Geto Angst - Tumblr Posts

{SMAU}: geto getting jealous and mean with reader.

{warnings}: profanity, slutshaming, name-calling (whore), pet names (baby, beautiful, my love), angst/comfort.

̗̀➛gojo’s version , toji’s version , nanami’s version!

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

@uzma-qureshi here you go!!

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

₊ ⊹ . ݁ MILLION DOLLAR BABY  ₊ ⊹ .

(sex worker!suguru geto x rich girl!reader)

⊹ tags: suguru geto x female reader; nanami kento x satoru; sukuna is reader's ex; character mentions: yuki, mei mei, shoko, toji; alludes to dd/lg relationship (very very mildly) with sukuna; a mix of angst/smut/fluff; domestic; non curse au; reader was in a toxic relationship; reader has daddy issues a bit lol; mentions of troubled past; mentions of death (parental)

:about: you grew up in a supremely wealthy household, but that came with a price. you’ve never had control over your own life, and now your father is set to marry you off. luckily, there's someone else who captures your heart. what does it matter that you pay him for his company?

:note: hi, everyone! this story is finally here, and it's one that's taken me forever to work but I actually loved this piece. I haven't been excited about something I've written in a while. I hope it lives up to all your expectations. comments and reblogs are always appreciated <3 - this fic is one shot, and I am willing to explore stories with the side characters. I'll happily answer any lore questions regarding sex worker geto x rich girl reader, but there will not be a part two or more parts of their story. It is a standalone.

wc: 14K+

The ceiling is covered with hanging irises, each one carefully handcrafted in paper. Edison bulbs dip down from between in staggering heights, illuminating the bar around you in warm light. It’s crowded tonight, clinking glasses and roaring laugher bouncing off the walls and clashing against the bass coming through the speakers. You scan the crowd, anticipation making your stomach flutter, but it quickly eases when you spot a head of golden hair among the audience. 

Nanami is at the bar, looking dapper as usual in a chocolate brown suit offset by a cream colored shirt. He’s drinking a whiskey when you approach him, the amber liquid mirroring the touch of bronze on his cheekbones. You sling your designer purse off your shoulder (the latest splurge of the week) and slide into the seat right next to him. 

“And how was your vacation?” you ask, greeting him with a question and noticing his mouth draw into a firm line. 

“Let’s not talk about it,” he insists, his eyes a little sad which only makes your stomach ache at the sight. 

He’s your closest friend - the only real friend you have. Kento Nanami doesn’t carry two faces. He sticks to the one that he has.  As one of the top investors in the country, he made a name by keeping the rich wealthy. He loathes his job and the pressures surrounding it - a walking hypocrite for despising the life that lines his pockets. 

He can’t find an escape no matter how hard he tries. 

And that's why you’re both two peas in a pod. 

He does, however, like you - not because of your background, but because you don’t try to be something that you are not as well. In a world where you are surrounded by parasites, Kento proved to be a nearly extinct butterfly, quietly fluttering by your side as you both drift across the harsh jungle around you. 

You concede, knowing better than to push his buttons. “Okay, I guess we aren’t talking about it…” 

“Tell me something else. Do you ever know how to walk into the room and not be the center of attention?” 

You smirk as he calls the waiter over.  Your presence easing the twinge of disdain on his face.

“What are you trying to say, hmm?” 

“You look nice tonight. New dress?” 

“New dress, new bag, new nails...” you list off, showing off each expensive purchase as you check them off your list. 

Nanami shakes his head playfully before ordering your usual once the bartender approaches. He angles his body towards you and breathes out a heavy sigh. 

“How are you?” He asks, genuine concern masking his face. 

Your shoulders drop. “I don’t want to talk about it…” 

His expression softens, one hand moving to touch your thigh exposed by the slit of your dress. 

“When do you meet Naoya?” 

He’s the only other person who knows about the pending engagement. The only person who offered you a way out by proposing instead. Despite his stance within the social community, you know that it’s not an offer that you can easily accept. 

Kento wasn’t bred into this world, and that makes all the difference. 

Your father would never accept a man from such a humble background. Especially not one whose offer wouldn't benefit him by any means.

“A few weeks from now,” you reply, eyes shifting to the bartender who passes your drink towards you. “He’s given my father specifications on how I should be presented…” 

Your friend scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Pardon my vulgarity but he just sounds like the kind of guy who wants to swing his dick around. I’m surprised he hasn’t shown up tonight…” 

The opening of the Ayame Lounge & Bar was invite only, exclusive to socialites and the elite. You know that Naoya must have received an invitation, everyone from the Zen’in family was here in attendance including the infamous outcast Toji. 

“He wouldn’t be caught dead here,” you inform, picking up your beverage and taking a small sip. “Naoya likes to uphold “tradition” but we all know it’s just a facade.” 

Kento’s thumb strokes your skin tenderly, worry ingrained in his gentle eyes. 

The two of you spend the night talking, catching up on the little things since his return from a two week vacation in Malaysia. He keeps the conversation light, telling you about his fantastic accommodation and all the food that he ate while he was away. In between you find yourself glancing over his shoulder, your eye on the crowd taking in the people around you. 

That’s when you spot him, standing just a few feet away, looking like a demigod among mere aristocrats. His hair is pulled back into a neat bun, a layer of his bangs kissing his forehead. His face is serious, jaw tight and eyes sharp as he focuses on his white haired counterpart. The black tee hugs his torso, his neat slacks cinched by the waist with a leather belt. You can’t help but bite your bottom lip, your mind drifting away from the conversation at hand. 

Your friend notices, of course. Kento is so tuned in to everything around him that he almost can’t help himself. He glances over his shoulder to see what caught your attention, only to instantly turn back around and stare at the whiskey glass on the table. 

The tips of his ears burn red. 

You register the response, knowing exactly what struck him to react in that way. 

Satoru Gojo -  former porn star, turned model, turned mega influencer. With a follower count in the hundreds of millions, he is the world’s hottest it boy. Nobody can deny his sheer beauty - whenever he walks into a room, he manages to steal a glance from every single person within his vicinity. Due to a rare genetic condition, his sapphire blue eyes and frosty white hair earned him the title of “The Prince”, and the people were desperate to share a place by his side. 

Suguru and Satoru were also the best of friends, a fact that Suguru revealed to you one night in bed. The two of them met on set, back when Satoru was still doing adult films. At the time, Suguru was just a camera man and it was Satoru who told him he could increase his earnings if he just performed instead. 

You remember telling Suguru: “it’s crazy how quickly his life changed”

“Some people are just lucky,” he responded, though you easily picked up the bitterness laced in his words. 

What most people don’t know is that Satoru Gojo is also involved with the man seated right next to you. You stumbled upon Nanami’s secret affair by accident when the two of you attended a resort opening by hotel heiress, Yuki Tsukumo. Everyone was invited to stay overnight for the weekend, and the morning after your first night there, you walked over towards Nanami’s room to grab some breakfast. He greeted you in a grey robe with his hair tousled, with hickeys trailing the side of his neck. You quirked a brow in his direction, your mouth forming into a blatant circle when you found Satoru Gojo fast asleep on his bed right behind him. 

The man in question looks away from Suguru towards you and Kento. His brows lifting in surprise when he spots your golden haired friend, but your eyes rest on Suguru who gestures that he will catch Satoru around. 

They both walk in opposite directions. 

You take a sip of your drink, your eyes shifting to Nanami. 

“You’ve got about five seconds to figure out what you want to say because Satoru is walking over here as we speak,” you inform. 

He exhales and straightens his back, his guard entirely up. 

You smile at Satoru when he approaches you, his pearly whites radiant as always. 

“Hi!” He says casually, though you can hear a touch of apprehension in his voice. “Mind if I cut in?” 

“Not at all!” you respond, “Can I get you a refill?” 

His cheeks blush a subtle shade of pink, the tiny gesture making you understand how easily it is to fawn over such a beautiful face. “It’s just soda, but sure” 

“Not drinking tonight?” You continue, glancing between him and Nanami as you wait for your friend to interject. 

“Actually, I’m three years sober,” he explains. 

“Good for you!” You cheer honestly, before turning to the bartender and ordering him another soda. 

From your peripheral vision you see him inch closer towards your friend. 

“I haven’t heard from you in a while,” he states, though his voice comes across as a little small. 

“I’ve been busy,” Nanami curtly replies, and your brows furrow at his unusual tone. 

“Too busy to even say hi?” Satoru continues, his voice low enough that only the three of you can hear each other. 

“Aren’t you here with a date?” Nanami chides, glancing up at him with a mocking eye. 

“Utahime isn’t my date, we both got invited together by our agency…” Satoru answers through gritted teeth. “Besides, I was hoping to spend time with you. I haven’t heard from you since Kuantan…” 

Nanami’s face burns an even brighter shade of crimson, the intimacy of Satoru’s comment flaring his humiliation. 

“Come on,” the white haired prince teases, attempting to ease the discomfort. “Don’t be such a grump. Let’s go outside. Get a little fresh air.” 

You can see that people are starting to stare at the three of you. 

Wherever Satoru goes, eyes follow him. 

While he may be immune to the attention, you can clearly see that Nanami is not. 

“No, thank you.” 

“What? You going to make me beg?” Satoru presses cheekily, but there is a twinge of desperation in his voice. 

“Begging is not difficult for somebody like you,” Nanami bites, and you can’t help but glare at him in shock. 

“Kento!” you chastise, but the look on his face speaks volumes. 

Regret. 

Instantaneous Regret. 

In front of him is a visible hurt that breaks Satoru’s face, like paint slowly chipping away. His eyes gloss over, and he anxiously rubs his hand over the back of his undercut before excusing himself and turning on his heel. 

Nanami covers his face with his palm, while you can only stare at him in disbelief. 

“How can you say that to him? I thought you liked him!” You whisper. 

“I-I didn’t mean to-” 

“You act like you’re ashamed of him whenever he’s around you…” 

Nanami avoids your eye, “How do you think this makes me look? I can’t have people seeing us together. I don’t want the world to swallow me up just because he prefers being gawked at by everyone around him” 

“That’s his job - it’s how he earns a living. I can’t believe you would degrade him over it,” you shake your head, unaware of where your sudden defenses are coming from.

“I know that…” 

“Is that why you don’t want to talk about your trip? Did something happen?” 

The man grows quiet, a sigh escaping him. 

“I broke up with him” 

“You what?” You gasp. 

“It'll never work. Our lives are too different” 

“You didn’t even give him a chance, Ken. He likes you. He really, really likes you.” 

“What chance is there to give? My life would come apart because of him. He would never be truly mine. I would have to share him with the rest of the world day in and day out. And the worst part is that…what should be intimate between us will never be ours either. Do you know that he’s still the highest streamed porn star in the world-” 

“He’s just a person. A person like me and you. Neither one of us chose this life. I didn’t ask to be born into my family, and you weren’t asked to save yours from debt. Yet, here we are. Existing in a world that we had to carve out for ourselves. Don’t you think the same applies to him?” 

You take another sip of your drink, your cheeks warming with anger at your friend’s condescending tone towards Satoru. 

Although, you find your reasons for defending him to be far more self serving. 

“So what if he sells his body? That’s his choice to make. Does it change anything else about him? Does it change his feelings for you?” You lecture, “I can’t believe that you be this ungrateful over skewed morals. If you both care about each other, there is no reason why you can’t be together. Take it from somebody who’ll probably never get the chance. This isn’t something you want to simply let go of, Kento. You’ll regret this decision for the rest of your life.”

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Nanami downs his whiskey and excuses himself then, your words stinging the microscopic cuts on his heart. You find yourself a little flustered after watching him walk away, unsure of where that outburst even came from. 

The eyes surrounding you look away. 

You know you’ve given everyone within your peripheral area a story to gossip about. One that would be twisted and chewed until there is no morsel of truth left in it. 

Your drink gives you enough liquid courage to socialize and face the music instead. 

You steer your way through the crowd hoping to find one person in particular, but instead you are caught among the net of cliques, old faces, and fake friends. You manage to bypass any pointed questions, passing through each conversation with a forced grin and entertaining the discussions at hand with fluffy anecdotes and petty rumours. 

When you walk away, you know full well that there will be whispers behind your back.

That’s the give and take about this world. Everyone is a vulture secretly waiting to witness the rise and fall of those around them. It’s a vicious circle, which is why nobody ever reveals their true hand in the process.  

You glance around the room, honing in on the handsome dark haired boy you’ve grown entirely too attached too except you spot someone else in between who makes your spine seize.

Your toes curl in your pointed heels. 

Your heart stutters unsteadily. 

Blushed strands, a wolfish grin, and a broad build - Sukuna always takes up far more room than he needs. 

You personally believe it’s because his ego is so massive it requires that extra space. 

You haven’t seen the man in five years, not after the messy relationship that that followed your even messier break up. 

You should have known better than to get involved with him while still so young. 

You remember that version of you. When you first met Sukuna, you were a small rabbit who had accidentally hopped its way into a lone wolf’s den. Twenty one and just embracing the glitz and glamor of the world around you. The man was charming, flirtatious and most of all dangerous. You couldn’t help but return to his lair, especially when he would take the time and effort to approach you at every function, party and gathering that you attended. When you think about your relationship with Sukuna, it fills you with shame until you can only drown in it. There is a reason why you’ve kept it a secret for so long. Even staring at him right now, the dishonor hangs on your shoulder like a weighted sin that you’re burdened to carry for the rest of your life. Every time it hits, the memories play like a movie on hyper speed. 

How often you allowed him to spill his seed all over your body. How often he brought you to tears with his tongue between your legs. How often you would moan the words “daddy” over and over again while riding him. How often you let him manipulate your heart. How often you let him convince you that you were happy.  

That twisted relationship was testament to how broken you were. 

You didn’t even know about his wife who lived in Kyoto until it was far too late. 

Your instinct tells you to turn on your heel and walk in the other direction, but you catch Suguru just up ahead in the crowd and your courage outweighs your hesitation. 

You manage to stride past Sukuna,  a darting feline scurrying towards the safety of a shadow. Your hammering heart steadies itself when the trail of his strong cologne is a safe distance behind you. You nervously clutch onto the strap of your purse, exhaling a quick breath before marching up to Suguru. 

You tap his shoulder twice. 

He spins around, eyes lifting as a smile spreads across his handsome face. 

Like a full moon on a clear night sky. 

“Well, isn’t this a lovely surprise.” 

“I sure hope so,” you remark, biting your bottom lip playfully as you glance at your own feet. 

Suguru chuckles, taking a step closer. “It is.” 

You glance up at him from underneath your lashes, your heart vibrating with pure excitement. You think it’s silly to have such a schoolgirl infatuation over him, especially since you understood the terms that surrounding your relationship. 

You pay him for his company. 

You aren’t supposed to have a crush on man who you employ to have to sex with you. 

Yet, your gut tells you otherwise. Convinces you that the softness in which he speaks is reserved only for you. 

“Are you here with anyone?” You ask a little breathlessly, hoping that you weren’t interrupting him working. 

Suguru shakes his head. 

“Satoru invited me,” he clarifies, and it’s an answer that only makes you giddy. 

“Oh!” You squeak, “well that’s nice. It’s a really exclusive party, make sure you to take it in…” 

His eyes blatantly fall over you, cascading down your body like ink dripping over a canvas. 

Your cheeks warm. 

He’s not even hiding that he’s checking you out, and it triggers the wild desire within you. 

“Are you here alone?” He questions. 

You nod your head, knowing full well that Kento is probably in the midst of a heated conversation with his distraught lover and won’t be returning anytime soon. 

“Why don’t you join us then?” He adds, cocking his head to point at the table behind him. 

You glance over his shoulder, barely recognizing the crowd. 

A fact that seems ideal to you. 

“I’d love to,” you say with a pretty smile, all the while Suguru’s eyes continue sparkling. 

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

The last time you saw Suguru was a few weeks ago, where your heavy heart spilled the news of your pending engagement. 

“An arranged marriage, huh?” he whispered in the dark, his sharp eyes dipping to your naked chest while his delicate fingers carefully pushed the bedsheet further down to your hips.

You inched a little closer into his frame, soaking in the outlines of his chiseled torso and bringing one finger to trace little shapes on his broad shoulder.

Your brows furrowed with annoyance, “yeah, ever heard of the Zen’in family?”

Suguru scoffed, breaking character for only a second but it’s something that you’ve caught him doing more recently. He doesn’t hold his reactions around you as tightly as he used to. The front of this alter ego that he created faltering, which is probably why you find yourself drawn to the person existing underneath the mask of the seducer.

You sigh before continuing your explanation, “my father thinks Naoya Zen’in is a perfect match for me.”

An uneasy expression flickered across Suguru’s face, but he suppresses it before allowing it to linger. 

You lifted yourself up onto your elbow and rest your cheek on your palm. “What is it?”

Suguru mirrors your position, his large hand gliding back and forth over the slope of your hips and waistline which sent goosebumps all over your body. “I’ve heard that Naoya…” Suguru stated, pinching the pads of his fingers lightly against your flesh before leaning forward to kiss the crease between your brows, “can be a handful to deal with…”

You thread your fingers around his neck, your lips finding his jaw where you return a kiss. “And who told you that?” you murmured as the weight of Suguru’s body rolls on top of yours.

You were staring at his devastatingly handsome face from below. The longer you spent time with him the more you began to wonder about his circumstances and a reoccurring thought crossed your mind once more.

Suguru could truly be anything he wanted, but instead he was here making a killing off of fucking lonely women and porn videos.

You don’t judge his choices, but you couldn't help but feel puzzled by the situation especially when you knew the trajectory of his best friend’s career path. 

One photo shoot at a mid-level fashion brand skyrocketed Satoru Gojo’s career and made him a household name. Yet, Suguru Geto was a taboo that was whispered behind closed doors. 

“I have a client who likes to gossip,” he admitted. 

That’s all you got because Suguru kept everything else about his clients confidential. You shivered when his mouth met your neck, his lips sucking along the tender skin that sent goosebumps all over your chest, but there’s an ache in your heart when you consider that if it wasn’t for the signed cheque in your purse, he wouldn’t even be here in the first place.

Not a single man you’ve met in the world compared to Suguru. You’ve never known how sweet lovemaking can be until he fucked you for the time. Not only was he beautiful beyond comprehension, but he was charming and extremely smart. You found yourself enjoying his company beyond physical purposes, and conversations with him turned out to be one of your favorite ways to pass time.

“Think we’ll still get together when you’re a missus?” he teased, his lips trailing lower to your collar bones and hovering just a above your breasts.

The thought of you getting married only made you sick.

“Do you peg me as a terrible wife? a woman who would happily cheat on her husband?” you questioned, your voice trembling when Suguru circled his lips around your hard nipple.

He hummed, drawing out a whimper when he nipped at the bud lightly, his tongue gliding over the hardened nub. 

“No,” he answered, his voice dropping an octave and your mind swirled when you contemplate if that strange tone is actually jealousy. He rested his chin on your chest, his inky hair framing his face in a waterfall of obsidian. “I do, however, peg Naoya as a terrible husband.”

You sank your fingers into his locks, “it doesn’t matter who my father chooses. All these men are the same. Naoya is no worse than the rest. I’m trapped regardless…”

It was the first time you allowed yourself to think about Sukuna when in bed with Suguru. The first time you thought about the last four years and the many men who tried to weasel their way into your heart just for the sake of obtaining status. The discomfort is written plainly on your face. Suguru doesn’t know that seeking him out was your way of taking matters into your own hands, even in just the smallest way. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he responded sincerely, the kindness in his voice the reason why your eyes prick with tears.

You sniffled, using your free hand to wipe away a rogue droplet that freely falls down your cheek. Suguru adjusted his position so he was lying by your side. He didn't say anything but draws you into his chest for a hug, enveloping you in his warmth. You tried hard not to consider the reality of the situation, and accept the gesture freely as you cuddle him.

But the moment of peace is interrupted by a loud vibration. You and Suguru both perked up to stare at his phone buzzing on the side table.

Your heart sank.

Another client.

Suguru reached his arm around to grab the phone, and you closed your eyes to inhale his natural scent, trying to soak him in for as long as you can before he leaves you like he’s done many times before.

To your surprise he simply switched it off, before proceeding to wrap his arm back around you to return to his position.

“You sure you don’t need to take that?” you mumbled, trying to play off your disappointment as casually as possible.

“I’m booked out for the rest of the evening,” he answered nonchalantly, “there’s no reason to respond.”

A tickle in your belly sent sparks all over your skin. “but your cheque only covers the hours we agreed on…”

Two fingers touched the underside of your chin, and Suguru tilted your head up so you were both face to face again. “Don’t worry about it,” he consoled, his thumb lightly outlining your bottom lip, “this is on the house.”

What bliss it was to fall asleep in his arms that night. You recall waking up right before dawn to find him in deep slumber, his strong arm draped protectively across your body with the heat cocooning you from the rest of the world. 

Disappointment shattered you the next morning, when you were greeted by the sun and an empty bed.

You’re not sure when Suguru had snuck out, but you were puzzled to find that your cheque was still tucked away safely in your purse. 

It was the first time he walked away without any payment. 

You still vividly remember his reaction when he met you just a little over a year ago. 

“You’re young,” he blurted, his eyes widening with confusion. 

“We’re around the same age,” you replied defensively, already feeling insecure for having hired him after spending weeks watching his videos. You didn’t even know about his house calls until you heard it from a source within your social circle. "Is this how you greet all your clients?”

Suguru raised his brow in contemplation, “my other clients don’t look like you…”

Over time you learned that he catered to a specific demographic: older divorcees and cheating housewives.

The person you might turn into years from now if this marriage goes through.

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

After that night you told yourself that you would schedule another meeting with Suguru to compensate him for his last session.

Right now, all you can think about is your heart hammering when Suguru subtly interlaces his fingers with your own, and leads you through the crowd until you both find a safe spot on the corner of the lounge chair. His group is far too engrossed in their own conversations to notice you both, drunk on the buzzing night and enjoying the many amenities of this exclusive party. 

“You look nice,” you compliment, catching Suguru’s attention while trying to ignoring his knees bumping against yours.

“As do you,” he replies, his voice smoother than velvet. “But you don’t need me to tell you that you’re gorgeous.” 

Oh but I do, you think, masking your excitement with a giggle and casual roll of your eyes. I could hear you tell me that forever. 

Suguru shyly looks down at his lap, hiding his own smile. 

It’s strange, you think, how the two of you are talking. Like this man hasn’t been inside you multiple times and made you cum until you can’t think straight. Like he doesn’t know your body in the most intimate sense.

Like you don’t fund a decent chunk of his salary. 

“Are you enjoying the party?” 

Suguru shrugs, “It’s not too bad. Though, I’m not one for big crowds if I am being completely honest...” 

“Makes sense. I don’ get a kick out of it as much as I used to.”

Suguru angles his body to face you, giving you his full attention. “Why’s that?” 

You sigh, your hands suddenly feeling empty without a drink. You sling your purse off your shoulder and place it between you both, before proceeding to fiddle with the fabric of your dress instead. 

You can lie, but you don’t know how. 

Well, you don’t know how to lie with him. 

Something about starting this contract with Suguru unveiled a level of vulnerability in you that you can’t seem to hide. The first night you both spent together you were a nervous wreck, stumbling and bumbling over words trying to find excuse after excuse as to why a woman of your age would even hire him. By your third appointment, you asked if he could be slow and gentle with you, the emotional scars of your previous relationship a stinging wound. You were desperate for tenderness, and Suguru obliged with your request. By the end you found yourself reaching your climax with tears in your eyes. 

If you were to list out more moments like this, you would simply go on and on. 

You can’t hide your truth with Suguru when it was the first thing you’ve ever shown him. 

“Because it’s a constant reminder that I can be in a room full of people I know and still feel incredibly alone…” you mumble, your gaze catching his. 

His hand finds your thighs, the warmth of his large palm burning through the fabric of your dress. 

“You’re not alone tonight, sweetheart,” he reassures. 

“You don’t have to be so nice…” you insist, suddenly self conscious over his flattery. The same sweetness he bestows upon you when you’re both locked away in a hotel room somewhere, but you didn’t sign off on any bonus transactions tonight. 

He squeezes your thigh and tilts his head. “But I like being nice to you” 

He says it so matter of factly it almost makes you faint. 

Your brows upturn with confusion. “Why?” 

His touch expands upward, grazing over the curve of your thigh, bunching the material of your dress between his fingers. He leans closer, the scent of bergamot wafting up your nose and kissing your neck. 

“Look there,” he states, and you follow the line of his gaze. 

“That woman has been married for fifteen years and her husband never got her off once. And that woman…” he continues, shifting his eyes from body to body, “has a birth mark just above her hip bone. And at the table right behind us,” 

When you turn your face you accidentally bump into the tip of his nose. 

“...are two sisters who pretend they get along well but are currently in a massive fight over their inheritance” 

Your stomach coils with jealousy. “Acquaintances of yours?” 

 Suguru leans back slightly, giving you both room to breathe. 

“Yes, clients…” he confirms, “there’s a few of them here tonight, but you’re the only one who acknowledges me. I’m just a dirty little secret to the rest.” 

Your envy dwindles into sympathy, and you can’t help but let the question slip. 

“How does that make you feel?” 

There’s a twitch in Suguru’s jaw, a hint of scarred pride. You know he has plenty of it, he just hides it well.

The man shrugs, averting his sharp gaze as he downs the rest of his drink. “It is what it is” 

Oh, but that response doesn’t nothing to help your heart, the muscle practically screaming at your brain to do so something and make him feel better. 

Mindlessly, you loop both arms around his bicep, casually resting your chin on his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way...” 

You’re not sure why you’re apologizing, but you’re hoping it’ll mean something to him. He turns to face you, and if he inched a little closer he could probably kiss you. 

“You are an enigma to me” 

“In what way?” 

He brushes his lips past your own, making you catch your breath for a moment. His mouth trails its way up to your ear, and he whispers a sentence that sends goosebumps running all over your body. 

“In the way that how a woman like you can fit in a life like this” 

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

The night carries on, the pulse of hedonism sending reverberations across the establishment. The crowd grows larger, the air a potion of liquor, expensive cologne, sweat and pleasure. The lights dim, inducing everyone into the trance of the ambience set around them, allowing them to indulge and consume. Your conversation with Suguru feels like minutes, but two whole hours pass with the both you concealed from the crowd. You’re almost mesmerized by him when he talks, cast under an entirely different spell that seems to effect nobody else. His touches turn more intimate the longer you speak, with Suguru securing his arm around your waist and leaning back against the chair as he keeps you tucked into his frame. 

That’s another thing you started noticing - how this man likes to hold you. 

He even did it when you were in bed together last. 

And the time before that. 

And the time before that. 

And the time before that-

If you weren’t surrounded by so many eyes you would simply curl into him, but you find yourself restraining while thinking of what excuse might work to get you both out of here because you just want to be alone with him. 

“Can I get you a drink?” Suguru offers, a wave of disappointment rolling into you as he untangles himself slowly. 

“Just some water...” 

Suguru kisses the inside of your wrist with the reassurance that he’ll be right back, but the public display only makes your cheeks bloom with endearment. 

“Got it” 

When he stands up and walks away is when you notice how the crowd around you has dispersed. Most of Suguru’s party were gone - standing either by the bar or caught in the middle of the dance floor. You can see that there were a few shifty eyes staring at you, and a lump forms in your throat when you realize that by allowing yourself to melt into Suguru it meant that you revealed your weakness to the rest of the wild. 

You take a second to readjust - fixing the hem of your dress before pulling out your pocket mirror and reapplying your lipstick. You fight off any anxious thoughts, sticking a big metaphorical middle finger to whoever was watching you with any hint of judgement. 

Your care for Suguru outweighed their own by tons. 

You just didn’t know how far you had let your guard down until a strange shadow veils over you. 

“Red still looks good on you.” 

Your heart doesn’t sink, it seizes, collapses into itself when you drop the mirror in your hand. His dark chuckle makes your spine tingle with unease. Sukuna kneels to pick up your mirror, his devilish smiling greeting you as you swallow the lump in your throat. 

“What? Cat got your tongue?” He teases, huffing out another laugh when you snatch the pocket mirror from his hand and quickly throw your things back into your purse. 

“I have to go.” 

You bolt onto your feet, only to pause when his contact scorches your forearm. 

“What’s the rush? I’m just saying hi.” 

You shrug him off aggressively, eyes violent and full of fury. 

“I don’t want to say hi to you. As a matter of fact, I hope that we never have to speak again.”  

“C’mon doll, don’t be like that. It’s water under the bridge…” 

His nonchalance enrages in you ways that you can’t describe, but rather than make a scene you smoothly shove him aside before uttering “asshole” and storming off towards the bar. 

Your frantic eyes search for your solace, of the man who can suture any wound that’s in desperate need of healing. You spot him from behind, noticing that he is speaking to a friend, his shoulder leaning on the bar as he patiently waits to pick up the drinks like he promised. Refusing to look back because you know Sukuna is probably on your trail, you breathe out your apprehension to compose yourself and keep one hand securely on your purse before steadily making your way towards to Suguru. 

You hear the two of them as you draw closer,  unintentionally eavesdropping on the conversation at hand. 

“Who’s the chick?” his friend asks. 

“A friend.” Suguru replies. 

“Which friend?” they press. 

“None of your business…” 

“Ah, one of your desperate clients I’m guessing?” 

You cease before making your presence known.

Stunned; your face boiling with embarrassment. 

“Shut up.” 

“It’s so obvious, Suguru-” his friend scoffs, “she’s practically crawling on your lap. It’s fucking pathetic, don’t you think?” 

Pathetic?

The word splits you into half.

Is that how Suguru sees you? 

Is that how everyone else does to? 

Something clicks then, every memory and act of kindness tainted with the thought the man was simply pitying you. That the root of his good-hearted nature was merely sympathy towards a sad, broken little rich girl. 

Suguru picks up the drink, mumbling a “fuck off” before turning on his heel only to find you standing there stupefied by his friend’s demeaning commentary. Only an idiot would assume that you probably didn’t hear a thing, but Suguru is far smarter than that. Whatever trace of the mask he’s been wearing dissipates then, and you see the genuine concern on his face. He parts his lips but you’re too wounded for an explanation, and you instantly dash past both of them, excusing yourself politely before speed walking your way towards the exit. 

