All Too Well G. Suguru

all too well g. suguru

pairings: geto suguru x fem! reader (satoru x reader maybe?)

cw: lovers to exes, depression, i used suguru's eye color in the manga, angst, self-sabotage, fighting (satoru and suguru), mentions of blood, cutting of hair, i used suda manami for the plot sorry 😔, crying, a lot of cursing!

a/n: another angst fic hehe sorry :p

maybe you were the problem all along, maybe you forced him to something he didn't want and suguru got tired of you. that must be it. but if you were really the problem, you were willing to change, just for him to go back.

chp 001 - chp 002

how can a person love someone to the point that they couldn't live without them? how could a person like you love someone that you still couldn't forget about them despite being separated for several months already?

geto suguru was supposed to be your high school sweetheart, he was supposed to be the person you'll be with until you grow old. why did a simple argument ended everything? but was it really that simple?

graduating high school, you and suguru decided to stay at a same dorm, not wanting to get separated again. you've started to get to know him more. you found out the things he loves and hate the most. you still remembered when he told you he hates it when you're not around. but now, you wonder if that's still the thing he hates the most.

being in a 4 year relationship with suguru, you've got to know him better. you always notice little changes about his behavior, his attitude and if something is bothering him and you hate the fact that he hid his depression to you very well. he was all happy infront of you and you didn't even know that something was already wrong.

you only found out about it the night he ended everything. he told you he fell out of love. it was sudden, you couldn't even process the words he uttered not until he embraced you, both were speaking in hushed voice, scared that one might break if one raises their voice.

"i'm sorry, but it's best if i'm away from you." he muttered, still embracing you.

"why? am i bad for you?" you said, not returning his almost cold embrace as you lean your cheek on his chest.

"mhm.. i wanted to focus on myself for now." you were speechless and you kept telling yourself that you should say something but everything was stuck at your throat.

say something! you said to yourself.

you felt suguru arms slipped away from you as he stood meters away and smiled at you.

"was i— a burden?" fuck, you were supposed to comfort him! don't be selfish right now.

"no." he answered plainly. "none of this is your fault, it was my decision."

"h-hey, we're in this together, my—"

"stop—" he stopped you before you could even reach him. "please respect my wishes." he said.

"suguru, what's wrong, hm? come on, tell me. i'm sorry was i hurting you? am i being too much? if so, i'll change! i will!.. suguru just— please?.. you're all i have."

a sob left you when he shake his head left to right, you hate how he said those words that broke you and still embraced you to comfort you.

"i'm sorry, i really am but if this continues, i'm afraid i'll break."

"but i'm here, i would love to be with you. your problem is my problem, right?

"you don't understand, (name)."

"tell me, so i could understand." you muttered as suguru pulled away by holding your shoulders.

"you're being stubborn."

"but— you'll be back, right?"

"i don't know." he said as he took his gymn bag on the bed and you stood there, frozen on the ground, lips quivering as you cry. you don't even care if you look miserable in his eyes, because once suguru stepped a foot outside, you know it's all over.

suguru held the door knob on his hand, he wanted to look back but once he did it, it would break down the walls he built himself and would tell you that he didn't mean everything he said, but he couldn't just do that, suguru needs his time alone and it was for the best, for him, and for you perhaps?

"suguru." fuck. he cursed when you called him with your voice breaking, his hand on the door knob tightening. "remember that i love you, okay? if you need something, i'm here, always."

"yeah, thanks."

and it was finally over.

being emotionally attached, it was hard without him by your side. you used to wait for him so you could eat dinner together but now, you can only only stare at the leftover food on the table for hours until you didn't want to eat anymore.

you waited, day and night as you sit on the couch staring at the door as if miracle would happen and he would come in there. you've lost track of time, you think even reality. you couldn't help but wait for him.

none of your or his friends came by to ask if you were okay but you forced yourself to think that everything was all fine because suguru will be back, right? you know he would.

a month passed, you thought you were getting better. you started going out after locking yourself in your room but seeing people around you, you couldn't help but think of the days he was still beside you and decided to just come home. you weren't getting better yet. will you ever be? yes, you eventually will.

winter was your favorite season, you and suguru loved to cuddle with thick blankets around your bodies with a mug of hot choco with marshmallows.

how many months has it been? 7 months? it's not like you're counting. you're doing good now, but the memories were still there.

you were more than ready to see him again, in a high school reunion your old classmates held so you could celebrate christmas together. you hope he will be there.

"i can't find it!" you cursed, already searched every corner of your cabinet and the scarf he gave you wasn't there, you couldn't find it. another curse left your mouth and decided to just wear a random scarf from your cabinet.

-

"i love your hair! it looks so healthy despite being so long!" you closest friend among them, utahime said.

"ah well.." you were cut off when you heard voices from the entrance of the private room of the restaurant.

"they're here." utahime said as she stood up, welcoming your old classmates and your heart increased its pace as you heard a familiar voice.

as you recalled it, none of your friends except his best friend satoru and shoko knew you were dating back then since both decided to be private. his friends were very observant that they found it out themselves.

"yo!" a surprised gasp left your mouth when satoru threw himself on you, his arms around your shoulder as he flexed his blue eyes to you and then he brushed his slender fingers on your hair as you felt heat in your cheeks when he complimented it. "what a nice hair you have, it reminds me of someone." he said.

satoru cleared his throat at he sat properly beside you.

"oi suguru, you did not inform us that you'll bring your girlfriend with you!"

you didn't know if you were taken aback at the words you heard or the way satoru pinched your cheeks, forcing a smile to form.

"what are you doing, satoru?" you said as you caressed your burning cheeks that he pinched.

satoru was about to say something but you stopped him.

"it's fine." you said, mainly assuring yourself as you smile at satoru. it's already been 7 months after all. it would be a surprise if suguru doesn't have someone new knowing that he have the looks.

shoko sat to your opposite as they trap you in the middle.

"where the hell have you been these past months?" shoko said, trapping you on her arm as she grind her finger in your hair. you laughed in response as she finally released you. "so, how have you been?"

"good."

"doesn't look like it."

"i'm fine, let's not talk about it for now." you muttered. "let's enjoy this day."

"alright, talk to me if you need something."

-

being around with your old classmates, you noticed that satoru and suguru weren't in good terms. when did it happened? they were literally roasting each other the moment everyone sat on their own seats.

"they fought, 3 months ago." shoko whispered to you as if she just read your mind.

"what happened?" you asked as shoko shrugged.

"i only found them beating each other and when i was about to ask them, they left."

you look away from satoru and did not expect to see purple eyes looking at you, but he was quick to avert his gaze.

you gulped the lump in your throat as you stare at the same scarf you were looking for, wrapped around his new girlfriend's neck. her pink hair looking good with the pink with white tip knitted scarf. maybe it was just identical to the one he gave you, right?

-

the reunion was still a long way but you couldn't be in the same room with him anymore. earlier, you were too excited, even more than ready to see him again but now, you just wanted to be away from him.

"shoko." you yelled at your friend's ear, the loud sound of the karaoke draining your energy as shoko leaned her ear close to your mouth. "i'll be leaving now, i'm getting dizzy with the loud noise." you said as she prepares herself to stand up. "it's fine, i can go by myself, i already called an uber."

"are you sure?" she said as you nod.

you decided not to inform your other classmates anymore as you left the restaurant, your whole façade finally dropping as you quietly sob whilst covering your mouth.

what did you do to deserve this kind of punishment when you were just loving someone genuinely, was that a sin?

suguru's hair wasn't as long as you remembered it, instead it was cut the same length as his best friend. hair holds memories? what a bullshit phrase. now you just wanted to pull your hair out as you cry.

maybe you were the problem all along, maybe you forced him to something he didn't want and suguru got tired of you. that must be it. but if you were really the problem, you were willing to change, just for him to go back.

you thought waiting for 7 months was enough but do you have to wait more months? even years? of course, suguru was someone you already saw in your future, on the aisle as both of you exchange vows.

7 months has passed you still couldn't move on but suguru? he was there, with someone. he finally moved on from you. you just hope that the 4 years of being together was happy for him.

"hey." you were fast to wipe your tears as the person revealed himself.

"here." satoru said, handing you a handkerchief.

"what is this for?" you forced a laugh as you sniffed, accepting the handkerchief on his hand.

"you okay? i can take you home."

"thanks for the offer, satoru, but i already called an uber." you said as the surroundings went silent and silence made you cry even more.

"i'm sorry." you said, concealing your cries with a laugh as you wiped your tears with the handkerchief satoru gave you.

"why are you apologizing?"

"i look miserable, right?" you joked as you heaved a heavy sigh.

"i should really take you home."

"it's fine, it'll be fine later. i was just surprised." you said. "so, when did they?.."

"3 months ago." satoru answered.

"ah, is that so?" you asked as satoru hummed in response. "i'm happy for him." you said but your voice shaking.

"are you?" satoru teased as both of you laugh. "i'm here, you know." he suddenly said.

"stop joking like that, satoru. suguru is your best friend, i just couldn't betray him like that."

"i'm just joking." satoru said, placing his arm around you, caressing your hair with his hand.

your phone released a sound as you noticed that the uber was already near and satoru pulled away from you.

