What Is Your Greatest Most Fear? One That When You Are Asked You Day Goes From Gold To Blueblack. If

What is your greatest most fear? One that when you are asked you day goes from gold to blueblack. If it was sweet juice you sipping it suddenly turns sour. One that turns the heat up full blast. I mean the fear that makes you feel extremely uncomfortable.... That is my questions to you the blog readers today. I hope you identify that fear and find the thing that sometimes takes away your joy and or the thing standing in between ypu and your dreams right now.

I pray all goes well as you discover that thing

Until next time😘😘😘 and 🤗🤗🤗

💜

Today was unproductive as usual and i kept getting bad news one after another. Someone closest to me told me they want to get divorced and then im just like its a few months into the marriage like wtf. I don't know i guess i don't have the answers to it all. I mean i don't have my own answers so i better not dwell on this one for too long. Im bleeding for them though as always cos i love them and they are a big part of my life that i cherishe the most.

Anyways growing up in the countryside there was a lot of talk on witchcraft and stuff and that is what i wanted to talk about. I feel like i have this constant battle between religious beliefs and psychology. So when i get stressed out or when something happens to me whether its my fault because of behaviour or something psychology has an explanation and then religion has an explanation too. Sometimes i find myself in the middle torn and that drives me crazy.

Growing up we saw ghosts around, my grandmother used to talk to them and she used to tell them to go back to their families if they linger around our house. She would tell me about it the following morning and then say did you see it and i would be like 🥵 no i would be dead if i did. Or there would be an owl crying all night right, and then she would go out snd tell it to go back to its sender and then it would go.

One of my cousins was once beaten up by somethings that we did not see right and then he was brought home to my grandparents' home. They then called like a shaman who was my granny's sister's son and his wife and they would chant the whole night and throw water and salt on him whilst talking to spirits. Then my cousin would just wake up. This happened at least three times when i was staying with my nana for the holidays in the country when my father was still alive.

This has always confused me tbh. How can i not be messed up growing up in such an environment though. When my father was sick well omg i saw it all. He had cancer kaposi sarcoma hiv related. Well back then with stigmatization and lack of knowledge we had no idea what the hell was that. The cancer was discovered late and the hiv even later. So he unfortunately died before getting help. But did he try to survive? Man my father went down with a fight. He tried it all. All doctors, chemotherapy, traditional healers, traditional medicine, prophets, traditional prophets and all that you can even think of. I will not be surprised to hear that he pledged us his children to save his life. That is how much he wanted to live.

I guess he wanted to live for us so that we do not become orphans i will not blame him for that i guess. Im just salty that's all. So growkng up surounded by all this weirdness im actually surprised that i turned out sort of okay and im not prophet or a traditional healer myself 😁😁😁. However the struggle continues with dreams that come true and declarations that shake things up such that im even scared.

And recently something happened that has shaken me up and im scared my parents in trying to stay alive they might have pledged me some where and this worries me a lot. I pray day and night about but somehow i can't seem tk get a breakthrough. I have consulted pastors and great men of faith and no one has helped me and hence depression heightened and that brings me to the here and now 😪😪😪 anyways

Until next time i will hold on 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

Im crying... i love kim Namjoon so much, hope he knows that

he always knows what to say ♡

Map Of The Soul ON:E Setlist (Day 1 | 201010)

So m bored these days and then i decided to change the colour of my hair from brown which is what i usually prefer to always renew, which is like sunkissed blonde to baby pink right? But things don't go as planned because i was duped by thr Instagram lady who sold me the hair color.

So i decided to bleach it to blonde just in case i was missing something and that's the reason why it won't turn baby pink. And you know how my luck is, being black and all. I haf to renew my visa and they said to me nope you need to have black colour for your hair because your are black. So what did i do. I went home and quickly changed my hair color to black within 10 minutes. Even for that was too quick but i had to go back for my appointment. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Fast forward a week later now my hair is turning gray 😁😁😁 OMG can i get a break. So i had to bleach it again. The good thing was i had bought new hair color from ashop close to my house from brand vida fire red and i was like at least it's not a shouting colour so i will be fine right? Or so you would think.

I still had my bleach left over and after bleaching i put on my fire red only to find out that it was not really red but pink, like bright, really bright pink. Now im spotting a very bright pink colored hair and all of a sudden i have some color in my life.

I mean who am i to complain right?

Im worried my therapist will think there is a reason to worry about me considering i have been making progress 😁😁 now all of a sudden i have bipolar too on top of all that i am being treated for. I mean... it would suck to get rhough another round of meds considering i have started new medication recently like last month already.

Talking about being impulsive, im adopting a dog tomorrow so watch this space!!!!

As always i will keep holding on

Until then🤗🤗🤗💋💋💋💋

Well i used to get this a lot except that now i just don't... and i still feel bad because now that they kept quiet i feel like is it because im hopeless now.. did i gain too much weight now 😭🥺🥺 i hate that about myself i weigh myself everyday... its so sad really

““Maybe you should stop eating, I mean look at yourself.””

— —  my mother