You can hear him call out your name, but there is no way you would let that man see you crying after what was just said. 

Of course he doesn’t like me, you self-consciously deliberate, I pay him to fuck me. 

I pay him to fucking like me. 

A sob leaves you, and you cover your mouth with the back of your hand as you rush past the bouncer and dart out the front door, leaving a crowd of people staring at you with confusion. All of them hoping to make their way inside.

“Must be drunk,” one person says, while another screams at the bouncer “hey, can you let us in?! Someone just left!” 

You strut down the street, desperately trying to maintain your balance as you dab your eyes lest your tears ruin your make up. You hear someone call out your name, half hopeful that it might Suguru but when you glance over your shoulder all you see is the dreadful sight of your ex-boyfriend. 

You keep walking.  “Don’t follow me.” 

Sukuna is quick to catch up, practically jogging down the street and you curse your choice in footwear for slowing you down. 

“Then don’t keep running away.” 

You halt, the man nearly colliding into you from behind. 

“What?!” you spit out as you glare up at him. “What do you want from me?” 

Sukuna arches his brow, the smell of whiskey sticking to him. “The fuck got you so worked up?” 

You wipe away any leftover tears, your indignation towards this man overriding all other emotions. 

“None of your fucking business…” 

Sukuna reaches for your elbow, “Let’s not be testy. My car is in front of the bar. Let me take you home.” 

You already caught that eye sore of a ridiculously expensive sports car when you stepped out of club. “I’d rather walk home barefoot on a bed of hot coals then go anywhere with you.” 

“Don’t be like that, kitten…”

“Don’t,” you snapped, “call me that.” 

“You know I still nothing but love for you, right?” He slurs mildly, “Let me take you back to my place and we can talk-”  

His thumb grazes your elbow gently. Once upon a time you actually believed that his affection was real, but you’re older and wiser to know the truth now. “You miss my pussy,” you crudely admonish, “you don’t give a fuck about me.” 

He pinches your elbow with mild irritation. “Why don’t you tuck those claws back. I’m trying to have a fucking conversation.” 

“If a conversation is what you want, then speak to your fucking wife-” you hiss, striking a cord that makes Sukuna furrow his brows which brings you an odd sense of satisfaction. 

His face falls. 

You huff with approval. 

“What?” your mock, “cat got your tongue?” 

“Is everything alright?” 

You and Sukuna both halt, your heads twisting to face whoever spoke with Sukuna letting go of you faster than you can even blink. You only catch a tiny glimpse of his fear, the terror that somebody caught him in the act. 

Thankfully, it was only Suguru. 

Your body hums with relief. 

One hand is in his pocket, the other keeping a helmet tucked under his wing. His stance is relaxed but his irises are piercing daggers sinking into Sukuna’s skull.

“Everything’s fine-” Sukuna insists. 

“Suguru,” you call out at the same time, instantly going to him and finding your place by his side.

The word pathetic hammers in the back of your mind but you need deal with one problem at a time, and right now you don’t care about looking desperate if it means escaping the shackles of Ryomen Sukuna. 

Suguru’s eyes don’t leave your ex-lover, but he inches closer towards you to assert his ground. 

Sukuna frowns, the expression on his face all too familiar. 

You clutch Suguru’s sleeve, “Nothing to fret over. Do you mind taking me home?” 

He turns to face you, a mixture of worry with a flare of anger on that handsome face.  

“Yeah, I’ll take you home.” 

“Tsk,” Sukuna grumbles with frustration, “Don’t cheapen yourself by fucking off with some whore…” 

A static shock trickles each point of the triangle where you all stand. The hair on the back of your neck stands upright, your attention moving to Suguru whose entire face darkens with a fury that you’ve never seen before. He steps forward, his helmet dropping to his hand like he’s ready to wield it as a weapon, and the target is the spot on Sukuna’s skull that he’s been carefully observing. Your vision goes white imagining the outcome of this blow out, and you can practically hear the crack of the impact if Suguru follows through. 

Despite how much he deserved it, you know just how powerful Sukuna is. 

He would ruin Suguru without any remorse. 

“Suguru,” you beg, stepping forward and clutching onto his shirt as you reel him away from the man before you. 

His nostrils flare, the intoxicating poison of wrath swirling in his irises which quickly diffuses upon finding you. 

“Take me home?” You softly repeat, earnest and sincere, all the while erasing Sukuna from your presence entirely. 

It only takes a few seconds for Suguru to register your request, but he complies by reaching for your hand and knotting his fingers between your own. He grips it protectively, eyes looking straight ahead as he leads you down the street and far away from the chaos behind you. 

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

The patter of your feet colliding onto the concrete surface echoes around you. A part of you is embarrassed, the other ashamed, a third grateful while a fourth shivers anxiously. You’re thankful that Suguru is at least allowing the silence to linger because it’s giving you a chance to settle from the roller coaster of emotions you just experienced. You try not to think about the pressure of his grip, or how the length of his fingers are wrapped securely around yours and instead piece together some semblance of an explanation worthy for him to listen to. 

You eventually decide that you’ll just grab a cab back to your place. That you’ll thank Suguru for playing the role of rescuer, and hand off the cheque that you’ve been holding onto. You won’t be a burden, bother him any longer or a do anything else to force his empathy. 

Suguru pauses in front of a jet black motorbike. The color itself blending into the darkness around you. You clear your throat ready to make your declaration, but you’re silenced when you feel the weight of his helmet press against your palms. 

“Wear this,” he commands. “I’ll take you to my place.” 

Your mouth goes slack, your practiced words shrinking to the back of your throat. 

His place. 

“Your place?” You find yourself whispering your thoughts out loud. 

Suguru reaches for the handle of his bike, tapping his index finger against it, his back facing you. “If you want.” 

He hops on before searching you for an answer. The look animates you back to reality and you nod your head before swiftly putting on the helmet. You find your place behind him, taking a second longer to adjust in your dress. You knot your arms around his waist, your eyes noting his exposed head. 

“You don’t have a helmet.” You point out. 

“I don’t live that far,” he answers back, “besides, I didn’t think I’d be traveling with precious cargo.” 

He taps his palm over your clasped hands. “Hold tight for me, alright?” 

You nod your head, covering your face with the shield visor before resting your cheek against his back. 

Suguru takes off. 

The wind whips against your bare arms, the pressure sweeping between your legs as Suguru swerves between each lane. The city blurs into vivid colors, only resurfacing when you come to an immediate halt at the traffic light. The adrenaline courses through your veins, the exhilarating sensation a thrill that you’ve never experienced before. Unfortunately, the journey was short lived and within twenty minutes you find yourself coming to a halt in an underground parking lot. 

Suguru parks the bike, hopping off before reaching his hand out to assist you. 

Your legs felt like jelly when it hits the surface, and you tumble on your own footing as Suguru reaches his other hand out to steady you by holding your waist. 

“You okay? Was I going to fast?” 

You take off the helmet, attempting to make yourself look somewhat presentable. 

“No, no” you answer a little breathless, “that…that was actually kind of fun…” 

“First time?”

You nod your head. 

Suguru hums. 

He takes the helmet away from you and directs you straight to the entrance of his apartment building. He pulls out an electronic key, and presses it against the elevator door. The elevator pings, the panels sliding open as you both step inside. Suguru clicks the button to his floor and you both stand on opposite sides watching the numbers go up.

Suguru lived in a newer development, you could tell when you walked through the hallway as he stands in front of his apartment door, and uses the same key to grant you both entrance. 

As you enter the hallway, you’re greeted by a wall with mounted iron hooks. There’s five to be exact, each one holding a different helmet with one space empty. Suguru fits the helmet back onto the vacant spot, before glancing over his shoulder and finding you still by the door struggling to take off your heels. 

He returns and kneels before you. His hands carefully moving your fingers away. 

“Let me help with that” 

“You don’t have to-” but you’re interrupted with him patting his thigh in gesture. 

You bite your bottom lip and place one foot against him, careful not to dig your heel into him. 

He delicately unravels the straps around your ankle and slips of the heel with a brush to the back of your calf, making the muscle twitch. 

“Other foot,” he instructs, then repeats. 

After placing your shoes neatly by the door, he stands up and reaches for your hand once more. “This way” 

You take it warmly, and follow him while trying your best not to acknowledge the noticeable height difference with you two standing side by side.

You never paid much attention to it before, you didn't have too really considering you both spent most of your time together in parallel positions. 

Suguru leads you into the living room, and a small gasp escapes you when you are met with floor to ceiling windows. The horizon is of the city skyline, but it’s half blocked by a decent size balcony which is covered in greenery. The scene contrasts the inside of Suguru’s apartment, which is more minimal. To your right is a small dining nook, the light above an accent piece that added some detail to the decor. To your left is a small furniture set, the sage green fabric making you avert your gaze with shame because your recognized that very same couch in most of Suguru’s videos. 

You find yourself quickly staring at your feet. 

“Can I get you anything to drink? Water? Tea?” 

“Tea would be great,” you answer back, returning to look directly at him from underneath your lashes. “Do you have anything herbal?” 

“Mhmm.” 

You follow him into the kitchen and realize that the man keeps his place meticulously clean. The back counter is what catches your attention the most. Suguru has a full serviced at home barista station set up for his own convenience. You pick out the coffee grinder, espresso machine, assortment of tea pots, jars of fresh leaves and coffee bags all neatly organized. 

Suguru pulls out one jar with a hand written label that reads "lemon balm and chamomile". 

You slip off your purse and place it on the counter behind him. “Did you make all these yourself?” 

“My parents used to run a tea shop in Hokkaido,” he answers back. 

“A tea shop?” You squeak, a little too excited from the morsel of information about his personal life that he just bestowed. “That must have been lovely…” 

“It was,” he answers, his voice growing small. 

You watch him fill the kettle with water, before placing it on the electric stove to warm up. He opens the jar, closing the gap of space between you both and lifts it to your nose. 

“Take a deep breath in,”

You oblige, and inhale. 

“Oh my,” you sigh out loud, your fingers subconsciously clasping over his own as your eyes flutter from the aroma of citrus, ginger, flora and subtle spice. It calms every firing nerve in your body. “That smells wonderful” 

When you open them again, you see that Suguru is looking at you thoughtfully. 

“It tastes good too,” he says proudly, and your heart glows at the reaction. “I was a terrible night owl as a kid. Still am, I guess. My mom used to make this to help me go to sleep…” 

“That’s really sweet,” you admit, wondering how lovely it must be to be looked after with such care. 

He slips away again, taking a spoon and putting a generous amount of the blend into a ceramic tea pot. You hear the tea bubble lightly, but your head spins as Suguru cages you in place while you both wait for it to reach the right temperature. Your back is against the counter, his arms by your side. 

“That guy you were talking to. Who was that?” He questions, cutting right to the chase. 

“Nobody important,” you confess, “he’s an asshole.”

“Tell me about it.” 

“I’m sorry about what he said to you. What he called you…”  

Suguru’s fingers dig into the counter, making the muscles in his arms flex with irritation. 

“Don’t apologize for him. Don’t apologize for any of them.” He firmly maintains. “Their words are empty to me...” 

“You almost bashed his head in,” you point out, a tiny smile easing the tension binding around the man before you. 

“I almost bashed his head because of the way he spoke to you-” 

Your eyes widen. 

Was he being protective? You think, but shake your head when you think of what kind of pitiful state you must have been that would cause Suguru to react in such a way. 

Pathetic. 

Your shoulders dwindle slightly and you shake it off to gather yourself once more. 

“He was a terrible mistake. I was young, and stupid. I thought I knew better when I really had no fucking clue…” 

You didn’t realize how bitter you sounded until two fingers press underneath your jaw.

His thumb taps your chin in a featherlight touch. “Is it over? Whatever it was?” 

“Of course,” you answer, the truth acrid on your tongue. “I’m to marry Naoya Zen’in, remember?”

Suguru frowns. “He’s no better. I told you that myself.” 

You circle your hand around his wrist. “I’ll take anyone over Sukuna. Even if that person is Naoya…” 

“Why can’t you just choose?” 

You press your lips together and sigh. “Because it’s a transaction. I’m a token in my father’s universe. If he weds me off to the Zen’in’s then it’s profitable. Good for business…” 

“I’m sure if you speak with him, he’ll understand-” 

“Don’t be so naive,” you answer as you return to meet his gaze. “My father doesn’t love me. He just owns me. I spent most of my adolescence alone while he was busy working or galavanting off with his mistress.  I think he assumed that if he kept shoving money my way, I wouldn’t notice his absence…” 

The kettle sings, making you both jump in place as the water bubbles aggressively and a small spiral of steam releases from the lip. Suguru returns to making your beverage. Picking up the kettle and pouring the hot water into the pot. He places it on a tray, along with a beautiful cup. 

“The tea needs a couple of minutes to steep. In the meanwhile, I’m going to change into something more comfortable.” He announces, “You want some spare clothes?” 

You look down at your designer frock, the material snug on your body. 

“Yeah, I’d like that” 

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

You stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Suguru’s white shirt falls to your mid thigh, the material a little see through and revealing the bra you had on underneath. You eye the pair of worn boxers he handed to you to wear as shorts, but slyly tuck your bottom lip between your teeth before leaving it behind and walking out with your bare legs on display. 

You’re not quite sure what the plan is here, but you don't see yourself leaving anytime soon.

You head back towards the kitchen where you pick up your purse, your dress folded between your hands carefully. Suguru is opening the door to the balcony, having changed into a cut sleeve shirt that exposes his arms and a hint of his ribs, as well as a pair of loose shorts. When he hears you enter, his attention instantly falls to your plush thighs, a hint of crimson blushing his cheek. 

“Where can I keep my stuff?” You ask innocently, pretending to ignore his reaction. 

“Anywhere is fine,” he answers back, his voice thick. 

He tells you that he’ll wait for you outside, and in the meantime you put down your stuff onto the coffee table in front of his sofa.

You unzip your purse, Suguru’s cheque staring you at you with wide, scolding eyes. 

Pathetic. 

You furrow your brows at the voice inside your head, and swipe the payment before folding it and tucking it securely against your hip underneath the waistband of your underwear. 

You head outside, sliding the window close behind you. 

Suguru is sitting on a deck chair, the two of you camouflaged by the array of his overgrown plants. He pours your cup of tea, the aroma twirling between the current of the wind as he offers it your way. You pick it up, bringing it to your lips and taking a sip. A heavy sigh escapes you, and you remain standing leaning back against the cool glass surface as you stare out into the distance. 

“Like it?” Suguru asks, and you only notice then that he has also brought out a second cup for himself and is pouring his own drink. 

“It’s divine,” you respond. 

“I’m glad” 

The two of you sit in silence once more, mindlessly sipping your tea while contemplating the other person. You’re both at a clear standstill, carefully tiptoeing over the boundary that has so been strictly set in place. 

A reminder of that is the folded cheque digging into your skin. 

“How did you find out about contacting me?” Suguru randomly wonders. 

You look towards him and he shrugs before adding on, “I never asked. I find myself curious.” 

You thrum your nails against the glass cup, taking another sip of your tea before replying, “I saw you at a party with Satoru. I was with a group of friends, and one of them noticed me recognizing you. She asked if I was…familiar with your work. And when I told her I was she informed me that you both were…intimate.” 

“Was it Mei?” 

Your face falls at the blatant disregard of confidentiality. 

“How-How did you know?” 

Suguru huffs, and sips his tea. 

“She’s the only other client I had close to our age. Wasn’t hard to make the connection…” 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

“Go for it,” he replies. 

“I’ve always been curious as to how you wound up doing what you do,” you bite your bottom lip nervously, your hands trembling slightly holding your glass and you hope that Suguru wouldn’t notice your sudden unease. 

“Ah,” he acknowledges, his free hand moving to rub the back of his neck and you can’t help but sneak a peak at his abdomen from the side. “Well, I told you how I wound up making the videos. For a long time I just did solo work, but I knew I could make more money if I had on-screen partners to film with. I had a few good connections with some actresses and hired a friend to make a video with me…” 

You knew exactly which one he was talking about. 

The actress in question was well known, and the video was an amateur clip that was filmed on the very same couch that you walked passed earlier. 

You clench your thighs together. 

You don’t even want to admit how many times you came to that particular video. 

“I didn’t know it would blow up in the way that it did. Shoko and I made a killing off it. We both saw the potential and we wound up doing six full episodes - trying out different techniques, roleplaying in a few…” 

“But you stopped posting after that…” 

Suguru pauses. “How would you know that?” 

You swallow a big gulp of tea. 

“I might have been a big fan of your work before we met.” 

“Really?” He answers with a slight tilt of his head, clearly very amused. 

“I wouldn’t have reached out to just anyone, you know. But I was really interested in...your work, and when I learned about your little side gig. I couldn’t resist…” 

“Well, color me flattered, sweetheart.” 

You swirl the last bits of tea in your cup. 

“So, why did you stop posting?” 

“I kept the videos up. They’re good and I still make revenue with every ad or view. Satoru’s career was picking up around that time, and he had just gotten clean. He needed somebody to hold him accountable so I started tagging along at his events. I didn’t realize how many people would recognizeme. My first client wasn’t even "a client", he gestures with air quotes, "she was just some woman I met and slept with. I woke up the next morning to an empty hotel room. All that she left behind was an envelope of cash…” 

He pauses. 

“I didn’t know what to feel. A part of me was insulted but another part had never seen that much money handed over so easily. The videos were great but what I earned in a day, is what I got in just a few hours. I was in my mid-twenties, just left the brink of making ends meet and desperate for security. I deposited the cash and kept going. Somehow it snowballed into…” he gestures his arms out, “this.” 

He pours himself another cup of tea. “At first I was a little reckless. Took on too many clients it damn near gave me a health scare. So, I started spacing them out. Keeping to a set number a month and maintaining a high price. I didn’t think that so many people would actually pay for my services, but they do...and I'm comfortable.” 

“Does it ever overwhelm you?” 

“Not anymore. Keeping my partners to a minimum helps. I’m safe and get tested regularly, as I mentioned when we first met,” He lifts the teapot your direction to offer you a second cup, and you accept it by approaching him and allowing him to fill your glass. 

“The thing is I went from never knowing when I was going to eat to having three meals a day. I don’t think I’d change that for the world…” 

“What about your family? Your friends?” You find yourself mindlessly asking. "How do they feel about this?"

“Satoru and Shoko are the only ones who know. Everyone else thinks it’s porn that funds my life. As for my family,” Suguru stops, his voice scratchy as he quickly clears his throat. “Well, they don’t have to worry about it. My parents passed away when I was fifteen. It's just been me ever since”  

The tea burns your lip  and your body trembles at the statement. 

“I’m so sorry…” 

He shrugs his shoulder nonchalantly. 

There’s a heaviness in the air, and despite how hard he’s trying to hide it you can see how the memory tears him apart. 

“My mom passed away giving birth to me,” you find yourself disclosing to even the scale, “I think that’s probably why my father resents me so much. He never got a son, and lost his wife in the process” 

“I’m sorry to hear that too…” 

You mirror his shrug. “It’s weird. I find myself curious about her - but there’s a detachment when I look at her. Sometimes I think about how different my life might be if she was still around. Or, if she was just like my father and everything would still be the same…” 

“Well, since we are speaking of hypotheticals,” Suguru moves on, shifting the topic as he angles his body more in your direction. “If you had the freedom to whatever you wanted, what would you do?” 

“Me?” You gasp, shocked by his pointed question. 

He smiles an easy smile, “I don’t see anybody else around.” 

You hum thoughtfully. “This might take a minute…” 

He places his cup of tea on the tray by his side and then pats his free hand on his thigh. 

“C’mere and think.” 

Your heart flies up your throat, pulsing just at the base. “You want me to sit on your lap?” 

Suguru nods his head. 

You gulp down the vessel, returning it back to its place. You glide your way towards him, placing the tea cup just next to his own, before settling down onto his lap. 

Suguru wraps his arm around your waist, securing you close into his frame. 

“Do you hold your other clients like this?” 

He shakes his head no. 

“So, you like holding me…” you bluntly point out, “why’s that?” 

Suguru’s face is directly in front of yours, so beautiful you can almost faint right here in his arms. He fingers dig into your waist, his other arm curving over your thigh and gently drawing circles on your hip. 

“Because you fit nicely against me” 

A swarm of butterflies take flight, making you feel lighter than air. You swear he might kiss you then but instead he returns to his question. “So, tell me what would you do?” 

The answer comes to you far easier than you think. From the moment you saw him tonight, you know the truth in the depths of your heart. “I’d like to run away with you,” you confess before stuttering out, “or-or at least somebody like you. Someone who is kind and sweet and thoughtful...”

Suguru leans back against the chair, lifting up one leg and adjusting your positions. He’s careful not to kick the tray with the tea. 

“And where would we go?” 

You sling your arms around his neck, “anywhere - anywhere but here.” 

Suguru slides his palm over the slop of your rear, slipping it underneath the fabric of his shirt and tracing a line over the dimples on your lower back.

“What would we do?” 

“We could lay outside just like this and watch the stars.” 

He hums, “we don’t get any stars out here in the city...”

“No, we don’t.” 

“What else would we do?” 

His other hand starts to unbutton the front of your shirt, revealing the details of the lace underneath. He cups your right breast, his lips shifting to find your neck. 

“We’d do this too,” you sing merrily. 

“Look at stars and fuck our brains out?” He teases, his teeth nipping at your skin. “Sounds like a dream to me…”

He gropes the fat of your breast, unknotting every single secret. “what else?” 

“We’ll sleep all day, and kiss until we’re bored of one another…” 

The hand on your breast moves to circle your neck, Suguru’s thumb massaging the column. 

“I’d never grow bored kissing you-” 

Your body renders against his touch. “Suguru,” you moan, your lips seeking his own. 

Before you can even meet for the kiss, he mumbles your name and follows up with the claim: “you should run away with me.” 

You giggle, still living in the proposed fantasy. “I’m trying to…” 

“I’m being serious” 

The tone of his voice is the reason why you stop to kiss him, pulling away to face the man before you. 

There's no denying the truth on his face - he is actually quite serious about the declaration. 

You hear the dreaded word once more: pathetic. Pathetic because this man is an expert at fulfilling fantasies, is a professional when it comes to healing the hearts of the lonely.

Pulling yourself out of this delusional imagination, you push off him before standing up straight. 

“That’s not funny, Suguru” 

“Who says I’m being funny?” He responds sincerely. 

“What is this? What are we doing? What am I doing? You can’t just-” you lament, pressing your forehead to hand in disbelief as you enter the confines of his apartment, taking a second to breathe. “You can’t just say things like that-” 

He calls out your name again, but the kraken has already been released. 

He follows, tracking into his abode right behind you, all the while watching you stand in the middle of his living room with your quivering hands reaching for the waistband of your underwear.  

“This was a terrible idea. I shouldn’t have-I shouldn’t have gone through with all of this,” you yank out the cheque, showing it to him. “You don’t have to take pity on me. I know I’m just another desperate, pathetic client, alright? I promise you don't have to keep putting up with me and my drama after this. And you sure as hell don't have to keep giving me these mixed messages which only confuse me. I can’t have things getting complicated right before this engagement is about to happen. So, here. Take this cheque and let’s just forget everything else about tonight.” 

Suguru stands there, pensive. His eyes look to the folded paper in your hand, his chest rising and falling with each heavy breath. Instead of reaching for the paper, he simply walks past you, making you spin on your heel as you follow his movements with sheer bewilderment. 

He heads towards the shelf behind you and pulls out a tiny box. He removes something from it, before walking back and facing you once more. 

“Shit got complicated about eight cheques ago, sweetheart,” he negates, holding the thin stack papers between his two fingers as he brings it to your face. His eyes fall to to the crumpled one you are currently holding, “Well, counting the one in your hand, I’d say nine...” 

You can’t believe it.

You pick up the wad and sift through each paper; each cheque one of yours, the date issued a reflection of your last nine meetings with Suguru. 

None of them cashed in. 

“Why do you still have these?” 

Two hands find your waist, your forearms fall into Suguru’s chest as you stare mindlessly at the cheques fanned out between your fingers. 

“I didn’t have it on my conscious to deposit them once I realized my feelings for you. I'm sorry about what you heard earlier, but what Mahito said doesn't apply to you at all,” he responds. “You stopped being a client to me for quite some time...” 

You look up at him. 

His touch tightens around your waist. “You can’t marry Naoya. Or, you shouldn’t. But if you do, I don’t want us to stop seeing one another. We can work something out…”

“Suguru,” you pine, dropping the papers in your hand, each one twirling onto the ground, thousands at your feet. 

His lips catch yours in a subtle peck, all before circling over your bottom lip and sucking on the plush base. He slides his tongue between your lips, feeling yourcrumple into him as the paper crinkles beneath your feet. You moan feeling the sensation of his tongue slide across yours - he tastes like running across a field of chamomile flowers, like you’re holding a basket of fresh, ripe lemons. 

Like you're savoring the most beautiful sunrise. 

His hands return to finish unbuttoning your shirt, shrugging the material off your shoulders and exposing your expensive lingerie set. He grips your hips, your ass - his touch hungry before pressing his pelvis closer to your frame so you can feel his aching member beneath his shorts. 

You squeak into another kiss when he swiftly picks you up from the back of your thighs and carries you across the living room. 

He places you onto his sofa like you’re made of porcelain, keeping you on the edge as he kneels to the ground, his knees sinking into the rug. Two hands find your inner thighs which he pushes apart to reveal the pretty triangle fabric covering your sweet cunt. He kisses your clit over the material. Once, twice, three times…until you’re sighing into the pillow behind you. His tongue drags up, pressing your clothing against your sex, one hand drawing upward to find yours which he holds lovingly. His index and middle finger hook underneath your underwear, and he tugs it aside to reveal your slick coated pussy. 

He kisses your clit again, leaving a path down your damp lips which only makes you moan angelically. 

“This is why I’d never get bored kissing you,” he coos, “You sound like heaven whenever I do...”

Your only response is a vowel, your hand holding onto Suguru’s for dear life as he returns to eat out with such devotion it almost brings tears to your eyes. You pant softly, his wet tongue making you weep between your legs and he gathers your essence and swallows it to parch his craving. You whine feeling the snap of your underwear pinch into your skin when Suguru lets go of the material to mold his palm over the slope of your pelvis. His thumb strokes the back of your hand, his tongue sinking between your wet folds, lips suckling on the petals of your cunt. 

Your hips arch off the sofa, desperate for friction, but Suguru pins you firmly back down. 

“Easy, easy…” he appeases, “don’t cum just yet. Hold off f’me, just for a little bit…” 

He’s never asked because there was never a reason to. For the most part, he was always there to service you. Allowed you to use his body to get you off as many times as you so desired. 

Your voice breaks, “okay,” you answer, drawing out a long exhale when he dives back in. 

The hand on your pelvis climbs up the steps of your ribs, reaching for band of your bra right at the middle. He curls his finger over the boning, and tugs the material allowing your breasts to spill free. He finds the bud of your nipple and tweaks it between his finger, pinching and pulling the aching nub until your writhing beneath him. 

He slurps and sucks, while you moan and whimper, forcing yourself to hold off for as much as your can but you find that it’s far harder to do when your lower belly quakes as it sits on the brink of release. 

“Suguru, Suguru…” you beg, reaching your free hand to your breast and clenching over his fingers. “Suguru, I can’t-m’gonna cum if you don’t stop…” 

He groans against your cunt, pulling away from your pulsing core and letting go of your hand to wipe the dampness off his chin. 

He licks his lips, drunk off lust and of how you taste. 

He keeps his body upright, drags your legs to secure them around his waist as he straightens your back. His hands unhook your bra from behind, the scent of you strong on his lips as he leans up for a kiss. Your hands fall to his shoulders, your belly fluttering as your sex begs for more stimulation. 

Suguru loosens the bra, allowing it to fall to your elbows before kneading your breasts - his thumb swipes back and forth over your nipples. He devours your cry, wolfs down every panting breath as he moans into the kiss. Your hands slip underneath his shirt, taking in the lines of strong abdomen.

“Take if off,” you plead between breaths, “Take it off, please…” 

Suguru listens, breaking apart from the kiss to toss his shirt to the side while you slip off your bra. Your lover’s hand finds your waist, his fingers pinching into the soft flesh. He leans forward to kiss the side of your neck, making a path down the curve and across the field of your décolletage. 

“You’re gorgeous,” he murmurs into your breast, his lips snagging your nipple as his tongue rolls over the bud.

Your fingers curl around the back of his head, loosening his bun as you untie the knot. His hair falls like waterfall, the strands tickling your bare skin. Suguru’s hand slips between your legs, his middle and forefinger meeting your clit. You hiss at the contact, sinking your teeth between your bottom lip when Suguru sucks on your breast while simultaneously drawing circles on the bundle of nerves between your legs. 

Your breath grows heavier, your hips bucking into him from the sensation of his touch. 

“Feels good,” you mumble, “feels so good with you…”   

He shivers, relieving your breast as his lips search for your own. 

He adds more pressure between your legs, increasing the speed while your tongues dance. When your thighs noticeably quiver he slows down, pinching your clit between his fingers as he softly pecks your cheek. 

“The condoms are in my room…” 

Your sharp nails scratch the back of his neck lightly, “I have one in my purse.” 

Suguru nods feverishly, reaching back to the coffee table and rummaging through your purse. He picks out the shiny wrapper, and stands up to take off his shorts. 

“Wait, can I?” You request, gazing up at him with glittering eyes. 

Suguru swallows hard, and nods his head. 

Your eyes dilate rolling his shorts down, focusing on the tent in the fabric and watching his cock spring free and lightly smack his lower belly. Suguru brings the condom to his lips and rips it open with his teeth, but his eyes flutter when your perfectly manicured hands glide up the length of his shaft. 

You trace the prominent vein, your thumb swiping over the pre-cum beading over  the angry tip. You lick your lips, leaning closer to kiss the base and listening to Suguru sigh. 

You’ve only given him a blow job once before, and that was because you asked if you could. Suguru sets no expectations for himself when it comes to work, but that doesn’t mean that you haven’t fantasized about giving him head countless times. 

You wrap your fingers around his length and stroke mildly, your lips fanning over  his cock before reaching the tip. 