"thank you, satoru."

"of course. you still have my— and shoko's number right? call us if you need something."

"yeah, thanks again." you said as satoru ruffled your hair.

"there goes the uber." he said as the uber stops infront of you and you were surprised when satoru opened the front door. "take her home safely or i'll beat you up." he said.

"satoru!.. don't mind him mister."

"i'm just kidding." he laughed as you huffed in response. satoru watched as the uber disappeared on his sight as he released the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"so, you're starting your plan now huh?" suguru said as he appeared behind him.

"ha? what plan?" satoru rasped as he placed his hands inside his pockets.

"stop pretending satoru, we both know what you feel for (name). it's your chance now, you can take her, i don't care."

""suguru is your best friend, i just couldn't betray him like that." she said. see how she's still worrying for you? i wonder why an innocent person like her decided to choose a bullshit person like you." suddenly, satoru cheek was met by suguru's fist as suguru held him by his collar.

"say that again!" suguru said but satoru gave the same punch he received as suguru stumbled back a bit.

"hey!" shoko's voice entered their senses as she went between them. "the fuck are you two fighting for again!" shoko yelled but she was being ignored by the two men.

"did you know suguru, i am aware of my bad habits before in high school that's why i let you be with (name) even if it hurts me because i know you are the best for her, i didn't expect you to be like this, come on!"

"stop talking as if you know everything."

"i don't fucking care, i just know that if i had her first, she wouldn't be like this. she was crying, because of you! we didn't even know you broke up with her until we saw you with your new 'girlfriend'."

"then fucking take her!"

"oh i will! just watch, geto suguru."

suguru removed shoko's hand that was gripping his sweater as he wiped the blood on the side of his mouth before going back inside.

"gojo what the fuck?" shoko said.

"forget what you heard, shoko."

"you fucking dumbass! where are you going?"

"leaving this shit reunion."

satoru was supposed to be home but what was he doing in your front door?

he cleared his throat before knocking at the door but minutes already passed, there was no answer.

satoru slumped his shoulders deciding to just leave but then the door was suddenly opened a bit as you peeked.

"satoru? what are you doing here?" you said as you open the door to fully welcome him.

satoru's mouth agape as he looked at you with slightly widened eyes.

"oh this? lovely is it not?" you said as you brushed your fingers with your new short layered hair you cut yourself. you weren't even finished cutting it when you heard a knock on the door.

"yeah, suits you." he said.

"is that for me?" you said, pointing at the plastic of foods on his hands.

"y-yeah, uhm.. shoko wanted to give this."

"really? i'll thank her later!"

"no! i mean- i'll just say it to her."

"okay?.. want to go inside?"

"sure."

-

was cutting your hair made a difference? you think not because even if you cut it already, the pain was still there. maybe you weren't really getting better, maybe not all, not anymore.

You are literally my go to when it comes to hurt/comfort

OMGGGG thank you so much! i appreciate 🥹🫶

Hi! I hope you're well! ❤️ I had a question regarding your fic: "Don't be a stranger." I was confused about the scene where the wife learns about the affair. The part that confused me was the 4 months bit. Was Gojo cheating for the entire 4 months and knew about the pregnancy of his mistress all along? Y'know, just hoping the mistress wouldn't keep it?  Or did the mistress suprise him with the news 4 months Now, I originally thought the latter, but then further down, his then wife stated I wish you told me about the affair/pregnancy sooner or something along those lines, and then I got kinda lost lol.

Sorry, I was trying to let it go, but it kept bugging me 😅 I'm trying to figure out if Gojo was trash as in, he only cheated once or like he was trash -trash because he was screwing out with his mistress for 4 months! Thx so much. Take care 🥹

haloo! it's gonna be on part 3 which i'm currently writing, i couldn't finish it yet since i'm kinda busy with college😭!! thank you for asking tho, sorry if it confused you!! maybe some of the readers was confused too T-T i'll try to explain it better on the next part!

─ ✰ 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒.

— synopsis: 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔, the popular guy in your class, chooses to sit next to you, of all people. you've fallen head over heels, what happens next?

— warnings: highschool au! angst, fluff in the beginning, will not be writing a part 2, swearing, gaslighting, betrayal, just a bet troupe, gojo being a dick or everybody generally, 3.4k words!

— a/n: not my proudest work to be honest :( also tried another formatting lmk if u liked it! comments and reblogs r very much appreciated i will love u forever

"yo. can i sit here?" gojo satoru grins, effortlessly sliding into the empty seat next to you and making himself at home.

...huh? isn't that the popular guy who's usually surrounded by his friends? he's constantly the subject of admiration among the girls in your class, eliciting swoons and whispers of infatuation wherever he goes. confusion creeps in as you wonder why he didn't choose the empty seat next to suguru. there's no conceivable reason for someone like gojo, popular and charismatic, to opt for the seat beside you. you feel a sense of self-consciousness settling in.

nevertheless, you nod softly, though you're well aware the question was more of a rhetorical one. he's fashionably late, by twenty minutes, to be precise, unabashedly ignoring the scolding glares from your teacher about punctuality. instead, he buries himself in the deep blue plastic seat, sticking his tongue out when the teacher turns his back, letting out a huffy pout from the lecture.

nervously, you glance up from your notebook, cautiously stealing a peek at your new desk buddy. he's pretty─ real pretty, snowy white lashes adorning his pretty cerulean spheres, dainty fingers idly spinning a pencil out of sheer boredom. and as if kissed by the blush of a gentle sunrise, his lips possess a natural rosy hue, smooth and plump, belong to him like a delicate work of art. you wonder just how many kisses they've stolen. caught in a moment of admiration, you find yourself staring a tad longer than socially acceptable.

his eyes flicker, locking onto yours, and the realization hits you—oh, he caught you staring. shit. immediately, you break eye contact as you cough awkwardly. you swiftly attempt to play it off, pretending as if you were engrossed in examining the intricate texture of your silver-grey desk instead. your cheeks burn with embarrassment, and you hope he hasn't interpreted your lingering gaze as anything more than idle curiosity.

...should you say something? try to deny you were very clearly eye fucking him? he probably thinks you're a freak now. perhaps he sat next to you out of pity, and now he regrets it. out of sheer embarrassment, the words die in your mouth before they could ever leave, keeping your gaze glued to the floor as you refuse to acknowledge that his presence ever existed.

however, it appears that gojo won't let you suffer the embarrassment in peace. when your stern teacher turns away, he subtly slides a ripped edge of his blue-lined paper towards you, bearing a simple 'hi :)'. he's attempting a conversation, a surprising but welcome distraction from the awkwardness of being caught staring. an opportunity to salvage a bit of your dignity. now, the challenge lies in crafting a response that strikes the right balance.

would 'hey' sound too dry? but 'heyyyy' makes it seem like you're a little too interested. you opt for a casual 'heyy' with your black pen, scribbling the reply with extra caution to avoid prying eyes. as soon as the teacher is out of view, you subtly slip the note back to gojo. his lips curl into a slight smile upon reading your response.

two minutes pass by before you get a response. 'do you get this lesson? i'm soo lost..' accompanied by a small doodle of a crying suguru. you can't help but stifle a giggle; the drawing is poorly done, yet undeniably cute. the teacher swiftly turns around at the sound, prompting both of you to scramble and make it look like you're diligently focused on the lesson. the suspicious gaze lingers for a moment before the teacher returns to the whiteboard.

'maybe it's cause you missed like, half of the lesson.' you write back. he rolls his eyes playfully upon reading your retort, swiftly countering with a pout. "it's not my fault this class is so boring.'

'who said philosophy was supposed to be fun?' you reply. in response, gojo eagerly accepts the note, maintaining the subtle exchange of eye contact. 'hey, be nice to mr. aristotle, he's a great guy :(' he sends back. and thirty minutes seem to pass in the blink of an eye.

the bell chimes, signaling the end of the philosophy session and the need to transition to your next course. reluctantly, you stow your textbook in your bag, feeling a twinge of sadness at the realization that this amusing interaction might have been a one-time occurrence.

it's been a while since you've genuinely laughed. so when his ocean blue eyes latch onto yours with a genuine sense of hope, you quickly fold when he asks you if you're interested in sitting with him again tomorrow.

in those thirty short minutes, you learn three things about gojo satoru. firstly, you realize you've sorely misjudged him. he's not just another nepo-baby cheating his way through school; he's actually quite smart, smarter than he lets on. he's especially good in biochemistry, and he promises to help you study next time.

secondly, you discover that he loves sweets, just as you do. you both agree that kikufuku mochi is better than strawberry dango, and he even tells you about his favorite shop. maybe you can go together sometime.

and thirdly, he doesn't tell you this outright, but you learn that gojo is insecure. what strikes you the most is the glimpse of uncertainty you catch beneath his confident exterior. it's not about his looks or intelligence, but it's actually about his relationship with suguru. he's afraid to lose him, a fear that seems to drive him more than anything else. he overcompensates for his self-doubt. but you find that his flaws make him all the more pretty.

it's peculiar, the speed at which gojo somehow effortlessly integrates into your daily life. how he's feeling is how you're feeling, which is usually reflected on his friendship with suguru. if they had a fight, he'd be sad, and if everything was alright, he was too. but either way was okay with you, you just want to be there for him. what was once a dreaded fourth period now stands as the radiant highlight of your entire day.

despite the limited instances of verbal communication —perhaps a mere once or twice— the inexplicable truth remains: you've fallen head over heels for him. the simple act of passing notes with satoru becomes more than a routine; it evolves into the sole force that awakens you in the morning, the singular thought that propels you forward and keeps you going throughout the day.

and just maybe, the hopeless romantic within you fervently clings to the belief that his sentiments go beyond mere friendship. his actions seem to carry an extra layer of care, an attentiveness that extends beyond your platonic friendship. he notices the little things that escape the notice of others. it wasn't lost on him when you shed tears the other night due to the weight of stress; he went out of his way to procure your favorite candy bar, a sweet gesture aimed at brightening your spirits.

he took notice of your new haircut, expressing in a note that it frames your face nicely. he had comforted you when a classmate aimed a subtle insult your way, he wrote that the words of someone whose foundation didn't match their face shouldn't hold much weight. he even made an effort to be punctual for class, all to engage in the shared exchange of silly notes with you. and honestly, even if he didn't like you back, you'd be fine.

because your heart swells with gratefulness at the fact that he chose to sit with you. he wanted to be your friend even when nobody else did. you trusted and loved him with your whole heart, because that's what you believed he deserved.

so imagine your surprise when you overhear his conversation with suguru that day.

