Owl Pre-Launch Checklist:

Owl Pre-Launch Checklist:

✔ Wing, minim two (2) ✔ Foots, minim one (1) ✔ Orb ✘ Neck ✔ Face

all systems within acceptable parameters

ＦＬＩＧＨＴ  ＭＯＤＥ  ＡＣＴＩＶＡＴＥＤ

The AIGRON

intensely sectarian

incredible variety of worship

inscrutable history

individuality encouraged

No two sects tell the same story of the AIGRON, and for that matter no two members of a sect tell their story the same way. It is only through dedicated research and thousands of interviews that a general trend emerges, a timeline that is charitably described as “rough” but more accurately called “a disgrace to chronology”.

Here is what I have so far: “Millions of years ago there was a great fire that destroyed almost all life on this planet.” Gross Blue Herons (for brevity’s sake we’ll use their alpha code, GBHE) claim the AIGRON lit the fire to ‘purify’ the world | Gluttonous Blue Herons (GBHE) say the god was looking for a way to cook a bunch of food at once | Glorious Blue Herons (GBHE) say the bright lights in the heavens grew jealous of the AIGRON’s magnificence and sought to burn it away | Gruff Blue Herons (...GBHE) only refer to it as ‘a very stressful time’.

“With so much space and so few surviving species the AIGRON felt” that it was time to spread their ideology across the world (GBH- okay you know what alpha codes are bullshit, I’ll just assume you can match it all correctly) | intense hunger at all of the delectable food cooked to perfection laying around everywhere | grief there was nobody around to revel in their brilliance | like the worst was over

“and so they” Stalked across the countryside to pick off stragglers and prepare the world for their new and perfect children | ate and ate until they burst into a million pieces | began plucking out their own feathers from sadness | continued on. 

The lesson: “We are the AIGRON’s chosen and must continue their work” | “If doing what you love kills you then you will die happy” | “We are those feathers and we are Glorious” | “It's in the past, stop talking about it”

Beyond that things get intensely muddled and contradictory; I’ve only just started down the road of comparative ornitheochronolography so it is frankly beyond my skills to finish as yet. The main takeaway from this is you can’t get anybody from family Ardeidae to agree on anything.

we’ve arrived at the final cutscene that you get when you’ve completed none of the sidequests and click through all the dialogue trees without reading any 

To expand a bit for those of you who haven’t concerned themselves with the goings-on of congress, Republicans have attempted to repeal all or part of the ACA over sixty times. Almost every they were blocked by a coalition of Democrats, but even then one attempt managed to slip through and end up on the President’s desk. If this happens with Trump as president, the ACA is gone. My access to healthcare disappears completely, my right to be treated with dignity and respect is stripped away, and I lose access to medication that is quite literally life-saving, all because I happen to be transgender and poor. The point I am trying to make is: Republicans want me dead. This is established fact. They will try their damnedest to make sure I am degraded and spat upon, make my life a living hell where I am not even allowed to use the restroom, and generally stoke fears about ulterior motives so as to convince a gullible rube into violence against me. All of this action done in the hopes that I cease to exist, be that through murder or suicide. We have seen this in North Carolina with the “bathroom bill” which strips cities of LGBTQ protections. Six other state legislatures controlled by Republicans tried to follow in NC’s footsteps, but were stopped because of community backlash. I need you to amplify that backlash. I need you to strike back at the Republican genocide of minorities and mogai. I need you to fight for those of us who can’t. I need you to vote Hillary and Democratic all the way down the ballot. If you haven’t already voted early, please I beg of you go vote tomorrow. I need your help, and I am scared shitless that you will refuse.

American followers of voting age - on behalf of my friend whose life was saved by Obamacare, and my friends whose continued access to healthcare depends on it, and my friends who depend on benefits, and for my younger self who got by on food stamps, and my not-so-younger self who got by on unemployment insurance, and essentially everyone who would be fucked if we gave in and let ourselves follow the UK’s lead in how we treat people who need help, I’m gonna ask you to vote tomorrow if you haven’t already, and I’m gonna ask you to vote the straight democratic ticket top to bottom, barring any particularly odious assholes if any should happen to be blighting your district.

This is an act with real consequences.  Policy decisions affect lives, and sometimes end them.  Please vote for the viable party that will acknowledge that global warming exists.  Please vote for the viable party that will acknowledge that trans people have a right to exist.  Please vote for the viable party that you want picking the supreme court justice who’s going to sit and make these macro-level decisions for the next few decades.  Do it even if it’s a hardship, even if you have to wait in line, even if it doesn’t match up with how you think things ought to be.  Here and now, there are lives to be saved and work to be done.

That’s today.  I will be back to talking about hella cartoons tomorrow, and we can start planning the revolution again on Wednesday, or whenever is good for you.

What is the best, overall, species of bird to be devoured by? Which one is the worst?

How have I wronged you? What grave offense slip’d from my hands to cause such retaliation? This is obscenity pure and simple and I have had enough of this punishment, Bird Vore Anon, there is no inadvertent insult which warrants such simply vile villainry as these questions you cast upon me like so much rotted produce.That said, there is no such thing as a good bird devourment, They are all heinous in equally horrifying ways. For an example, please watch this clip from the 1963 smash-hit docudrama The Birds:

Even though nobody is consumed on-camera, you can get a small sense of the visceral panic that comes from an all-out attack and I can assure you when they get down to feeding the fear will be no less palpable be the bird a Gull or a Kiwifruit Bird or an Eagle of some sort. The only difference is how many of the species will be required to effect your demise and you can consider it a guarantee that one large and furious Emu and thirteen thousand irate Hummingbirds will inspire the same terror.

Crows do occasionally mourn and hold funerals, but the mechanism for it is incredibly convoluted. Much like the Victorian Crowned Pigeon, Crows are often vessels for reincarnation. Unlike VCPIs, individual crows hold one complete soul rather than a fragment spread across the entire species. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be too much of an issue as a soul loses most of it’s knowledge when it enters a new body for the next round of corporeal existence. However, a quirk of evolution has made the being of Crow largely compatible with the essence of a human. There are of course some ‘translation errors’ but by and large the general personality of the Ātman remains intact when going from Human 🡢 Crow. In rare cases this can include learned rituals and basic knowledge of the world gained in their previous incarnation. So, when the right essence with the right experience (e.g. a funeral director) slots into a particularly compatible crow, knowledge of funerary customs and a general familiarity with the Kübler-Ross model can in fact be retained. When this particularly unusual reincarnation integrates with the local aggravated assault of crows, this knowledge can be shared and thus comes the phenomenon of crow funerals.