“Sweetheart, don’t-” Suguru murmurs in an attempt to stop you, but you’re already enclosing your lips around the head and pressing your tongue over the slit. 

His head falls back as you suck, a curse leaving him. 

You move slowly at first, dragging your tongue back and forth as you stroke the base. Sukuna was far rougher with you when you went down on him, but Suguru is allowing you to take him at your own pace. Inch by inch, until you were bobbing your head back and forth, strings of saliva webbing off his cock and sticking your lips. 

He thrusts once, not rough enough to hurt but the jerk catches you by surprise. 

You carefully release him, mindlessly wiping your bottom lip and the sight makes his cock twitch. 

Suguru pulls the condom out, and rolls it over his shaft. 

He settles onto the empty seta by your side, and you crawl over the expanse of his gorgeous, chiseled body to kiss him once again. 

His circles his fingers around his cock, his other hand guiding your hip as he aligns the tip to your entrance. Your nail nicks his pec when he pushes against the hole, your mouth circling over his own as you lower down his shaft. 

He fills you up so, so good. Makes your body vibrate with unshakeable desire. 

He groans until he bottoms out , the hand on your hip dipping down from your pubis to your lower belly like he’s trying to outline how deep he actually is before returning it back in place and securing his other hand on the opposite hip. 

Your breasts flatten against his chest, your hands holding on to his strong shoulders for support as you roll our hips.

Suguru works in tandem with your rhythm to fuck you passionately. 

His lips find yours once again for a final kiss, before the two of you get caught up in the moment when he swiftly picks up the pace. 

His hips arch violently, while yours sink - your bodies moving silk. 

“Unghh, oh god, yes-yes-yes~” you moan. 

Suguru’s grip almost feels painful, you know for a fact that he’ll be marking your hips with a few bruises. “Gonna cum-” he rasps, “s-shit, I’m fucking close-fucking close-” 

Your pussy tightens, practically holds his dick in a death grip that makes release a broken moan. His cock contracts upon his release, the sensation bringing you to the edge of yours as the muscles in your lower belly and inner thighs spasm around him. You leave crescents on his skin, your bodies shaking as you both take a second to breathe coming down from your climax. 

You collapse into him, his arms circling behind you, with his racing heart pulsing into your own. He moves so you’re laying side by side, your body sandwiched between him and the couch since he takes up most of the room. You rest your cheek against his shoulder, feeling him grow soft inside you.

Your stuttering breath finally finds a resting poin when he brings your hand and holds it against his heart. 

“Where do we go from here?” You whisper with a kiss to his neck. 

“Whatever you decide, we’ll figure out.” Suguru answers sincerely. 

“I can’t marry Naoya,” you admit out loud, shocked for actually saying it for the very first time. “And I can't share you with anyone else - it already kills me having to do so.” 

Suguru looks down at you, a reassuring smile resting on his lips. “There won’t be anyone else.” 

“I can't just...leave. I can't just drop everything and walking away. It isn’t going to be easy-” you add on, “It’ll take me some time.” 

“I can wait” 

“It might get messy…” 

“When is it ever not?” 

“But we’ve never been in a relationship-” you insist, logic breaking through the barrier of your happiness. “How do we know if this will even work out properly? What if this thing between us fades?” 

“I guess we’re both taking a gamble here…” 

You both stare into the other’s eyes. 

“Do you think it’s worth the risk?” You ask. 

Suguru’s face softens but he leans forward to kiss your forehead. 

“I think it’s worth a try.” 

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

TWO YEARS LATER

“You running out on Naoya on your wedding night is still the hot topic.” Kento explains over the phone, “People kept bringing it up, and for whatever reason they just can't seem to get over it.” 

The guilt in your stomach twists into a very small knot, over time the size of it has shrunk to a point where you not longer carry any remorse regarding your scheming behavior. 

You had a plan, and the plan worked. 

"Let's not forget who was there to help..." you contend, disregarding the negativity surrounding your decision.

After you and Suguru spoke, you decided to carry on the facade, agreeing to the engagement and soon after the wedding with Naoya Zen'in. All the while you and Suguru were busy planning your way to cut and run. He cashed in your unsigned checks, and you pilfered a decent amount of the wedding budget which you kept into a seperate savings account.

You played the role as obedient daughter well, and no one was the wiser. 

“Besides, I maintain that it's still the best decision I ever made,” you reply, stepping out of your room and into the kitchen where you are greeted by the sound of clinking dishes.  

Your eyes shift to Suguru - his hair far longer now, flowing beautifully down his back, the front layers tied into a small bun. You smell dinner in the air, and your stomach grumbles with anticipation. 

Nanami doesn't reply, but you can hear that he's distracted from the television in the background. 

“What are you watching?” you ask your friend. 

The man simply sighs. 

“Nothing.” 

“Doesn’t sound like nothing with that reaction. Is it Satoru’s new drama show?” 

At the mention of his best friend you notice your lover glance over his shoulder, quietly tilting his head to direct you towards him. You smile his way, your feet pattering against the hardwood floor as you move closer to him. He bundles one arm around your shoulder, keeping you close while continuing to sauté the vegetables in the pan. 

He kisses the top of your head. 

“It’s all the rage,” you add on to your phone call, “Suguru and I plan on watching the next episode tonight.” 

Kento remains quiet. 

You release yourself from Suguru’s grasp, and instead hop onto the kitchen counter right next to him.

He reduces the heat and picks up the lid before covering the pan. 

“I’m guessing you two haven’t-” 

“No,” Kento curtly replies. “Not since that night…” 

“I’m sorry” 

“Don’t be,” he responds with frustration. “I screwed it up” 

“You know I could just ask Sugu too reach out-” 

“ Don’t,” Kento sighs regrettably. “It doesn’t matter. I heard he’s moved on” 

You quirk your brow, your eyes shifting to Suguru who was back to chopping some fresh herbs. 

“Oh?” 

“It’s for the best I guess,” Kento reassures. “He should be happy with whoever-the-fuck he chooses.” 

“You deserve happiness too, Kento.” 

“You can be happy for the both of us,” he replies, gulping down a drink. “Anyway, I’ve got to go. I’m meeting my lawyer for dinner.” 

“When are you going to visit us next?” 

“Probably around November, December. I just need a few things to ease up on my end-” 

You bite your bottom lip, “I look forward to it.” 

“Take care, love” 

“You too, Ken.” 

You hang up the phone and lean your head against the cupboard as you watch Suguru rinse his hand, a trail of crimson spiraling down the faucet.  

“I cut my finger” 

You pick up a clean towel by your side, and gesture him towards you. 

Suguru extends his thumb out, and you curl the fabric over to keep pressure on the small cut. 

“You ought to be careful” 

“Your legs are a distraction,” 

You stare up at him playfully, and he leans down to kiss the corner of your lips. 

“How’s Nanami?” 

Your lover is indebted to your friend. If it wasn’t for Nanami, the two of you wouldn’t have been able to set up this comfortably. He’s the one who found you the humble two-story abode in Hokkaido, and was also the person who set up your personal bank accounts while ensuring that you would both have a safe and quick getaway on the night of your almost-wedding. 

“Fine, I think-” you reply, before removing the towel to check the damage. Thankfully, it wasn't anything serious. A little deeper than a paper cut.“Licking his wounds over a broken heart, but fine.” 

Suguru reaches for the drawer next to you, and pulls out the emergency band aids. You reach for the box in his hand, taking out one and removing the plaster from the back. You secure it around his cut, and Suguru holds your fingers between his. 

He arches down to kiss your brow. “Thank you, sweetheart.” 

“You’re welcome, handsome” 

“Dinner will be ready in a few if you want to set the table” 

You nod your head in acknowledgement, and drop down onto the ground before proceeding with your task.

You set the place mats down, a bowl for the soup and another for the rice and cooked vegetables. Your finger traces the rim of the one in front of your seat, a tiny chip from when you accidentally dropped it in the sink while cleaning it a few weeks ago. 

Fragments of these blemishes are all around you - making you almost forget that you once lived in a perfect, curated bubble. But you would take these flaws over everything else. These markings may be worn, but they are a reminder of the home you've been building.

A home that is entirely yours. 

“Baby, you want a drink?” Suguru calls from the kitchen. 

“Melon soda, please” you reply, placing the bowl down. 

“We’re out, I’ve got to pick some up tomorrow.” 

“What are you having?” 

“A beer,” he chuckles, and it sends a tremor of joy between the valves of your heart. 

“I’ll share yours” 

Suguru pulls out the bottle, cracking the cap off as he pops it using the side of the kitchen counter to do so. 

You two meet each other halfway in the space that you've been nesting in. Suguru’s eyes never leave yours when he takes the first sip, and once done he passes the chilled bottle towards you.

“Am I ever going to have you back in the kitchen helping me with dinner?” 

You shake your head no, and bite at the lip of the bottle before taking a sip. “I thought we agreed I was a hazard after the raw chicken fiasco and the almost-fire debacle…” 

He laughs, “no, you agreed. I said it wasn’t a big deal” 

“You just said that because you love me,” you respond, pressing the bottle into his chest as he takes it from your hand. 

“That goes without saying…” he answers, slinging his arm around your waist and pulling you into his frame. 

You lift yourself up on your toes, and kiss his nose. 

“Do you think it’s worth the risk of me attempting to cook for you again?” You whisper against his lips. 

Suguru smiles, a hand cupping your cheek as he leans forward to seal his reply with a  kiss. 

“I think it’s worth the try” 

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

tag list: @rottiens @an-ever-angry-bi @mononijikayu @brownskinnedgirll

Forget pt.1

Suguru Geto x fem!Reader

Angst, fluff

How you and Suguru Geto got together. And the first of many parts going over a timeline of how it all fell apart. How your love grew and how it went away after the years.

Your pov

Sitting in my clans house I began overthinking about the past. I’m grateful about where I am today as clan leader, but I can’t help but look bad on the past and the certain people I’ve lost. Where did it all go wrong? I’ve been asking myself that every day since he left. What exactly happened that caused him to change. All of those promises and declarations of love and loyalty are now dust in the wind. He use to be so sweet, caring, and kind. But from what we’ve heard, he’s now killing innocent humans and any sorcerer that doesn’t agree with his ideology. The man I knew would have never killed innocent people. He would’ve done whatever he could to save them. I remember him telling me how beautiful he thought they were. Was that all a lie? I don’t know the truth anymore and I don’t know if my Suguru is still there. My only comfort now are the beautiful memories him and I shared. If I could only go back to the days where he was mine and everything was simpler…

Years Ago in Jujutsu Tech…

Coming back from a mission covered in blood and cuts was not my idea of a good day. It was a tough mission that me and Suguru Geto were suppose to go on. Except he forgot, which is strange to me because we were both told in person about it yesterday. My guess is that he found a piece of ass that caught his attention. So much for friendship I guess. I feel slightly jealous that a random person could get his attention more than his actual friends. I dismissed my anger and went to get my wounds healed. I decided not to be angry too much. He was a kind person only when he wanted to be, hell he’s one of the strongest aside from Gojo. He probably thinks it’s beneath him. What an ass.

After I got my wounds healed, I went back to my room to take a needed shower. On my way there I thought about how the mission went and what I could do better next time. I need to rely on myself and my abilities more and I need to stop hesitating. I’m to be the next leader of my clan by some miracle. My father has no living brothers or any male heirs that have his abilities and my mothers abilities, so I’m the only choice he has. I have to be perfect or I’ll disappoint my entire family.

Just as I was about to reach my room I head rapid footsteps approach me. I turned around to see who they belonged to and to my surprise the flake himself showed up. Geto ran up to me with an apologetic look on his face and a box of some sorts in his hands. I felt like going in my room and locking my door, but knowing him he’d probably stand there knocking until I opened the door. So I turned to face him and began questioning his whereabouts.

“Where the hell were you today?” I questioned

“Sorry l/n, I was out today and lost track of time.” He spoke in labored breathes

“I’m sure you did, good night Geto” I spoke turning to open my door.

“Wait, here I got your favorite candies.” He spoke

“I would have preferred if you actually showed up today for the mission we had together. No worries though I handled it by myself” I deadpanned

“Please just take them as an apology.” He pressed

“Fine, just promise me that you’ll show up next time or tell me you aren’t coming. I’d rather not rely on someone who won’t show.” I said

“Fair enough, I’m still so sorry for flaking out on you” he apologized

“You’re forgiven, good night Geto”

Just as I was about to open my door and get some much needed sleep, I felt him grab my writs and pull me into a hug. I froze as he’d never hugged me before. The only touching we had done was accidentally brushing each others hands or helping each other up during missions. It felt good to be in his arms. I’m still so mad at him but I can’t help but feel so safe. He pulled away and looked into my eyes and my told me goodnight. He then walked away to his own room that was a few doors down. I care for him in a way I don’t think I should. My feelings aren’t something I’m proud of because there is no way he would feel something like that for me. He’s more interested in girls and killing curses to settle down for one person. I’m most likely going to be in an a arranged marriage anyway. I shook off my feelings and went into my room finally getting some much needed sleep.

The next day I walked into the cafeteria and saw Gojo and Geto stuffing their mouthes with their breakfast. I got my food and joined them. I didn’t make eye contact with Geto. I felt a sense of awkwardness in the air. I ate my meal as quickly as I could do to avoid conversation, but my desires were cut short when I heard an annoying voice speak.

“Soooo y/n how’d the mission go yesterday” Gojo spoke in a sing song tone

“Successful” I responded

“Sorry about keeping Geto yesterday, he was helping me with something yesterday” he spoke

“What things?” I questioned. I noticed Geto get visibly uncomfortable, which made me slightly angry.

“Well if you must know. This girl has been calling me nonstop and so Geto here volunteered to distract her for me” he said casually

“Hey!” Geto exclaimed slamming his hands on the table.

“What that’s what you did yesterday” Gojo said innocently

“Ah, so that’s what you were doing yesterday.I guess I was right. Can’t say I’m surprised Geto. Just wish you told me the truth you ass.” I spoke harshly

“L/n I’m sorry I-“ Geto began to speak

“I don’t want to hear it Geto, just tell me next time you’re not going to take care of your responsibilities instead of lying. See you later Geto.” I said while standing up and going to the training field. I needed some time to think about my feelings and what the hell was going through that boys head. I’d never know.

Suguru Getos pov

“Shit this is the last time I do any favor for Gojo. It my fault for accepting, but he threatened to say something to L/n that I would rather say to her myself. Selfish arrogant bastard. I still don’t know why I’m friends with him. I guess it’s because him and I are the strongest. Yeah, maybe that’s it or maybe I just like his company. Whatever it is Gojo Satoru is someone I consider a friend who just so happens to have blackmail on me. I guess I better act quickly. He’d definitely say something vulgar to her and that’s the last thing that I want.” I think to myself

“Heyyyyy Suguru?” Gojo whined

“Yes?” I questioned

“You should ask her out you know.” He states

“I hate that you know I like her.”

“I’m confused on why you do. Why settle for one girl huh?” He questioned

“Because unlike you, I’m not a womanizer. At least I try not to be. And I like her, she’s a strong woman with a kind heard. She’s also fierce when it comes to killing curses. I also find her extremely beautiful inside and out. So what’s not to like?” I stated

“True I guess. You do know that she’ll be a clan leader when she gets older, right?”

“Yes I know. But I can’t help the way I feel about her. I want to feel her, know her, grow with her, and be by her side.” I spoke honestly probably saying more than I should to Gojo.

“Is it because she saved your ass that one time?” Gojo questioned

“Fuck off!”

“Whatever man, as long as your happy” he spoke honestly

“Thanks, I just hope she doesn’t hate me. She might now because of yesterday. I tried making it up to her by getting her something, but I was stupid enough to believe that would work.”

“Nah man you gotta woo her and take her out. Spoil her a little you know.” Gojo said while stuffing rice in his mouth.

“Like you know anything about that.” I scolded

“True I’m not into dating, but I do know how to woo a woman,Suguru.” Gojo spoke

“I think I can figure it out on my own. L/n and I have been friends for a long time. I just hope she feels something for me too. Anyway I’m gonna go do some training”

“Why, we’re the strongest Suguru” Gojo spoke

“I know, but there is nothing wrong with a little training. And she’s not too far behind us you know. She’s way better at physical fighting than both of us combined. We’re only strong because of our techniques. I said

“Heh true that. Don’t overwork yourself Geto” Gojo spoke

“Yeah I won’t. See ya later.” I said while standing up to make my way to the training field.

I waved goodbye to my idiot friend and made my way to the training field. I needed to clear my head and make a plan to explain my feelings to her. Even if she didn’t want to be with me like that. I wanted her to know that I would always want to be near her, to grow beside her, and to see her become head of her clan. I want to see her succeed. I never imagined I’d ever care for anyone this way. I almost want to laugh at myself for how whipped I am for this girl. Gojo was right though. My feeling started when she saved my life. She risked hers to save mine form a powerful curse when we were first years. I was strong back then, but not as strong as the curse I was fighting. She managed to kill the curse and save me from getting killed. Ever since then I’ve desired her.

After a few minutes of walking, I was almost at the training field. I planned on just doing some light exercises and working on my technique a bit. As I was walking up, I saw her. She was there too and my heart felt like it was racing out of my chest. She looked so fierce and beautiful. I couldn’t help but stand and stare at her beauty. The way she moved was like water. She was graceful yet strong. I don’t know how long I stood there like an idiot but I was taken out of my trance when I heard her call my name.

“Hey Geto what the hell are you standing there for” she yelled

“Just watching. May I join you?” I questioned trying not to sound nervous

“Yeah, if you can keep up and no cursed energy” she spoke back with a smirk on her face.

One hour later…

“I give up you win” I said said holding my stomach that she just hit with her full strength.

“I told you Suguru, you can’t keep up with me. Your ability is slightly stronger than mine. But when it comes to actual combat you are simply inferior to me.” She spoke nonchalantly

“Yeah, very true” I groaned trying to get up.

“Mmm”

“L/n I’m really sorry for yesterday and this morning. I had no intention of hurting you.” I apologized again.

“It’s fine Suguru I already forgave you. Besides I just kicked your ass, so I’m doing much better.” She smiled which made me smile with her.

“L/n do you maybe want to go into town tomorrow? There’s this uh coffee shop I’ve been wanting to try.” I ask nervously

“Hmm, I don’t see why not. As long as your buying” she spoke

“Sure, it’s a date then” I say then realizing what I just said. I looked in her eyes to see if I made her uncomfortable but she didn’t seem fazed by my suggestion at all. She almost looked happy by it, but maybe that was my imagination.

“See you tomorrow Geto” she said waving me off with a small smile.

“See you tomorrow, L/n” I said with a small blush grading my features excited to spend the day with her tomorrow.

Thank you so much for reading❤️ this story will have multiple parts. I haven’t decided how many yet so stay tuned. Very slow updates.

Please feel free to request, comment, and reblog

Click here to see what I’ll write for and click HERE to see my master list.

•I do NOT own any characters except y/n•

-L.W.L

Part 1, Part 2

Forget pt.2

Suguru Geto x fem!Reader

Fluff, slight angst. Geto tries to make it up to you on your “date”.

First Person pov

Suguru Geto was about thirty minutes late and we were suppose to meet at 5:30. He promised me last night over text that he wouldn’t be late and that in fact I would be the one late. Yet here I am waiting on his slow ass. I can’t believe that guy. I decided to leave our designated meeting spot to do some shopping for myself. If he won’t take me out, then I’ll just treat myself. No use wasting a perfectly good day waiting on his flaky ass.

“Hey L/n!!” I heard from a distance.

I turned my head to find the voice and to my actual surprise I saw Geto running full speed towards me waving his right arm in the air frantically. A few seconds later he was by my side catching his breathe.

“You better have a good reason to be late Geto”! I exclaimed to him

“I know I’m sorry. My alarm didn’t go off and I rushed here as fast as I could.” He said while taking short breaths.”

“Yeah…sure” I said while rolling my eyes

“L/n I really am sorry. I overslept and I’m being honest about that. I really do keep fucking up our friendship don’t I?” He said as he composed himself and looked at me. His hair was down and he looked tired. I guess he really needed some sleep.

“Fine I guess. Well you’re here now, so what did you have in mind to do today?” I asked him still slightly pissed that he was late.

“Well I have a big surprise, but that’s for later today. So we can do whatever you’d like until then if you want.” Geto said with a smile.

“What’s the surprise?” I questioned

“It really wouldn’t be a surprise then if I told you.” He chucked

“I suppose it wouldn’t. Alright then I guess I’m a getting a little hungry if you wanted to go get something.” I told him

“Any place in mind?” He asked me

“Yeah, let’s go to that new restaurant just a couple of blocks from here.” I suggested

“Sounds good to me L/n. Lead the way.” He said.

As we walked to our destination I couldn’t help but feel comfortable with him. He was good company when he wasn’t late or being an asshole with Gojo. We passed many different shops that I wanted to go to. I expressed my desires to Geto and he didn’t even question why I wanted to go. He seemed to like to say yes to everything. I have a feeling he’s sucking up to me because he flaked on me during our mission and because he was late.

Just as we were about to arrive at the restaurant, I noticed an orange cat in a alley way. They were a bigger cat with a long tail and a missing ear. My heart hurt for the little guy. I bent down to pet him and so did Geto. They were as friendly as could be and I couldn’t help but smile at the cute creature. Turing my head to see how Geto was doing I noticed he had a big smile on his face as well. For some reason that made me feel fuzzy inside. And a faint blush graced my features.

“Damn this cat his cute.” Geto suddenly said

“Yeah. I wish I could take it with me. I don’t think Yaga would appreciate that though.” I said in a solemn tone.

“If he never finds out I don’t think it’ll matter. Geto responded

“He’s pretty good at finding out stuff like this. Remember that time Gojo found a dog and tried to keep it?” I asked laughing at the memory.

“Oh yeah how could I forget the look on his face when Yaga told him he couldn’t keep it. I think this is different though.” He said

“How is this any different from that?” I questioned him.

“Well for one Yaga actually likes you and you’re a responsible person. Two that dog was massive and had flees and who knows why else. Three I know for certain Yaga likes cats.” Geto spoke honestly

“Okay you got me there. And how the hell did you know that he likes cats?” I asked him while petting the cat.

“I may have over heard him talking on phone with someone. And he called that certain someone kitten.” He said with a serious expression on his face that caused me to laugh.

“Yeah sure he did Geto” I responded

“Hey I’m sure this cat will be here when we get back. So do you want to head out?” Geto questioned

“Sure, I’ve been dying to try that new place anyway.” I responded getting up

After we said our goodbyes to that cat, we made our way to the restaurant. Just like before it was a quiet comfortable walk. Today was beautiful as the cherry blossoms were in full bloom and the day was warm. I loved days like this because they reminded me of my mother. We use to walk in the family gardens together when I was a child. That was so long ago. I smiled at that thought.

“Hey what’s got you so happy?” Geto asked as he put a hand on my shoulder.

“Nothing just enjoying the day is all.” I told him

“It is a lovely day.” He responded

“It certainly is.”

“Almost as lovely as you”he said in a whisper. This made me blush. I’m sure it was just him being kind to me. Yet I still couldn’t help but feel fluttery at his comment.

After a short amount of time we made it to our destination. Just as I was about to open the door, Geto beat me to it. Stating it was a gentlemanly thing to do. I rolled my eyes at his comment and walked in. The restaurant was simple yet elegant. As soon as I walked in I smelled a wonderful aroma of baked goods that a little giddy with anticipation. Geto and I then made our way to a table near a window so that we could enjoy the sun a little more. Opening our menus I noticed a lot of really wonderful dishes and baked items. Our waiter came up to as for our orders and I ordered (f/f) and (f/d) and Geto ordered a coffee and a piece of chocolate cake.

“So are you enjoying yourself today L/N?” Geto asked leaning back on his chair with crossed arms.

“Yes I think I am. I haven’t had a day where I can just do anything in a long time. My father is persistent that I do training whether I can do that I can reach my full potential.” I spoke honestly mimicking his posture.

“He sounds like a hard ass. He won’t give you shit for being here with me today will he”? He asked with sloughs nervousness in his tone.

“Nah and if he does I’ll deal with it later. It’s not like I do this everyday. Plus he thinks your strong so he won’t care that I’m out with you.” I said turning my head to look out of the window.

“We’ll me and Gojo are the strongest y’know.” He chuckled.

“I’m fully aware of that. However, I’m not too far behind you and I will surpass you in power. Or at least be able to rival you in my curse technique soon. I just need a little more time.” I told him Turing my head to look him in the eyes with a serious determined glare.

“Sheesh alright then I trust you. You have me beat with just hand to hand combat so hell maybe you will surpass me with your cursed technique. Just don’t push yourself too much.” Geto spoke reaching his hand out and giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“I’ll try but I can’t promise anything. Like you said my father is a real hard ass.” I said while softening my glare. Damn this boy he has some sort of hold on my that makes me feel so soft inside. I’m not sure if I hate it or not.

Just then our waiter came with our meals. The food was divine and the first bite left my body with goosebumps. Geto laughed at my reaction to the food, but then I teased him because he want any less funny. He had chocolate cake all over his lips. He looked like a toddler eating their first piece of cake. It was hard not to laugh. One of the strongest Jujutsu sorcerers eating like a toddler was a sight to see. After my laughter and pointing out the sugary mess he quickly wiped his mouth. A little while later Geto paid claiming it was his treat for being so late. I don’t complain one bit considering he did owe me. As we left the sky began turning a deep orange with purple, yellow, and pink all blending into the heavenly sky. The cherry blossoms looked ethereal with the sunset cascading onto them. It was truly a lovely sight to behold. I have no idea how long I stared at them but I felt Geto tap my shoulder.

“You okay up there L/N”? Geto questioned.

“Yeah I’m just fine.” I said to him. I then turned my head to look at him only to be completely awestruck. Just as ethereal as the cherry blossoms was the sight before me. Getos skin had been kissed by the wonderful colors. His eyes were glowing with radiance. He was smiling at me and I swear I had never seen a more beautiful smile than the one graced before me. I couldn’t speak all I could do was marvel at the sight before me with a raging heat on my face.

Suguru Getos pov

A goddess. That’s what Y/N L/N was at this very moment. Todays sunset was particularly beautiful. However the ways the sunsets color had illuminated her. Her eyes seemed to glow with a raging fire. Her skin was radiating a godlike glow. She as an ethereal being I swear. I’ve met plenty of pretty girls but none of them compare to the goddess that stood before me.

Her lips in this moment seemed so soft and plump. All I wanted to do was kiss her, but would that be okay? Would I ruin what little grave I had left with her? Did today make her forgive me for my shitty behavior? All of these questions came flooding in yet left as soon as they came. She was leaning in so I did what anyone would do. I leaned in too. My hand found her cheek and I could already feel her breath on my face. Time seemed to completely slow down. Our lips barely touched and I was ready to take this next step with her. And then at the worst fucking possible time I hear this agonizing voice booming behind me.

“HEY YOU GUYS!” screamed the one and only Satoru Gojo. I’m normally use to his annoying behavior. He is my best friend after all. And yet I find myself wanting to strangle him right about now.

“Hello Satoru” I say irritated and gritting my teeth.

“Hey Gojo” L/N says in a similar tone

“Well damn are you guys both in a sour mood or something?” He asked innocently

“Nope not at all” I say facing him with a slight annoyed glare.

“Alright, I was just in town and knew you guys were here. It’s almost curfew ya’know. You guys don’t want Yaga on your asses.” He joked

“We were just leaving Gojo. I could also say the same thing about you. Why are you here?” L/N asked

“If you must know I felt a little peckish, so I decided to get some mochi. I heard this place was pretty good so I wanted to come get some before curfew.” He responded excitedly

“Well, it certainly was good. Hope you have a good time bud.” I said while patting him on the back and pulling on L/N’s arm indicating I wanted to go.

“Aww alright see you guys later.” Satoru pouted.

“Yeah later” L/N and I spoke at the same time.

After we had said our goodbyes, we began walking back to our school. I guess we spent a little long in the restaurant. I just hope I have time for the surprise I had planned. Hopefully she’ll like it. And as if on cue…

“So what about that surprise huh?” She said tugging on my arm.

“We need to go to the school in order to see it. Don’t worry I think you’ll like it.” I said confidently.

“Hmmm alright. I’m sure I’ll like it. It’s not too hard to please me.” She joked

“Hehe yeah I’m sure” I chucked nervously

“It’s a shame though.” She spoke

“What is?” I questioned

“We passed that alley that cat was at and he wasn’t there. I hope he’ll be okay tonight.” She said as her head was looking at the sky.

“I’m sure he will be. If you’re that worried, we can go look for him. Although I’m not sure you’ll get your surprise tonight if that’s the case.” I told her honestly.

“It’s okay. I’m sure you’re right about him. Plus I’m pretty excited about this so called ‘surprise’” she said while doing air quotations with her fingers

“Alright then I’ll race you there” I beamed as I began running.

“What the hell Geto!!!” L/N screamed as she began running too.

Your pov

Dammit all right to hell. I just ate and now I’m running. This is not exactly what I’d call fun. But at least I’m getting some training in today. Plus the school isn’t too far from here. I’m surprised at Geto’s attitude. I never took him for the randomly racing type but I guess you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.

I won of course. Even with a head start Geto can’t beat me. His cursed energy is a little stronger than mine, but I’m a hell of a lot more skilled than he is. Still I needed to catch my breath at the gates of Jujutsu high. Eating a lot of food and then running wasn’t exactly smart. I can tell that Geto is probably thinking the same thing as he is currently hunched over catching his breath.

“So, heh, L/N follow me would ya” he said in between breaths

“Yeah sure” I said in between my own breaths.

“You beat me again it seems” Geto spoke taking the lead

“Of course I did Geto.” I laughed

“I had a good time with you L/N” he suddenly spoke in soft voice

“Me too Geto. And you know you can call me by my first name, right?” I questioned him

“Yeah, alright then Y/N.” He said looking at me. This made me melt. His eyes were beautiful and to me they were more beautiful than Gojos.

A little while longer of walking and chatting about random things we made it to the rooftop of the dorm rooms. I was confused on what kind of a surprise could be on an roof top. It was now dark with only some lights hanging by the dorm building’s door as well as the moonlight that kissed the landscape below. I noticed Geto pulling down his sleeve to look at his watch and smile.

