkness will fade. With that hope, I move forward.

“There’s something broken in our generation,

There are so many sad eyes above happy smiles”

~atticus

@atticuspoetry

Self harm

What is self harm?

The act of injuring oneself, with the said intent.

Why do we do it?

Because sometimes there is so much pain, so much suffering, so much anger inside, that we need to get it out. We won’t take it out on those around us, we know how it feels and we wouldn’t put another person through the pain we felt.

So what do we do? We take it out on ourselves. We know we shouldn’t but sometimes we aren’t able to think.

I remember nights when I sobbed quietly when I wanted to wail, get it all out. I couldn’t. I took it out on me..

I scratched and I scratched till I bled. And then I did it again, and again, and again.

I’ve stopped now. I found friends with whom I could open up,Talk to about what goes on inside my head, cry as loud as I want  and for as long as I need.

I’ve found my solace in other things. I write. I water color. I may not be that great but it’s something that keeps me sane.

If there are people out there, and I know there are because I was one of them, who hurt themselves to keep a sane mind, don’t. I know it sounds stupid when I say it. Find someone who’ll listen, pick up a hobby, find someone to talk to.

And if you don’t find anyone, talk to me. I’ll listen. I’ll be there for you like how my friends were there for me.

Love.

@goodoldlamp 

So out of place..

I was meant for the black and white movies.

This age is too much for me..

I was made for a time when horses and corsets were commonplace..

I was meant for chatting in coffee houses and book dates to books stores

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for innovations

Electricity? I love it

Mobiles? So efficient

But I really can’t help but yearn

for a time that can’t possibly return

A time of blossoms and greenness, lovely dresses and exquisite balls, of letters and of love that were true.

I went to the beach yesterday, it was fun.

It took me three different busses, a boat and a 6km walk to get there, but i guess it was worth it ❤️

I like that picture. It’s blurry but kinda pretty. That blurry picture is what most of us are I think..

We make it look like we’re happy, we’re all perfect.. but really on the inside we’re trying to make it past each day without breaking apart.. and that’s okay.. being a blurry picture of a happy life is okay.. it’s okay not to feel okay.. we don’t need to be perfect, we don’t need to have it all together... it takes time, but sooner or later we will become a 4K picture of being content.

What do you do when you feel yourself lose the confidence you once used to have?

How do you get yourself back?

I lay awake at nights these days, asking myself over and over again,

"where did she go?"

I often imagine my life in my late 20s, having my dream career, living with my future partner, and being happier. Then I remember it's all under the assumption that I have time to grow. What if I need to step into my power sooner than I'd like? Life is not guaranteed, and time won't hold your hand. Am I ready for that?

- @annetries-towrite

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Perhaps, to you, this remains insignificant. To me, it is everything. It has to be. I am all I have left.

- @annetries-towrite

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I think that once you've hurt someone enough times, you don't deserve to come back into their lives, apologizing for your actions over and over again. At some point, it stops being them and it starts being about you. At some point, you owe it to them to stay gone.

- @annetries-towrite

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"Are you letting yourself be led by fear or by love?"

In a 2021 musical film called Tick Tick Boom, Michael asks his friend Jonathan this question. Two years later, in the early hours of the morning, I ask myself the same thing and the answer is always the same: fear.

I think that for a long time, I lived out of fear for my emotional well-being, my mental health, and my physical safety. I've come to realize that I am no longer in danger. I've come to realize that I cannot dwell on what I cannot control. I've come to realize that I have more power than I thought, but my answering isn't changing.

I thought that if I healed, then I would be fine. But I am not fine. I am directionless.

- @annetries-towrite

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