"just a day more, then you win the bet." geto groans, tossing his head back in exasperation. the two of them linger in the now-empty classroom, the echoes of other students long gone.

"yep, twenty four hours, then you owe me three hundred dollars." satoru sings, playfully nudging his best friend's shoulder. he's all sunshine and smiles, swinging his feet from the desk he's currently sitting on.

"and it wasn't even that hard. i just had to get 'em to fall for me." suguru rolls his eyes. "dude, if i was you, i would've tapped out the first week. how'd you manage to do it?" he huffs, clearly annoyed at the impending financial loss.

satoru mischievously grins. "just used my charm." he fluffs his hair with a smug expression on his face. "can't believe it worked so fast, though. they must be real desperate for someone's attention. all it took was for you to fuckin' pretend like you cared." suguru grouches, being a sore loser. you don't hear the rest, the notebook you had lost long forgotten.

a lump forms in your throat, a sensation of dread creeping up on you. you desperately want to believe he's not talking about you, but you can't shake the realization that to him, you were nothing more than a pawn in a bet— a tool used for his amusement. you're overwhelmed by a sense of stupidity, a painful realization sinking in, drowning every rational thought.

he never cared. you could fall dead at this moment and he wouldn't even spare you a glance. you should've known. why would he? you feel stupid for allowing him entry into your life, stupid for naively believing in his sincerity, and stupid for daring to love a heartless jerk who played with the fragile strings of your heart.

they're right. you are pathetic. you just blindly fell for the first person who gave, or rather, pretended to give a shit. a relentless ache throbs in your chest as you stubbornly refuse to succumb to tears over a boy— a resolution crumbling like fragile glass. despite your stubborn determination, an uncontrollable torrent of hot tears streams down your face, distorting the world into a watery blur.

the desperate yearning for someone to choose you, to envelop you in unconditional and pure love, had fueled your hopes. and for a fleeting moment, you believed you'd found it, only to witness your heart being ruthlessly trampled blue. clutching onto the tattered shreds of your dignity, half-broken and bleeding, you muster the strength to leave swiftly before they catch a glimpse of you.

the bitter taste of betrayal lingers in the air, each teardrop is a testament to the shattering of dreams, the dead hope that once soared. the yearning for a love that stands unwavering proves to be a mirage, leaving you grappling with the shards of a love that was never truly yours.

that day, you learn one more thing about gojo satoru. he's just like everybody else.

cerulean eyes, like pools of shimmering azure, flicker with concern as they scan the empty seat beside him. minutes stretch into eternity on the clock, each tick of the second hand amplifying the weight of his worry. nine twenty morphs into nine fifty pretty quickly, and he can't help but be a little annoyed. at this rate, you'll only get in twenty minutes of 'talking.'

you're always punctual—eight fifty-five on the dot. but today, the clock ticks on, and there's no sign of you anywhere. his brows furrow with concern, a nervous flutter dancing in his stomach. did something happen to you? the mere possibility sends a pang of anxiety through him, and he fidgets restlessly in his seat, unable to focus on the lesson before him.

yet, when his gaze shifts to meet suguru's, he swiftly masks his apprehension with an air of nonchalance, as if feigning indifference to your absence. but inwardly, his heart races as he anxiously awaits your arrival. when you finally walk in, he's already scribbling furiously on a piece of paper, filled with questions about what could have delayed you today. yet, as he extends his hand to pass you the note, his eager smile fades into confusion and disappointment.

you walk right past seat thirteen, your usual spot, without so much as a glance in his direction. instead, you approach a random girl and ask if you could sit with her. his heart sinks, a flush of embarrassment coloring his cheeks as a torrent of thoughts flood his mind. is something wrong? are you upset with him? he replays every interaction in his mind, searching for any misstep. but he can't find one. he's been careful to maintain the perfect facade when you're around. perhaps you simply forgot, he reasons with himself, attempting to quell the rising tide of hurt and confusion.

yes, that must be it.

...just a simple oversight.

"hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!! just wait a moment!!" gojo's voice cuts through the chatter of students eager to leave as soon as the bell rings. he grabs your wrist, his touch gentle yet firm, halting your attempt to blend into the rush. his heart races in his chest, the sudden surge of adrenaline making his palms clammy.

"um... you didn't sit with me today." he mumbles, the words coming out in a rush, his voice tinged with uncertainty. his fingers toy with the ring around his finger, his gaze fixed on the ground as he struggles to find the right words to continue the conversation. he doesn't like the way you're looking at him. there's a flicker of irritation in your gaze, a departure from the usual warmth and affection that he's grown accustomed to. normally, when his eyes meet yours, your cheeks tint pink, your pupils dilate, and you give him the cutest starry-eyed look. but not today.

"yeah," you mutter casually, your eyebrow raising ever so slightly. there's a certain coldness in your eyes that sends a shiver down his spine. you're about to leave again, but he moves to block the door, a frown creasing his forehead.

"did i do something wrong? i don't understand why you're suddenly acting so bitchy," he huffs, irritation lacing his voice. the words tumble out before he can stop them, frustration simmering beneath the surface. "no," you reply simply, your tone devoid of any emotion, as if you genuinely don't care. it stings his ego, leaving a sour taste in his mouth.

"you can 'use your charm' to make a new friend. since it's so easy for you, right?" you mutter, your voice trembling with suppressed anger. you promised yourself you'd hold it together, but the wound is still raw, etched deep into your mind as a flush of resentment rises within his eyes widen in shock, a pang of guilt stabbing at his heart. you heard that? no, no, no... he hadn't meant for you to be there. he had been so careful, or so he thought.

"i didn't mean it, i just-" he stutters, desperately searching for an excuse, but he knows it's futile. there's no chance you'd believe him now, would you? his heart sinks. he doesn't want you to hate him. "i was easy, right?" you laugh bitterly, each word dripping with sarcasm and pain.

"i hope that three hundred dollars was worth it. not that you even needed it, though. you think toying with people is fun? you're a dick, satoru, go to fucking hell." you hiss, your words laced with venom, cutting through the air like a sharp blade. "let me explain-" he protests, desperation evident in his voice as he tries to reason with you. but you're too angry to even consider it.

"explain? explain what?'" you explode, your voice rising with each syllable, oblivious to the judgmental glances of passersby. you scoff, tears threatening to spill over.

"i didn't mean it," he cuts you off, his own voice strained with emotion. "you're my friend, i just—" his voice cracks. "friends don't manipulate other people's feelings." you interrupt, your voice laced with venom as you spit out each word. you're aware you look like a mess, mascara staining your cheeks. "friends don't trick and hurt you on purpose!" you yell, tongue dripping with malice. "and here's the thing. you may be the greatest, satoru, but you will never, be enough. not for suguru, not for anybody."

you almost regret saying it. targetting his biggest insecurity. but then again, he deserves it. "how could you say that?" his voice is broken, quiet, as he mumbles it out as a whisper. the eyes that you once found so stunning suddenly look just like everybody else's. they well with tears, but are quickly blinked away. "you don't get to cry, satoru," you scoff, unzipping your bag and opening the front pouch.

you toss all the letters you've written in class, all the sticky notes, every single ripped paper, every little doodle, flipping your bag over and emptying it on the floor. every single heart fluttering moment you experienced seems so dead now. "you don't get to act like you cared. it's only fair, after all." you manage to muster, fighting to keep your voice stable. tears drip down your chin as your bottom lip trembles.

every step feels like a battle, a relentless tug-of-war between what your heart wants and what your mind knows is right. leaving him behind is like tearing off a piece of your own soul, but you convince yourself it's for the better— for your own sanity, for your own self-respect. each stride forward is heavy with the weight of goodbye, each breath drawn in a struggle against the ache in your chest. and as you finally turn away, a part of you dies inside, a piece of your spirit crumbling in the wake of shattered trust and broken dreams. you can feel his eyes on your retreating figure, the silent witness to your silent agony.

