Footnote: Heya, Feel Like Seeing More Ramblings Like This? Here Is My Current Blog! Due To Some Technical

Footnote: Heya, Feel like seeing more ramblings like this? Here is my current blog! Due to some technical issues with the old one, I will be rblging the original MMM and CFF posts on this account, as well as continuing both lil series further on!

Creacher Feature Friday 5: I’m Utterly Terrified of Moose and You Should Be Too

I have noticed, on occasion that some people, even avid animal lovers, can still have that one critter that just gives them a passive comic dread. And I don’t mean the normal “spiders scary” or “rodents have gross vibes” gut reactions that society virtually conditions into anyone, I’m talking about the “I know way too much of this animal for my own good” kind of irrational, obscure fear. An organism that has a trivia card that makes you feel like you had some kind of innocence robbed from you ever since the knowledge was allowed to permeate into your prefrontal wrinkles, laying their dastardly seeds of hyper-specific heebies and jeebies.

I’m not gonna pretend you didn’t read the title, so I’ll cut to the chase for the tea I’m about to spill about these utter beasts of the North.

Everyone for years has always been “do X to avoid/survive grizzlies” this or “watch out for cougars” that but DON’T let the framing of Bambi or The Land Before Time Make you overlook the one thing that makes the largest wolves and even brown bears look almost harmless: the herbivore that must be ready to defend itself against them at the drop of a hat.

By the numbers alone, moose are responsible for more injuries and deaths annually than grizzlies and Timberwolves combined.

Despite being another (the largest) member of the deer family, these things are no freaking whitetail. Throw away everything you have come to understand about smaller deer if you find yourself in the presence of a moose. For one, they largely do not have a strong baseline fear of human beings like more common deer would. In the temperate US and beyond, deer are more known to just immediately flee the area if an ant farts 5 feet away. Moose give z e r o fucks about your presence until you give them a reason to. And this in part leads to some horrible accidents and danger, because less savvy people sometimes mistake their boldness to being “friendly” or open to further approach. While not quite so temperamental as a hippo, they can quickly turn from apathetic to downright deadly from provocation or harassment. This is doubly a jeopardizing position to remain in when dealing with rutting bulls or calving mothers, both of which more likely to decide against fleeing and choose ruining your entire day and then some.

Ideally, at such point, you would have scurried as soon as humanely possible for cover or anything sturdy you could weave around to have between you, and that angry moose. Let’s say you don’t manage that, or that you were the kind of idiot that tries to stand their ground against a provoked moose instead of taking the first few hints. The good news is that you don’t have to worry too much about those horns bearing down on you, they’re mostly just for flexing on other moose anyway. The bad news is, you’re free and open to receiving the business end of those front hooves, instead. Try to struggle back or get back up and you’ll basically recreate that bear attack scene from The Revenant, only with less slashing and more rib-breaking blunt trauma in its place. Probably the same amount of screaming. Moose attack to eliminate a threat, so the only thing you can viably do in a trampling is to assume the fetal position, pray, and more or less play dead until the moose has moved on. Not “stopped stomping”, but straight on wandered a safe enough distance away to allow you to make a proper retreat to safety and some much needed medical attention, if you’ve survived.

And if you still have no idea how much of a bad time you’re in for against a pissed moose, look. at. The. Size. Of. Them.

Seriously, not even counting the antlers or the head, these behemoth beefstacks can tick a 7 foot or more height just from hoof to shoulder. In fact, even forgetting their spicy behavior for a second, one reason their sheer size is such a public hazard on its own is because of what happens when a moose and a car meet on the road.

You know how any common wisdom or Driver’s Ed course will tell you up and down, “Whatever you do, don’t swerve for animals! Hit the brakes and hope that deer/dog/opossum makes it, but for all that’s good and holy don’t rocket off into the ditch for them!”

Moose turn this lesson ass over tea kettle. They’re probably the only animal I know of where the explicit expert advice is to take your chances with the ditch over hitting one of these head on. Note this additional size comparison with an compact car.

Notice how the front of this thing is uh… right on level with being able to leg sweep a moose rather than directly hit it? I’m not going to go into too graphic detail of what happens when gravity gifts a 1,200 pound deer straight into one’s windshield, but let’s just say it’s not pretty.

Here’s some other cursed facts about NA Moose, besides their size put into perspective:

• They can move each eye and ear independently of the other.

•Their stomach can hold around 100 pounds of food at once.

• They can sprint about 35 miles an hour (in case you thought running was a valid option).

• They can easily kick in a 360 degree radius around themselves.

• Another term for “The fear of moose” is apparently Alkiphobia

• That flappy bit of flesh that sags beneath their chin is known as a “bell”, or dewlap. Males and females both develop one, and no one knows for sure what their main purpose is.

• One of the warning signs they can give before an attack, is to pee fiercely, staring you down.

• Due to wolves being a natural predator of theirs, they really, really hate dogs. Having a dog or few in tow has in some cases caused moose to go out of their way to attack them along with their human owners.