“It’s almost time for your surprise, so make yourself comfortable.” he said

“Alright just know if you’re planning on killing me, my father will hunt you down.” I joked or tried to.

“Umm yeah I’m not gonna kill you Y/N” he deadpanned

“Good because I really don’t feel like dying yet. I’ve still gotta get stronger.” I said as I say down and looked at the moon.

“Why do you want to get stronger” he questioned

“So I can protect the weak.”

“You mean humans?” He asked

“Yep” I said emphasizing the p

“Understandable although they are the reason that we have to kill curses in the first place.” He said in a slight malicious tone.

“You okay they can’t help it. I bet if they could they wouldn’t. We have the power to stop it and I think that we should if we can.” I passionately said looking into his eyes.

“Yeah I guess you’re right. By the way we’ve got less than ten seconds until your surprise. So close your eyes.”

“For how long?” I asked him raising my left eyebrow.

“Just until I say”

After those seconds go by I hear him tell me to open my eyes. To my surprise shooting lights were gracing the sky at lightning speeds. It was such a beautiful sight. I found myself smiling at the marvel above me. I have never seen a meteor shower and I’m happy that I’m seeing one now with him. His surprise definitely was worth the wait.

“Like it?” He asked sheepishly

“Yes of course I do!” I said excitedly moving over to hug him. I have no idea why I hugged him I just felt this was the best way to hug him.

“I’m glad you do” he responded wrapping his arms around me. This hug felt just as good as the last one we shared. I didn’t notice how cold I was until I felt his body pressed against mine. It was comforting and I felt like letting go would leave me with an uncomfortable chill.

“Yeah thank you for today and you’re forgiven by the way. Today was perfect.” I said holding him a little bit harder.

“Anytime Y/N I had a good time today too.” He said as I felt him hold me harder too.

As we finally let go I looked back up at the sky to marvel again at the sight before me thankful that I get to share it with Suguru Geto. After about an hour we headed back to our dorms.

“You know we should hang out more Y/N. I enjoy your company.” Geto suddenly spoke as we reached my door.

“I agree you’re good company.” I said honesty

“Anyway goodnight I’ll see you tomorrow at breakfast.” He said with a smile

“Goodnight Geto.” I smiled back looking in his heavenly eyes

After he left I did my nightly routine and got into my bed. My thoughts were consumed by my day and how well it went. I’m glad I agreed to spend my day with him. I hope that I can spend more time with him without him finding out about my crush. That might be a bit embarrassing. As I closed my eyes I was all but consumed with thoughts of Suaguru Geto.

Thank you all for reading. Sorry this part took a little longer than expected. Please stay tuned for the next part. And please comment I enjoy reading them💜

Please feel free to request, comment, and reblog

Click here to see what I’ll write for and click HERE for my master list.

•I do NOT own any characters except y/n•

-L.W.L

Part 1 Part 2

Not too sure if I’ll continue this fic or not. Please let me know if you’d like a part 3. Thank you!💜

✮ 𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗡𝗜𝗘 𝗔𝗦𝗞𝗘𝗗: idk if you'll accept this request, but some jjk men x male reader head-canons of them taking care of depressed!reader? (they're secretlyin love with him) maybe a gf or friend died or smth and they notice reader is becoming depressed?

𝗗𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗔𝗖𝗧! ꒰ gojo, geto, nanami, yuuta / m!reader ꒱: mentions of death,depression, weight loss, panic attacks, ptsd, and anxiety. angst, hurt/comfort, these hcs are alot take caution.

𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀 𝐉𝐔𝐉𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐔 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐑 isnt for the faint of heart, but sometimes there is no choice. and something that comes with the price of being a sorcerer is that death constantly surrounds you. whether or not your partner is a sorcerer or not, they could be killed at any moment. and you were aware of that, but in the moment pain unlike any other struck. it hurt, it burned, it made you want to throw things, fight, anything to relief the pain. they watched when you brutally killed the cause of your partner's death, anger and grief coated on your face. it hurt for them to see you like this. so broken, unlike how you are normally. when they wished they were with you, that you didn't already have someone, thi sis not what they meant. so they do everything in their power to help you feel better.

SATORU GOJO

꒰ satoru would be the man to give you some space. whether it was him during his teenage years or him in his adult life. he understands how it feels to lose someone, and to grief. so at first he gives youspace, offering help to you if you need it, carefully keeping watch on you while sticking to a distance. and after a while, bandage or blindfold, he could tell something was wrong. you stopped talking, stopped eating, your uniform didn't quite fit anymore. he didn't notice it until he thought about the times youpushed away his generous offers of sweet treats. he noticed the eyebags, and the dullness of your once bright eyes. he had to help.

꒰ the regret (PTSD) that he wasn't able to save his best friend years ago still stuck to him. he mentally punished himself for missing the signs that something was wrong, that suguru needed. there was no way, he was going to let the man he loves so much reach the level that suguru went to. he quicklyand desperately lunged to help. he reached out hishand and no matter if you pushed him away, cursed him out, threw something at him, he'll drop infinity and wrap you in his gargantuan arms and gave you ahug you desprately needed. he gives you the intimacy you pushed away from. he lets you cry on intimacy you pushed away from. he lets you cry on his shoulder, just holding you, no matter how long it takes, he'll hold you until you fall asleep in his arms. he'd never put you down, he probably wouldn't say a word.

꒰ talk? he'll listen. need to punch something? he'll train with you. his hands were gentlewith you, they wipe away your tears and hold you close, giving you the warmth you so desperately need. and slowly but surely he'l encourage you. he'll delicately push you to hang out with him and shoko once in a while. he'll hand you small meals that get abit bigger after a certain time. he'l give you his sweets and ever so carefully slide his hand intoyours. and if you jerk back he won't get mad, hell be hurt, but he understands. he respects your boundaries. but if you let him hold your hand, you'll see the happiest satoru giggling about some prankhe pulled on nanami. he'l slowly do somewhat romantic things, or he'll plan things that force you to socialize.

꒰ would carefully test the waters with you throughtout the years. he never wanted to be too soon with making his feelings known, so he was patient and waited until you looked much healthier. he waits until you finally start choosing to social,choosing to smile, to go on missions again. satoru gojo loves you, he always will, even if you don't love him back. but he'll always make subtle tries. whether it be jokes or slight touches, testing what he can and cannot do. regardless, he's there for you. no matterwhat. he might not be the best at communicating his emotions, or comforting your own. but he lets you know he's there, waiting with a free hug. as afriend or boyfriend. and if he gets to call you his husband? that's even better.

SUGURU GETO

꒰ suguru would also be someone who tries togive you space, but he just doesn't. like most jujutsu sorcerers do, he understands the pain of losing someone. and he knows what happened to himself after amanai's death. he never wants you to go through the same struggle he went through. so while he'l let you grieve how you do, he's paying close attention to and sticking to you, making sure youdon't decline. he'd do anything for you to make youheal correctly instead of just temporaryily stapling the wound like he did. whether that be sitting fully clothed in the bath with you, or being the big spoon and holding you for hours. if you just couldn't keepup with your hygiene like you used to, he'l cut your hair for you, help you brush your teeth. if you really need help bathing, he'll help with that too. he'll just remain extremely concerned for your wellbeing.

꒰ when i say watches you, i mean watches you. there's no "summer stress" excuse with him. (i think) he's one to be gentle with you, while be firm. he's not one to yell at you, but will use a stern voice to encourage you if need be. if you are one to have panic attacks, the first time it happened, it freaked him out. he pretty much didn't leave you after that. however, he learned how to calm you down, how to help. its hurts him to see such a strong man so ruined, and the curse that harmed your partner was by far one of the worst tasting ones. but no matter what, he'll hold you. your back to his chest and his arms wrapped securely around you, encouraging you to take deep breaths, attempting to ground you in any way he could.

꒰ this experience is probably one where the two of you get closer. he'd never, push you too far, or even try anything intimate with you unless you let him. the farthest he's ever gone is maybe a hug that he got a nod of approval for. but if you need it, he'll cradle your head to his chest and likely hum to get you to fall asleep (something he used to do with nanako and mimiko). after a while, his humming isone of the only ways to get you to fall asleep. and he'll do it everytime without fail. suguru wants you, he does. and every night he hums to help you sleephe wishes he could hold you and kiss your foreheadhe wishes he could provide more intimate comfort, he wouldn't dare ask for. however, when your eyes bags start to disappear and your no longer looking as ifyour lugging around your limbs he finds the tiniest bit of hope. but no matter what, suguru is a man of consent. and he'll wait, and wait. carefully takingcare of you, treating you like glass, while hee ncourages you do things. he'll wait until he can finally hold your hand. the time suguru geto would wait for you never has a limit. he'll always wait for you, whether it be with a comforting hug or a kiss.

KENTO NANAMI

꒰ who better to understand you than him? kento nanami who lost his other half, Yuu Haibara, at the age of 16. he understands perfectly, which is why he doesn't leave you alone. if you explicitly ask for space, he'll give it to you. but otherwise, he's not leaving you be at all. he knows your a strong man, he's seen you fight. but nothing could break a man more than losing the person he loves. and he saw you lose your person and his heart broke along with yours. this man cannot stand seeing you sad ordepressed. the second he notices signs that go beyond the five stages of grief, he interferes. like suguru, he's one to be gentle while using a firm tone. he'll hold you like you're glass, but he'll also drag youalong to supervise gojo's students. he'll let you pour your feelinga out on him, but he'll tell you eat a quarter, then a half, then three-fourths, then the whole meal. he won't be aggressive, but he'll still be like.."eat" (gradually over time though! he doesn't want to push you that rough).

꒰ now he coped by being a workaholic, if your that type he has to dive into hypocrite mode and tell you to sit down for once. if you don't cope that way, but another negative way, he will do anything in hispower to stop you. if something he does in particular comforts you, then he'll keep doing it. he'll speak to you calmly, and let you rest your head on hisshoulder despite not being a touchy person. if need be he'll let you sleep over at his apartment and personally cook you breakfast. and despite how annoying gojo may be, kento does recognize that he often raises the atmosphere of the room to being more playful, so he does suggest hanging out with gojo and his students a lot.

꒰ now he's not an intimate person, and i don't think he'd ever try anything intimate with you. he understands that loosing a part of you hurts, and he would never accidentally hurt you by trying to be bold. he'salso not a physically intimate person. so yes, he does love you, so much. he'd do anything for you, but he'd never outright say or show it, especially after your tradegy. even years later, he'd likely not say much about his feelings. someone like gojo would have to convince him to say something to you or else he'l be stuck with the feeling unrequited love till the day he dies. but regardless, he respects boundaries and doesn't try to be as risky. if you don't like him, he'll have to deal with that. if you do decide to give it atry, he's literally ecstatic, but only in his head. he'll give you one his rare smiles and maybe hold yourhand.

YUUTA OKKOTSU

꒰ (OH GOD). yuuta's almost sharing the experience with you. he's re-experiencing what he went through, and he hates it. not that he would regret his relationship rika, but rather he hates that he has to experience you going through what he had to. hes so scrambly and worried. his mind is constantly running through different thoughts and how to help you. he likes you, so of course hell help you. but how? he gets anxious that he's bothering you, thathes making the process worse as he tries to stick toyou and let you talk about it him. (oh, its over for him if your an angry griever). regardless, yuuta has good ears. as in he's a good listener. he'd let you ramble, scream (he'd jump), cry, anything. he'd listen to youand validate your feelings. if you'llet him he'd carefully play with your hair and tell you he understands, he'l tell you how he'll do anything to help. i also think he's fantastic at hugs. to matter how jittery or anxious he may be, if you need a good hug and shoulder to cry on, he's right there.

꒰ when it comes to your physical health, he doesn't play. he's still kind of nervous when it comesto encouraging you. but if he starts to notic eeyebags, or loss in your weight (trust. hell notice), he immediately does everything in his power to help you. and he tries to be as happy as he can, thinking that maybe his happiness would eventually spread to you, or at least boost your attitude. he'd run to youwill a meal the both of you can share so you don't feel intimidating by having to eat a whole meal again, if you stopped. he'd suggest the both of you getting haircuts together if you let your hair grow too long. when it comes to stuff like that he suggets doing it together so you don't feel alone, so you don't feel like your terrible for letting this happen. if your hygiene got bad he'd never ridicule you or anything. yuuta would tell you its okay and like i said, offer getting haircuts for the both of you, offer getting clothes together, he'd try and encorperate your schedules together without being too pushy.

꒰ yuuta would be very nervous when it comes to the fact that he still loves you. the last time he was remotely in love with someone, he got hit by car and he accidentally cursed her. he's never really experienced healthy romance, or a a healthy life. he never really desired love, with the assumption rika would always come in between, preventing him from having healthy human interactions. but when it came to you, he's never wanted a relationship so bad. and he still wants you, but in understanding what its like to lose someone you love, he never pushes. he never tries to touch you too intimately or suggest intimate things. he's patient, he'll wait for you if he needs to. even if you don't like him like that, he'll always be available to you as someone you can go to for anything. he'd be in pain just like he was when you started dating someone else. but he knows its painful and hard to come back from losing someone so important. if you do heal, if you do want him like he wants you, he'd probably cry. but for right now he'll just remain someone you could trust and talk to.

꒰ n: repost from my original acc! i still hope i did this, and their characters, justice tho. ꒱

"This can't go on anymore, we're just holding each other back."

Characters: Geto Suguru x reader

Anime: JJK

Type: Imagine

Warnings: Cursing, crying, this is angst, heartbreak, brief mention of the word god, brief mention of sex, not proof read.

Summary: The feelings weren't there anymore, at least not as strong and prominent as before. You both lacked the same enthusiasm, and love towards each other. This was no settling, or getting used to each other. Because those butterflies, were gone. The clench in you chest when you say one another wasn't there, and the sparkle in the eye. It was gone. And both pair of eyes, were starting to wonder, thinking about what it would be like to date or be single.

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"You love him. You love him, you LOVE HIM. I love him, please god, I love him." You repeated the words to yourself, almost as if it was a prayer that was hoping to be answered. But to no avail, you knew it wasn't going to be answered. You knew, that no being above you and others, would be able to help.

You just had to accept your feelings, sooner or later. Staring at yourself in the mirror, tears welling at the thoughts that seem to haunt you. "Fuck!" You hollered, slamming the counter top again and again, till you could feel a sting. Trying to choke back the weak sob trying to escape your sealed lips. Till it had broke through, then another one till you were sobbing on the floor. The cold hitting your hot body sending goosebumps throughout. Cry's racked through you, tears fell from your eyes, snot coming out of your nose, hands shaking at the repeated words in your head.

'You love him, you love him'.

You knew he would be home soon, knew that he would hear you, and question why you were like this on the bathroom floor.

But deep down, there was a feeling, that similar to the last couple nights. He would be late, blame it on work, or blame it on traffic, "Yaga wanted to speak to me about some of the students enrolling."

" You know how Gojo is at times," "I brought home some candies, I know similar to Gojo you love your sweets." He would have excuse after excuse, at first, it was nothing, you hadn't thought much of it. Till a week ago, you had came to realize the feelings and emotions between you both.

You had been waiting up for him, in the living room. The clock striking midnight, as he walked in. His face held shock, and then went to joy or at least fake joy, "Baby, you waited up?" He question, his eyes meeting your own. Going to speak, before the words got lost due to the sudden change. That's when you noticed it, really noticed it, his eyes were dead. Normally when he looked at you, there was love and adorations. But now?

Nothing, they were empty eyes boring into your own. His body was rigid, twitching ever so often, his nerves on high alert. But instead of feeling upset, and crying your own self to sleep that night, or even picking a fight.

You felt relieved? The feelings you had noticed for yourself, were being felt from him as well.

Slowly, over time, who knows when exactly, the love was fading. The excitement of talking to each other, seeing one another, going on dates, late night runs to the store, surprised dates, and anything else that made you both love one another even more.

Was slowly fading, and had been fading for some time now. Before that night, it had gone undetected, till you both felt the bang in your chests starring into dead eyes. That, it was over, or at least emotionally and psychically over.

Now it was only time to verbally say it, you didn't want it too end though. You both kept telling yourselves, that you still loved the other, that they still gave you all those feelings as though it was the beginning. That you two had just finally settled, you were comfortable in this relationship.

Till one day, when you were hit hard with feelings. Feelings you thought only were for Geto.

His blue eyes had stared into your eyes, as he spoke about this bakery down the street. "The sandwiches are great, and the bread is even more dense and -" He kept talking, and talking, you both shared a love for cooking. Though slowly finding out that, there were other things you shared in common. Later noticing that, you were excited to see Nanami more then your own boyfriend. That you waited for him after work, instead of Geto. He had beem watching from the sidelines, as you skipped towards nanami as though you were in grade school. He couldn't recall in the three relationship, you ever skipping towards him. Geto had noticed it all, cuz he too was waiting for another and feeling the same feeling you had felt for nanami.

A hiccup echoed through the bathroom, your eyes sore and puffy from crying. Opening the door slowly peaking out, listening closely for any sounds, deep down knowing he wasnt home.

Instead, he was at the nearby park sitting on a bench, thinking. Thinking, how to bring his feelings up too you, trying to find a way to tell you he had started to fall for another when he knew you were as well. He could see the dead, empty look in your eyes when you talked to him. He had noticed it for months, though similar to you, didn't want to accept it.

He knew, it wasn't the same between you both anymore. The feelings were felt more of a friend then a lover. He wasn't even jealous or angry when he notice you and Nanami eating at a little restaurant one night. He rather felt, happy? Joy? Relief that you were able to love another? Relief that while he watched you both across the street, he was buying something for another.

"I don't love you anymore and I'm so-sorr-sorry!"

He jumped at the sudden shouting, standing up from the bench quickly at the sight of you. Tears streamed down your face, snot running out your nose, bloodshot eyes that were swollen. You wore baggy sweatpants and a T-shirt. You slippers wet from the damp grass, and muddy.

"Baby"

"No! Please just, tell me, tell me you feel the same way! Tell me you don't get those butterflies anymore, that you don't smile large when you get a text from me, that when you tell me you love me you mean it. When we have sex, that you aren't doing it just to make yourself feel good. That's it's about us coming together! Just, I need to hear it. I can feel you becoming distant, and unloving," You thought it would become easier to breath, after getting this off your chest,but if anything. It made it worse, you gasped for air, a flat palm on your chest as shutters went through your body.

"Hey, breath, breath, you need to breath. Your having a panic attack," Geto himself was panicking, between you both he didn't expect for you to show up in the night proclaim all what you both wanted to say.

"Just, please, tell me. I need to hear it," You weakly spoke, you tried to focus on your own breathing but failed, only becoming more difficult the longer you spoke and thought.

His face read confusion, then anger, then finally became calm, he closed his eyes before opening them again, the words he spoke felt like a weight had been lifted.

"I don't love you anymore, I'm not inlove with you, I haven't been for a while now."

A gasp was heard, you not noticing it was from your own self. The silence between you both was defining, it was the end of you both. "I'm sorry," He broke the silence, the wind picking up as it blew and tossed both of your hair around. He could smell your shampoo, and you could smell his own. In the past, it would bring warmth and comfort. Now, it only brought pain and feelings of the past.

"We need to get inside, it's supposed to rain tonight," He tried again to withdraw you from your thoughts, hoping for a response or something. But all you were doing was closing your eyes, whimpers falling.

First came the lighting, a signal of what is about to come for you both. The undeniable dread of sadness, of loss, that it was finally spoken. You both finally admitted it out loud. It had hurt, more then what you both had thought it would.

Then came the thunder, snapping you out of your thoughts, of your sadness an grief. Making you finally notice the tears that were falling from Geto own eyes, you slowly reached your hand out. Brushing a tear away, "Don't cry, it's for the best. This can't go on anymore, we're just holding each other back. Holding one another back, from finding real happiness, finding someone that will love us controllable. Don't get it twisted, we loved each other just like that but it wasn't meant to last, or we wouldnt be here now."

"I know." He broke out, his cries taking control of his body, an then you heard it. The clinking, and patting of the raindrops falling on the ground and roofs. Then came the downpour, it was raining in sheets, you could only see each other. The feeling of the rain was no longer felt, you already knew who it was and why they were here.

"Are you going to be alright?" Geto questioned his eyes puffy, a look of worry and grief painted on his face.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, they're not the only one that can warp." You reassure him, a weak smile to show him that it was alright. They held hands, as they disappeared in the night.

You focused on where you wanted to go, and how it makes you feel inside. Soon feeling warmth, and a hand resting on your shoulder. Nanami was no stranger to you suddenly showing up in his place, he rather it be you then another.

"Hey, you're soaked," He stated the obvious, running to grab a towel from his bathroom. You stood up from your original crouched position, staggering over to the couch. With a sigh of relief, you finally let your body relax, a cold shiver running up your spine from your wet clothing. Blindly reaching over and patting the couch, trying to locate a pillow, before giving up and deciding on stretching across the sofa. Drifting off to sleep, your body and kind finally at ease with confessing your true feelings to Geto.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, though you were already asleep, silently wondering where Nanami was at.

We broke up, please take good care of her and give her everything that I couldnt give in return Kento.

this was soooooooo good.....i really really feel sorry for the oc🥺 at one point a part of me wanted the oc to leave or d*e so that satoru can feel their importance🫠

always the bridesmaid never the bride

“ . . . I was there too, Satoru, — those summers belonged to me as much as they belonged to you, he was mine as much as he was yours.”

⠀ ⠀⠀You heard about what happened to one of your lovers, Geto Suguru — what he did to the villagers, how he killed them en masse. You don't believe what Yaga says, you don't believe what the higher-ups scream at you — saying that the current Geto Suguru is a criminal and a murderer. You covered your ears so tightly that you didn't hear anything — not even Satoru's cries every night in the silence of the night.

⠀ ⠀⠀You ran, kept running and running, carrying your feet to Suguru. You have to see him, you have to hear everything from him. He should say that everything was just a misunderstanding and he didn't do anything and looking at you with his purple eyes, he should tell you that everything was just a misunderstanding — you hope. You keep running no matter your heart starts to deflate and constrict, you can't stop running, too afraid that if you stop then everything will come true. You don't care about the heat of the sun piercing your skin.

⠀ ⠀⠀You arrive at a temple that is familiar to you. Seeing the building makes it even more impossible to breathe. You pushed open the large wooden door with force. Your steps stopped when you saw a black-haired man standing not far from you with a gojo-kesa covering his tall body. You'd recognize that back anywhere, you'd recognize his scent anywhere.

⠀ ⠀⠀ Geto Suguru.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru turned around and he smiled when his eyes caught your figure. He smiled warmly until his eyes formed a thin curve. He opened his arms wide, welcoming you with all his heart. You didn't have a second thought to run up to him and jump into his arms— so hard that his body stumbled back a little and like honey, he chuckled sweetly. “Easy there, princess,” he whispered into your hair, so very softly. One hand hugged your back while the other stroked your hair.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru closed his eyes and took a deep breath— trying to fill his lungs with your scent. Maybe this was the last time he could hold you this close, he knew. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, pressing his nose there. He feels short of breath, but he feels like he still has to breathe, keep taking in breaths until all he can think about is your scent, you. He forced his body to remember your smell, every inch of his body, so he wouldn't forget. Hopefully, if he doesn't have you by his side anymore, he can still feel your scent, he has to remember your scent. So that he is fine being away from you. So that he doesn't run towards you when he feels he can no longer smell your scent.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru pulled his face away from you as he listened to the sad sounds that came out of your sweet mouth. Your stomach and his stomach were still touching beneath the cloth you were wearing when he lifted your lowered face— too sad to look at him. Suguru looked at your face and he realized a few things. He could see the eye bags hanging ugly under your beautiful eyes, there were slight wrinkles on your forehead, and you looked very, very tired. And he couldn't deny your rosy cheeks were wet with tears that didn't seem to stop.

⠀ ⠀⠀“Oh, my love,” he whispered.

⠀ ⠀⠀He felt his heart break when he saw you pull your lips straight, letting out a sob that was forcing its way out, for him to hear. Suguru stroked your wet cheeks with his thumb. “You left, I — I was gone for one day and.. and you're not there, you— why?— how?” you stammered, still reluctant to look at the man in front of you. Suguru chuckled, he couldn't help it, you looked so cute right now. Hearing the chuckle of the man in front of you made you suddenly raise your head, looking at him. “That's not funny!” you said and hit Suguru's arm which made the man laugh again.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I'm sorry, my love, you just look so cute right now,” he said, smiling and hugging you again. You hugged his waist and pressed your cheek against his chest. “They called you a criminal and you are a mass murderer who killed a whole village,” you said which made Suguru smile bitterly and sigh softly. He kissed her head for a long time before saying, “I'm sorry, my love, I'm doing a bad thing,” he said quietly. Your tears broke even more as you began to be forced to accept that everything was true and Suguru was a criminal now. So you buried your face back into his neck, crying loudly.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru tightened his arms around your small body and pressed his cheek against your head. He lets you cry your heart out. That's all he usually does. “I'm so sorry,” Suguru whispered. It hurt him, hearing how sad your crying sounded. It made him break into pieces, knowing your heartbroken cries were now he is the cause. But again, he couldn't do anything. “Why?” You looked at him with your wet face and red eyes. Suguru cupped one of your cheeks while one of his hands still hugged your waist.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I'm sorry, my love, I just can't wear a heartfelt smile in this world, not anymore,” he said— shaking his head slowly and smiling faintly. “You don't have to, just talk to me, to Satoru, come back to us, I'll listen, we'll listen,” you say, almost pleading. “Stop this, and come back, let's run away and live together, I'll convince Satoru. Let's get out of this world, we can live at the beach house far away from here and make a family, and have cats, like you always wanted, hm?” You smiled, even though your eyes continued to shed tears. You took forceful steps to get closer as if there was some distance you still had to cover from your body which was already attached to Suguru.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru was silent.

⠀ ⠀⠀Oh, how he always dreamed of starting a family with you and Satoru, living in a house by the beach and having several cats. He wanted it so much that his heart screamed about it. Leaving the world of Jujutsu and living as a normal person in general.

⠀ ⠀⠀“Let's live like a normal person, without curses, nothing,” you said. Your soft voice called out to him, making him flutter and he could feel the warmth slowly embracing his long-cold body. “That sounds perfect,” he whispered and smiled—a genuine smile. He grabbed both of your hands, clenching them in his fists. He kissed your hand several times with his purple eyes continuing to stare at you. Full of tenderness, full of affection.

⠀ ⠀⠀He kissed your forehead warmly, “Let's do it.”

⠀ ⠀⠀“Geto-sama..”

⠀ ⠀⠀You hear a child's voice. Turning your head to where the voice came from, you saw two little girls—one with dark brown hair with a green hoodie and the other with light brown hair with a yellow hoodie, they had short hair in the same style. When you saw the two little children you realized something, they were the little children your lover saved— Mimiko and Nanako Hasaba. You turned your gaze to Suguru who was already looking at you with a small smile. “Are they..?” Suguru nodded.

⠀ ⠀⠀You let go of your arms around Suguru's neck and stepped over to the two little girls. They seemed hesitant when you stepped forward, as they looked at Suguru as if asking for reassurance, to which the black-haired nodded. You crouched in front of them, holding each of their cheeks which made them lean into your warm touch. Seeing this, your tears broke out again, you couldn't help it. Your head fell to your bent knees, your forehead pressed there with your hands holding the two little girls' cheeks. They looked at you with confusion and curiosity, not understanding why you were crying so bitterly.

⠀ ⠀⠀They looked at you and Suguru who was still standing behind you alternately. Hesitantly their small hands touched your shoulders before stepping closer and hugging you—both of their chins resting on your shoulders. You greeted them by wrapping your arms around their waist, pulling them closer. Suguru just smiled faintly, sadly. All he could hear were your sobs, cutting into his skin every second. You remained in your position for a few moments before the small arms holding you were replaced by Suguru's muscular arms.

⠀ ⠀⠀He put one arm around your back—helping you to stand. “Oh, my love. What a beautiful thing you are,” He said softly, and who knows how many times he cupped your cheeks and ran his two thumbs across your cheeks. Suguru always thought that you were very beautiful, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, even when you were crying ugly like now. He loves how your cheeks look red when you cry too much. Too pure and innocent, making him want to continue protecting you.

⠀ ⠀⠀He likes to call you 'my love'. He says that you are his love, you are millions of feelings in one feeling. You are like a rainbow in the storm. He said that his love was given out for you and Satoru, love you both so full that there was no love left for him to the world. People say that a lifetime is very long, but Suguru can trade anything so he can get that lifetime. Even though he had to become a criminal and commit a mass murder. And he would gladly do it many times, if, in the end, he could spend all his breath with you and Satoru.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru pressed his lips to yours— kissing them gently, typical of Geto Suguru. He is full of tenderness. He kissed you, gently but you could feel his misery, how several times he had to pause between kisses just to swallow his sobs. He pressed his forehead against yours after pulling his lips away, but you could still feel his soft breath on your face.

⠀ ⠀⠀“Let's do that, you, me, Satoru and the kids. Let's run away where no-one knows our name yet, where we can camp out in the open and see the stars, where we can tell each other hopes and dreams without feeling scared, it will be hopeless. We'll own nothing more than we need,” he said quietly as you watched Suguru's tears fall down one cheek. You nodded, “Let's run away together.”

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru smiled faintly.

⠀ ⠀⠀“Would you do me a favor before that?”

⠀ ⠀⠀“What is it?”

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru moved his forehead away from yours to look at you more clearly. One arm wrapped around your waist as he tucked your hair behind your left ear. “Can you wait for me, my love?” he asked. You were silent for a moment and lost in his purple eyes— you found nothing but calm and confidence. So you nodded, making Suguru's thin smile widen slightly. “Stay with Satoru while I make a better world for us, so I can give you the world that I know you deserve, would you do that for me, my love?”

⠀ ⠀⠀“Wait for me?”

⠀ ⠀⠀ “Okay,” you whispered. “I'll wait for you.”

— 2017

⠀ ⠀⠀I can't save you

⠀ ⠀⠀That's what was on your mind when you saw Satoru come to your room—falling onto the bed as if he hadn't ignored you in the past few years since Suguru left. You saw how he buried his face in your pillow. His long legs dangled over the edge of the mattress which was not big enough to accommodate his tall body. You just stay silent—sitting on the floor with your knees bent upwards and your back against the wall. You looked at Satoru in silence.