this time he doesn't try to stop you. and when you leave, gojo finally allows himself to cry.

today, gojo finds himself seated next to suguru, reclaiming his former spot from before the bet. yet, everything feels different now. the idiotic jokes his friends make just aren't as funny anymore. their presence is irritating to him. he laughs, but the sound lacks the same genuine joy it once held with you. he smiles, but it's a mere shadow of the radiant expression he wore in your presence. his heart may feel a fleeting sense of happiness, but there will always be a hole where you once were.

his so-called 'buddies' don't even notice that he's at his lowest point, and he can't help but think about the way you would've noticed immediately.

how you would've sent him a cute note with his favourite candy attached, because you kept them in your bag just for him, for these kinds of days. he feels so numb. he's always been so confident, yet he can't even muster up the courage to pass by your desk.

and he can't help but wonder what might have been if he had chosen differently that day, if his intentions had been pure from the start. would you two have gotten somewhere? he supposes that now, he'll never know the answer. his eyes cloud over at that thought, slouching back down into his seat.

he never had the chance to tell you how sorry he was, how he would take it all back in an instant if he could. he didn't mean to hurt you. he was stupid and careless. and yet, he tries to convince himself that he'll be okay. that he'll be able to get over you one day. one day, when he's married and has two kids, he'll look back at this and laugh. so then why does his heart feel so heavy? you're not suguru, it's true. but suguru never made him feel this way. and he's confused with his own feelings.

he doesn't know what love is.

he's only sixteen.

perhaps he'll never know. but for him, love was sneaking kikifuku mochi into class for you to share. it was sending you cat memes at three am in the morning, only for you to groggily respond with your own. it was doodling you in his notebook in his spare time. it was how what you were feeling was how he was feeling too.

you were right, it seems.

gojo satoru, the greatest, yet not enough to make you stay.

© KAEFFEINEE 2024. do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works on any platform.

will we make it through?

diluc ragnvindr x fem!reader | 7.7k + words

warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, hurt/comfort/smut, oral (receiving), very emotional and loving sex, over stimulation, cream pie, mating press if you squint. i don't think anything else but please let me know if i missed anything!

the doors of the winery seem heavier than usual as diluc pushes them open, the parlor quiet and cold like the night outside and it makes his chest ache as much as his hands that held too tightly onto the hilt of the claymore tonight. usually the manor would blanket him with warmth the moment he stepped inside, especially when he knew you were waiting for him. finally being home, in your arms, simmered the flames of his duties that pushed him to work harder and harder and ignited a softer flame, one of love, more fierce and all consuming.

of late, that flame had been accompanied by a black smoke and uncertainty, clouding the once clear and comfortable distance between you. before it had been enough so that you ran as free as you pleased, for he would never hold you back, but close enough so he could reach out and pull you into him, watch over and protect you. bath in your light and love even when a man as shrouded in darkness and broken as him did not deserve it.

it started off manageable at first. a clench of his fist at his side when he had gone in to kiss you passionately, to convey how much he missed you, but ended up hurting you instead when his fingers tangled into your hair painfully. you yelped out in sudden pain and he pulled away so quickly, as if he had burned you, but it had only made it worse. he had swallowed down the lump in his throat when you sweetly told him it was okay and stood on your toes to kiss him softly but it was only the first of many loving intentions that did not turn out as he hoped. 

a pang in his chest when the only time he saw you was when he came home from being the dark knight hero, your tired form half sat up and in an uncomfortable sleep, the light in the bedroom still on and an askew book in your lap. he took great care in tucking you in with gentle movements and felt so badly when you woke up anyways, welcoming him home and whispering ‘i missed you’s before falling back asleep even if you tried to fight it off in order to be with him for just a little longer. 

his heart was torn between his selfishness to want these small moments with you and the need to protect you in any way he could, including your health and your sleeping habits. just because his own suffered at the cost of his duties should not mean that yours should too. he needed you to be well and with a reluctant heart told you not to worry about waiting up for him, that your sleep and well-being was far more important. 

the distance, that smoke that hidden you from him, had only grown since that day. 

reluctant and displeased in your own right, you still did as he asked and stopped waiting for him to return late in the evening, each night getting farther and farther from him, your sleep not improving at all. with the seasons changing it always made the winery grow busier, the threats to the city more eminent and with it all the moments you spent together becoming fewer and fewer. it was agony being away from you, diluc thought each time you popped into his mind, so frequently throughout the day, and yet you continued to be out of his reach, three or more paces ahead and he was falling even more behind. 

and as each of you passed by the staff at different times throughout the day, the same light missing from your eyes, they began to wonder if either of you knew the other was in just as much pain.

he trudges through the heaviness of his own whirling thoughts. as if every step he took through the manor the loneliness of years past came flooding back; the coldness of the first night without a father or a brother, ice in his bones and blood on his skin. an untouched room left to collect dust and remained familiar but was not quite home when he returned years later. except this time it wasn’t burned pictures and items full of bittersweet memories that haunted him, it wasn’t secrets and death at his own hands that followed everywhere he went. it was the fog of what was becoming of your relationship that painted his fears in every room he passed.

the emptiness of life without you..

and how could it not when your rescheduled dinners together have become forgotten entirely or when every day it felt like you were no longer on the same page, off sync and so unsure of the others feelings. when he’d go in to kiss your forehead in a brief moment of passing, just for you to move at the wrong moment and instead of a sweet kiss meant to show you his affection, remind you he was thinking of you, you hit heads, hard. you try to act like it wasn’t affecting you too. having you knock quietly on his office door, unaware of the important business partners in front of him but hurrying to apologize and leave before he can excuse himself for a moment to tell you it’s okay and that he’d come find you once he was finished, so please wait for him. thinking he’d have the night off work and you try to surprise him with dinner only to find he would be unable to join you and when he did the same in return, your schedule too wouldn’t allow for it. you smiled despite it all, a silent promise that you were okay even if your eyes told a different story.

to say it had been hard recently would be an understatement, trust him he is feeling it so strongly too. but even if it had been this way and he was getting by, barely, it doesn’t stop how much it rips his heart from his chest when he slips into bed tonight, strong hands with a slightly detectable shake to them caressing your lovely visage, moving hair from your face. he drinks you in, takes in every inch of the person he loves more than anything else in this world, tries to memorize your face like he hadn’t already a thousand times over, like he might never see you again, and with such attention it’s impossible to not see the dried tear streaks on your cheeks in the moonlight coming from the window. 

who knew one's heart could feel like it was still beating and breaking outside of their chest while the hole in their ribcage bled without mercy.. diluc felt just that knowing he was the cause of your pain and your tears and he wasn’t here to do a damn thing about it. how many nights had you spent like this while you were trying so hard to be strong? his thumbs caress the soft skin of your cheeks, as if they were attempting to wipe that which had already long passed and make up for a moment he had already missed.

diluc had always thought you deserved better, so much more than him because, even if he would give you the world, surely his darkness would take you like it had others and perhaps that was exactly what-

“‘luc?” your raspy and tired voice brings him from the words that surely wouldn’t be well for his heart but your bleary eyes, slowly blinking open and immediately collecting more tears, are just as telling to what he already knows. your tone wrought with lingering pain that you suffered in alone and it’s killing him, “y‘re home?”

“i’m home,” he assures you, his own voice unsteady as he pulls you close to try to hide, to not let you see the tears pooling in his eyes because he felt them burning the moment yours started to water at the sight of him. right now, in the middle of the night when you were both so close and yet so far, he didn’t know what else to do but try to be strong too and hold you against him while wishing he could carry the pain for you both, even if it broke him.

he can feel you shaking in his arms, knows the wetness of his shirt where your face is buried in his chest is from your silent tears but before he can speak, sooth you with a voice already breaking, your words stop his every function. he swears he’s not even breathing when you weakly ask him.

“diluc.. are- are we going to be okay?”

with the breaking of his heart, his whole body flexes and he holds you so close, in a vice grip you might have found crushing had you not needed it so badly yourself. one hand cradling the back of your head, burying in your hair, the other around your middle and keeping you pressed to him so nothing could get between you. he couldn’t hold back, couldn’t let you go for even a second, like every part of his rationale told him you would slip from his grasp if he gave even an inch. 

“yes. of course.” despite the tear escaping him when he speaks, he says the words tenderly, reassuringly, strongly as he believes them, feeling your hands bunch the fabric of his shirt in a tight grip in a silent reply. he could not even begin to imagine a life where you were not together, where you were not beside him until the end of his days. you had to be okay and he would do anything to see that through.

* * *

bustling life in the winery started early in the morning. even if the master bedroom remained quiet and peaceful, the rest of the manor had workers coming and going and maids floating from task to task as soon as the sun began to rise from behind the hills of mondstadt. diluc and the many tasks he had to see to were not immune to the earliest hours of the morning either, no matter how much his body and heart begged him to stay in bed with you.

this morning had been the hardest of all. how was he supposed to leave when you had cried yourself back to sleep in his arms last night and held on to him tightly even in your slumber? when he rose with the sun anyways he did his best to let you rest, with the intention of getting as much work as he could done early before coming to wake you up with breakfast, behind the closed door of your bedroom where it was only the two of you and he could take the time to have a proper discussion and tell you that he loves you.

but it seems yet again you were not aligned when not forty minutes after he settles into his study with large stacks of paper on either side of him, waiting for his immediate attention, you quietly knock on the open door frame and smile. one that makes his chest both flutter and ache. 