• You’re not safe in the water either! They’re not just competent swimmers, but natural professionals, able to dive almost 20 feet deep and hold their breath for a full minute.

• The above ^ fact is why there have been reported occasions of killer whales feeding on moose, as a treat.

• We should probably be grateful their even larger cousins aren’t still around instead.

• And, something a little haunting for me above the rest: North America moose can sometimes fall dead-end host to an infection of actual, unironic brain worms, which can make them behave much more aggressively and confused in the later stages of the disease. Here’s a video, in fact, of an individual with brainworm charging a man minding his own business.

I’ve never seen a moose up close in my entire life, I don’t live remotely close to where I would have to to even be able to do that, and you know what? I think I’m extremely and comfortably ok with that, but I am cursed with the knowledge that they are out there, like some Monster-Hunter esque boss that found itself a cozy footing (hoofing?) in the real world. Pouring one out for you, moose, you rudely massive ruminants. You have earned my distant respect, by which I mean you intimidate me enormously.

Footnote: Ahoy there! Feel like seeing more crap like this? Here is my current handle! Due to technical issues with the old one, I will be rblging the original MMM and CFF posts on this account, as well as continuing both series!

Creacher Feature Friday 8: So, Trypophobia Toads Are a Thing..

Last week, I recall, we took a glance on over at a frog so bizarre and special, it grew hairy gills on its back legs and broke its own bones to make basically Wolverine claws as a defense mechanism.

Guess what? I know of just the amphibian fit to top that weirdness👏

Full disclosure, though, there was a slight lie in the title of this. This feature does not actually center on a toad at all- it's another frog! A strictly aquatic dwelling one at that; nonetheless, it never stopped the unusual Pipa pipa (actual genus and species name, lol) from landing plenty of misnomer titles such as the Star-fingered toad, the common Surinam toad, and of course, the pipa toad.

P.pipa calls the jungles of the Amazon and much of upper South America as its home, where it lies in wait on the beds of flooded forests and low-flowing streams, ready to ambush the next meal that floats along. Interestingly, they also capture prey through a method known as suction feeding (i.e. slurping in a bunch of water along with the victim in one strong gulp), which is usually more associated with certain kinds of fish than most anurans. Guess when you don't have a tongue for gobbling your food up, you find your own way.

Something more quickly notable about them than their feeding habits is their.. interesting.. appearance.

I guess today also doubles as Flat Fuck Friday

In case you are worried, fear not, this is NOT the result of them being run over by a looney tunes steamroller. Just a natural way of camouflage, hoping you'd pass them by as a boring old brown leaf on the riverbed. And those little eyes are still functional, but for good measure this species also came packing a lateral line system (another fishy smelling trait, likely evolved to suit their lifestyle) down its back to help detect potential prey/predators while it lies flatly at the water's bottom like above.

If that's not enough "I'm not like the other frogs" for you yet, wait until you see them pregnant. I did not stutter. Pipa toads go about reproduction in a convoluted, literally skin crawling way.

To remember what "typical" frog spawning looks like, picture how the male piggybacks onto the female, they both release some gametes together in some pond, bippity-boppity-boop, tadpoles happen and are left to fend for themselves. Sometimes you get the odd parental species with males that might guard the eggs/young for a while, but frogs wholly are usually not the most invested caretakers, especially females.

Well, anything but usual, the pipa toad performs spawning with the twist of adding in a complicated series of acrobatics. As the released eggs are fertilized by the male, the he keeps his hold on his mate and brings the pair into a series of somersaults, where he uses his legs to push and stick the eggs onto her back. From courtship and on, the female's body reacts to this by growing a layer of skin over the developing embryos as they slowly meld into the outside of her body. This skin-covering eventually develops into something of a protective pouch that will shield the growing young all the way through their metaphosis from tadpole to miniature versions of the adult (one per each of those visible chamber holes). And after a long, 4 month gestation, the time finally comes for anywhere from 60-100 toadlets to be "born" and escape from their flesh cage for greener pastures and tasty eats of their own. Just as the beautiful circle of life intended.

Until further notice, this series crowns the PP toads as certainly, the frog of all time.

In my experience, only speaking personally but, I hope with something also potentially valuable to another person… this feeling has ALWAYS been a mental “check engine” light moment to pursue and invest in one or more of these:

- therapy and/or supportive networks for possible underlying causes behind insecurity and struggling with self esteem (rejection sensitivity, unresolved trauma, anxiety, depression, imposter syndrome, etc.)

- Resources for learning about and bolstering social skills like communication, communication, and communication. Communicating both interpersonally and also, and most importantly, with yourself, who you deserve so much to have a good relationship with as priority 1. Seriously though just doing some research into what healthy boundaries are and effective communication strategies can be such a game changer in EVERY angle of life tho. The “I statement” stuff and better information on how to handle (or replace) apologies have been a godsend in friendship lately, and especially the latter with dealing with customers/coworkers.