⠀ ⠀⠀Since Suguru left everything has changed— everything, because Satoru is everything to you. Himself and Suguru. Half of everything is in front of you, but you still feel empty, empty. You are just a shell that happens to still be breathing but empty of the will to live.

⠀ ⠀⠀Was I supposed to tell you to leave, Satoru?

⠀ ⠀⠀“I was there too, Satoru— those summers belonged to me as much as they belonged to you, he was mine just as much as he was yours,” you think.

⠀ ⠀⠀or not?

⠀ ⠀⠀You wanted to scream at Satoru, tell him forcefully if you had to, but you couldn't. For the last 10 years, you seem to realize that you are just the third person joining in. Forcing yourself into a position that was never your place in the first place. Between him and Suguru. You're not delusional, you're well aware that between the three of you, Satoru will always love Suguru more than he loves you. You know that very well. You loved both of them equally, equally, very much— however, when Suguru left, Satoru left with him.

⠀ ⠀⠀Just like you, Satoru is just a shell who is too tired and sad to even die. You may not understand what he feels, but you try. Trying to feel what another part of your soul feels like only to lose it, but Satoru, I would never do that to you' you thought. Satoru lost half his soul, but you lost all of it.

⠀ ⠀⠀You are just a number to Satoru, far from number one. However, you still feel like it was your fault for not saying something sooner, and now it's too late. The relationship between you, Suguru and Satoru ended with Suguru leaving. And you can't do anything about it. You didn't want to throw Satoru out—not when he was crying so hard he was almost throwing up. Satoru was barely breathing—choking on his own sobs.

⠀ ⠀⠀You got up from the floor and sat on the edge of the bed, placing your hand on his shoulder. You waited for Satoru's outburst that never came. You remembered how Satoru was when Suguru first left—he was so angry. So angry that Yaga had to ask you to stay away and said that maybe there would be a time when you would have to kill Satoru because you were the only one he could come home to. You told Yaga that you couldn't do that— even if Satoru lost his mind,because you weren't Suguru.

⠀ ⠀⠀Your infinity is always up with me.

⠀ ⠀⠀Satoru suddenly became very sad— so sad that you worried he would do something stupid. He continues to live in Suguru's shadow, showing fake smiles and trying anything to distract him. Slowly he started to see you more often. You were happy— thinking that he had come back to his senses and was starting to see you as his girlfriend, without Suguru. But since Suguru left, you should learn not to have too high expectations of that blue-eyed man.

⠀ ⠀⠀Satoru suddenly stopped sobbing. You inhaled sharply— sensing something was wrong. Satoru got up from his seat and turned his body towards you. You saw how his blue eyes were rimmed with red and tears rolled down his pale cheeks. “I—I saw him last night,” Satoru stammered. His lips pulled into a straight line trying to swallow the deft lump that was holding back his sobs. You hold your breath for a moment. Of course, you should know, that nothing can destroy Satoru other than Suguru. You didn't move, unable to bring yourself to say anything.

⠀ ⠀⠀“The ring—”

⠀ ⠀⠀The rings. The rings Satoru bought a long time ago, one for you, one for Suguru, one for himself. The ring that was supposed to bind the three of you together, but like Satoru only wrapped the red thread around Suguru's finger, leaving you at the end of the thread alone as they got tangled up in each other. The ring he brought with the plan that he would marry Suguru and you when the three of you graduated.

⠀ ⠀⠀“He had it on when I killed him,” Satoru said, choking on the wind at the end.

⠀ ⠀⠀“You and her, the sweetest feeling I know, a peace and a flame, steady me and stir me all at once, and when I die, everything will die but these feelings.”

⠀ ⠀⠀That's what Suguru said to Satoru just before he killed him. Your mouth is shut, you can't say anything. Suguru dies and Satoru still doesn't see you. He goes blind and you're nowhere to see, and again, you can't do anything about it. You continued to stare at Satoru who was sobbing again. He looked at you with a red face and trembling lips. And something you've been so afraid of for years happens in a split second.

⠀ ⠀⠀The light in his eyes goes out.

⠀ ⠀⠀A split second and you feel so scared. So you pulled Satoru into your arms and he weakly leaned against your body. Part of you wanted to laugh about the tragedy you felt. What a joke your life is. Satoru's chin rested against your chest and his eyes continued to stare at you. You looked down at him with a sad smile. One of your arms was around his shoulder and one of your hands cupped his cheek. Your thumb ran to wipe Satoru's tears.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I don't think I can love and have enough love for someone now,” he whispered.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I know,” you thought.

⠀ ⠀⠀Still with a sad smile, you answered, “That's okay, I'll love you enough for both of us and I have a big heart. Did you know what it means? I'll have enough love for us, I have so much love for you in my heart.”

⠀ ⠀⠀Oh, how you love the man in your arms so much right now.

⠀ ⠀⠀“But I know better, when he left, you left with him, and when he died, you died with him,” you continued to yourself.

⠀ ⠀⠀You tighten your arms around Satoru's weak body, squeezing him gently. Pretending the warmth in you holds a candle to the warmth Suguru gave him. Pretending you hold a candle to him. You, the embodiment of always the bridesmaid, but never the bride.

— 2018⠀ ⠀⠀

⠀ ⠀⠀it's just you now.

⠀ ⠀⠀‘ . . . You finally join your other half, your one and only, your soul—'

⠀ ⠀⠀You wrestle with your thoughts with eyes that can't leave the carvings on the tombstones. Gojo Satoru, it says. In a land full of bodies buried several meters below, in a place full of death, you feel strangely safe and calm. There is no one around you, everyone is busy mourning the loss of their loved ones, just like you.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I know you're happier now than you ever were here— I know you're happier in the lifetime with him than you were alive with me,” you continued, finally daring to voice what you had been thinking for years. Finally found the courage to speak out after years of silence.

⠀ ⠀⠀Your knees are planted perfectly on the ground which will eliminate the marks there. “I'm expected to go on, like all my friends aren't dead now—” You bit your bottom lip. You felt sore in your throat from holding back your tears. You refuse to cry. “I guess this is what it was like for you, right? Having all this responsibility on your shoulder simply for being alive in the first place?”

⠀ ⠀⠀You looked down feeling a headache in your head—as if someone had just hit your skull with an iron baseball bat. It hurts so much, but even so, the pain in your heart is greater. You blinked a few times as your vision began to fade. Drop by drop tears fell from your eyes, wetting the grassy ground.

⠀ ⠀⠀“It's just me now,” you chuckled bitterly.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suddenly you feel the irony of your loneliness. You were always alone, even when Satoru was alive, what's different about now? Maybe you just deny your loneliness with your delusions. It took Satoru's death for you to realize that the second Suguru left, that moment you had no one but Satoru's shadow. Convince yourself that it is enough for you to survive.

⠀ ⠀⠀“My love for you is never big enough for you to stay, never enough to love both of us. I'll take ten more years to love you if you stay—” You choked, unable to continue your words that felt like they were stuck in your neck. “I can't heal your kid, Megumi, so he will die once Sukuna's out of him and Itadori— he's just like you, so he won't last long after Fushiguro's death, and still, it's just gonna be me, alone. ”

⠀ ⠀⠀Your body is shaking, scared, sad, pathetic.

⠀ ⠀⠀Once you long for love from Satoru when in reality you know that his love for Suguru has run out. Again and again, you just follow along. And maybe it will take you 10 years to forget everything, maybe your whole life.

⠀ ⠀⠀At the same time, you felt someone put their arm around your back. You turned to your left only to find Itadori Yuji— looking at you with the same gaze you had. A look that showed that he was on the verge of losing part of his soul. “Let's get you home,” he whispered. So with that, he slipped one arm under your knees and a second later you were no longer on the ground. Yuji turned to leave Satoru's final resting place. You looked back over Yuji's shoulder, staring at the stone with one of your loves' names engraved on it.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I hope you're happy, Satoru, my love, I really do.”

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⠀ ⠀⠀I don't know if this fic is angst enough, and I had an idea about part 2, I have 2 alternative endings, please tell me if you want to know the ending.

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— reservations

"table for two, please." the words spill from geto's lips before he can help it. force of habit, he curses himself.

he isn't given enough time to correct himself, waiter nodding and beaming at him, happy to help. they can’t pull the truth out of his throat though. instead, the waiter strides forward to a window table, open and barren, a pair of menus in hand.

there's something reminiscent of a smile on geto’s face as he offers his thanks, partly awkward, partly small. it doesn't sit right on such a man. all simple charm and easy grace, the waiter had expected nothing less than confidence and allure. but the single sentence, single word, saps the energy from geto and he finds himself falling clumsily into his seat, hip pressing against the glass beside him. it digs into his skin, cool to the touch and slowly starting to sting.

a gentle "excuse me? sir?" snaps geto out of his trance, gaze fixated on something outside. cobbled pavements, twinkling yellow streetlights and freshly painted benches, no other can seem to catch sight of what he does. the image morphs however, for he turns to the waiter and sees you. the softness of your eyes which always tended to crease around him, the texture of your skin which he had traced countless times before, the curve of your lips which he had kissed so lovingly.

it takes a harsh blink and a sharp shake of his head for your image to twist, geto’s eyes clenching shut even if for just a second. hair lengthening and face rounding, you distort into that of the waiter once more. there's a cautious, too perky smile on their face and their eyes shine with sympathy. geto doesn't know what to do, doesn’t know how to explain no, he hadn't been stood up. for you weren't coming in the first place, you hadn't stood next to him for a while now.

another thing geto doesn't know is why he does it. maybe it's a farewell, he thinks, trying to fool himself, all too aware it's nothing more than second nature as he orders two dishes. he had always known your favourites - colour, animal, people, anything. food was just another category to add to the list. geto had indulged you for the duration of your relationship; he had taken to hiding your choice of snacks in his jacket pockets, and filling his hands with the very takeout you so craved on miserable days in. no matter what, you were guaranteed to be on his mind.

you hadn't expected to see geto suguru - the ex you desperately hated to think about, the ex you desperately hated calling your ex - at the quaint little restaurant. you’d shared it with him only once, attempting and failing to stifle down the excitement in your voice as he agreed to the suggestion. though, you supposed, tearing your stare away from geto to the date you were currently on, he had always been awfully perceptive, knowing your preferences from your go-to drink order at the local cafe to here, the restaurant that held too many memories for anyone's good.

"something wrong?" your date smiles too wide, bared teeth cutting through your distracted thoughts and a careful hand covers your own. you can’t help the reaction that escapes your throat, ragged exhale hardly able to be called a gasp. your hand is quick to slip out from their reach, dropping limply, pathetically, into your lap. their voice, their touch is nothing more than wrong and your eyes soon find the picture of geto once more, ignoring the churn of your stomach as you drink him in - the slope of his nose which you had enjoyed pressing a kiss to just to see it scrunch up cutely, the gorgeous locks of hair which you had tangled your fingers through so often, the shine of his eyes, so distinct and familiar, warm with love.

"sorry," you stammer, words dropping carelessly, "i don’t, i can't do this, 'm sorry."

you move without thought, weakened legs making your knees knock together as you stumble over to the table by the window. your chest aches with each painful hammer of your heart, pulsing and thrashing against your ribcage the way it always did around geto. you can’t help but embrace the reminder of your obvious, lingering feelings fully. no one else could make you feel such a way.

“suguru,” the name slips out of your mouth as easily as an exhale, unprepared for what to say next. you hope your muddled mind can figure it out before the alarm bells can start ringing, pounding.

you don’t need to. geto sighs out a call of your name in response, familiar and light. his eyes are wide as he drinks in the sight of you, lovely albeit rattled. there’s something slightly panicked in your gaze, your breaths are heavy and lips parted so slightly. they tell him the fact of the matter, convince him that standing before him is you. truly. for once not a ghost of the past. and yet despite your imperfections and worries and jolting nerves, geto thinks you’re incredible. better even than how his golden memories dared to place you in front of him.

“please sit,” he gestures, voice rumbling straight through to your heart, calming as ever even if the gentle hitch gave away his nerves, “i got your favourite.”

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。what if you’re someone i just want around (i’m falling again)

synopsis. somewhere along the line, you started to hate suguru—that doesn’t mean you stopped loving him too

— word count. 9.5k (i am in misery)

— contents. post canon! au — fix it! (we all need a good fix it fic with suguru don't lie), this fic was started before recent manga chapters so the higher ups are still alive—just go with it ok :,), geto survives + lives free of kenjaku, exes to lovers, kind of redemption i suppose, mentions of blood, injuries, and weight loss (geto), mentions of canon character deaths (nanako, mimiko, nanami), mentions of wanting to raise children with geto and have a family, no gendered terms but reader has a personality and actual thoughts and feelings, references to the hunger games (you have movie night lol), BFF satoru (he is babie), there is a kiss y’all !! (scandalous i know :O)

— notes. i started this fic back in march and i had trouble with it and put it on pause for a while. i’m very glad i finished it in the end. i always like fix it! fics and this is self-indulgent and idk if ppl will read it bc it’s sfw but it’s ok if they don’t, i loved writing it. thank you koi for beta-reading this whole bad boy. mwah <333

the day suguru is declared a free man is actually the day he signs away his freedom for good. 

you say nothing, but you know it’s the truth. satoru fights tooth and nail to plead suguru’s case—you think it’s perhaps a little too desperate for it to be in the best interest of suguru and not himself. but satoru has suffered enough, and admittedly—although you deny it—a small part of you does not want to lose suguru twice. you watch as satoru argues that suguru has already died once—surely he can’t die again? and losing control of his body and mind is paying for his crimes enough, is it not? he argues that there are no ideals left for a man like geto suguru to chase after losing himself to every principle he had left. 

and then satoru wins. 

you expect it, but it doesn’t make it any easier. you watch numbly as suguru is assigned under your watch. you should be happy. you love suguru—you never stopped. but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s not a free man, and now he drags your freedom with his. you’ll never break away from him, never cut through the ropes that tie your hands behind your back and bind you to him—and then you wonder for a moment, unsure if it’s selfish or selfless or some cruel in-between to think this way, if geto suguru was better off dead. 

whether that’s for your sake, or his, you’re not sure. 

and yes, he’s let off alive, and sure, there’s no real punishment for all he’s done, but you know deep down he’s as chained and shackled as he’s ever been. he’s not allowed to leave the house unless you or satoru are there to chaperone, and it’s never to be anywhere near non-sorcerers. he’s not to live in a place of his own until the higher up’s deem him trustworthy. he has to ask you to buy the things he wants from the grocery store. he can’t even step outside for a smoke unless you’re aware. 

for a long time, he doesn’t speak much—can hardly muster a barely audible mornin’ back when you force a smile and greet him cheerily for breakfast. slowly, it turns into half-snarky conversations that get cut short by one of you leaving the room. finally, you’re civil—maybe even friendly. you’re not so sure where you stand with him as of now.

it’s not the same suguru you remember falling in love with, it’s not even close to the version of the man you fell for all those years ago. it’s hard having him here—some days you’re angry and want to throw him out, to scream at him for haunting you again just when you think you’ve moved on from the horrors of your past. some days you want to cry and cling to him, bury your face into his neck and thank him for being here again, for finding his way back to you. and some days you wish you never met him at all, that this would all be easier if it didn’t exist in the first place. 

he’s not the same geto suguru you loved, but somehow, because life is as bitter as it is ruthless, you fall in love with this version just as hard no matter how much you deny it. 

“i made your favorite,” you smile gently, placing a neat plate of french toast with freshly cut strawberries on the side. you even take great care to get the syrup-to-powdered sugar ratio he likes right, but he doesn’t make a move to reach for the plate. instead, suguru sits at the table stiffly, like he has to be here or there are consequences for that too. it almost makes you sad—even here, he’s not free. 

“thanks,” he says quietly, “but i’m not hungry.”

“you said that last night, suguru,” you sigh, “and at lunch. and at breakfast. and at dinner the night before—”

“i’ll eat it later,” he cuts you off, playing with the ends of his hair. 

it’s a lot shorter now. it’s you who finds his body battered and bruised after the smoke clears. he’s almost unrecognizable, not the same charming and perfect suguru you’re used to seeing. not the same silkened strands and smooth skin, not the same muscled and toned body, not the same chiseled jaw and soft cheeks. instead, he’s a shell of himself. his hair is matted in knots, his body is almost frail, and you notice the sunken hollows of his cheeks and dark undereyes as you lift him from the rubble a little too easily. but his body is his own—that much you can tell from the way the stitches have disappeared. 

it takes shoko a long time to nurse him back to health—it takes even longer for him to open his eyes.

you waited day and night by his side, hand over his as he breathed slowly, unconscious and unsuspecting. it would be so easy, you think one night, it would be so easy to kill him and forget and move on. 

you’ve already grieved him once before. you’ve felt and conquered the pain of loving geto suguru and losing him first to himself and then to death. but love is as selfish as it is selfless, and it’s under your mercy that you let him live—yet it’s under your cowardice that you keep him close. 

“you have to gain back the weight you lost, suguru,” you sigh, “you’re w—”

“weak?” he finishes for you, eyeing you for a second and then grinning. it’s unsettling, a grin that makes your skin crawl and your heart stop for a moment before he’s reaching for the fork and stabbing into his toast. “is that what you wanted to say? that i’m weak?”

“suguru, you know that’s not how i meant—”

“you’re not wrong,” he hums, chewing on the first bite as he speaks, “i suppose i am pretty weak right now, huh? couldn’t even kill you in your sleep if i tried could i?”

your throat is dry as you shrug, “i suppose not,” you whisper. 

“ah,” he grins again, “but that doesn’t stop you from locking your door every night, does it?” 

suguru is still healing. his body is weak, and sometimes, he leans against the wall as he walks. his arm is healed—you’re not entirely sure how, but you catch him rolling the shoulder out every now and then like it’s sore and stiff. he’s lost a lot of weight—part of it is from being bedridden for as long as he was, injured and half alive, and part of it is from barely eating—save for the few bites you force into him. you never thought there’d be a day when you could say this—but the odds of you beating suguru in hand-to-hand combat are high, and the reality is an everlasting reminder that he is not who you fell for. 

you swallow, letting out a shaky breath as he watches you closely, diligently cutting another bite from the french toast sitting on his plate as he stares you down like he can see past your soul. you don’t know what’s scarier—that suguru can still practically see yours, or that you’re unsure he even has one anymore. 

“you tried coming in?” you ask, unsure what else to say. he merely shrugs, takes another bite, and sets his fork down. 

“thought i’d check on you,” he pops a strawberry half into his mouth as he speaks.

“is that what it really was?” you raise a brow, “or was i right to lock the door?”

you’re not sure why you lock the door at night. maybe it’s because you don’t trust him, or maybe it’s because you don’t want him near you just yet. you’re not sure. you’re not sure how satoru can go back to his cheery self, how he can step through your door and boom a loud yo, suguru! before settling beside suguru on the couch with his feet on the coffee table as he rambles away. maybe it’s not real—maybe it’s satoru desperately pretending that if he tries hard enough, things can go back to how they were. 

but you don’t know how he still has the energy to try, and you don’t know if you have it in you to try anymore yourself. 

you and suguru stare each other down like that for a bit, the tension rising with every silent second that passes. you’re sure he doesn’t want to be here as much as you don’t want him around—but you’re also sure he’s glad it’s here with you as much as you’re glad it’s with no one else.

“you tell me,” he smirks after a bit, the hint of amusement making your fists clench. how dare he have the audacity to look at you like that in your own home? like he has the upper hand over you without trying? “what do you think i was there for?”

“i think you should stay in your room, suguru,” you say carefully, “i bought a new bed just for that room.”

“how sweet of you,” he hums. he sips the tea before him—it’s cold by now, but it’s just how he likes it, rose with one sugar. “you must have been excited to have me.”

“hardly,” you mumble bitterly—you can’t help it. you want him to feel hurt, even just a little. you want him to know that just because he’s back, it doesn’t mean you’ve waited all this time for him to be. liar, a part of you says, you’ve always waited for him, haven’t you? but suguru doesn’t seem phased—he doesn’t even blink.

“then tell me, why am i here?” suguru asks, his tone is as casual as ever. 

i wish i knew, you want to say. i wish i knew but i don’t.

“because satoru asked you to be,” is all you can say.

he nods, pushing back his plate and standing up, offering you that same grin. “you’re right,” he hums, “that’s exactly why i’m here.”

it hits you why his smile is so unsettling once he leaves—it’s almost genuine, like he’s still loved you all this time. impossible, you tell yourself. suguru stopped loving you a long time ago. and you need to stop trying to figure out why. 

————————————————

even despite telling yourself you don’t care what suguru thinks, a small part of you needs to prove to him you’re not scared of him. that you don’t fear for your own safety in your home, and that him being here is not some form of him haunting you. you don’t care. he shouldn’t get the luxury of thinking you care. he can come in and watch you sleep like the creep he is if he wants—you couldn’t bother to give it a second thought. 

the first night you take a chance and leave the door unlocked, suguru slips into bed beside you. it wakes you up instantly, and before you can question it, his head tucks into your neck, and his hand grasps your shirt tightly. you notice the panting almost instantly—and then you realize, it must be a nightmare. 

you fall into old habits, even after all these years, defaulting to care for him like it’s second nature. 

“you’re safe, suguru,” is what you settle for saying after a moment of contemplation. it’s all you can really think to say, so you brush your lips over the top of his head as you murmur, “you’re safe,” over and over again. 

as difficult as it is to have suguru around, as painful and cruel and aggravating as it is to be reminded of his distant existence even as he’s two doors down, this part feels natural. it’s almost like you’re back in jujutsu high, waking up to him sneaking into your room as he presses his weight over your body and wakes you with soft kisses along your face. 

except this time, he’s not annoyingly demanding cuddles or telling you about his weird dream, he’s not stealing your blanket and demanding you play with his hair. this time, it’s not the same suguru—and this time, it’s not jujutsu high. 

it’s your room. the one you got on the other side of town to leave the sorcery world behind, somehow still stuck right in the center of it no matter where you go. and yet, just like all those years ago, your legs tangle, and your arms wrap him up, and you murmur, “you’re safe,” while he catches his breath. 

“but they’re not,” he mutters in between labored pants, making you pause. 

and then you remember. 

faintly, you recall the blonde and black hair from a distance, you remember bitterly wondering what’d it be like watching suguru fathering children of your own as you came to the reality that it would never happen. sometimes, you wonder if you hate nanako and mimiko for existing, for living as the dreams you never got to live through with suguru. 

it’s selfish—to hate two children because they are what you do not have. 

but then you feel something wet hit your neck, and then you wish they were okay—for his sake. and just for a moment, you’re selfless again. 

“they’re not safe,” he mutters, making you sigh. 

“they are,” you whisper, hesitating for a moment before letting your fingers slip into his hair. you scratch gently at his scalp, feeling his body melt into yours almost instantly—like it’s a response that’s natural to him. “they’re not suffering. not anymore.”

“is that supposed to make me feel better?” he scoffs. you shrug, letting your cheek press against the top of his head as you sigh.

“it helps me feel better,” you say softly, “‘s just how you learn to cope.”

it’s an understanding you both silently come to. loss on both sides. bloodshed on either ground. defeat no matter which ideal you take. to love is to bear the pain of mortality—it’s a lesson that you never cease to learn until the ends of time itself. 

“the jujutsu world is one of suffering,” he grits, sniffling into your neck. you hum, pressing a kiss to his head as your eyes close. 

“every world is one of suffering, suguru, you can’t erase them all. the sooner you realize that, the easier you’ll find peace.”

you fall into a slumber after that, faintly aware of the way he shuffles closer to you, faintly aware of the soft kiss pressed to your skin as sleep takes over your body and drifts you out of consciousness. 

when you wake up the next morning, suguru is gone, and the door is closed. the blanket is tucked up to your chin, and your neck still tingles from last night. 

————————————————

“get up,” you throw a pillow at suguru, waking him up with a start as he sits up. his hair is tousled and messy from sleep—it’s now long enough that he can put it in a bun without strands slipping from the bottom anymore. you chuckle as he glares at you, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he groans. 

“the fuck was that for?” he grunts, holding the blanket up to cover his exposed chest. 

it’s funny that he does that, in a way. it’s not as though you haven’t seen his chest…and then some too. it’s not like you haven’t torn his shirt off to stanch the flow of blood from his injuries before or feel the bare skin with your palm under the pale moonlight as the lingering scent of sex breezes through the room. 

but somehow, even though he doesn’t need to cover his chest around you of all people, you’re glad that he does. truthfully, it keeps you slightly comforted to know that he’s aware you’re still technically strangers—no matter how well-versed you are in each other’s pasts. but you don’t ponder on it too much. instead, you grin, shoving aside the visual of the small glance you caught at his pecs, and you clap your hands to motion him to hurry. 

“we are going grocery shopping,” you say casually—as though it’s not something to make him raise a brow in shock.

“me?” he points a finger at himself. you roll your eyes, and he challenges you with another raise of his brow. “aren’t i supposed to stay away from civilians?”

“yes, you,” you nod, pointing back at him, “and satoru has worked overtime to get you granted permission to roam around with me. he says you’re welcome, by the way.”

“tell him to go fuck off.”

“that’s ungrateful,” you say flatly, “his feelings will be hurt.”

“his feelings will find a way to cope,” suguru huffs. “i don’t want to be around…them,” he says bitterly. 

you suppose it’s wishful thinking to hope suguru has let go of his past beliefs. perhaps he’s long abandoned the possibility of the vision he once planned on bringing to life, but you can’t say you expected him to revert back to the old suguru who fought alongside you and satoru. you yourself certainly have no intention of returning to the sorcery world after all the events, so you can’t say you’re shocked by the lack of change he seems to show. but then again, you suppose suguru has changed. whether he sees it or not. 

he stays here and doesn’t put up a fight to leave even though he can now that he’s healed. he eats lunch when you tell him and even washes the dishes. sometimes, when you come home a bit late, dinner is even ready on the table as he sits and stares at you expectantly. his plate is empty like yours—like he’s been waiting for you even though he doesn’t need to. you suppose you can see he’s changed in the way he doesn’t scoff at the tv channels you surf through, he silently sits on the opposite end of the couch now and watches with you, and perhaps if you’re lucky, you’ll hear a light chuckle or a quiet sigh as the scenes roll on the screen. 

you suppose this suguru is a step closer to your suguru every day he spends with you, but you don’t know if any suguru is what you need right now. perhaps that name should’ve been buried away as a distant memory, perhaps it should’ve only been something you unlock once every year on his death anniversary—when satoru clambers through your door drunk and unsteady as he clutches the hand that killed his best friend, only to share pancakes with you in the morning and pretend like you don’t notice the dried tears on his cheeks while he acts like he doesn’t catch the way your hand shakes as you cut into your breakfast. 

but suguru is here now. whether it’s as geto, one half of the strongest duo in jujutsu high, whether it’s as suguru, the love of your life and the sole reason you exist, or whether it’s as geto suguru, the curse user and mass murderer who haunts your past, present, and everything in between. 

so you simply sigh, grab the pillow again, and hit the top of his head before walking over to the door as you call over your shoulder, “i’m gonna wait for you by the door in fifteen minutes. be ready or face the consequences..”

“no thanks. don’t wanna,” suguru grumbles petulantly, frowning at you as you stick your tongue at him, smirking as if you’ve just played your ace. 

“too bad,” you sing before swinging the door shut.

he’s at the door in exactly fifteen minutes, like he waited until the last possible second to join you as a move of spite. but you simply gesture him out the door and lock up, taking your sweet time as he stands there with an annoyed face. you stare at the doorknob once you’re done, taking a deep breath before turning to him with your best smile. 

“let’s go,” you hum.

“after you,” he mutters.

—

he grimaces as soon as he sees the people going about their business, clearly unhappy with the idea of being around non-sorcerers, but one sharp glare from you has him sighing and trekking along. the grocery store, admittedly, is not as bad as suguru thinks—in fact, there are lots of things he doesn’t realize he misses until he watches you grab a shopping cart. 

suddenly, he sees shadows. the silhouette of your figure climbing into the cart, the angry wave of satoru’s hands as he claims it's his turn to be pushed around, the figure of shoko pinching the bridge of her nose in irritation from the back—and then, he sees the dark shadow of baggy pants and a small bun. it’s him. suguru watches himself almost in slow motion through the remnants of his imagination as he gently shoves satoru out of the way and reaches to poke the tip of your nose before he pushes the cart with you in it.  

it’s a happy memory—and it’s gone all too soon.

as soon as he blinks, the shadows have disappeared—instead, it’s you waving a hand in his face, concern written on your features as you call his name. 

“suguru? hey, hello? are you with me?”

he exhales, pulled from his trance as he gently grabs your wrist from in front of his face and sets it down as he nods, “yeah, i’m fine. just thinking,” he mumbles. 

for a second, you hesitate, like you almost mean to say something. but in the end, you only nod before turning to grab the shopping cart. but he stops you—grabs the handle and turns to you with a small smile on his face, making you raise a brow as he gently moves you away. 

“what are you—”

“get in,” he grins, making you stare at him in bewilderment. 

“what?”

“just get in,” he sighs, “you love it when you get to sit in the cart.”

“i’m not a teenager anymore—”

“get in, will you?” he groans, “always so damn difficult.”

“hey,” you pout, glaring at him with your hands planted at your hips, “that’s rude.” it’s cute. suguru stares at you with amusement in his eyes and a soft look on his face that you don’t think you’ve really seen in years. 

“humor me,” he hums, “just get in, okay?”

so you do. 

with a huff and a grumble under your breath, you fight back a smile and climb into the damn cart just like old times. you swallow and try not to let it get to you when he reaches over and pokes the tip of your nose and pushes the cart around, letting you name off the things you need from your list while he grabs them. and when he sneaks snacks into the pile, you roll your eyes and glare at him in the way you always did—the one that isn’t actually annoyed. fond. happy to let it slide because it’s him.

“we need candy,” you murmur, “that’s the last thing on the list.”

“okay. what kind?” he asks, turning the cart into the candy aisle and smiling softly down at you.

“doesn’t matter, satoru eats anything as long as it’s sweet. he’s more likely to die from sugar than fighting a curse, i think.”