“morning ‘luc.” 

“good morning darling.”

you both say at the same time and are just as quickly flushed with heat and a kindle of hope. he stands from his desk and with long strides makes his way towards you as you stumble over what you were going to say next while diluc falls silent against the strike of the match deep within his heart, so full of conviction and the truth of the words he spoke to you last night. you were going to be okay. he had meant it with his entire being. 

the shy chuckle and smile you give him only fuels his hope more; so genuine and beautiful, full of the brightness he worried he was taking from you when all he ever wanted to do was preserve it, let himself get lost in it when you pulled him in so easily and found your own comfort in his shadows. the dress you wore, one you often put on when picking grapes in the vineyard that he recalled purchasing for you, one he knows well, only served to amplify how much he misses you, how absolutely divine he finds you. he would do absolutely anything for you. 

“i.. um, i know it’s busy around here but i just wanted to let you know i’ll be around the winery today if you need anything,” you say, that sweet smile still on your face. all he needed was you.. your smile falters when you hesitate to speak your next words, your gaze moving from his handsome face to the floor beneath your feet. feeling his heart pick up speed at the sight of your distress. he moves closer to you, his gloved hand ever so gently grabbing yours and it catches your attention. when your gazes meet again, he sees determination behind your sparkling eyes. “.. could we have lunch together later?”

he’s eager to answer you, wants to ask if you’ll stay in his study with him the rest of the day even if it’s a selfish request, even if it means not much work will get done when he’ll need to have you right in his lap. his grip on you tightens, his pink lips stretch into a loving smile but as the words leave him, they meddle with the sound of quick footsteps and elzer calling for the young master, unaware of the moment he was interrupting. had he known, he would have done more to delay himself even if this was rather urgent.

“master diluc, is the paperwork for the wangshu inn order ready? the shipment from liyue is -” elzer stops in his tracks, green eyes widening when he sees the two of you at the threshold of the study nearly chest to chest. diluc still holds onto your hand but both of your gazes are now on the butler. “i’m so sorry -”

“it’s okay,” you interrupt with a squeeze of your beloved's hand, trying to reassure you both that your words weren’t a lie. you smile despite the snapping of your heart strings. the universe was hell bent on keeping you apart, wasn’t it? “i was just headed out,” the words felt strained coming from your throat but you knew right now you were only interrupting and needed to let diluc get back to his work. 

as you let go of dilucs hand, your eyes return to looking up at him and you see emotions that seem to mirror yours, like in the deep ruby shade of his eyes you can make out how much it hurt him to hear you say you were leaving even though you would not be far. the push and pull of the many duties he carries on his shoulders and how painful it was when you pushed yourself away so he could focus on another, though he understood why.

“i’ll come find you.” a promise that you wouldn’t be apart for long but archons it was utter misery to have you be away from him for even a moment and watching you walk away and disappear from his view before he was ready had only made it worse, had only made his chest ache.

he wonders if you are holding back the tears you had, and hadn’t, shared with him last night as you push the front doors of the manor open, trying to keep your head up when he could see the heaviness of your heart like a blanket weighing down on you. it wasn’t until he couldn’t see you anymore that he returned to behind his desk, forcing his feet to move in the opposite direction of you when they screamed to follow, and did all the work he could before he could not hold off being with you for a moment longer.

the melody of your voice coming from the open window, distant but close enough that all it would take is a minute to get to you. his hand twitching at the remembrance of holding you for such a brief time hours prior. the picture of you from this morning, in that dress, smiling and blushing at him, flashing behind his eyes with every blink. your sweet scent lingering on his clothes. the love and devotion he holds for you, the distance and tears that had torn you both apart, the need to be close to his very heart and never ever let you go- it all stopped diluc so suddenly and he knew he was at his limit.

he needed you. more than air and water, more than his strength and the fire that had always been within him. more than anything else in this world and celestia he needed you. 

his footsteps are determined, not stopping for even a moment and only slowing when he nears the front doors, seeing adelinde among the few others in the fourier having finished the worst of the workload already.

“adelinde that will be enough for today. please excuse the staff for the rest of the day.”

“yes master diluc,” she doesn’t question it and is quick to let the others that hadn’t already overheard know, looking forward to any early day they rarely got.

the afternoon sun paints the fields in a lovely yellow, bringing out the shine of plump purple grapes and the brightness of the lush green leaves. among it all he easily found you and feels his heart surge at the sunlight illuminating the exposed skin of your chest and legs even at this distance. 

you hadn’t asked for the dress you adorned today, hadn’t even seen it before unwrapping the gift box he gave it to you in. it wasn’t extravagant but simple, comfortable, and of a shade that had always reminded him of you. it was years ago now but he remembers from the moment he saw it he knew how beautiful you would look in it and he was right. every time you wore it he had thought so and today that felt especially rue.

you caught a glimpse of bright red in your side view, the bounce of crimson locks and the darkness of his black coat in contrast to the vibrant day, before he made it to you but just the slightest sight of him had you paying not another thought to what you had been doing mere moments ago. the butterflies in your stomach began to flutter about wildly, the invisible tether of your love, that tied your hearts as one, going taut and bringing you to his side quickly, having you reaching for him as soon as you could.

“diluc~.”

“my love.”

he was just as eager to feel you, pulling you close to him with a large hand on your lower back as soon as you were within arms reach, the fingers of his other curling to caress your face tenderly. you melt against him, leaning into his touch, lashes fluttering closed, your hands holding onto his jacket tight. 

yes all he had needed was you. and in your hold, he felt how much you needed him too.

“spend the rest of the day with me?” he asks, voice little more than a whisper as he leans in to place a kiss to your cheek. the warmth it left on your skin was like the nourishment you had needed so desperately and you love how it lingers when he moves to kiss your lips, delicate and reassuring. 

“really? what about-” 

“please.”

“i- i would love that, so much.” 

your lips meet again, long and gentle, and you smile into his replying kiss, feeling that heavy weight of worry and anxiety melt away under his affections, the way he held you and kissed you softly with no intention of letting you go.

he had missed your smile against his lips, had needed it more than he thought possible and relishes in the way it lingers on his lips. it makes him feel lighter, as you always had, but in comparison his next words are serious, dripping with conviction and truth, telling you he needed you to hear his words and never forget them. 

“i am unable to envision a universe in which we are not together,” he pulls you closer so you’re now chest to chest, forehead to forehead, sharing every breath, every heartbeat. 

your chest tightens at the remembrance of last night. the thoughts that overtook your every worry, dug into every wound deeper and deeper until you weeped and dreamt of the terrible outcome of everything keeping you from him. a life full of still and dark numbness because truly how could the world keep spinning and moving so easily when you were without diluc.

“i cannot be without you,” he says, stopping your every thought, your every worry, kissing you again and again, whispering when he comes up for air, continuing to steal your breath. “not now. not ever.”

* * *

your feet hadn’t touched the ground since diluc lifted you into his arms bridal style, carrying you past the workers leaving for the day who didn’t disturb the soft gazes and wordless affections you shared as you disappeared past the front doors and into the now quiet manor. the heaviness of dilucs boots and the sounds of your lips now on his were the only sounds to be heard until the door to the master bedroom was flung open and you gasp at the intensity of which diluc presses you between his broad chest and the wall with a groan that made your core ignite.

the familiar wall cools your burning skin but it wouldn’t be too long now before the entire room was as warm as you and diluc were when entangled in each other. before the back of your head can be pressed against it too, with you so eager and pliant to accept everything he gives you and him so very desperate to not hold back, a large hand cradles the back of your head and keeps it from ever touching the wall as diluc kisses you deep, so full of love and desire. you can feel it with every movement of his lips on top of yours, the way his tongue swipes along your bottom lip and into your mouth, his fingers sinking into your hair, pulling you into him.

you can feel every heaving breath he takes, the weight of it on your body and the heat of it on your face. mixed with his normal scent of oak and wine it had you lightheaded, your thighs squeezing around his thin waist, your hands clinging onto his shoulders for more purchase even though he could easily hold your entire weight on his own and loved to do so. having you depend on him in any way always made his chest swell and right now, while he held you there grinding his hard clothed cock against the dampness of your panties, the fingers of his hand not in your hair squeezing the plush of your thigh, the flames of his heart threatening to devour every inch of you both, was no exception. 

how long had it been since he had touched you more than in passing or late into the night? since he could remind you in this way that you are everything to him? you had been a constant on his mind even if physically he was far away. every moment without you was spent yearning, worrying, aching and now that he had you in his arms once more, nothing to interrupt you, and the universe be damned, he would not be ever letting you go again.

he groans your name against your lips at the feeling of your fingers sinking into his hair and tugging on his roots when he grinds against you particularly hard, in perfect time with you chasing after him. “i need you so badly.” his kiss is consuming, nearly teeth clashing and absolutely breath stealing and with every thrusts of his hips, he swallows your sultry moans. 

he untangles his hand from your hair and grabs your other thigh, lifting you further up on his waist and easily carries you to the bed, each step confident and steady even with you distracting him, cupping his face in your palms, not wanting your lips to be apart from his for a even moment and he's sure to stay close as he crawls onto the bed. like you were the most precious of glass, he lays you in silky sheets and pillows slowly with your legs straddling his, your hands still holding onto his face, his strong arms keeping him from crushing you completely with his full weight.

you don’t realize you’ve started to cry until you taste the tears on your lips, warm and salty against the sweet taste of each other. diluc attempts to pull away, not far, but enough to check that you're okay and wipe your tears but you don’t falter in your hold on him and he cannot resist your gentle urgency. you can only deepen your kiss, tasting his tongue and lifting your hips to feel his cock that was making his pants incredibly tight.

neither of you know how long you stay like that, unable to part but when you finally pull away for air you desperately need, you’re panting and trying to tell him how much you need him too but it’s so hard to put into words right now. all you can get out is his name while you try to wipe your tears that just won't stop no matter how much you try to will them to.

