So Ive Been Struggling To Find Jesus Music That Scratches That Stimmy Itch In My Brain For The Last Year

So I’ve been struggling to find Jesus music that scratches that stimmy itch in my brain for the last year or so. I’ve also been holding God at arm’s length for a while. I’ve been wrestling with a lot of things in my faith. But I think I’ve come to a place of possibly embracing while I wrestle. Tonight I found a playlist with a lot of really good songs. I’ve cried and my brain has buzzed and I’ve sat in prickle skinned shock. I’m still vibrating a little. Feeling like I’m on the brink, almost there; closer than I have been in many months. It feels scary. And raw. But not in a bad way.

Explaining Jesus - Jordy Searcy (took me completely off guard. One of the best songs- spiritual or secular- that I’ve heard in a very long time)

How to be Yours - Chris Renzema (a song I was already using for characters but realized was meant to refer to God-Human condition and I cried)

The Hope Inside - Colony House (too close to home)

Ring the Bells - Johnnyswim (no, not christmas. very powerful wording but also just really buzzy and good)

Sweet Ever After - Ellie Holcomb - (also very good wonderful lyricism and music contrast and just makes me wanna scratch my arms and flap my hands)

Will update if I find more. Wish there were more female solo ones tho.

This is Eden, im still working on his backstory, but I do know that he’s the fourth born royal child, proceeding the miscarriage of the fourth child. Everyone thinks that’s why he was cursed to look the way he does. (his parents are human. there’s speculation that he might be a bastard but he isn’t) more on him later.

I’ve been wanting to make art for Gus since it happened. I’ve been wanting to. I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. I’ve known she deserves it. I’ve wanted to. I think I’ve been afraid to remember. I’ve wanted to. But I haven’t.

This has been my mourning song for her. Nugget and I have been singing it together for months. I’ve cried over it. I was talking to my mom about ideas for Etsy stickers because I thought I might finally be ready to begin making starling art again, and she mentioned something about a silhouette of a starling with the night sky on it’s back, and this is what immediately came to mind. So. After too long. Too long. I drew her. My beautiful, first Star Child. I can’t sell this version for copyright reasons, but I’m okay with that. This was for me. This was for her. And that feels right.

Doodles I did of Gus and Wrenfield. Probably gonna end up doing summer and winter molt adults too, but we’ll see. Look at nugget’s little face tho- she’s just she’s so happy with herself.

Eventually, these will be stickers purchasable on my Etsy shop when I open it, I just want to finish enough first.

So because every Howl’s Moving Castle book cover that isn’t sixty five dollars is in that sort of- gaudy, super saturated, 80s-90s style, I’m making my own. I still need to order the book (cuz I only own the audiobook), get the proper color of fabric, and find some decent gold paint, and once I have obtained all of the proper components, I’m gonna give it the hardcover it deserves. >:3

I have more reasons but I don’t have the energy to write them right now.

But yeah, I’ve been thinking about what I’d be if I were in Faas and Enya’s universe and I thought I’d be a changeling as well for a while for many reasons, but upon further consideration I think I was wrong. So here’s the first concept art for a my avian persona.

As for the songs (which was one of the main influences on why I started thinking about avians because I realized that over the last six months the majority of songs I’ve been obsessed with have bird centric undertones at the very least) you can find them here