Pathology Is So Interesting But Also So Hard .

Pathology is so interesting but also so hard .

What a beautiful analogy

have this mspaint painting thats part of a project

Some days are so good when I'm happy and nothing bothers me.

And then some days are so bad that I fall into depression and cry the whole day. Idk what I'm doing with my life . I don't know what I want and how to properly deal with everything that is happening around me. I just wanna hide because otherwise I'll just cry whole day. Building up my self confidence was so so hard . But it's all going away again.

My journey through the Daylight Prarie OOB !

It begins with this random pillars floating in the sky ! Made me want to play some Parkour like in Minecraft .

Then we fly along to watch the most clearest view of the lightening storm in the Eden I've ever seen ! The red tinge to the mountain was certainly ominous.

And then I walked till I could see the temples of the final area of the Daylight Prarie. It was so beautiful !

Moving along till I reached the area with huge holes ! These holes are the ones that let in light for the cave area of the Daylight Prarie .

Looking inside some of the holes ! I'm sure the stairs are familiar !

The area above the cave after the tunnel looks like a horror scene . I was quite surprised by the adrupt change in lighting ! The one other player with me looks like so scary in this lighting!

Finally ending this journey by coming out of the OOB area and into the final area of Daylight Prarie !

I'll explore it more some other time !

Tbh , I do wish to get better. I wish to achieve my goals and lead a peaceful life. But I saw this word in Tumblr recently "learned helplessness ". It's very true for myself. I have taught myself that I am helpless. I can't change myself because deep inside I don't really want to. That wish of getting better is a vague concept. I've gotten so used to my comfort place that it's very hard to actually want to move out of it and face life. Sitting in my bed and rotting is very peaceful for me. It makes it so that I don't have to face uncomfortable things in life. Just me and my phones. I dont even gave to face myself because my thoughts are turned off due to my phone usage. That thought of face everything makes me go down rhe suicidal / non existence route of thinking. I need to want to improve myself to actually improve. But I don't want to. That why I'm constantly irritated. What I want and need to do is not what I am doing. Even while writing this , I don't have the wish to move out of the bed and actually do what I need to do. I am a disappointment. What a shit mindset to live with.

Idk what I'll do in this account. I'm a mess and I need a place to vent , post pics or in general post my thoughts.

Let this be the account where I can sit and think before saying anything and ruining everything like I've done before .

Also , just realised that my english grammer sucks. Sorry Mrs Mukherjee ( but I never liked you as a teacher anyway ).