“i’m here,” he assures you, bringing up one hand to wipe your wet cheeks with his thumb, watching your tears collecting on the dark of his gloves, feeling his own eyes burning. “i’m yours.”

“i’m yours,” you repeat in earnest, even if your voice is weak from your uncontrollable tears. your grip on him grows tighter as you pull him into a kiss, salty wet and desperate for him to know just how true your words were. “i’m sorry ‘luc. i’m so sorry..”

sorry we’re in this mess, that i can’t stop crying. sorry that i worried we might not make it through this, even if only for a night.  

he hushes you with a gentle caress of burning fingers along your face and through your hair, the press of steady lips against your cheek. “there’s no reason to be sorry, my dear. everything is  going to be alright, we will be alright.”

you nod your head, his words wrapping around your spine and seeping throughout your body, every ounce of you thrumming with the belief and the love you found in his words. “i love you.”

“i love you too,” he doesn’t miss a beat in his confession to you. he nuzzles into you, burying his face into the crook of your neck, taking in your sweet scent and the feeling of you underneath him, letting himself sink further into the mattress with nearly his whole weight enveloping you but it was more comforting than crushing and it had been exactly what you both needed. “more than i can put into words.”

your body was bursting with all kinds of heat, that from your beloved that he so naturally emitted and the burning, blazing flame within your heart that was a twin to his own. fueled by your love, by your devotion. and there was no denying the heat pooling between your legs either, the way your panties already felt so wet and the press of dilucs impressive erection against your inner thigh was not making it any better.

he felt it all too, wanting to let its fire consume him, bright and burning hot with his feelings for you, how he would do anything for you, how badly he needed you in any and every way. a familiar heat that he had felt for you since you stole his heart but even when he thought it impossible, it had only grown since that day and his inability to live without you grew with it.

his lips meet the skin on your neck, soft kisses placed along the length of your neck to below your ear and back down again, making your skin burst out in goosebumps. “can i have you?” he asks when his lips return to where they started.

“please.” you say with eagerness, your hands tugging at any part of his clothes that they can hold onto. 

every move diluc makes is delicate, intentional, showing you the truth and intensity of his love. first, he removes his gloves, needing to feel all of you against his skin. vivid, hungry, scarlet eyes never leave your figure as he pulls off the leather from each hand and tosses them onto the nightstand, feeling you shudder under his touch when one hand grabs your thigh, spreading your legs further apart and the other ghosts over your collarbone, skilled fingers dipping below the strap of your dress, moving along the hem that plunges to your breasts.

“you are so soft,” he murmurs as if he hadn’t known he said it outloud, as if it had been the first time he had ever felt your skin in a way only he should touch you. the pads of fingers ghost along the tops of your breasts, barely moving below your dress to feel all of you but still hardening your nipples under the fabric. 

your chest is heaving, like his touch was burning into your skin for you to remember for all time, your heart hammering in your chest every passing moment, every touch diluc gives you. your back arches to allow space for his hand snaking around your waist to your back and in his endless strength, he lifts your figure, your arms wrapping around his neck for stability. his movements are swift as pulls up the fabric of your dress, your arms leaving his embrace so he can take it off you completely.

in your needy movements you try to reach back with one arm to undo your bra but a strong grasp holds onto your wrist before you can unclasp the prongs. you feel it more than see it, the shake of his head in protest.

“let me take care of everything,” he says, deep and rumbling against your body, his breath fanning against your neck where his lips have once again found their home. 

diluc guides your hand to his chest and you grip onto the fabric on his coat, wishing he was just as bare as you, especially when he unclasps all the hooks of your bra in one motion, pulling the fabric from between you and discarding it by your dress.

with a last kiss and a small lick of his tongue against your skin, his hand still splayed on your back, he guides you back down into the plush mattress, staying on his knees between your spread legs. now only a thin pair of lace panties keeps him from seeing all of you and he takes his time revealing you to him, unwrapping you like the gift you were and making you tremble with his hands and lips.

he kisses you, strong hands squeezing your waist when you moan into his lips and you might have cried in protest when he breaks away but they don’t leave you long, finding your collar bone and moving across your chest, down your arm, each finger, every knuckle and back up again only to move to the other arm, not a bit of you going unloved.

you shudder as his lips cascade down your middle, leaving a humming warmth in their wake all the way to the edge of your panties and back up to your breasts. he kisses the underside of one while grabbing the other with a gentle squeeze that has you mewling, arching for more. his breath fans against your sensitive skin, hot and heavy with parting of his lips as he envelopes your hardened nipple and presses into you, letting you feel how hard he is with a roll of his hips against yours.

every sweet suckle and lick of his tongue, attention that he gave to both of your breasts, had the pooling wetness between your legs soaking through your panties and your hips bucking to feel more of him. when diluc finally does part from your chest, he sits back on his knees, his tall frame towering over you and archons you swore you could cum just from the sight of him like this.

his muscles flex as he gets himself out of his coat and vest, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths, throat bobbing, his cock painfully hard and thick in his pants, a familiar stickiness already smearing along where it rests in his boxers but it’s the last thing on his mind. there's a deep flush to his cheeks, his eyes rich with longing and love and behind it there's no hiding a lick of flames that are that of a man starved and so beyond desperate for his other half.

you’re not even sure you’re breathing watching him tug off his tie with one hand, your gazes never breaking, his other hand traveling down your leg to behind your knee and lifting it to his chest. long dark lashes flutter closed as he nuzzles his nose near your ankle before placing a kiss there and another and another, your legs already getting a light shake to them.

“you are so beautiful my love,” he whispers against your skin, his hand on your leg squeezing your flesh. another kiss, chaste and sweet and full of devotion, it’s heat lingering on your ankle even after he’s pulling away and tugging at the hem of your panties, lifting them up your legs.  “i could never be without you.”

“‘luc..” you feel the tears pricking at your eyes again, hear the way your voice is wrought with emotions you’ve held back, tried to deny, pent up when you couldn’t be near him like you need to. “please, i need you.”

he knew all the ways you meant it, for he felt it too and knew what lay within the heart that he swore to protect and cherish. the very one he had been apart from in so many ways for far too long and that lay in front of him now, completely his to take again and again even if he didn’t think he deserved such a wonderful thing.

with your leg easing over his shoulder, his hair tickling the inside of your thigh, he spreads your legs further apart to allow space for his broad shoulders and doesn’t give you a moment to catch your breath after seeing him between your legs looking like heaven before his tongue, hot and flat against you, licks your dripping pussy with a deep moan that rumbles the bed under his chest.

the taste of you melting on his tongue makes him drunk so quickly. in a way wine and alcohol couldn’t attempt to rival and even more potent with intoxication. your reactions to his lapping tongue only add to that state of euphoria, diluc always finding that your pleasure was his own.

any other night this could have been enough to ease the overwhelming need he felt for you. sucking your clit between his lips, hearing soft and hazy curses drifting down to his ears, your fingers tugging at his hair with every intense shake of your legs that he kept pried open with strong arms when they threatened to close around his head. not that he would ever mind suffocating in between your thighs but this gave him the perfect angle to taste you and thrust his tongue in and out of your tight hole and tonight, he isn’t sure he’ll ever get enough.

every breath you took was deep but it was never going to be enough against the man you love utterly devouring your pussy, spreading your legs wider and diving his tongue deeper into you, his nose pressed against your clit until you worried he wasn’t even breathing.

your orgasm came before you could even try to hold off for a little longer, bursting on his tongue and eagerly drank down. your body writhes in his persistent hold, your hand buried in the mane of his hair pulling him closer and farther away, his name a melody of pleasure and need for more on your lips. 

diluc doesn’t pull away, the languid movements of his tongue turning soft and soothing, letting you ride out every last bit of release without over stimulating you too much, allowing him to capture every bit of your essence on his tongue and feel your small shake when he rolls his tongue over your clit, too much and somehow not enough on your electrified body.

at the release of one of your legs, your warm skin rests over his shoulder again and he sighs against your clit at the contact.

