Not Even A Full 24 Hours And I Have A Kudo + Bookmark Thank You!

Not even a full 24 hours and I have a kudo + bookmark 🥳 Thank you!

I published a new fanfic!

I've been working on this for months and the time has finally come. Who knew an idea would sprawl into a four book series?

**All quotes are my original work, created by me, and are free to use by anyone for their work**

I put psychosomatic asthma attacks into the pot. And joint aches. His back aches for seemingly no reason sometimes. He has to walk past a mirror to realize his shoulders have gone lopsided like they used to always be because of his scoliosis. His chest gets to burning, he's gasping for air, and oh god the asthma is back and this is it. No one can figure out why he's suddenly having a fainting spell because he's eaten plenty today but then the gasps finally escape from where he's been holding his breath, trying not to have the attack he knows isn't real.

i feel p strongly that steve rogers still thinks of himself as skinny

like, he knows he’s big and tall and strong, he’s got mirrors, but i think when he dreams he’s skinny, in the same way you can be 45 years old and dream you’re late for school

steve’s been big for– what, 5 years now? he was skinny for 25 years before that– i think in his head he thinks of himself as skinny, and in his head this all still feels pretty temporary. his body is just a thing like tony’s iron man suit or bruce’s hulk form, except that he can’t take it off; he has a big body, but he is a skinny person

because this was something he did for the war, wasn’t it? he wanted to fight the war, so he volunteered to turn his body into a weapon. and if his body is still big and strong, then the war can’t be over, so he has to keep fighting, and he still needs this big strong body to fight it

but i think somewhere in the back of his mind there’s this quiet unconscious assumption– someday the war is going to end, and i’ll go back to normal again, and i’ll go home

because every other soldier saw 1945. every other soldier saw the end of the war. that’s what fighting in a war means, is that when the war is over, and they don’t need you any more, you go home

so steve rogers is always going to be skinny, i think, in his dreams, in the same way he’s always going to be a kid from brooklyn, and bucky barnes’ best friend, and an artist. he’s doing this other stuff, yeah, but he’s just waiting until the war is over, and then they’ll send him home again

Badflower for Bucky

I just need to share this somewhere. I went to a Badflower concert last week and it was Amazing. They are spectacular. Look them up and know that everything about their songs is actual talent. No autotune there guys.

Anyway, I digress. I've been listening to more of their music the last few days. Trying out new songs from their other albums. "Machine Gun" took me by surprise. Good job youtube random shuffle. It is... fantastic. I highly recommend it if you love rock music, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, and whatever in between.

Just wow. Bucky, big bro and mama's boy hanging around the dance halls and reading science fiction, terrified and forced to fight a war that he wanted nothing to do with because of the draft.

Steve, sickly and told he was better off dead his whole life, aching to join the war so he could prove he was worth a damn to someone and being denied until the government decided he could pass for a lab rat.

Bucky, traumatized from being experimented on by the enemy, doesn't know how to cope with the things he's seen and done and the things done to him but when told he can go home he stays because his best friend found an in somehow to this hell. He'll be damned if he leaves him there alone. Falls an unfathomable height trying to protect that friend. Probably wishes for death but is found by the enemy instead.

Steve, devastated at the loss of his world, loses a piece of himself and never recovers. He goes from being peaceful to wanting all of Hydra dead, to pay for what they've done. No one questions it. No asks. All the better. Better a patriot than a waste of space with a gun. He pulls a suicide mission to end the pain.

Both come back to the modern world. No one asks questions. No one cares. Fury puts Steve to work, keeps him in the dark, preys on that restless energy. Never a free meal. Wakanda fixed Bucky's head so now that war is coming it's time to pay up. You can have a limb if you fight. Who said you got to retire? Both of you owe your country.

We're not paying for your therapy or your meds. Be grateful. You're fine. You're useful. We gave you a roof because we can still make use of you. Your body we mean. Who cares about you?

Steve is a hero. Bucky is blamed for his actions under torture and told relentlessly to make amends. Steve is untouchable. Bucky is fresh meat.

I published a new fanfic!

I've been working on this for months and the time has finally come. Who knew an idea would sprawl into a four book series?