“you buy candy for satoru?” he asks, making you shrug as you reach over and grab a few bags of candy off the shelves, setting them down beside you. 

“he comes over a lot so i learned to keep stuff stocked up for him. you know how he gets when he’s hungry.”

suguru feels something he hasn’t felt since he was a teenager. jealousy—specifically of satoru. 

suguru is not foolish. he knows as soon as he meets gojo satoru that of the two, one of them is stronger and it’s definitely not himself. for the longest time, he’s okay with that, okay being the strongest only when alongside satoru—until he’s not. and even if suguru always had a bit more attention in the romance department than satoru, in his head he’s always known that perhaps satoru can keep you safer, more well off, maybe even happier. with smooth smiles and eyes as welcoming as an oasis, gojo satoru would never leave you in the dark pit of misery as suguru once had. 

something about the thought of you and satoru keeping each other company through the lonely years, filling that empty spot suguru left behind, sharing moments over candy and empty wrappers makes suguru wonder for a moment if perhaps he’d be happier if he stayed. maybe he could have worn a heartfelt smile in a world that carves them off the faces of sorcerers with bloody knives as long as you were there to wipe the blood.  

but before he can dwell on it, you snatch one more bag—this time of his favorite candy, placing it into the cart and grinning gently up at him. 

“i haven’t bought this one in years,” you admit, “i almost forget how it tastes.”

“me too,” he says quietly.

“well,” you hum, “we’ll have to have some when we’re home.”

home. you say it as though it belongs to him as much as it does you, and then like you always have, without even meaning to, you wash away the dark stains of his jealousy with no trace left behind.

“yeah,” he chuckles, “we—”

“daddy, look! candy!” suguru is cut off by the gentle pitter-patter of two tiny feet running into the aisle, pointing at a bag of candy as a man follows close behind. 

his breath hitches. 

she’s small, the girl—she has two pigtails with soft strands of blonde hair falling out of the loosely tied bands. it reminds suguru of the first time he perfected tying up nanako’s hair, the soft giggles behind her tiny hand as she twirled in the mirror. 

there’s another girl in the man’s arms—dark hair on her head as she curls into her father’s chest and tucks her head into his neck when she sees you and suguru in the aisle. she’s shy, he realizes, like mimiko, and suddenly he remembers the tiny fingers that used to hook into his pants when she got too overwhelmed by the people around her, waiting for suguru to scoop her into his arms. 

perhaps in another life, suguru would redo everything differently—he’d be happy with you and satoru and shoko, and nanami and haibara would be there too, well and alive. but no matter what, he’d never redo nanako and mimiko differently. he’d never change a thing about them, not even the way nanako whines too much about small things or the way mimiko never speaks up even when something is clearly bothering her. he’d never change the way he saved them and took them in at the tender age of eighteen, too lost to be a father but choosing to raise them anyway. he’d never change the feeling of pure joy and unbridled pride when they climbed into his bed for the first time, shushing each other so as not to wake him—even though he’d awoken as soon as the door to his room opened. 

because he realized that night that yeah, maybe he’d made mistakes in his lifetime, lots of them too. maybe he’d made a bad choice choosing the path he did, or maybe he didn’t. he’s never been completely sure—just that he had to try at least to make his vision for a different world come to life. but one mistake he never made was his girls. one thing he was always sure about was the soft clutch at his pants and the tiny hands reaching for his own.

suguru wouldn’t change anything about nanako and mimiko—except maybe the fact that they aren’t here, gone because of him. 

“suguru?” you ask softly, reaching for his hand as he grips the cart tightly and pulling his gaze away from the family in the distance. 

he blinks, meets your eyes, and knows that you know. with one glance at your face, he knows you understand. the world is cruel, one filled with suffering, he thinks. but then he remembers what you said, that every world is full of suffering, not just his—that it’s a truth he has to come face to face with.

but it’s hard. it’s hard when this man has his two little girls and suguru does not—it’s hard to watch someone have what he wants with no worries of losing it, all because of people and their own weaknesses. he thinks for a moment that he’s been right all along—that non-sorcerers are too weak for this life, that the jujutsu world has always suffered so they don’t have to. 

but then the man speaks up, catching both of your attention. 

“your mother used to love those,” he says quietly to his daughter, a pained smile on his face. instantly, you and suguru both seem to understand the weight of that single sentence. 

every world has its own pain, suguru realizes. its own cruelties and unfairness, its own way of bringing suffering in its wake as it rips away the things closest to you from your begging fingertips, leaving them cold and empty and numb from the lost weight underneath them. 

“let’s go, suguru,” you whisper, “we have everything we came for.”

“yeah,” he whispers back, clearing his throat so his voice doesn’t crack, “let’s go.”

suguru leaves the grocery store with you after you pay, and for a brief moment, he’s unsure. unsure whether he’s grateful to satoru for fighting for him to be able to come and grateful to you for dragging him along, or if he wishes he died along with the rubble, gone before you could find him and turn him into this.

“before you even think about hiding away in your room,” you say, grabbing the bags from the cart as you put it back where it belongs, “you have to help with putting away the groceries.”

“sure,” he says smoothly. he grabs all the heavy bags from your hand, and you make a move to protest that you don’t need him to take the heavier ones, that you’re fine and can handle them like you’ve always handled them. 

but he walks off, and finally, you decide to simply follow.

————————————————

satoru likes to come and visit—you’ve started a routine movie night every week (unless he’s away, of course.) it’s fun, but it also means he makes your veins pop because he’s a headache like that—always makes himself right at home and eats your snacks like this is his place and not yours. he helps himself to your already limited candy and puts his sock-clad feet up on the coffee table no matter how many times you tell him not to. 

you try sitting with legs as long as these, he always whines, earning a harsh glare from you as you smack at his shins until he ultimately caves and begrudgingly sets his feet down. 

but then they always make their way back up to the coffee table, and you’re too busy enjoying his company to care—although you’ll never admit it. 

satoru is endearing like that, swallowing the dark clouds from your shoulders whole and eating up your burdens with that side of responsibility that you don’t think you could ever stomach. satoru is just like that, you realize, taking the brunt of the weight and laughing off every concern until you can’t help but not take them seriously yourself. 

it’s hard to remember that sometimes you didn’t just lose suguru, the love of your life, that night. everyone lost something. shoko lost someone to smoke with, yaga lost a student to scold, nanami lost a headache to avoid, and satoru?

well…satoru lost what you think might’ve been the only filled void of his miserably empty life. 

it’s hard to remember that satoru lost his best friend—the only best friend he’s ever had (although you like to think of yourself as a close contender)—because he’s so good at letting you forget. he brings you ice cream (that he eats half of because it’s only fair he gets a share), and he sits and hogs your couch (that he argues you don’t really need as much space as him on because your legs aren’t as long), and he watches those stupid sitcoms that are dry with boring jokes (that you used to make suguru watch back in the day).

it’s hard to remember that satoru also lost as much as you because he’s so damn good at making you forget about your own loss, you don’t care to think about anyone else’s for a while. just a short while. just until he’s yawning that obnoxiously loud yawn and stretching those awkwardly long limbs of his before he claims he really should go and that being the world’s best teacher requires as many hours of beauty sleep as you can squeeze in. 

and then he’s off. and it’s empty again. and just like that, you’re reminded of why he was there in the first place—to fill in that sick and painful void that geto suguru left in you. 

it’s gaping, like he tore a chunk of you right out with sharp teeth, like you’re just a piece of meat for him to get his fill of. if suguru really loved you, would you be so easy to let go of? why couldn’t he smile? because you could—god, you could smile just from the sight of him alone, you realize a long time ago. him with his cigarette tucked between his lips, those death sticks as you called them, hung loosely from his mouth as he gives you a lopsided grin. 

geto suguru is enough of a reason to smile. the world could crumble at your feet and leave you with nothing but rubble and dirt, and still, suguru is the core of the earth you’re searching for. 

so why couldn’t you be the same? what is it you were missing? what about you was just not enough for him like the way he was enough for you? 

it dawns on you one night, through bitter tears and shaky sobs, and that sick, twisted, pleading feeling in your gut that begs the wind to carry him back to you—geto suguru has never loved you the way you loved him.

and for that, you can never forgive him, you don’t think.

“you tryin’ to go bug-eyed?” he asks, settling down on the couch next to you, making you snap out of your trance. you shake your head a little, stare back at him for a moment before putting on that look on your face where you roll your eyes and pretend everything is fine.

“no,” you huff, “i’m just thinking.”

“about…?”

“satoru has rarely ever missed a movie night.”

“maybe he’s sick of you,” he shrugs, grinning slyly at you as you narrow your eyes with a glare, “there’s someone here to keep you company now so he’s probably taken his opportunity to run.”

“you’re hardly company,” you scoff, “freeloader.”

“hey,” he defends, shrugging as if it’s not his fault. you suppose it’s not. “i didn’t ask to be rescued. you can’t be high and mighty and petty. ‘s not how that works.”

“says who? you don’t make the rules. i can be graciously kind and a jerk all at once.”

“complexity,” he nods, “i like it.”

“i’m not as complicated as you might think,” you grumble, crossing your arms as you stare at the time. yeah, satoru isn’t making it—which, he told you as much, but he’s strolled in at the last second too many times to count before. you figure today would be the same. “as long as you don’t skip movie nights with me, i’m pretty simple to keep appeased.”

“alright,” he props his feet up on the coffee table—seriously, what is it with asshole men putting their feet on your table? satoru is a terrible influence. “let’s have a movie night.”

“what?” you blink.

“movie night,” he repeats, “you said you don’t like skipping movie night—”

“well, i meant i don’t like satoru skipping movie—”

“well, it was me before satoru, wasn’t it?” he says with a smile. his eyes are closed, crinkled at the corners, but his voice is carefully neutral—like he takes extra care not to let you see any emotion behind it. 

but that only means there is an emotion, isn’t there? is he jealous? does he hate the fact that you and satoru have a routine of your own without him? that you don’t need him to continue living your life? 

good. he should be. he walked out on you all those years ago. he killed a village. killed his parents. you never even got to meet them—he never even got to take you home and introduce you to them before he ripped away every fantasy you ever had with him. 

and now he’s back—he has the audacity to live, to laugh in your face with his existence that yes, geto suguru is here. and he was supposed to be executed, but your stubborn friend didn’t let that happen. he was supposed to be your husband by now with kids and a happy little home, and you were supposed to be his parent’s new addition to their family that they loved so much. but none of that is even close to happening, and it’s suguru’s fault, and the least he can do is show you some regret and maybe feel just the slightest bit bad that you now have to watch shitty movies with his best friend instead of him to feel normal. 

ex-best friend? half best friend? you don’t even know—do they still consider each other their best friends? does anyone consider suguru anything? you don’t know what you consider him. but you think the least he can do is act just the slightest bit pathetic after making you feel so pathetic for so long just to even the score. 

he should be a stranger. he feels like an old friend. but either is dangerous. 

“alright,” you sigh, “let's bring back movie night. don’t fall asleep.”

“i get plenty of sleep nowadays,” he hums, “i have more than enough free time for that now.”

“how lucky of you,” you snort. 

—

picking a movie with suguru is difficult. he actually has standards—satoru watches anything so long as he gets snacks, and he can make anything fun to watch with the way he comments from the side like a critic. suguru, on the other hand, actually cares about the quality of a movie, the metrics that make it good. 

so you pick the hunger games just to piss him off. 

“seriously?” he raises a brow, “this is your pick?”

“yes,” you grin, “i like these movies.”

“of all movies—”

“my house, my rules,” you grin cheekily, “you can pick the movies as soon as you start paying the bills.”

“wow,” he deadpans, “stooping to use my financial status against me? i thought you were better than this.”

“oh suguru,” you sigh dramatically, grabbing a bag of chips from the table, “you don’t know me at all.”

all things considered, you think it’s a rather enjoyable experience. it’s not as fun without satoru’s stupid comments that you pretend to hate, but suguru provides his own commentary that earns a giggle out of you here and there too—although his are not meant to be funny. but that’s the appeal of it, you think. 

“she should have picked gale,” he mumbles. you raise a brow.

“peeta was always there for her, did you miss the rain scene?”

“so was gale,” he says smoothly, grabbing a chip from your bag and making you scowl.

“gale killed her sister,” you point out, “and a lot of other people too. he was ruthless. she needed peeta.”

“gale did what he had to do,” suguru mumbles. 

suddenly, it doesn’t really feel like you’re discussing the movie anymore. it feels more than that. it feels sickening—the air is heavy, and your throat is dry and god, you just wanted a movie night and not this heaviness as you talk about stuff from the past without actually talking about it. 

you blink before turning to your chips, playing around with the bag as you shrug. 

“in the end he didn’t get katniss, did he?”

suguru studies you for a moment, stares a little too deep into you that you start to feel the urge to bolt to your room and go to bed. 

“guess not,” he says quietly, “guess that’s the one regret he has, huh?”

you think for a second, as suguru stares at your eyes with something you can’t quite read, that you might cry. you might cry and throw that half-empty can of soda in his face for speaking in codes and making you question what he means and remember your past. you might cry because suguru could’ve always gotten you—in fact, he had you.

it’s not fair. nothing is, but you can’t help but dwell on it.

“i’m going to bed. it’s late,” you mumble after a few moments, standing. he only nods, staring at the tv as the credits roll. when you make it to your room and the door shuts behind you, you debate clicking the lock in place. 

in the end, you don’t lock the door. suguru climbs into bed with you once more later that night, shaking slightly from his nightmare but calmer than usual. he’s still gone by the time morning comes, and you still never mention it.

it hits you one night that maybe he still has you—maybe you never let him stop having you, no matter what you say.

————————————————

suguru is good at cleaning while you’re away. you have to go out and do adult things like breadwinning and grocery shopping and bill paying. he dusts and cleans and even takes out the trash when you’re home to monitor him as he steps two feet out of your front door. sometimes, because you like to get on his nerves, you accidentally mess up a corner of the house just as he cleans it, laughing as he shoots you an unimpressed look. 

“stop getting crumbs on the floor,” he mumbles, “i just vacuumed.”

“you make a good malewife,” you giggle, “vacuuming and everything. how cute.”

“don’t call me that,” he grumbles, sitting down on the couch. 

“but you missed a spot,” you point to the crumbs you’ve sprinkled from your fingers as you snack away, making him glare. “failwife.”

“i’m going to divorce you and take everything,” he snaps, making you snort as you put your hands up in surrender.

“you don’t have to, you know,” you murmur, “clean, i mean. i can handle it.”

“i think i should carry my weight around here,” he shrugs, “since you are basically sugar babying me around for now.”

“dangerous curse user to the world, but sugar baby to me,” you tease, pulling a chuckle out of him as he rolls his eyes. 

sometimes it’s nice to have his company. suguru is good with banter like that, he’s not annoying like satoru where you run in circles. suguru makes you laugh from your belly, makes the hiccups catch in your throat as you double over. he’s always been like that, always known how to make laughter pour from your lips and trickle down your chin. it’s comforting to know he still knows how. it leaves a small amount of bitterness that he’s still able to make you feel like this. 

“by the way, next time you go shopping, take me with you,” he says casually, “i need to buy stuff for my hair. it’s growing.”

“you’ll finally see the sun just for your hair?” you gasp, “who knew that’s all it’d take?”

despite the playfulness in your words, there’s still shock. suguru is willingly stepping foot outside your house. he’s finally choosing to return to life after living like a recluse no matter how many times you and satoru have tried to beg him to get up and go somewhere. the most you can get out of him is a walk around the neighborhood before he goes back to wandering your home and hiding away in his room. 

suguru is returning to life, his life, and you can’t help but wonder where that leaves room for you.

“my hair is my charm,” he reasons, “wouldn’t you agree?”

there’s a smirk on his lips when he asks—it’s like he’s seventeen and teasing you again, giving you that unfairly flirty smile that used to make you stutter as a kid. back when you were hopelessly in love. back when it was you, suguru, and the world in your corner. back when you had dreams of your future, practically giggling as you planned it away in a notebook. 

suguru was always perfect like that, the kind of guy you could only dream about. he’s always been handsome—he’s always been the center of attention everywhere you went. you used to huff about it, about all the attention he managed to get from walking into a room alone. but then he’d smile, give you that tender look of his as he’d chuckle, and you’d be hopeless again. 

he shouldn’t have that effect on you anymore after over a decade. but he does. it’s cruel, the way the universe works. it’s like there’s a magnet that pushes you together no matter how far you try to go, still pulled by gravity straight into his awaiting eyes and devilish smile.

“i cut your hair off once, i can do it again,” you huff. he laughs, it’s good-natured and kind. 

“i was a bit heartbroken when i realized it was so short, i have to admit,” he says, “i didn’t look like me.”

“you looked good,” you say quietly, “i think you’d make anything work, to be honest.”

“yeah?” he grins, “any requests? i might consider it if it’s you.”

“oh shut up,” you roll your eyes, “how about shaving your head bald? let's see how much charm you have without all that hair.”

“i could charm you without the hair still, couldn’t i?” he winks. 

it’s unfair how he acts like normal. like a few months in your home undoes everything he’s ever committed, all the atrocities he’s caused. the way he flirts with you feels like you’re his again. the way he’s aged and changed feels like you’re meeting someone new. you don’t understand how suguru is so natural with that—with seamlessly falling back into a rhythm with you like nothing has changed at all.

deep down, you know that suguru is just moving on with his life. he’s making the most of what he can. he can’t die, satoru would never let him have a peaceful death after all this. he can’t go back to the way things used to be, whether that’s his sorcery days or his curse user days, and he certainly can’t start over. so he’s making do with what he has—which is very little in reality.

it’s you, your home, and the biweekly visits from satoru and occasionally shoko. so he weaves you seamlessly into his life and treats you with a sense of normalcy you can’t hope to treat him with. maybe it’s because suguru was actually able to move on after he left. 

it’s the part you hated him most for. for building a family with new people. for having two girls that he raised as daughters. for finding people to follow him and trust. suguru, after he walked away from everything he ever knew, actually did something with his life—even if it could hardly be considered good. 

you? you fell deeper and deeper into a pit of denial until clawing your way back out was too impossible, until you had to leave behind everything you’ve ever known to get away from the remnants of his existence. 

it’s easy for him to weave you back into his life because he chose to cut you loose. it feels damn near impossible to let him weave back into yours after he tore himself from the edges and frayed away. 

“don’t do that,” you sigh, making him frown.

“do what?”

“you know what, suguru,” you pinch your nose in frustration, “stop acting like things are normal.”

“things are definitely not normal,” he snorts bitterly, “i think needing your approval to take the trash out is not equal to normal.”

“then why are you acting like…” you trail off, unsure.

“like what?” he raises a brow. 

“like we never changed,” you slam your hands down on the couch in exasperation. 

he stares at you for a minute, blinks once, then twice, and then furrows his brows.

“well, of course we changed,” he mumbles in confusion, “i know that—”

you shouldn’t have said anything. you quickly realize that. suguru is not trying to act like things are normal—he’s trying to be civil, and you’re just a fool. a fool who looks too deeply into everything and assumes what you want to out of things and god, you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of your one and only ex-boyfriend in over a decade who was once dead and somehow came back to the land of the living.

of course, he knows things are not the same. he doesn’t want what you think he does. it’s been years and suguru has moved on—he had already moved on all those years ago, and you’re the only one here that is still focused on the past. and now he knows it too. 

you stand before he can finish, nodding as you stare down instead of meeting his eyes, pretending to adjust your clothes. 

“right, of course you do,” you nod, “i don’t know why i said that. just ignore me, i’ll be going to my room now. i have…things to do, so i’ll be—”

“hang on,” he frowns, hand grabbing your wrist, “i don’t mean it like that,” he says gently.

fuck geto suguru for being so confusing and fuck him for being nice about it too. 

“you can let go, suguru,” you pull at your wrist, “forget what i said, i wasn’t thinking—”

“i still feel the same,” he cuts you off, making your eyes widen, “if that’s what you mean. i never stopped.”

never stopped—that’s almost worse than moving on. how could he have felt the same all those years and still never come back?

“that does not help even a little,” you swallow the lump in your throat. “that makes this so much worse, do you see that?”

“i know,” he sighs, “i’m sor—”

“don’t say you’re sorry,” you grit your teeth, “we both know you’re not.”

“maybe not,” he admits, “i had to try. and that meant leaving—i’m sorry that’s not what you wanted.”

“it’s not!” you turn around, pulling your arm out of his grasp—suguru, for what it’s worth, takes the shove to his chest like a champ. “of course i didn’t want you to leave and kill a bunch of people and have an execution stamped on your forehead and live your life without me.”

“i know—”

“and now you’re back. back! in my house, eating my food and sleeping in my bed for half the night and i just have to act like this is normal. how is any of this normal?” 

“it’s not,” he agrees. he’s calm. so calm, it almost makes you mad. why is he so calm? “nothing about anything in our lives is normal. it never was.”

“you ruined my life,” you blink back tears. he smiles sadly, taking a step closer.

“i guess i can take the blame for that,” he nods, hands finding their way to your hips. against your better judgment, you lean half your weight against his body. this is bad, very bad—but it’s also the best thing ever. 

being close to suguru feels like the sun’s heat tearing through your skin—it’s warm. it’s pleasant. it leaves you parched and drained with a dry throat. but still, you need it to survive. 

“why did you come back?” you ask tiredly. his hand finds the small of your back, rubbing slow circles.

“i don’t know,” he hums, “i didn’t really get a say. maybe i was always meant to, who knows?”

you look at him at that—tilt your head to get a good look at his features. his eyes are more tired, and his cheeks are a bit more sunken in compared to the youthful flesh you remember him with. his hair isn’t as healthy, and his forehead has the slightest traces of pale marks from the scars. but he’s still suguru—and you have always loved suguru, even if he gives you every reason to hate him.

“you make my life unreasonably difficult,” you mutter.

he hums, smiling. “can i?” he asks breathlessly, pleadingly. you stare at his eyes, he stares at your lips. you know what he wants—but fuck, you can’t let him have it so easy. 

“can you what?” you ask, raising a brow slowly.

“are you really gonna make me say it?” he grunts, lips almost curled into a pout. it’s cute, the way he looks longingly at your lips—it’s so cute and beautiful and dangerous all at once, just like suguru. 

“yes,” you say, “yes i am. i deserve to hear it suguru, after everything you put me through. you…you left me. i wasn’t enough for you. i mourned you. i grieved a body i never even saw. do you know what that does to a person? to lose them not once but two times? the least you could do is tell me what you want,” your voice wavers just a little. 

it shakes for the lost time. for the moments you’ll never have. for the memories you lost. for the past that’s tainted. time is cruel like that. but that’s the beauty of it all—the fragility. it’s like sand falling through the cracks of your fingers, every grain slipping from your reach but still soft and soothing against your skin as it falls. everything fades over time, everything starts to hurt one way or another. but it stops. it heals. it starts over. the sand fills the cup of your palms again, warm and delicate and just as beautiful as before it crumbled. 

“can i kiss you?” he asks desperately, “please?”

“kissing me is not a temporary thing,” you shake your head, “not anymore. it’s for good. only for good.”

“i want to kiss you for good,” he nods, hands digging into your hips impatiently. you’re close. you’re too far. he can feel you, smell you, hear your unsteady breaths. but it’s not enough. he needs to devour you, taste you on his tongue, and melt you with his touch. “i won’t stop this time,” he promises. 

“you better not,” you sniffle, tears blurring your vision. you hated suguru for leaving you. you hated him for coming back to you like this. you never stopped loving him, never will stop loving him—and maybe that’s what love is. when the darkness is worth trekking through for the afterglow of the light. “if you fucking leave me again, you’re dead to me. i don’t care how many times you come back to life. you’re dead to me.”

“okay,” he agrees through a shaky chuckle, “i suppose i deserve that. let me kiss you, yeah?”

“yeah,” you breathe.

he kisses you—years too late, he kisses you. it feels like you’re teenagers again. it feels different and foreign. you know this feeling like the back of your hand. you don’t understand what this sensation is anymore. it’s new. it’s old. it’s perfect. it hurts. suguru is here. he promised not to leave—you don’t know if you believe him, but you’re going to trust that finally, for once, you are enough. 

you’re enough to make him happy. to give him a sense of purpose. to keep him swimming when his limbs start to sink. 

finally, for once, you’re enough. 

“i love you,” he whispers against your mouth, breathing the words into you like he’s offering you the air from his lungs, “i never stopped. i promise.”

“you don’t deserve to hear it from me,” you murmur back, panting against his lips, “not yet.”

“fair enough,” he chuckles, “you sure know how to leave a guy waiting.”

“i learned from the best,” you shoot back.

he grins—suguru smiles, heartfelt and real. life is full of misery, it’s painful, and nothing fucking makes sense. everything is cruel. everything dies no matter how carefully you water the roots. there’s always something, someone, ready to tear it from the earth. but if you keep planting the seeds, suguru will keep watering. 

maybe something kind can bloom from that, something big enough for him to hide under the shade when the scorching heat of tragedy becomes too much. 

in this world or in the jujutsu world; in this life or in the next. suguru is yours.

“why am i here?” he asks gently, his face digging into your neck. you hold him, cradling the back of his head as you hum. 

“because i need you here. will you stay?”

“yes,” he murmurs, “i think i’ll stay.”

hi. i have been working on this since march. its still not how i envisioned it to be originally but that's okay. i had fun writing it and it means a lot to me even tho its kind of. well....cliche LMAO like everything i write. but. i enjoy the cliches okay ?? i do. kxljchskdf hope u guys didn't hate it </3

also the fic banner is …. not the greatest. just ignore it ok

all too well g. suguru

pairings: geto suguru x fem! reader (satoru x reader maybe?)

cw: lovers to exes, depression, i used suguru's eye color in the manga, angst, self-sabotage, fighting (satoru and suguru), mentions of blood, cutting of hair, i used suda manami for the plot sorry 😔, crying, a lot of cursing!

a/n: another angst fic hehe sorry :p

maybe you were the problem all along, maybe you forced him to something he didn't want and suguru got tired of you. that must be it. but if you were really the problem, you were willing to change, just for him to go back.

chp 001 - chp 002

how can a person love someone to the point that they couldn't live without them? how could a person like you love someone that you still couldn't forget about them despite being separated for several months already?

geto suguru was supposed to be your high school sweetheart, he was supposed to be the person you'll be with until you grow old. why did a simple argument ended everything? but was it really that simple?

graduating high school, you and suguru decided to stay at a same dorm, not wanting to get separated again. you've started to get to know him more. you found out the things he loves and hate the most. you still remembered when he told you he hates it when you're not around. but now, you wonder if that's still the thing he hates the most.

being in a 4 year relationship with suguru, you've got to know him better. you always notice little changes about his behavior, his attitude and if something is bothering him and you hate the fact that he hid his depression to you very well. he was all happy infront of you and you didn't even know that something was already wrong.

you only found out about it the night he ended everything. he told you he fell out of love. it was sudden, you couldn't even process the words he uttered not until he embraced you, both were speaking in hushed voice, scared that one might break if one raises their voice.

"i'm sorry, but it's best if i'm away from you." he muttered, still embracing you.

"why? am i bad for you?" you said, not returning his almost cold embrace as you lean your cheek on his chest.

"mhm.. i wanted to focus on myself for now." you were speechless and you kept telling yourself that you should say something but everything was stuck at your throat.

say something! you said to yourself.

you felt suguru arms slipped away from you as he stood meters away and smiled at you.

"was i— a burden?" fuck, you were supposed to comfort him! don't be selfish right now.

"no." he answered plainly. "none of this is your fault, it was my decision."

"h-hey, we're in this together, my—"

"stop—" he stopped you before you could even reach him. "please respect my wishes." he said.

"suguru, what's wrong, hm? come on, tell me. i'm sorry was i hurting you? am i being too much? if so, i'll change! i will!.. suguru just— please?.. you're all i have."

a sob left you when he shake his head left to right, you hate how he said those words that broke you and still embraced you to comfort you.

"i'm sorry, i really am but if this continues, i'm afraid i'll break."

"but i'm here, i would love to be with you. your problem is my problem, right?

"you don't understand, (name)."

"tell me, so i could understand." you muttered as suguru pulled away by holding your shoulders.

"you're being stubborn."

"but— you'll be back, right?"

"i don't know." he said as he took his gymn bag on the bed and you stood there, frozen on the ground, lips quivering as you cry. you don't even care if you look miserable in his eyes, because once suguru stepped a foot outside, you know it's all over.

suguru held the door knob on his hand, he wanted to look back but once he did it, it would break down the walls he built himself and would tell you that he didn't mean everything he said, but he couldn't just do that, suguru needs his time alone and it was for the best, for him, and for you perhaps?

"suguru." fuck. he cursed when you called him with your voice breaking, his hand on the door knob tightening. "remember that i love you, okay? if you need something, i'm here, always."

"yeah, thanks."

and it was finally over.

being emotionally attached, it was hard without him by your side. you used to wait for him so you could eat dinner together but now, you can only only stare at the leftover food on the table for hours until you didn't want to eat anymore.

you waited, day and night as you sit on the couch staring at the door as if miracle would happen and he would come in there. you've lost track of time, you think even reality. you couldn't help but wait for him.

none of your or his friends came by to ask if you were okay but you forced yourself to think that everything was all fine because suguru will be back, right? you know he would.

a month passed, you thought you were getting better. you started going out after locking yourself in your room but seeing people around you, you couldn't help but think of the days he was still beside you and decided to just come home. you weren't getting better yet. will you ever be? yes, you eventually will.

winter was your favorite season, you and suguru loved to cuddle with thick blankets around your bodies with a mug of hot choco with marshmallows.

how many months has it been? 7 months? it's not like you're counting. you're doing good now, but the memories were still there.

you were more than ready to see him again, in a high school reunion your old classmates held so you could celebrate christmas together. you hope he will be there.

"i can't find it!" you cursed, already searched every corner of your cabinet and the scarf he gave you wasn't there, you couldn't find it. another curse left your mouth and decided to just wear a random scarf from your cabinet.

-

"i love your hair! it looks so healthy despite being so long!" you closest friend among them, utahime said.

"ah well.." you were cut off when you heard voices from the entrance of the private room of the restaurant.

