I Couldnt Find A Better Template

I couldn’t find a better template 

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

I like the trope of es meg not really being in love with op until a few years in their relationship and then him falling harder than op even though it fell first 😭

AWWW i like it !!! oppy is casual abt his crush since it's been simmering for many, many years, he has Accepted the fact that he's probably never getting reciprocated. he also wonders why megatron has been more distracted than usual, tripping over everything and walking into walls when he's in the room

Optimus, texting: Where are you? Hot Rod: Give me a minute, I can't find my comm Optimus: Okay Optimus: Optimus: You're killing me. Hot Rod? You're killing your father.

Here's my piece for the To Be Gentle Zine hosted by @allsparkzines! It features TFP Optimus and the human kiddos meeting a rather prickly little critter.

I did my best and that's what matters.

Title: Nature Walk

Word Count: 950

It was a warm evening in early summer, and Optimus was grateful for a wave of peace. He continued on, making sure the children were still nearby. They were scaling the hills beside him as he walked, the slope not too steep and eventually leaving them at around eye level to him. 

He smiled to himself as he watched them all chatter among themselves, and how Jack and Miko would walk slowly to allow Raf to keep up on his little legs. Something about the mundane nature on Earth spoke to his spark; it refreshed him and made him more resolute to fight for it. 

He wished it didn’t take the war to get here, but he wouldn’t trade these moments for anything.

He pauses to take a look at some flowers on a tree, slightly wilted as they prepare to become fruits. He finds himself fixated on the mottled pink petals that are now dry and wrinkled, and he wishes his hands weren't so big that it would be nearly impossible to touch them.

“Hey, Optimus, check this out.” Jack interrupted his train of thought. He looked over to see the teen pointing at a tree in the near distance, though upon further inspection it was clear that he wanted Optimus to see the bird perched on one of its strong branches. It cawed out loudly, flapping its wings to resettle.

It was a beautiful bird, Optimus thought, noting its striking burnt orange tail. He racked his memory for the name of this bird, this hawk more specifically.

“I believe this one is called a red-tailed hawk.” He responded with a small smile, watching Miko take pictures on her phone. “Though, it seems to be a bit of a misnomer, because I have never seen one with a truly red tail.

“Seems pretty red to me.” Miko hummed out her observation. 

“You’ve seen lots of them?” Raf asked Optimus with wide eyes, flapping his hand a little. 

“Of course, I frequently come out to this part of this landmass. This is where many of them live.” Optimus explained. “I haven’t seen many of them in Jasper.”

“Yeah, they don’t live out there.” Raf sighed. “Unless the zoo counts.”

“I understand.”

Optimus and the children continued on, talking about the various animals Optimus had run into—polar bears and penguins, tigers and elephants, and his favorite—the moose. 

“I hope we’ll see a moose.” Miko said to Optimus. “I heard they’re so big and kinda epic.”

“I believe we are a little too far south to see a moose.” Optimus admitted. “But we will see.”

“Why is that your favorite animal?” Jack asked, more curious than anything else.

“…I’ve never really stopped to think about that.” Optimus admitted. “Do I really need a justification for why?”

“No, not really.” The teen answered back. “People just have different reasons for how they define a favorite animal. Sometimes that’s interesting to hear about.”

“Hm…” Optimus thought hard as they walked. He remained quiet for a few minutes before speaking again. “I suppose I appreciate how protective they are of their offspring.”

“You would say something like that.” Miko snorted a little, delighted in how much of a softie this giant robot was. 

“Well, it's the truth.” Optimus insisted, pausing as he heard the rustle of the bush nearby. His audials slowly turned back, almost apprehensive. The children took note, barely peeking out from the edge of his shoulder as he stood in front of them. 

After a painful minute of rustling, interspersed with yowling, a small bobcat ran from the brush, many quills sticking out from it. Optimus almost went after it, but by the time he registered the quills, it was already gone.

“Poor thing…” He laments, guilty that he couldn't have helped the cat.

“He'll be fine later.” Jack assured Optimus, patting his plating. “He probably won't tangle with whatever got him again.”

“Was it a hedgehog? Do you think a hedgehog is nearby?” Miko asked, very pleased at the thought. “I didn't know there would be hedgehogs here!”

“Hedgehogs don't live here, Miko.” Raf informed, a little disappointed at the fact.

“Another quilled creature does, however.” Optimus turned his head to them and brought his finger to his lips. The children obeyed, quiet and still. Optimus could feel tension build in his frame as he held still, waiting.

A rather frumpy looking creature covered with the same quills that cursed the bobcat emerged from the same bush, making its way to a nearby tree. It sniffed in Optimus and the children's general direction, and then began to scale the tree.

Miko in particular was transfixed, watching as the animal shimmied up the tree, using its tail as almost a fifth limb. She had her phone out to record video, but she found herself…not doing that.

“What a rare sight.” Optimus’ voice curled lightly under his smile. “A North American porcupine. I have heard that most humans who go out of their way looking for one never find one.”

“And we got to see one without even trying.” Jack caught on to what Optimus was implying, a smile on his face.

“It's so cute!” Miko giggled. “I wanna hug it.”

“I wouldn't. Didn't you see what it did to that bobcat?” Raf cringed a tiny bit.

“Right.” She sighed. “That would hurt.”

Optimus couldn't help but allow a chuckle to bark out of the back of his throat. Of all the things he found curious about humanity, the fact that they could look at dangerous animals and want to hug them was rather amusing. 

Though, he questioned how dangerous a porcupine actually was. Perhaps he would have to do more reading later. 

yall want another one?

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