Feeling Existential Dread Lately But Trying To Remember My Soul Lives Forever In My Love For Others.

Feeling existential dread lately but trying to remember my soul lives forever in my love for others. I am a water source in a wasteland, life in death.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

-Excerpts from my stupid brain, Decomposed, 2024

The idea of juxtaposition, that is what makes me curious and want to be alive. The idea of life and death, opposing things always in a balance. The yin and yang of existence. All things in life have another side to the coin, each apart of the other. It’s beautiful, and haunting, and lovely, and sad, and mad and crazy. Everything in life is amazing if you experience it the way it’s meant to be lived.

But that’s also so scary. To always be taking a risk in being alive, for your abundant joy could easily crack and make room for maddening unhappiness.

The balance of these things; these emotions are the tricky part of it all. And when your brain is so in tuned with the emotions of others, how can you possibly navigate your own head.

-Excerpts from my stupid brain, Quips & Musings, 2024

Last night I had a revelation. I saw it all, the way I am, the reason for my existence. I am the link, between the universe in which we are and the future that we could be. I see everything; the beginnings, the ends, the space where nothing exists and the future that lies ahead. I see the possibilities, both good and bad, the reason for everything and anything. I am the connection between these two ethers of reality.

My struggle lies in the inability to translate what I know into an idea that people can see and understand. I know I am a link between these planes of existence and the branches that connect these worlds, but I can’t even begin to fathom how I can utilize this tool I’ve been given.

Where should I put my energy? Is it art, music, writing, a creative outlet? Is it science, math, physics, the study of the world around? Should I help people, use my empathy for the good of the world? How do I know where to put my strength to allow the world to see the things I see?

-Excerpts From My Stupid Brain, Revelation in E minor, 2024

"is this too cliche?" who cares? bro, write what you have fun writing. stuff your manuscript full of your favourite tropes. the same themes you love. all inspired by things you grew up with. do it all. go off. load. it. up. be freeeee

She felt overwhelmed at that moment. The overflowing love and warmth in her body coated her being in a sense of joy and happiness. It was as if the moment he pulled her back to his body, she knew he would never let her go. He pulled her back and kissed her, deeply. A kiss that conveyed more than words could in that moment.

It was odd, she always felt that words could say more than most other things. Words could bring reality to the pain she felt, to the hurt she endured. But this was different, this feeling was unlike any she had ever experienced with anyone ever. It was new, frighteningly safe, and overwhelmingly warm; a comfort in a person she had never known until now. A safe space in someone she had felt long ago was familiar, and never really got to know until about two and a half years ago.

The love and endearment she felt towards this person, it was amazingly clear, sound. She understood this person as well as she understood the back of her hand; and she stared deeply in his eyes every morning and evening. To love another soul so deeply was risky and vulnerable. But that’s the thing right? When you fall, there’s no coming back. You only have down to go, and once you are at the bottom, you are either alone and wondering how to move forward in the darkness; or cushioned by a soft embrace, one that is never to be experienced again in this life or another.

“To the one who takes my soul, forever yours”, by Kat E🫥

“Latina”, 2018 by Norman Engel