“ah..!” you can’t help the jolt of your body at the feeling of skilled and calloused fingers parting your folds, the mixer of you both wetting them perfectly enough to slip one into you with ease, knuckle deep and curling right into the perfect spot. “diluc!”

he keeps a steady rock to his finger, lewd wet noises following every pump and lick on your clit that he gave with so much fervor, rebuilding that knot behind your tummy in seconds and when he added another thick finger, there was no holding back how quickly he could have you creaming and clenching around his digits.

you cry out, sweet and shaking and feeling like you might die if you didn’t feel him inside of you, if you couldn’t look at his handsome face and show him in this way just how much you loved him, how much you missed him, too. and before you can even fully come down from your high, with diluc still kissing your pretty pussy, you’re begging for him.

“love - please.” 

he pulls away from your cunt with lidded scarlet eyes, your juices sparkling against his chin and nose as he sits back on his knees. it leaves you so incredibly empty when his fingers follow but your wanton whimper was due to the way he licks his fingers clean, long soaking digits slipping past his pink lips with a groan, dark lashes fluttering closed at the taste of you.

tugging at his shirt, you plead again but you never have to with him. all you ever had to do was ask and anything he could give you would be yours. “need these clothes off you. need to feel you against me.”

any worries, any self doubts, of what your touches could perhaps do to the other, hurt you again, not be attuned like you once were, melt away in the heat of every touch you give one another with no hesitation and no question on where your heart would be from here on out.

your fingers overlap as you help each other with every button of his shirt, the buckle of his belt and ties of his pants. your hands roam his body with each article of clothing he takes off and throws to the side, mapping out the scars you know every place of and a new scratch you had never felt before on his right pectoral.

it made your heart ache that he got hurt and hadn’t told you, that you hadn’t had the chance to care for it yourself but knowing him, you’re sure he hardly called this ‘getting hurt’. it wasn’t deep, likely nothing more than the tip of a blade nicking him that was nearly healed but you can’t stand the thought of any harm coming to him. let alone during a time where you were so apart. 

using one hand to prop himself up, diluc slides out of his pants and boxers, cock resting against the thin red trail of hair adorning his lower abdomen, his tip sticky against his skin. with him hovering above you, your lips replace where your fingers touched over his injured skin, gingerly kissing him, pouring your love over every heartbreaking inch of his injury.

as if he had sensed the worry swirling in your heart, he lifts your gaze back to his with a gentle pull under your chin that you easily followed but he didn’t speak any words and instead he calmed you with a loving kiss to your lips that told you it was okay. he was okay, here with you now and forever.

he follows your lips as you lay back down, now resting on his forearm to be closer to you, chest to chest, the heat of his fingers like butterfly wings down your stomach to line his cock with your aching sex, sliding his tip between your wet folds until he could feel the mix of saliva and slick on his fingers.

the thickness of his cock head was a lovely mix of pleasure and burning stretch that had you clinging to him when he was barely inside you but he could have cum from the small, squelching thrusts into your perfect pussy alone. deeper and deeper with every few roll of his hips, he groans your name between his kisses that steal every bit of your sanity and diluc feels his own slipping with it. 

“fuck angel,” a rare curse falls from his lips when he’s fully sheathed inside you, so tight around him, and stilling his hips to allow you to adjust to his size. his forehead finds yours, crimson hair now completely free from its ribbon falling on the sides of your face and wafts the scent of his shampoo into the air. “you are so perfect.”

shaking your head with a breathy chuckle, you cradle his face with both your hands and instantly he melts into your touch, feeling the small rock of your hips letting him know you were ready for more. he doesn’t part from this closeness, each heated breath shared with the thrusts of his hips that start slow and deep.

you try to force them away but you can’t help the tears that well in your eyes being so full of him, being close to him again, the love you share so evident you were overwhelmed in the best of ways. but you still wanted more, wanted to be overtaken and drowning in it until it was all you knew because for so long, longer than you thought you could endure, you were without and right now, as you held him with as much need as he held you, you hardly knew how you survived up until this moment.

more of him wasn’t something you had asked for. he was yours for the taking in heart, body and soul and in every delicious roll of his lips, in and out of your sweet tightness, each one with more fever than the last, you were lost in the scent of sweet wine and smoke, the burning flames of your beloved that cradled you and protected you and the undeniable love that was sewn between you in an unbreakable bond.

diluc brings you ever closer, a large hand sliding underneath your head to cradle the back of your skull and kiss you. your lips meet, full of so much love and longing and muffled murmurs of pleasure. you feel his hair tickle your face with the pace he set, his chest following to get closer, pressing right against yours and loving the way your breasts bounce against him each time he bottoms out, hitting the perfect spot in your gummy walls. he was pressed so close you wondered if it was his own heart beat you were feeling or your own, not knowing where his body ended and yours began.

he was so deep inside you with every snap of his hips, so close in every way possible, and when you felt him picking up the pace of his thrusts, using the arm not holding the back of your head to grab onto your thigh, strong fingers sinking into your flesh with gentle power and bringing your leg to rest at the side of your chest, you couldn’t help but whimper against his kiss swollen lips.

“oh gods… ‘luc!”

your back bows off the bed, at least the best it can with diluc pressed against you but you were unable to control the way your body reacted to how well he split you open on his cock, his leaking tip always hitting your g spot, perfectly fitting inside you like you were made for each other.  

but it's the way he says your name, dripping with liquid fire and the stars he would pull from the dark night to show you how much you meant to him, that sent you over the edge of euphoria and when dilucs ruby eyes flutter open to see your crystalline tears that sparkled with the light of your love, love he had always been sure he didn’t deserve but couldn’t live without all the same, his own release followed, heavy and throbbing in the tightness of you.

he stays inside of you, feeling his cum leaking from your hole and down towards your bum but thoughtfully he moves your leg to a more comfortable position at his hips and lifts a bit of his weight off of you to allow you to take deep breaths, his arm flexing as he moves but not being able to be far, both because he couldn’t bring himself to, not yet, and because your hold on him remained snug with your arms around his neck.

all you could do was hold onto him, never wanting to leave this moment, and confess your love over and over, every one returned in kind with a burning passion.

“we will always be okay darling,” he whispers, brushing the tip of his nose along your own before placing a sweet, long, kiss to your lips. “i swear it.” 

♡♡♡♡♡

genshin impact masterlist | main masterlist

unconditionally g. satoru

pairings: gojo satoru x fem! reader

cw: soulmates au, angst, deaths, historical events, spoilers on manga ig?, illness, blood, gore, fem! reader, typographical errors, listened to unconditionally by katy perry when writing this!

a/n: let's go, first post! thank you for helping me proofread @xuanzangg mwah

in every universe, you were soulmates. you were his and he was yours. what happens if one day you woke up, you weren't soulmates like how it was used to be 1000 years ago?

in every universe we'll live in, i will always choose you

" 'toru.." you weakly whispered as your lover held you tightly on his arms, a sword piercing through your chests as blood continues to seep out of your clothes.

"hold on to me." satoru stammered as he choked on his own blood.

"i can't breath no more." you said as you pant heavily.

a curse left his lips as satoru wiped the blood off of your mouth, gently caressing your cheek.

satoru groans as he looked up to the person who happened to thrust a single sword into your bodies, a person he never thought would betray him.

"i trusted you!" satoru yelled followed by a cough as he held you close to his chest.

"that's the weakness of the queen, too softhearted, too gullible." the betrayer said as he forced the sword out of you and satoru's chest. "may you rest in peace, queen and king." he said as he left the place with his people.

there were dead bodies of your comrades around, not a single person left breathing, they were all killed.

"s-satoru.." you mumbled as you cupped your lover's cheek with your bloodied hands. "if the gods gave us another chance to live, will you still choose me as your lover?" you said as satoru opened his closed eyes and looked at you.

"i will. in every universe we'll live in, i will always choose you." he said as he placed his forehead against yours. "i love you, my queen." he mumbled, his breathing getting slower and slower.

"i love you too, my king."

we'll meet again, my love.

if you died once, you couldn't possibly live again right?

you never believed in those words at first, but now, you're starting to believe them.

this man infront of you, the person who happened to always appear in your dreams, standing right infront of you.

"princess (name), it's an honor to finally meet you." he said as he bowed for respect as you did the same.

you were staring at him as he was.

"prince satoru, i think i've met you before." the said man laughed at your words as he held your hand on his, placing a kiss on your knuckles after winking at you.

"likewise, princess (name). it feels like i've known you my whole life but, it is the first time we met."

marrying the prince of the other kingdom wasn't a thing you expected, not when you're already a dying vegetable. you were born with a curse that when you reached the age of 25, it was the end.

at the age of 18, you married the only son of the gojo clan, a marriage where you thought your husband will be cruel and unloving like the books you read, but turns out, satoru loved you with all of his heart (just like in your past lives). he cherished you just like how you deserved it.

at the age of 24, satoru started neglecting you, or what you thought he did but it wasn't his intention though, he just doesn't want to see you disappear before him and you understand that. who would want to take care of someone who's death was already set.

but a week before your birthday, before everything ends, satoru came back to you.

"i'm turning 25 soon, prince." he was standing at the window near the bed, his sword on his hand as he kept quiet.

you sat on the bed as you caress the soft pillow in your fingers.

you heard the sound of his sword as you watch him make his way to the door.

you smiled sadly as clutched the pillow with your weakening grasp.