"they're here." utahime said as she stood up, welcoming your old classmates and your heart increased its pace as you heard a familiar voice.

as you recalled it, none of your friends except his best friend satoru and shoko knew you were dating back then since both decided to be private. his friends were very observant that they found it out themselves.

"yo!" a surprised gasp left your mouth when satoru threw himself on you, his arms around your shoulder as he flexed his blue eyes to you and then he brushed his slender fingers on your hair as you felt heat in your cheeks when he complimented it. "what a nice hair you have, it reminds me of someone." he said.

satoru cleared his throat at he sat properly beside you.

"oi suguru, you did not inform us that you'll bring your girlfriend with you!"

you didn't know if you were taken aback at the words you heard or the way satoru pinched your cheeks, forcing a smile to form.

"what are you doing, satoru?" you said as you caressed your burning cheeks that he pinched.

satoru was about to say something but you stopped him.

"it's fine." you said, mainly assuring yourself as you smile at satoru. it's already been 7 months after all. it would be a surprise if suguru doesn't have someone new knowing that he have the looks.

shoko sat to your opposite as they trap you in the middle.

"where the hell have you been these past months?" shoko said, trapping you on her arm as she grind her finger in your hair. you laughed in response as she finally released you. "so, how have you been?"

"good."

"doesn't look like it."

"i'm fine, let's not talk about it for now." you muttered. "let's enjoy this day."

"alright, talk to me if you need something."

-

being around with your old classmates, you noticed that satoru and suguru weren't in good terms. when did it happened? they were literally roasting each other the moment everyone sat on their own seats.

"they fought, 3 months ago." shoko whispered to you as if she just read your mind.

"what happened?" you asked as shoko shrugged.

"i only found them beating each other and when i was about to ask them, they left."

you look away from satoru and did not expect to see purple eyes looking at you, but he was quick to avert his gaze.

you gulped the lump in your throat as you stare at the same scarf you were looking for, wrapped around his new girlfriend's neck. her pink hair looking good with the pink with white tip knitted scarf. maybe it was just identical to the one he gave you, right?

-

the reunion was still a long way but you couldn't be in the same room with him anymore. earlier, you were too excited, even more than ready to see him again but now, you just wanted to be away from him.

"shoko." you yelled at your friend's ear, the loud sound of the karaoke draining your energy as shoko leaned her ear close to your mouth. "i'll be leaving now, i'm getting dizzy with the loud noise." you said as she prepares herself to stand up. "it's fine, i can go by myself, i already called an uber."

"are you sure?" she said as you nod.

you decided not to inform your other classmates anymore as you left the restaurant, your whole façade finally dropping as you quietly sob whilst covering your mouth.

what did you do to deserve this kind of punishment when you were just loving someone genuinely, was that a sin?

suguru's hair wasn't as long as you remembered it, instead it was cut the same length as his best friend. hair holds memories? what a bullshit phrase. now you just wanted to pull your hair out as you cry.

maybe you were the problem all along, maybe you forced him to something he didn't want and suguru got tired of you. that must be it. but if you were really the problem, you were willing to change, just for him to go back.

you thought waiting for 7 months was enough but do you have to wait more months? even years? of course, suguru was someone you already saw in your future, on the aisle as both of you exchange vows.

7 months has passed you still couldn't move on but suguru? he was there, with someone. he finally moved on from you. you just hope that the 4 years of being together was happy for him.

"hey." you were fast to wipe your tears as the person revealed himself.

"here." satoru said, handing you a handkerchief.

"what is this for?" you forced a laugh as you sniffed, accepting the handkerchief on his hand.

"you okay? i can take you home."

"thanks for the offer, satoru, but i already called an uber." you said as the surroundings went silent and silence made you cry even more.

"i'm sorry." you said, concealing your cries with a laugh as you wiped your tears with the handkerchief satoru gave you.

"why are you apologizing?"

"i look miserable, right?" you joked as you heaved a heavy sigh.

"i should really take you home."

"it's fine, it'll be fine later. i was just surprised." you said. "so, when did they?.."

"3 months ago." satoru answered.

"ah, is that so?" you asked as satoru hummed in response. "i'm happy for him." you said but your voice shaking.

"are you?" satoru teased as both of you laugh. "i'm here, you know." he suddenly said.

"stop joking like that, satoru. suguru is your best friend, i just couldn't betray him like that."

"i'm just joking." satoru said, placing his arm around you, caressing your hair with his hand.

your phone released a sound as you noticed that the uber was already near and satoru pulled away from you.

"thank you, satoru."

"of course. you still have my— and shoko's number right? call us if you need something."

"yeah, thanks again." you said as satoru ruffled your hair.

"there goes the uber." he said as the uber stops infront of you and you were surprised when satoru opened the front door. "take her home safely or i'll beat you up." he said.

"satoru!.. don't mind him mister."

"i'm just kidding." he laughed as you huffed in response. satoru watched as the uber disappeared on his sight as he released the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"so, you're starting your plan now huh?" suguru said as he appeared behind him.

"ha? what plan?" satoru rasped as he placed his hands inside his pockets.

"stop pretending satoru, we both know what you feel for (name). it's your chance now, you can take her, i don't care."

""suguru is your best friend, i just couldn't betray him like that." she said. see how she's still worrying for you? i wonder why an innocent person like her decided to choose a bullshit person like you." suddenly, satoru cheek was met by suguru's fist as suguru held him by his collar.

"say that again!" suguru said but satoru gave the same punch he received as suguru stumbled back a bit.

"hey!" shoko's voice entered their senses as she went between them. "the fuck are you two fighting for again!" shoko yelled but she was being ignored by the two men.

"did you know suguru, i am aware of my bad habits before in high school that's why i let you be with (name) even if it hurts me because i know you are the best for her, i didn't expect you to be like this, come on!"

"stop talking as if you know everything."

"i don't fucking care, i just know that if i had her first, she wouldn't be like this. she was crying, because of you! we didn't even know you broke up with her until we saw you with your new 'girlfriend'."

"then fucking take her!"

"oh i will! just watch, geto suguru."

suguru removed shoko's hand that was gripping his sweater as he wiped the blood on the side of his mouth before going back inside.

"gojo what the fuck?" shoko said.

"forget what you heard, shoko."

"you fucking dumbass! where are you going?"

"leaving this shit reunion."

satoru was supposed to be home but what was he doing in your front door?

he cleared his throat before knocking at the door but minutes already passed, there was no answer.

satoru slumped his shoulders deciding to just leave but then the door was suddenly opened a bit as you peeked.

"satoru? what are you doing here?" you said as you open the door to fully welcome him.

satoru's mouth agape as he looked at you with slightly widened eyes.

"oh this? lovely is it not?" you said as you brushed your fingers with your new short layered hair you cut yourself. you weren't even finished cutting it when you heard a knock on the door.

"yeah, suits you." he said.

"is that for me?" you said, pointing at the plastic of foods on his hands.

"y-yeah, uhm.. shoko wanted to give this."

"really? i'll thank her later!"

"no! i mean- i'll just say it to her."

"okay?.. want to go inside?"

"sure."

-

was cutting your hair made a difference? you think not because even if you cut it already, the pain was still there. maybe you weren't really getting better, maybe not all, not anymore.

all too well g. satoru

pairings: gojo satoru x reader ( past geto suguru x reader )

cw: angst, happy ending c:, some 18+ / suggestive themes! read at your own risk, fake marriage, not proofread haha

a/n: here's the part two of the suguru fic 'all too well'

when your once past lover geto suguru forever disappeared in your life, his best friend satoru was there to the rescue.

chp 001 - chp 002

not in your life you would hear gojo satoru, who himself thinks he's the best person alive, who never let someone get above him said he would let you use him.

that night where satoru watched from your bathroom door as you cut your hair, he didn't stop you, he watched as tears stream down your cheeks. he wanted you to let all of your emotions out while he himself getting hurt from seeing you cry.

satoru stayed with you that night in which you told him because you were scared that you might do something you'll regret.

satoru sat beside you while you lay on the bed, you were holding his hand to make sure he wouldn't leave, but even if you don't hold his hand, satoru swore to himself that he won't leave, not until you told him too.

he didn't want to take advantage of your vulnerability but he just couldn't keep it inside him anymore.

"i'm here (name)." he mumbled.

"i know, thank you satoru."

"that's not what i meant." he responded as it went silent for a minute.

"you know i can't." you muttered as you curl your body into the bed, his hand still holding yours.

"because suguru is my best friend?" he asked and you hummed in response.

"i don't want to hurt him." you said.

"but you'll let him hurt you?"

"it's not his intention, we know that. it's just- maybe i'm just not enough for him.." you said, sadness evident in your voice as you close your eyes.

satoru noticed that you were silent for the past few minutes as he tightened his hand around yours, muttering the words "you're more than enough." without knowing that you haven't fallen asleep yet.

-

after weeks of the reunion, you haven't left your room and there, you realized that you're back to square one and you weren't doing good at all, it was just you forcing yourself that everything would be fine, and despite the now 8 months that has passed, you still couldn't move on.

maybe it was really time to move on. you wanted to but you can't, even if you force yourself to believe that you already have moved on from suguru, your heart will still yearn for him.

despite the months that has passed, suguru's presence was still lingering in your shared home, used to be shared home. you haven't even miss a night without crying.

suguru leaving you really had an impact. maybe it'll take you more months or even years before you could fully move on.

1 year and 7 months, you were counting. suguru was still on your mind but this time, thinking of him doesn't bring tears in your eyes, and instead a smile on your lips as you recalled the memories you had with him. maybe in another universe, it was you and him again. this universe wasn't just for you and him.

his best friends was there to help you, they didn't leave your side especially satoru.

you already reminded satoru that you couldn't reciprocate his feelings and he told you there was no problem with it, as long as you'll let him stay by your side, even just as friends.

-

"so, how's your work? taking over the business already?" you asked as you watched your friend's expression fall.

"yeah, but there's still something they want me to do."

"what is it?"

"it's either i look for someone to be my wife of they'll arrange a marriage for me."

"don't you want them to arrange a marriage for you?"

"i don't want to get married with someone i don't even love." he said with a long sigh, it seems like he's been keeping it to himself for a long time now. satoru looked at you. "i was just thinking if you could-" he paused as he looked away.

"me?"

"yeah, we'll just pretend, though! i can ask someone if you can't."

"sure."

"really?!" satoru didn't mean to sound excited as he sat back on the chair as he cleared his throat.

"think of it as a compensation, for being there with me." you said as satoru nods and he started typing on his phone. "but satoru.." you called him as he looked up at you. "don't get attached."

"yeah.. i promise we'll close the deal once they stopped pestering me about it."

the so-called wedding was private. it was just to show satoru's parents that he's now married and can finally take over to the business. they didn't even mind if you were a no one.

you and satoru ended up on a beach after the wedding, laughing and celebrating as he finally got the title CEO of the gojo company.

"so how does our ceo satoru feels right now?" you teased as satoru chuckled.

"i am not here without your help, (name)." satoru said.

"same for you." you responded as both of you sat on the sand, watching the sun set over the horizon. "i wonder where i am right now if i didn't have you and shoko around." call satoru delusional but he thinks your voice stopped at the 'if i didn't have you' part.

"satoru?" you called him as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"sorry, what was it again?"

"i said i think it'll take months for your parents to forget about this. what's our plan then?"

"just stick with me, that'll be enough."

-

staying in the same roof with satoru wouldn't be bad, right? you're friends, there was nothing wrong with it. but.. why does this feel wrong?

"satoru.." you mumbled as you placed your palms on his bare chest with both of his arms beside your head completely trapping you on the bed. "you're drunk."

" 'm not." he mumbled, giving your lips another peck before staring at your eyes again. it was mesmerizing how his blue eyes shine in the dark.

he kissed you again, but this time it was long that it made both of you catch your breaths.

it feels wrong but you didn't want to stop.

satoru slid the strap of your nightwear off of your shoulders as he inhaled your scent.

"you smell so fucking good." he rasped as his breath tickled your neck.

"satoru." you called him with a concerned tone as he look up at you.

there were hesitation in your eyes and satoru was starting to sober up.

"shit." he cursed as he stood up from the bed. buttoning his polo as you slid your strap back on your shoulder. "i'm- fuck my head hurts.. i'm sorry." he said.

"satoru." you called him again as he stopped his movements. heat crept up on his cheeks when you crawled closer to him, placing your hand on his frozen ones that was on his belt. "i want it." you murmured as you cringe at your choice of words.

"stop, or i wouldn't hold back anymore." he mumbled as he turned around, palming the forming tent on his slacks.

"i don't care." you said, almost whining as you pulled the hem of his polo. "i need you, satoru." you said as satoru once again, unbuttoned his polo and gently pulled you down on the bed.

"you started this." he rasped, taking your lips on his.

and the rest was history.

the next day, both decided to just forget what happened last night. he was intoxicated with alcohol and you didn't have enough self-control. it was a drunken mistake that you and satoru promised it wouldn't happen again.

how ironic when you're the one who said not the get attached but here you were, looking forward for satoru's presence after his work, cooking breakfast for him like how a 'wife' should and preparing a perfect suit for his meetings.

there was no doubt in it, you were definitely attached or rather, in love with gojo satoru. you love how he respects your wishes and never force you into something you didn't want. that's what you love about him.

you were finally attached but, satoru was back to his old habits.

the lipstick stains on his clothes and the smell of another women's perfume were enough proof.

ever since that night happened, sometimes satoru was distant but sometimes he wasn't, it was confusing your poor heart plus it was just a deal between you and satoru, you weren't in the position to get jealous because first of all, you were also the one who said not to get attached.

it really hurts to love, is it not?

-

"what do i do, shoko? i'm in love but-"

"but you still love suguru?" she cuts you off but suguru didn't even occurred in your mind.

"no.. i already moved on from suguru." you said but why were you hesitating?

"satoru's a jerk, he's back on his old habits, you should just end the deal. he already got the ceo position, why are you still staying?"

truth is you still didn't want to end what you have with satoru. but what exactly do you have with satoru? what are you to him?

"why did i have to fall in love at the wrong time?" you asked yourself as you grip your hair in annoyance.

shoko puffed a smoke as she threw the cigarette on the ground before stepping on it with the tip of her heels.

"tell him how you feel." shoko said and you were more than surprised at her suggestion. "that's the only way you'll now if you have to stay or not. don't hurt yourself more (name). suguru is enough, don't let satoru do the same thing."

"okay, i will."

-

you told satoru that you'll stay in your apartment for a week.

you were ready to spill out your emotions but the moment you faced satoru, you chickened out and left, though there's a single thing you noticed about him, satoru is avoiding you. he was quick to dismiss you as if he was in a hurry. he couldn't even meet your eyes when you're talking.

you couldn't stay in your apartment alone anymore and it's only been 2 days since you left, so you went back to your 'home' or rather satoru's penthouse and..

you were met with a lady on the door of his room, the only thing that was covering her body was his shirt.

you gulped the lump on your throat as you felt a presence behind you.

"(name)?.." satoru said in disbelief as he stopped wiping his wet hair with a towel, immediately closing the door to hide the woman.

"h-hey, um, i was just.. i-" you were stuttering as you look around, thinking of any reason that was enough for satoru to believe. "i came back to get something and noticed the door was locked."

"is that so? what was it?" satoru asked as he pulled you towards the living room.

"i forgot i already have it." you said as you look at the door of his room and satoru's forced cough caught your attention. "i'll be leaving now." you said as you walked past him.

"wait." satoru said as he stopped you and held you by the wrist but you were more surprised at your movements when you harshly slapped his hand away. "i can explain." he said as you lightly laugh, observing the fresh hickeys on his collarbone.

"there's no need, satoru." you said in an almost shaky voice as you sucked up a breath. it was just a deal between you and him. satoru was free to do what he wants and that goes the same for you.

"i'll be leaving now." you repeated and this time, satoru didn't stop you. he couldn't even look at you as you leave and you were hoping he would chase you but in the end, he didn't.

-

you leaned your forehead on the steering wheel as you cry. loving someone should feel like you're free but why was it suffocating you?

you took your phone as you called shoko, the only person left you can trust.

"shoko.." you said, voice breaking.

"what's wrong? did that bastard rejected you?" shoko's distress can be heard on her voice as you sniff.

"no.." you responded.

"why are you crying?"

"there's- a woman on his house."

shoko's heels can be heard as she walked back and fourth inside her clinic.

"what should i do, ieiri? i'm lost." shoko bit the end of the cigarette as she harshly threw it on a trash bin. "i should end the deal here, shoko. or it'll just hurt me more."

"that's right." she agreed as she grumbled. "that bastard."

"don't blame him, ieiri. it's my conditions in the first place. i told him not to get attached but, here i am."

"end the deal." shoko said. "you can't right?"

"i- of course i can."

"alright then. that's the only solution (name), everything should stop before you further hurt yourself."

it was a surprise when satoru was the first one to end the deal. he asked you to come home 2 days after the incident.

"i'm not ready to let you go yet." he said, or maybe joked. "thank you for putting up with me for a year." satoru said as he laughs.

"silly, you can just call me again if you need something."

"thank you (name), really. is there something you want me to help you with?" something? you don't know. maybe mend your broken heart? you chuckled to yourself. as if he could.

"nope, all good. how about you?"

"nothing. so i guess this is it?" he sighed as you nod. "ah right, i apologize you had to see that." satoru said as you nod in acknowledgment.

"(name)."

"satoru."

you both said at the same time.

"o-oh, you go first." you said.

"if you ever need someone to lean on, i'm here, and shoko. of course."

"i know." you responded with a smile as you stand up from the couch. "i'll just get my things if i'm free."

"don't worry i can ask my people to take it for you."

"that would be a great help." you said as satoru stand up too as he opened his arms.

"this is gonna be our last hug as a married couple and we're back on being friends." he said as you laugh.

"i'll be going now then."

"how about one last kiss then." satoru joked and already expected you to only laugh at him but instead, he felt your lips on his cheek and suddenly, you were at the door.

"see you, satoru." i love you

how long are you gonna stay at this phase? curled up in your bed and tears in your eyes as you lose track of time.

a week passed since the deal finally ended, your phone having a lot of missed calls and unread messages from shoko, even satoru.

you sniffed as you sit up from the bed. it feels like years since you drank a water and ate a good food.

you neatly folded your blanket as you went to the kitchen.

luckily, you weren't in a worse state like when suguru left but your heart still ached as you prepare to boil a hot water for a morning coffee.

you went to the bathroom and the first thing that caught your eyes was a scissor, the very same one you used to cut your hair 2 years ago.

your hair has grown now, maybe it was finally time to cut it again.

you took it in your hand, preparing yourself to cut it but then the scissor was snatched from your hand, the noise of the boiling water reached your ears as you perked up.

"satoru? what are you-" a surprised gasp left your mouth when he suddenly embraced you.

"i love you (name). i love you so much." he said between his panting breath as he held your shoulders for you to face him.

"what are you doing here? why are you sweating?" you asked, unintentionally wiping his forehead with the sleeves of your sweater.

"listen to me (name)."

"satoru, don't even start." you said as you pushed him out of the way, going back to the kitchen to turn off the stove as he followed behind.

"i love you (name)." he repeated and your heart ached.

"what is it that you need, satoru?" you sighed as you faced him. his expression falling didn't go unnoticed by you.

"did you think i'm saying this because i need something from you?" he said as you look away from him.

"isn't that the reason why?" you muttered, looking away from him.

"ever since we became seatmates back in high school, i started feeling something for you but i wasn't in my right mind that time and you liked suguru. i've been waiting (name), for 7 years. i've always wanted you." he said as he reached for your hand and you let him. "be mine, please?" he begged.

"i can't.." you muttered.

"is this about suguru again? (name), it's been 2 years, you have to-"

"it's not about that!" you exclaimed, cutting him off as you slide his hand away from yours. "i'm just scared that i'll just end up getting hurt again." you said, voice breaking as you wiped the tears that managed to fall.

"i could never." satoru mumbled. "i could never hurt you." but you already did. you wanted to tell him but it was useless anyways.

"why me satoru? there's a lot of women out there who's good for you. i'm not good for you, not for suguru, not for anyone."

"you are good for me. you were the reason why i changed. please, give me a chance, just once. i will prove it to you that we deserve each other."

"you've already touched a lot of woman, how can you prove that you already changed?" you asked and he was left speechless.

"i'll do what you want, anything." he said.

"anything?" you asked as he nods.

"what if i told you to just leave me be." it was a test, you were testing him.

"well.." he paused. "if that's what you want." he said as you released a breath you didn't know you were holding.

"then leave-"

"but know that i won't give up that easily." he said. "i've already waited for years, why would i wait for more when you're already within my reach?" he said as he motioned you to face him, your eyes landing on the fading hickeys on his neck.

"i thought about you." he said as you met his eyes.

"what?"

"i couldn't fuck any other woman without thinking of you." he confessed, your cheeks heating up at the choice of his words. "that woman you saw, we didn't do anything, i swear."

"why are you telling me?"

"because i want you to trust me."

"what if one day, you broke my trust." you asked.

"that wouldn't happen." he said.

"but if you do, i wouldn't have it in me to trust you again." you said as he frantically nods and embraced your from behind.

"i was even scared to face you if shoko didn't slap it in my face. she told me everything, but-"

"but?" you asked when he suddenly went silent.

"i wanted to hear it from you."

"you wanted to hear what?"

"that you love me." he said, poking your side a surprised laugh leaving your lips. "come on."

"i don't." you said as you pushed him by his chest and you felt bad when he frowned and looked down. he looked like a lost puppy.

"fine! i'm in love with you, gojo satoru!" you huffed as his faced lightened up.

"i love you too!" he exclaimed and embraced you.

after a minute of hugging, satoru pulled away as he took your hand, slipping the same ring you used to wear for your so-called wedding.

"let's get married again, but this time, not for a deal." he said as you look at the ring to him. "i love you (name), more than you've ever know. you don't have to say it back. say it when you're ready."

"okay." you said as he smiled at you. "i love you too, satoru."

"heh, i sure will invite suguru in our wedding to show him that it's his lost." he said before pulling you close and kissed you and this time with no regrets.

tags: @mandysfanfics @r0ckst4rjk @aikori6 @vomitingmoth @tojisworm-5 here's part 2 :pp

Parallels are funny

I was never into anime when we were friends. I just wasn't a fan, until recently. I was watching a few different animes based on another friend's recommendations. Jujutsu Kaisen is the one I am referring to as I write this. I never thought about why Satoru Gojo's and Suguru Geto's relationship really affected me until I saw this piece of art.

Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto fit us so well.

The love, the intensity, the ending. One who would do anything for the other if they asked. One who kept the other in check while allowing them to feel truly free. One who was shining too bright to notice the darkness consuming the other. The one who had endless possibilities, and the one who wanted the impossible.

From freshman year to the middle of our junior year of college, we were inseparable.

Constant rides and study sessions. Doing homework, and practicing our pass-off music together. Those first few classes in our major were hard, but don't worry, I was there to always lend a hand when you needed it. Classes just kept getting harder. We both started to get busy and overwhelmed. I know you started to feel depressed when I was advancing in classes, and you were struggling with the same ones. I was there to support you as much as I could, but I had to keep going. I just didn't realize that I was leaving you behind. I thought you just needed more time, but you were focused on other things.

We were a duo- connected at the hip. Always together, never too far apart.

The friendship was innocent. Sharing laughs and having late night conversations. Small, drunk kisses that didn't mean anything, right? Cuddling and sharing blankets. Matching outfits and saying I love you. We talked about getting matching tattoos. I swore you were my soulmate. We shared so many late night drives. Remember when we went to the beach at midnight and didn't get back home until 4am? Yeah, I replay the video sometimes just to hear your voice.

Everyone thought we were dating.

That was so funny, right? Of course as best friends we shared locations, had specific nights just for us to get dinner, had sleepovers every weekend, and joked about why we haven't slept together, yet. Of course, as best friends we would push the limits of what other friends do. Of course, I noticed you were struggling, I tried my best to help you. It wasn't always what you needed, but I tried. -Did you notice my struggle? No? That's okay. I hid it pretty well.- Of course, I got upset when you started to use guys to make other guys jealous. I didn't want to see you play with people's emotions like that, but I also didn't know how to stop you. You couldn't see how it affected you. You didn't see the changes it made.

Some words were said- words I wish I could take back, but it's too late for that.

We didn't speak for quite some time after that. I left my final 'I love you' on your doorstep- a scrapbook of us. The times we did speak were brief and out of pure necessity. Until, one day you volunteered a comment on my performance. I was frozen. You didn't need to compliment me- I didn't need it, rather. This was a critique, but you offered me love, instead.

That was your final 'I love you.'

I know that many other people have experienced a friendship like SatoSugu, but I think we truly encapsulated it, unfortunately. From the intense friendship with wild adventures, to blurring the lines between friend and lover, to losing each other, and to, finally, saying our final 'I love yous' to each other in our own ways.

Just like Satoru Gojo's happiness around Suguru Geto, my happiness was so loud when I was with you that I could not hear your silence. I’m sorry Satoru- Suguru didn’t stay in this universe either. Maybe the next one. In this universe, I spent 3 years loving you, and, now, I will spend the rest of forever missing you. There is no curse more twisted than love.

You're not dead, but I will never see you again. Even if I did, you wouldn’t be the same. You are my best friend, and I was yours.

All of these mad me sad frfr I legit cried I’m gonna be real

But I love both the original and the alternative ending. Both were great in there own ways and I loved them.

always the bridesmaid never the bride

“ . . . I was there too, Satoru, — those summers belonged to me as much as they belonged to you, he was mine as much as he was yours.”

⠀ ⠀⠀You heard about what happened to one of your lovers, Geto Suguru — what he did to the villagers, how he killed them en masse. You don't believe what Yaga says, you don't believe what the higher-ups scream at you — saying that the current Geto Suguru is a criminal and a murderer. You covered your ears so tightly that you didn't hear anything — not even Satoru's cries every night in the silence of the night.

⠀ ⠀⠀You ran, kept running and running, carrying your feet to Suguru. You have to see him, you have to hear everything from him. He should say that everything was just a misunderstanding and he didn't do anything and looking at you with his purple eyes, he should tell you that everything was just a misunderstanding — you hope. You keep running no matter your heart starts to deflate and constrict, you can't stop running, too afraid that if you stop then everything will come true. You don't care about the heat of the sun piercing your skin.

⠀ ⠀⠀You arrive at a temple that is familiar to you. Seeing the building makes it even more impossible to breathe. You pushed open the large wooden door with force. Your steps stopped when you saw a black-haired man standing not far from you with a gojo-kesa covering his tall body. You'd recognize that back anywhere, you'd recognize his scent anywhere.

⠀ ⠀⠀ Geto Suguru.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru turned around and he smiled when his eyes caught your figure. He smiled warmly until his eyes formed a thin curve. He opened his arms wide, welcoming you with all his heart. You didn't have a second thought to run up to him and jump into his arms— so hard that his body stumbled back a little and like honey, he chuckled sweetly. “Easy there, princess,” he whispered into your hair, so very softly. One hand hugged your back while the other stroked your hair.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru closed his eyes and took a deep breath— trying to fill his lungs with your scent. Maybe this was the last time he could hold you this close, he knew. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, pressing his nose there. He feels short of breath, but he feels like he still has to breathe, keep taking in breaths until all he can think about is your scent, you. He forced his body to remember your smell, every inch of his body, so he wouldn't forget. Hopefully, if he doesn't have you by his side anymore, he can still feel your scent, he has to remember your scent. So that he is fine being away from you. So that he doesn't run towards you when he feels he can no longer smell your scent.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru pulled his face away from you as he listened to the sad sounds that came out of your sweet mouth. Your stomach and his stomach were still touching beneath the cloth you were wearing when he lifted your lowered face— too sad to look at him. Suguru looked at your face and he realized a few things. He could see the eye bags hanging ugly under your beautiful eyes, there were slight wrinkles on your forehead, and you looked very, very tired. And he couldn't deny your rosy cheeks were wet with tears that didn't seem to stop.

⠀ ⠀⠀“Oh, my love,” he whispered.

⠀ ⠀⠀He felt his heart break when he saw you pull your lips straight, letting out a sob that was forcing its way out, for him to hear. Suguru stroked your wet cheeks with his thumb. “You left, I — I was gone for one day and.. and you're not there, you— why?— how?” you stammered, still reluctant to look at the man in front of you. Suguru chuckled, he couldn't help it, you looked so cute right now. Hearing the chuckle of the man in front of you made you suddenly raise your head, looking at him. “That's not funny!” you said and hit Suguru's arm which made the man laugh again.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I'm sorry, my love, you just look so cute right now,” he said, smiling and hugging you again. You hugged his waist and pressed your cheek against his chest. “They called you a criminal and you are a mass murderer who killed a whole village,” you said which made Suguru smile bitterly and sigh softly. He kissed her head for a long time before saying, “I'm sorry, my love, I'm doing a bad thing,” he said quietly. Your tears broke even more as you began to be forced to accept that everything was true and Suguru was a criminal now. So you buried your face back into his neck, crying loudly.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru tightened his arms around your small body and pressed his cheek against your head. He lets you cry your heart out. That's all he usually does. “I'm so sorry,” Suguru whispered. It hurt him, hearing how sad your crying sounded. It made him break into pieces, knowing your heartbroken cries were now he is the cause. But again, he couldn't do anything. “Why?” You looked at him with your wet face and red eyes. Suguru cupped one of your cheeks while one of his hands still hugged your waist.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I'm sorry, my love, I just can't wear a heartfelt smile in this world, not anymore,” he said— shaking his head slowly and smiling faintly. “You don't have to, just talk to me, to Satoru, come back to us, I'll listen, we'll listen,” you say, almost pleading. “Stop this, and come back, let's run away and live together, I'll convince Satoru. Let's get out of this world, we can live at the beach house far away from here and make a family, and have cats, like you always wanted, hm?” You smiled, even though your eyes continued to shed tears. You took forceful steps to get closer as if there was some distance you still had to cover from your body which was already attached to Suguru.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru was silent.

⠀ ⠀⠀Oh, how he always dreamed of starting a family with you and Satoru, living in a house by the beach and having several cats. He wanted it so much that his heart screamed about it. Leaving the world of Jujutsu and living as a normal person in general.