- An honest inventory check over of your current friendships and the relevant fears. Like, where the anxiety is stemming from, and what aspects of current relationships are what trigger these gut feelings.  A person would have to take different steps forward depending on whether this was truly an actual issue with their friends themselves, their own perception of friendships, OR one of the “underlying” things mentioned in the first bullet point. Easier said than done because it is a big and somewhat uncomfortable practice of mindfulness, but definitely one beyond worth it in the long run. 

ouagh how to not constantly feel like your friends are always sick of you

The implication of cannibalism (Or at least the spirit of it)?! In my E for Everyone nostalgic classic? It's more likely than you think!

What she says: I’m fine

What she means: In Sly 2: Band of Thieves, Jean Bison says everyone knows that all turtles are stupid/useless– showing there’s anti-turtle prejudice in the Sly Cooper universe. But the rabbit hole goes deeper. While we never see non-Cooper raccoons or other hippos, we do see other turtles in Mz Ruby’s level, and that’s where things get Creepy. In the Sly Cooper universe there’s always a clear divide between “human animals” and “animal animals”- but not for these turtles. One of the guards is an undead turtle who throws his head at you, but he doesn’t wear clothes like “human animals” do and cowers in fear when you approach him, like a cornered animal.  Mz Ruby has a turtle servant named Chumley escort you to her– and while he has a name, the ability to understand English, and the human role of a servant, he looks/acts just like an “animal-turtle.”  The level is also full of ropes that have dead turtle “decorations” on the ends.  There are even moments when Bentley says he’s too disgusted and can’t bear to watch Sly go through this mission– he makes general comments about how the level is “unsanitary” but was that the Real reason?? How does this world treat turtles??? What happened to the turtles in the Sly Cooper universe????????

Footnote: Feel like seeing more rambles n' stuff? This is my current blog! Due to some technical issues with the old one, I will be rblging the original MMM and CFF posts on this account, as well as future write-ups!

Creacher Feature Friday 6: I Found a Tragedy and a Rarity in the Ferns 🪺

~Ah, brood parasitism, one of my favorite forms of symbiosis. Brilliant tactic, evolutionarily speaking. Why invest precious resources and time into raising your own offspring, when you can just entirely hijack the parental instincts of another species? The cuckoo bird is one of the most well known and famous examples of this reproductive strategy, never building their own nests, but happy to drop their eggs into the clutches of other birds to raise as their own.

*(fun fact: this is actually the origin of the slang words “cuckold” and “cuck”, from an old French term for the cuckoo bird.)

Today I would, however, love to talk to talk about the brown-headed cowbird, another parasitic avian species, common to the United States.

The reason why is because I found a lucky, incredible sight while watering my Aunt’s ferns once:

If you don’t immediately get why I was so excited when I realized what this was, this is a photo I took of an inactive house finch nest I had been keeping my eyes on last summer.

For some reason every year, they love to set up nests inside the hanging plants. A cowbird must have also decided it seemed like a lovely spot, and left behind one of its own eggs in the nest. Now I didn’t see the brood up close myself until the family had already moved on, and I snapped this picture when the time came to remove the nest, having no idea it had even been parasitized. And what was left behind is evidence of a little-known phenomenon called

Egg capping!

What makes parasitism like the This destructive to the original nest is that one cowbird hatchling usually dooms its adoptive siblings. They grow much faster than their host species and they immediately outcompete the other fledgelings in the nest due to their size for the host parents’ attention and feeding. I think you can see why they need all they can get. Exhibit A:

Another way they have of reducing competition in the nest, it’s been theorized, is to literally prevent their “clutchmates” from hatching at all- by “capping” one of the original eggs with its own eggshell. This is not something that the hatchling does on purpose, but with a little bit of luck, in the fact that they often hatch and develop faster than the hosts, this can happen by pure chance as the shell gets tossled around with the other eggs. And evidently, this is extremely rare to happen under normal circumstances, what with chicks synchronizing their hatching, the parents usually then removing the shells from the nest.

So, it’s a fortunate evolutionary bonus for these home-wrecker cowbirds that this is another way they manage to gum up the works.

An Extra note: though it is potentially upsetting news that Brown-headed cowbirds are detrimental to their host nests, they are still a native and federally protected species in their home range. It is illegal to remove or tamper with their eggs the same way it is illegal to disturb their hosts’, and upon finding a parasitized nest in your yard, remember that it is best to let nature take its course. Cowbirds are still part of this beautiful ecosystem, even if they are mooching free-loaders :)

But, there is a nasty little twist to the story in my nest photos. The cowbird chick probably didn’t find success either. You see… house finches were actually a really poor choice for the mother cowbird who decided to drop her offspring here.

While the majority of local songbirds here (brown headed cowbirds included) require insects in their diet to develop well and strong, house finches are a special exception- they are almost exclusively herbivores. The cowbird that capped this finch egg probably didn’t fare well under its unsuspecting parents, muscling out its competition in vein. I hope those finches have a better run next year, but I am very thankful I got to see some really neat ecology in action, and right outside the front door!