"satoru, will you be back?" you asked and he finally faced you.

satoru clicked his tongue, the only reason he disappeared was because he searched every land for a cure, something that would remove the curse that was casted upon you, yet not a single information was given to him.

satoru cursed under his breath as he dropped the sword on his hand, running towards you as he embraced you as tight as he could, hoping that his hold would make you stay forever.

you cupped his cheeks in your hands as you leaned your forehead to his.

"why are you crying?" you asked and it made him cry more.

"i'm scared." he said as you wiped his tears with your thumb.

"don't be, my love. i'm still here." you said as he shake his head.

"i was looking for a cure..i've searched everywhere but-" he let out a sob as he took a deep breath.

"really? i appreciate it." you said, giving him an assuring smile. "but we both know that the curse doesn't have cure." he knew that, he was just desperate.

the day of your birthday was finally coming.

it was almost midnight as you lay in bed with your lover.

"satoru, remember when you said that it's like you've known me your whole life?" you asked, looking up at him as you lay your head on his chest. "i think i get it now. it's because we're past lovers, satoru."

he chuckled in response as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "i know, from the moment i saw you, i already knew it was you, my queen."

you lay back on his chest as the surroundings went silent.

you felt his hands tightened around your form as the ticking of the clock can be heard.

"this is it, satoru."

"fuck.. i hate this." he mumbled as he clenched his fists. he couldn't do anything but to watch you die before him.

"satoru, in another universe, it's still me and you, right?"

"mhm, me and you. we'll meet again, my love."

you couldn't control your tears anymore as you kiss him for the last time.

"i love you so much, my prince." you said as satoru wiped your tears with his thumb.

"you'll always be my princess. i love you."

you and satoru went to sleep that night but the difference was he was the only one who woke up the next morning.

you are the strongest, right? my everything..

"sensei?!" yuuji exclaimed as he saw his teacher, gojo satoru walking with you, an enemy as if you and him were friends.

gojo finally approached his surprised students as he placed his arms on your head like you were something to lean on.

"this is our ally now." satoru said as you rolled your eyes at him. "right, my queen." satoru half-joked as his students were now more than surprise.

"you forced me." you joked as satoru leaned down to your height, placing a finger on your lips.

"shh, it was you who begged me to spare you."

"i did not-!"

"are we supposed to see this?" nobara said as megumi left the scene.

"welcome, ms. (name)!" yuuji exclaimed as you nod at him.

"you almost killed us before! i won't trust you for now." nobara said as she crossed her arms before following megumi who just left.

"well, kugisaki is right, but since it was gojo-sensei who introduced you, i guess i'll trust you." yuuji said, following his friends who just left.

satoru chuckled as he started walking ahead.

"gojo-"

"satoru." he said, cutting you off as he faced you.

"satoru.. it's still me and you, right?" you said as you smiled at him and another chuckle left his glossy lips.

"seems like we met again, my love. i've been waiting for you."

-

"satoru!" you forced the door open as you saw his friend, shoko doing her best to heal him.

"stay back!" his comrades said.

right, they still don't trust you. you were an enemy after all.

if satoru was standing beside you, he already protected you but he couldn't, not when he's laying on a bed, cut into half as his comrades gather around to see his situation.

seconds, minutes and an hour passed, there was no progress at all, shoko was losing her strength as she finally surrendered.

she shake her head left to right, indicating that she couldn't do anything at the situation anymore.

they left the room one by one until it was just you, him and shoko.

shoko covered his body with a white cloth as you noticed her clenched her fist.

you were standing by the door, processing the events in your head.

shoko walked past you, taking your hand as she placed something on it. a necklace, something satoru owned as she finally left.

you walked slowly to your lover as you removed the cloth that was covering his face.

your lips started to quiver as you caress his already cold cheeks

"satoru, you are the strongest right? come on, wake up now, my everything."

until we meet again, mr. gojo satoru

gojo satoru was the strongest in your past life but he died in a gruesome death.

the day he died, the day you were cursed with immortality. a curse where the person you love the most will forget you, and if the time comes that, that person remembers you, you'll disappear.

you stand before a large painting inside a museum where a king and a queen embracing each other, a sword piercing through their bodies as the king cries blood tears.

"mesmerizing, is it not?" a voice said and not just a voice, you recognized it very clearly.

a gasp left your mouth as you as stand face to face with your lover.

"satoru?.." you mumbled in disbelief, taking a one step and another as you embraced the man. "you're finally here! i've been waiting for you." you said as you look up at him.

"ah, i'm sorry but this is the first time we meet." he said and all of your hope disappeared as you took a step back.

"satoru?" another voice called him as he turned around, revealing the person. "there you are! we've been searching for you. this museum's quite big."

"i'm sorry, this painting caught my attention, oh by the way-" satoru looked back only to see no one. he looked around the place, searching for the lady he just spoke with but she was nowhere to be seen.

it was supposed to be you and him. satoru was your soulmate, not the woman you haven't seen in your whole life, they even had a son that almost looked like him.

in the end, you went back to your usual spot, where you and satoru first met when both of you were still a sorcerer.

you leaned your back against the old tree, hugging your knees close to your chest as you cry.

a broken heart was worst than death.

it was always you who dies first in your past lives. did satoru wait for you this long too? did he once watched you fell in love with someone that's not you?

you think not, because whenever you reunite with him, he'll be the first one to recognize you.

it's all because of that stupid witch and the curse she left to you.

-

how ironic that you always cross paths with the said man.

in the mall, the park, the grocery store and anywhere, you just don't show yourself to him. it'll only break your heart more watching him be happy with someone.

"wait!" he yelled as you tried your best to run away from him. he finally catch up to you as his hand burned your skin. "what the hell?" he said, feeling the same burning sensation.

he didn't even notice that you were already running away.

"just a moment please!" he called. you stopped in your tracks, letting him catch up to you as you faced him.

you wanted to hug him so bad, to kiss him and tell him how much you missed him. but you don't have the rights to do so.

"this is yours." he said, showing you a gold necklace.

you frantically searched the necklace in your pockets and there was none so you harshly took it from his hands.

"my name was engraved on it and another one. is that you? is (name) your name?" he asked as you nod. "you were that lady from the museum, right?"

"what museum?" satoru was about to say something but he was cut off when his phone started ringing.

"ah sorry, my family's looking for me." he said and he didn't know how much those simple words broke your heart.

you watched him walk back to the grocery store, leaving you alone with nothing but a shattered soul.

-

your name had slipped off his lips accidentally that led an argument between him and his wife.

he's been having a dream with someone but the face was a blur, he couldn't recognize the person.

"satoru." you mumbled as you cupped your lover's cheek with your bloodied hands. "if the gods gave us another chance to live, will you still choose me as your lover?" you said as satoru opened his closed eyes and looked at you.

"satoru, remember when you said that it's like you've known me your whole life?" you asked, looking up at him as you lay your head on his chest. "i think i get it now. it's because we're past lovers, satoru."

"satoru.. it's still me and you, right?" you said as you smiled at him and another chuckle left his glossy lips.

-

you were on your usual night walk when you're suddenly running out of breath. it was like something was blocking your airway, an invisible hand gripping on your neck as you fell on your knees.

were you finally dying? if so you were glad.

you lay your back on the grass below, your heart beating slower and slower as you gaze at the stars.

"this is gonna be my last life, satoru." you said as if he was around to hear your words.

"(name)!" you heard his familiar voice. you've been thinking of him too much to the point that you were hallucinating.

you felt your body being carried as satoru held you on his arms.

"why are you here?" you said, weakly pushing him away.

"i'm sorry, (name). i'm really sorry." he said, biting back a sob as he embraced you.

"what are you talking about." you said.

"i remember it now, fuck, i remember all of it now. i am so sorry. stay with me, okay? i'll take you to the hospital." he said as he carried you.

"there's no need, there's no cure." you said as he stopped on his tracks.

"cure?"

"this is yours." you said, ignoring him as he took the necklace in your hand.

satoru kneeled on the grass as he took the observed the necklace on his hand.

"ah, i want my satoru..please?" he heard you said and his heart ached at your dying sight. he's seen this many times now but why does it hurt more this time?

"i'm here." he whispered.

"you're not him." you know you were being petty. you shouldn't blame him from the curse that was casted upon you.

satoru was startled when you started crying.

"i'm sorry, 'toru." you said as he smiled at you, wiping your tears with his thumb.

"it's fine, i'm sorry i did not recognize you, my queen, my princess, my everything." he said.

"satoru, this will be the last time we'll see each other. be happy."

"last time?" he shake his head as he cupped your cheek. "no, we'll meet again, right?" he said as you softly laughed

"maybe we will, but you'll have to wait million years for that." you said.

"i don't care how long, i will wait for you."

"i'm grateful to have you as my soulmate, satoru."

"what's happening?" satoru said as your hand were slowly disappearing with the wind.

"the curse was lifted now, satoru." you said as you smiled at him.

"t-then that's good! we'll go home together, okay?"

"that would be impossible, plus you have a family now." you said chuckling bitterly as you sigh. "goodbye, until we meet again, mr.gojo satoru."

satoru could only watch as you disappeared with the winds, another universe where he lost you again and yet he wasn't sure if he'll see you again. maybe someday.