With A Characteristic Call Of Yoo WAN Nah FITE, Aptly-named Goading Blue Herons Are Notorious Amongst

With a characteristic call of ‘yoo WAN nah FITE’, aptly-named Goading Blue Herons are notorious amongst experienced birders for their incessant and needlessly provocative behaviour. While novices in the field may misidentify them as Gorgeted Blue Herons due to their belligerent demeanor, they can be easily distinguished by a reluctance to engage in actual combat. That said, The Academy of Bird Sciences advises anyone without adequate self-defense training simply ignore these nuisances on the off-chance they are in fact Gorgeted (or even worse, Gross) Blue Herons

/!\ DO NOT APPROACH THIS BIRD /!\

This is a Gross Blue Heron, one of the most vile and disgusting birds to stalk the Earth. Over the past few weeks there have been seven confirmed fatalities of small children and under-informed dogs who have mistaken these fell beasts for Great Blue Herons in fancy dress for Halloween. When you are out and about trick-or-treating this year please be wary and change your route should you encounter one; losing out on full-size candy is a small price to pay for keeping your innards from becoming outards.

The Belted Kingfisher is one of the few species of True Birds who do not build nests, opting instead to keep the single egg safe in their mouth. Like their Penguin cousins only one of the breeding pair nurtures the egg at a time, but luckily their long beaks allow the non-carrying partner to poke food past the egg and allow the carrier to eat whilst brooding.

As the world approaches the middle of its month-long Halloween celebrations, we here at The Academy of Bird Sciences ask that you please be mindful of the Cattle Egret. These members of the Heron family are incredibly skittish, and can be startled into catatonia by as little as a motion-activated ‘zombie hand’ prop. While we understand the cultural importance of the season, it can at times inflict undue hardship on these high-strung birds.

One of the most bizarre adaptations in the animal kingdom belongs to the humble Seagull. Where other birds are driven by the Four Fs, Seagulls possess a perfect awareness of how fleeting and meaningless their lives are. This allows them to harass beachgoers and steal food without any regrets whatsoever, although on occasion you may find one struggling to cope with a universe that is both unfeeling and eternal.

Ready to strut their stuff with scarcely a moment’s notice, Glorious Blue Herons put their merely Grand cousins to shame. Immaculately styled, these fashion mavens can be found at all hours of the day giving personal care tips to more sartorially-deficient wading birds. Above, a Glorious Blue Heron stands with wings akimbo demonstrates an assertive yet self-satisfied stance to a small flock of sanderlings (not pictured).