⠀ ⠀⠀“Let's live like a normal person, without curses, nothing,” you said. Your soft voice called out to him, making him flutter and he could feel the warmth slowly embracing his long-cold body. “That sounds perfect,” he whispered and smiled—a genuine smile. He grabbed both of your hands, clenching them in his fists. He kissed your hand several times with his purple eyes continuing to stare at you. Full of tenderness, full of affection.

⠀ ⠀⠀He kissed your forehead warmly, “Let's do it.”

⠀ ⠀⠀“Geto-sama..”

⠀ ⠀⠀You hear a child's voice. Turning your head to where the voice came from, you saw two little girls—one with dark brown hair with a green hoodie and the other with light brown hair with a yellow hoodie, they had short hair in the same style. When you saw the two little children you realized something, they were the little children your lover saved— Mimiko and Nanako Hasaba. You turned your gaze to Suguru who was already looking at you with a small smile. “Are they..?” Suguru nodded.

⠀ ⠀⠀You let go of your arms around Suguru's neck and stepped over to the two little girls. They seemed hesitant when you stepped forward, as they looked at Suguru as if asking for reassurance, to which the black-haired nodded. You crouched in front of them, holding each of their cheeks which made them lean into your warm touch. Seeing this, your tears broke out again, you couldn't help it. Your head fell to your bent knees, your forehead pressed there with your hands holding the two little girls' cheeks. They looked at you with confusion and curiosity, not understanding why you were crying so bitterly.

⠀ ⠀⠀They looked at you and Suguru who was still standing behind you alternately. Hesitantly their small hands touched your shoulders before stepping closer and hugging you—both of their chins resting on your shoulders. You greeted them by wrapping your arms around their waist, pulling them closer. Suguru just smiled faintly, sadly. All he could hear were your sobs, cutting into his skin every second. You remained in your position for a few moments before the small arms holding you were replaced by Suguru's muscular arms.

⠀ ⠀⠀He put one arm around your back—helping you to stand. “Oh, my love. What a beautiful thing you are,” He said softly, and who knows how many times he cupped your cheeks and ran his two thumbs across your cheeks. Suguru always thought that you were very beautiful, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, even when you were crying ugly like now. He loves how your cheeks look red when you cry too much. Too pure and innocent, making him want to continue protecting you.

⠀ ⠀⠀He likes to call you 'my love'. He says that you are his love, you are millions of feelings in one feeling. You are like a rainbow in the storm. He said that his love was given out for you and Satoru, love you both so full that there was no love left for him to the world. People say that a lifetime is very long, but Suguru can trade anything so he can get that lifetime. Even though he had to become a criminal and commit a mass murder. And he would gladly do it many times, if, in the end, he could spend all his breath with you and Satoru.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru pressed his lips to yours— kissing them gently, typical of Geto Suguru. He is full of tenderness. He kissed you, gently but you could feel his misery, how several times he had to pause between kisses just to swallow his sobs. He pressed his forehead against yours after pulling his lips away, but you could still feel his soft breath on your face.

⠀ ⠀⠀“Let's do that, you, me, Satoru and the kids. Let's run away where no-one knows our name yet, where we can camp out in the open and see the stars, where we can tell each other hopes and dreams without feeling scared, it will be hopeless. We'll own nothing more than we need,” he said quietly as you watched Suguru's tears fall down one cheek. You nodded, “Let's run away together.”

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru smiled faintly.

⠀ ⠀⠀“Would you do me a favor before that?”

⠀ ⠀⠀“What is it?”

⠀ ⠀⠀Suguru moved his forehead away from yours to look at you more clearly. One arm wrapped around your waist as he tucked your hair behind your left ear. “Can you wait for me, my love?” he asked. You were silent for a moment and lost in his purple eyes— you found nothing but calm and confidence. So you nodded, making Suguru's thin smile widen slightly. “Stay with Satoru while I make a better world for us, so I can give you the world that I know you deserve, would you do that for me, my love?”

⠀ ⠀⠀“Wait for me?”

⠀ ⠀⠀ “Okay,” you whispered. “I'll wait for you.”

— 2017

⠀ ⠀⠀I can't save you

⠀ ⠀⠀That's what was on your mind when you saw Satoru come to your room—falling onto the bed as if he hadn't ignored you in the past few years since Suguru left. You saw how he buried his face in your pillow. His long legs dangled over the edge of the mattress which was not big enough to accommodate his tall body. You just stay silent—sitting on the floor with your knees bent upwards and your back against the wall. You looked at Satoru in silence.

⠀ ⠀⠀Since Suguru left everything has changed— everything, because Satoru is everything to you. Himself and Suguru. Half of everything is in front of you, but you still feel empty, empty. You are just a shell that happens to still be breathing but empty of the will to live.

⠀ ⠀⠀Was I supposed to tell you to leave, Satoru?

⠀ ⠀⠀“I was there too, Satoru— those summers belonged to me as much as they belonged to you, he was mine just as much as he was yours,” you think.

⠀ ⠀⠀or not?

⠀ ⠀⠀You wanted to scream at Satoru, tell him forcefully if you had to, but you couldn't. For the last 10 years, you seem to realize that you are just the third person joining in. Forcing yourself into a position that was never your place in the first place. Between him and Suguru. You're not delusional, you're well aware that between the three of you, Satoru will always love Suguru more than he loves you. You know that very well. You loved both of them equally, equally, very much— however, when Suguru left, Satoru left with him.

⠀ ⠀⠀Just like you, Satoru is just a shell who is too tired and sad to even die. You may not understand what he feels, but you try. Trying to feel what another part of your soul feels like only to lose it, but Satoru, I would never do that to you' you thought. Satoru lost half his soul, but you lost all of it.

⠀ ⠀⠀You are just a number to Satoru, far from number one. However, you still feel like it was your fault for not saying something sooner, and now it's too late. The relationship between you, Suguru and Satoru ended with Suguru leaving. And you can't do anything about it. You didn't want to throw Satoru out—not when he was crying so hard he was almost throwing up. Satoru was barely breathing—choking on his own sobs.

⠀ ⠀⠀You got up from the floor and sat on the edge of the bed, placing your hand on his shoulder. You waited for Satoru's outburst that never came. You remembered how Satoru was when Suguru first left—he was so angry. So angry that Yaga had to ask you to stay away and said that maybe there would be a time when you would have to kill Satoru because you were the only one he could come home to. You told Yaga that you couldn't do that— even if Satoru lost his mind,because you weren't Suguru.

⠀ ⠀⠀Your infinity is always up with me.

⠀ ⠀⠀Satoru suddenly became very sad— so sad that you worried he would do something stupid. He continues to live in Suguru's shadow, showing fake smiles and trying anything to distract him. Slowly he started to see you more often. You were happy— thinking that he had come back to his senses and was starting to see you as his girlfriend, without Suguru. But since Suguru left, you should learn not to have too high expectations of that blue-eyed man.

⠀ ⠀⠀Satoru suddenly stopped sobbing. You inhaled sharply— sensing something was wrong. Satoru got up from his seat and turned his body towards you. You saw how his blue eyes were rimmed with red and tears rolled down his pale cheeks. “I—I saw him last night,” Satoru stammered. His lips pulled into a straight line trying to swallow the deft lump that was holding back his sobs. You hold your breath for a moment. Of course, you should know, that nothing can destroy Satoru other than Suguru. You didn't move, unable to bring yourself to say anything.

⠀ ⠀⠀“The ring—”

⠀ ⠀⠀The rings. The rings Satoru bought a long time ago, one for you, one for Suguru, one for himself. The ring that was supposed to bind the three of you together, but like Satoru only wrapped the red thread around Suguru's finger, leaving you at the end of the thread alone as they got tangled up in each other. The ring he brought with the plan that he would marry Suguru and you when the three of you graduated.

⠀ ⠀⠀“He had it on when I killed him,” Satoru said, choking on the wind at the end.

⠀ ⠀⠀“You and her, the sweetest feeling I know, a peace and a flame, steady me and stir me all at once, and when I die, everything will die but these feelings.”

⠀ ⠀⠀That's what Suguru said to Satoru just before he killed him. Your mouth is shut, you can't say anything. Suguru dies and Satoru still doesn't see you. He goes blind and you're nowhere to see, and again, you can't do anything about it. You continued to stare at Satoru who was sobbing again. He looked at you with a red face and trembling lips. And something you've been so afraid of for years happens in a split second.

⠀ ⠀⠀The light in his eyes goes out.

⠀ ⠀⠀A split second and you feel so scared. So you pulled Satoru into your arms and he weakly leaned against your body. Part of you wanted to laugh about the tragedy you felt. What a joke your life is. Satoru's chin rested against your chest and his eyes continued to stare at you. You looked down at him with a sad smile. One of your arms was around his shoulder and one of your hands cupped his cheek. Your thumb ran to wipe Satoru's tears.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I don't think I can love and have enough love for someone now,” he whispered.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I know,” you thought.

⠀ ⠀⠀Still with a sad smile, you answered, “That's okay, I'll love you enough for both of us and I have a big heart. Did you know what it means? I'll have enough love for us, I have so much love for you in my heart.”

⠀ ⠀⠀Oh, how you love the man in your arms so much right now.

⠀ ⠀⠀“But I know better, when he left, you left with him, and when he died, you died with him,” you continued to yourself.

⠀ ⠀⠀You tighten your arms around Satoru's weak body, squeezing him gently. Pretending the warmth in you holds a candle to the warmth Suguru gave him. Pretending you hold a candle to him. You, the embodiment of always the bridesmaid, but never the bride.

— 2018⠀ ⠀⠀

⠀ ⠀⠀it's just you now.

⠀ ⠀⠀‘ . . . You finally join your other half, your one and only, your soul—'

⠀ ⠀⠀You wrestle with your thoughts with eyes that can't leave the carvings on the tombstones. Gojo Satoru, it says. In a land full of bodies buried several meters below, in a place full of death, you feel strangely safe and calm. There is no one around you, everyone is busy mourning the loss of their loved ones, just like you.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I know you're happier now than you ever were here— I know you're happier in the lifetime with him than you were alive with me,” you continued, finally daring to voice what you had been thinking for years. Finally found the courage to speak out after years of silence.

⠀ ⠀⠀Your knees are planted perfectly on the ground which will eliminate the marks there. “I'm expected to go on, like all my friends aren't dead now—” You bit your bottom lip. You felt sore in your throat from holding back your tears. You refuse to cry. “I guess this is what it was like for you, right? Having all this responsibility on your shoulder simply for being alive in the first place?”

⠀ ⠀⠀You looked down feeling a headache in your head—as if someone had just hit your skull with an iron baseball bat. It hurts so much, but even so, the pain in your heart is greater. You blinked a few times as your vision began to fade. Drop by drop tears fell from your eyes, wetting the grassy ground.

⠀ ⠀⠀“It's just me now,” you chuckled bitterly.

⠀ ⠀⠀Suddenly you feel the irony of your loneliness. You were always alone, even when Satoru was alive, what's different about now? Maybe you just deny your loneliness with your delusions. It took Satoru's death for you to realize that the second Suguru left, that moment you had no one but Satoru's shadow. Convince yourself that it is enough for you to survive.

⠀ ⠀⠀“My love for you is never big enough for you to stay, never enough to love both of us. I'll take ten more years to love you if you stay—” You choked, unable to continue your words that felt like they were stuck in your neck. “I can't heal your kid, Megumi, so he will die once Sukuna's out of him and Itadori— he's just like you, so he won't last long after Fushiguro's death, and still, it's just gonna be me, alone. ”

⠀ ⠀⠀Your body is shaking, scared, sad, pathetic.

⠀ ⠀⠀Once you long for love from Satoru when in reality you know that his love for Suguru has run out. Again and again, you just follow along. And maybe it will take you 10 years to forget everything, maybe your whole life.

⠀ ⠀⠀At the same time, you felt someone put their arm around your back. You turned to your left only to find Itadori Yuji— looking at you with the same gaze you had. A look that showed that he was on the verge of losing part of his soul. “Let's get you home,” he whispered. So with that, he slipped one arm under your knees and a second later you were no longer on the ground. Yuji turned to leave Satoru's final resting place. You looked back over Yuji's shoulder, staring at the stone with one of your loves' names engraved on it.

⠀ ⠀⠀“I hope you're happy, Satoru, my love, I really do.”

⠀ ⠀⠀

⠀ ⠀⠀

⠀ ⠀⠀part 2 | alternative ending

⠀ ⠀⠀

⠀ ⠀⠀

⠀ ⠀⠀

Sorry, not sorry

You were a relatively newer student. You normally kept to yourself but you always dreamt of being friends with the main trio, especially with the infamous Suguru Geto. Yet, he always seemed to hate you, even when you openly showed you felt the opposite.

pairings: suguru geto x f!reader

warnings and whatnots: Mean!Geto, Jealous!Geto. He’s so rude to you. He’s realising his feelings for you!! Slow burn fic and will probably take a while to finish… Not proofread

Chapter 1: Are we still friends? Chapter 2: Can we be friends? Chapter 3: [currently reading] Chapter 4: Green looks good on you. Chapter 5: Runaway. Chapter 6: Burn

Silence.

That was all you were met with from Suguru throughout the morning. As you got ready. As you ate breakfast. As you got in the car and subsequently stayed in the car.

Silence, silence and silence.

Not a word from him was spoken to you.

You were confused but accepted it with grace. Yet, your thoughts still linger on the fact he wasn’t talking to you. What had you done to garner such treatment from him? Sure, he hated you but you thought his disdain for you had slowly mellowed down.

“What’s up with you and Suguru?” Shoko whispers to you as you both sat in the backseats of the car. Satoru in the passenger seat whilst Suguru drives.

You shrugs you shoulder. Shoko looks at you with a confused expression, looking at Suguru.

“Oi, Suguru!” She calls out, causing Suguru to hum in response, his eyes glancing over to Shoko and you then back to road. “Why are you so quiet lately? What happened with you? I miss your annoying voice.”

“I’m fine, just tired.” He says.

You knew it was a lie, his inflections and the way his eyes darted around showed so. Yet, you kept quiet, deciding not to point it out.

Hours passed in silence as you made your way on the highway, before making a pit stop at a fast food restaurant to take a quick lunch break. As you made your way out of the car, you noticed how Satoru and Shoko exchanged glances amongst themselves. You look at them inquisitively, eyebrow raised at them. They smile at you. They’ve been doing that for the last few hours, as if they’ve been having their own secret conversations that they were shielding from you and Suguru. You look up at Suguru, he looks at you before quickly trailing behind Satoru who headed straight to the restaurant.

Suguru had also noticed it. The knowing glances, the small grins and smiles. They were scheming.

He hates when they schemed. Especially, when he wasn’t apart of it.

He chooses to ignore it as he sits down next to Satoru, directly sitting in front of you much to his regret. He glances at you as you look at the menu from your seat, eyes squinting.

He hated how your eyes looked so beautiful in the sun.

He looks away, feeling heat rush up to his cheeks. How disgusting.

“What do you want, Suguru?” Satoru says, pulling him away from his thoughts. Suguru shrugs, admitting that he could go for anything. Satoru looks at Shoko, before giving her a nod, earning a confused look from Suguru.

“Alright! Shoko and I will go order! You both wait here and keep the table and our belongings safe!” Satoru announces, smiling at the both of you before quickly standing up.

You didn’t even have time to protest before Shoko stands up and smiles at you. “Don’t start a fight!” She says, giving you a small smile.

You sit in your seat, pouting as you watch them walk away, eventually your eyes wander to Suguru who was already staring at you.

Crap.

Feelings rush you, and a sense of unease fills you. You had a feeling he was going to start berating you. Yet, that never happened. Instead he just… looked at you, without saying anything.

He was an odd man you had to admit.

“Are you mad at me?” You ask, tentatively, breaking the silence. Your eyes trained on him searching for any negative emotions.

Yes. I am furious at you for not giving me the attention I need. The love I need.

“No. I’m not mad. The hell would I be?” Suguru answers, looking at you confused.

You give him an easy smile. “Oh… Then, are you in love with me?”

His eyes widen as blood rushes to his face. His face contorting into a mixture of shock and humiliation. You couldn’t help but laugh as you watch his reaction.

“You’re such an ass! Who in their right mind would like a person the likes of you?” Suguru answers rudely, hoping to illicit a hurt response from you. Yet, a feeling in his stomach and mind immediately caused him to feel regret for airing out such words. What for? You deserved it.

You continue laughing. “I don’t know, you?” You give him a smile that causes him to stumble and stutter upon his words.

No.

He hated you.

“I would never like a girl like you. Get that through your stupid head. You wish I did like you.” He says seriously, his eyes narrowing.

Hurt flashes across your face, but you quickly mask it.

“I know, I just like teasing you!” You say, smiling at him.

He saw the hurt on your face and it caused his heart to burn. He wanted nothing more but to wipe that stupid hurt look off your face.

Admit it.

Admit that you love me so that I can love you. Admit that you want me to take care of you so I can try my best. Admit that I had broken you so I could put you back together.

All those words he wanted to say, all those thoughts. He couldn’t speak, his mouth wouldn’t let him. His body wouldn’t. His body rejected you but his heart was revolting.

Thus, he sat in uncomfortable silence with you, biding his time until Shoko and Satoru return and save the both of you from this pit of despair.

The pair of them eventually came to see the both of you in a state worse than before. You smiled at them trying to convince them you were fine but they could easily see through your deceit.

Lunch was eaten in silence.

Satoru and Shoko went to pay, asking you and Suguru to start up the car. You walk up to the car, Suguru trailing behind you. Your hands were in your pockets, gripping tightly to the inside of your pants.

“y/n.”

You look back, seeing Suguru approaching you until he was directly in front of you. You didn’t know what he wanted. To insult you? To hurt you once more like he always does?

“M’sorry.” Suguru mumbles out before walking towards the driver’s side of the car.

You stand there for a second. An apology was not what you had expected. You didn’t know what to do with it. He can apologise all he wants but if he doesn’t change what’s the point? Such empty words won’t help her in the long run.

“y/n! Why are you standing outside the car? You’re gonna get hit!” Satoru says, smiling as he pulls you away from the road, nearer to the car. You smile softly at him, thanking him. He pats your shoulder and ruffles your hair, before quickly telling you something.

Suguru watches it all in the rear view mirror. The way Satoru held you, smiled at you, the way you smiled at him. Did you move on to him?

His hand. The way Satoru’s hand lingered on you. Lingered upon your waist as he pulls you out the road. It should’ve been him. Why Satoru? His teeth grit as he watches Satoru smile and laugh with you. Is that how it would be if he was close with you?

Satoru smiles at you once more before entering the backseat, leaving you with an exasperated look. Suguru wondered what had transpired between the both of you.

The door to the passenger seat opens, you entering the car, and giving a small shy smile to him, almost as if he didn’t just wound you.

“Satoru says that he wants to hang out with Shoko at the back. He says that you’re too boring,” You state, laughing slightly.

Suguru rolls his eyes, looking at the back where Satoru gives him an unapologetic look. He turns to you, the sound of your laugh sending shivers into him. He ignores it, turning to the road and starting to drive.

~

Everyone had fallen asleep, everyone except Suguru. He was cruising on the road at the an average speed, the road almost empty. He glances over at your sleeping figure.

You looked so peaceful.

You hair covering parts of your face, your small movements and small mumbles that fell out of your mouth as you slept.

He swore he heard you mumble his name out.

“It’s rude to stare.” You say, eyes fluttering open and looking at Suguru.

Suguru felts knots in his stomach as your eyes concentrated on him. He clears his throat and looks in front. Ashamed that he had been called out, especially with a line he had said to you a few days back.

“Where are we?” You ask, yawning as you stretch your arms out.

Suguru’s grip tightens on the steering wheel. “We’re nearing the hotel. We can make a quick stop at the next town to eat early dinner.” Suguru says, plainly.

You keep quiet, earning a glance from Suguru. You frown as you think. You were still half asleep, your eyes blurry and your brain foggy.

“Why do you hate me Sugu?” You ask, the use of the nickname causing him to shiver.

“I…” He didn’t know how to answer such a forward question.

If you had asked him that question months ago, nay two days ago, he could’ve given you a plethora of answers with detailed explanations. Yet, when you asked it right now, he was speechless.

He couldn’t answer.

Why did he hate you?

You weren’t a bad person nor mean. Annoying sure but you’ve quickly grown out of it. Your only sin was that you had fallen for him. You had fallen for a man who couldn’t deal with love.

Did he hate you?

Yes he did, he had to hate you. That’s what made sense.

Yet, why couldn’t he explain why he hated you.

“I… I don’t hate you.” He says softly, turning to you to gauge your response. Yet, what he was met with was the soft snores of you who had already fallen back to sleep.

He clicked his tongue. How annoying.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t like you.

He looks back to the road, his grip tight on the steering wheel as he focuses on driving.

He was tired.

Yes, that was it. He was tired. That’s why he wasn’t thinking straight. He was tired.

He looked upon your sleeping face. The way the setting sun shines upon your face was unexplainably beautiful, the way it lit up your face and put it on a spotlight. The ways your eye flutter slightly as the rays of gold hit your face.

He just needed some rest.

Runaway

You were a relatively newer student. You normally kept to yourself but you always dreamt of being friends with the main trio, especially with the infamous Suguru Geto. Yet, he always seemed to hate you, even when you openly showed you felt the opposite.

pairings: suguru geto x reader

warnings and whatnots : I was gonna end it here but i wanted some conflict hehe. So probably part 6 will be the end. Pride and prejudice mentions. Angst. I apologise in advance. Sorry for short chapter and late release have been busy 😔😔🙏🙏. Not proofread.

chapter 1 : are we still friends? chapter 2 : can we be friends? chapter 3 : sorry, not sorry chapter 4 : green looks good on you. chapter 5: [currently reading] chapter 6: burn.

You scanned the books on the shelf, you index finger nudging the edges.

The notifications on your phone going crazy, irritating you. You click your tongue as you look at the messages in the groupchat.

Gojo Hate Group ⁉️⁉️

Satoru 🧑🏻‍🦳: Me and shoko going out coz books r for nerds and ITS BORING

Shoko 🚬: Have fun lovebirds

Suguru 💔: wtf? Where are you both going?

Satoru 🧑🏻‍🦳: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS SHOKO HURRY UP BEFORE HE CATCHES US

Satoru 🧑🏻‍🦳: OMG I CAN SEE SUGURU HE LOOKS PISSED

Satoru 🧑🏻‍🦳: SHOKO

Suguru 💔: Where the hell are you.

Shoko🚬: LMAO

You click your tongue, peering out the store window to see Satoru and Shoko leave the store in a hurry. Shoko gives you a sly smile, a small thumbs up while mouthing a small ‘you can do it.’

Note to self: kill Satoru and Shoko when you go back.

“They abandoned us.” A sudden voice says from behind you. You turn quickly, almost losing your balance on the smooth wooden floor.

A hand grabs your waist, stabilising you ensuring that you didn’t fall and make a mess on the floor.

Your eyes widen as you look at Suguru who was standing in front of you. He stared back, his eyebrows slightly lifted up in shock. Why was he shock? Your face heats up as his hand retracts.

A pang of sadness hits you as you felt his hand leave you, yet the way his fingers grazed your skin drove you mad. What was he doing?

“Yeah… they did.” You turn away from him, swallowing your saliva as you feel him come closer to you. This was insane. What was he doing? Didn’t he hate you? Was Shoko right?

“What are you buying?” He asks, looking at the book in your hand. He scoffs as he looks at it.

You eye him down hearing his scoff. “I’ll let you know Pride and Prejudice is an amazing book.”

“I know, I’ve read it.”

You look at him curiously as his eyes move from the book to you.

“You remind me of Elizabeth. Hot-headed and always thinks you’re right. Oh and your quips, you think your so smart huh?” Suguru says, hands in his pockets as he stares you down. What was he saying? Satoru told him to be nice and confess his ever so obvious ‘feelings’ for you but he didn’t understand. What feelings were Satoru talking about? The feeling of his stomach turning every time he saw you? How he craved to be near you, to see what you were doing. To see you walk around in your own world?

“Oh? You remind me of Darcy, prideful, tact and socially inept.” You say, finger pressing on his chest.

He laughs.

“You wish I was the Darcy to your Elizabeth.” I wish it too.

You huff, crossing your arms. It drove him crazy how you looked. Your clothes matching his. He stares at you, observing the way your hair parted and how your lips were sewed tightly into a frown. It was cute.

To the untrained eye, you would’ve looked like a couple in a small argument. In your eyes, you wished he was your boyfriend and having a small argument. Yet, you knew it was probably never happening.

“Whatever…” You blow him off, trudging off to the counter to pay for your book, Suguru following closely behind you.

“Just this please.” You say to the lady at the counter, old in age. She smiles at you, her wrinkles becoming more prominent. She takes the book, smiling as she looks at you and Suguru who stands behind you, glued to his phone.

“You and your boyfriend are cute, I saw you both squabbling over there and I couldn’t help but remember my late husband. We were just like you, always arguing.”

The woman didn’t take her eyes off the book as she talks, your face turns red as you bit your lip, unsure of what to say. You turn back to see Suguru, a small smile etched on his face as he looks at the old woman. His eyes glance at you. His smile drops before he clears his throat.

“Oh, we’re… we’re not a thing, we’re just…friends.”

Suguru feigns a smile as he talks to the woman. She smiles back.

Friends. Friends. Friends. The word replays in his mind. He wanted to be more than that. He wanted to be more than friends. Why? What was so intriguing about you? You were just some random person! Was he mad? Was he delirious? Had he not felt anyone’s touch for so long he was willing to try it with you? No, if that was true he would’ve gone for Satoru or Shoko. You appealed to him. What was it with you? Did you release a pheromone that attracted him to you? What was he thinking?

“Thank you ma’am.” You smile politely at the woman. She smiles back, sympathy and hope in her eyes. Did she notice your feelings? Seems like everyone noticed except Suguru himself. No, he did notice. He just didn’t want it. That was worse. “Suguru let’s go hunt those idiots down.” You say, punching his shoulder as you walk to the entrance.

You found them in a nearby cafe, by nearby, it was around a 2.5 kilometre walk. Suguru and you talked, smiling. It was the first time you did so in a while. The walk that lasted for roughly 20-30 minutes evolved from tension filled to dumb jokes and quips. Suguru watches as you laugh. He missed this you.

As you saw them through the cafe window, you wave out to them. Shoko smiles at you as she urges you and him to come inside. You nod, going to join them. Yet, a hand stops you before you could make a move.

What was he doing?

“y/n. Can we talk?” Suguru says, his voice low as he pulls you to the side, away from your friends’ sight.

“What’s up?” You scratch your skin, eyes bouncing off the walls before finally landing on his’. His’ that were already staring into yours. You gulp.

“I like you.”

huh?

“I like you and it’s stupid and annoying but you’re stuck in my head and i thought it was hate because of how annoying you are and that maybe you’re just an annoying monkey but when Satoru touched you I get tingly and I hate that and…” He rambles on, stopping to look at your face. “Oh my god you’re such an idiot but I goddamn like you?”

You stare at his wide eye, his hand still wrapped around your wrist. He stares back, awaiting an answer. Without a thought, you pull back your hand from his wrist.

“I’m sorry Suguru…”

You ran, ran off to wherever it was as long as he couldn’t find you. Why were you running? You liked him back? Yet, your feet carried you away. Your feelings were about to burst and you didn’t know what to do about it.

‘Run’. Your mind told you.

‘I’ll run.’ Your legs whispered back.

It was like you were just a mere bystander to your body’s conversation. You didn’t know what to do.

So you ran, leaving a broken man behind.

when they cheat on you

ʚ incl: gojo, geto, nanami, toji, sukuna, choso, higuruma, shiu, ino, shoko, uraume

ʚ cont: so much angst it’s gonna make u sick

ʚ note: i hated making this so much so i hope the 400 of you who wanted this enjoy… (this is the best smau i’ve ever made)

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ

wow

perv!geto who is also your roommate. He comes home from hanging out with gojo and hears you moaning in your bedroom. He feels his pants immediately tighten, silently creeping over to your bedroom to see the door is cracked open. He breathed heavily, taking in the beautiful sight of you stuffing your pussy with your dildo, fucking yourself stupid. He palms his cock through his pants, watching every movement of yours and listening to all your moans and whimpers. He wishes so desperately it was him inside of you, feeling the way your pussy squeezes around him. He pulls his cock out of his pants, pre-cum already leaking from the tip as he jerks himself off to you. The sounds of your pussy squelching sent straight to his dick, making him throb. He never took his eyes off you, watching your free hand cup your tits and tweak your nipples, letting a whine. Your moans grew louder and louder until Geto watched your pussy squirt all over your bed and dildo, your legs shaking. “Fuccckk!” You cried out. He immediately came all over his hand watching you squirt, muffling his moans with his hand over his mouth. As you caught your breath you tossed your dildo to the side, Geto was still stroking his cock to the sight of you. “Suguru, I know you’re watching.”

NEW YEAR, NEW ME.

summary — after the both of you decided to break off your relationship, geto lays alone in his apartment, reminiscing over, over, and over about you.

tags — angst

His finger shakily tapped along his knee as he braced himself for the nth time. A call. A stupid. Fucking. Call. Geto gulped down a lump in his throat as he heard a voice on the other end.

“… Hello?”

“Is this… I mean— I’ve been trying to reach you, haven’t you received my calls?”

“Oh, no sorry. I think you have the wrong number.”

“I… See, yeah… Yeah, I should’ve judged by the voice.”

“No worries! I think I’ve seen your number floating around frequently during the past week, I didn’t pick up though. Genuinely, I thought it was another spam call—“

“Ah, I’m sorry for troubling you. I’ll end the call now, have a nice day.”

“You too—“

Beep. Beep. Beep.

A clammy hand dragged down his dehydrated skin, his long lashes poking out through the gaps left open by lazy fingers. A deep rumble from a sigh vibrated in his throat, then echoed around his humid studio apartment… Drenched in nauseating vanilla musk cologne, and thick smoke billowed from a half-lit cigarette. In the corner of his apartment was a Vinyl player, playing Chet Baker softly as he thought.

“… Fuckin’ hell.”

He slowly got up from his hunched position against the wall, pushing some weight off of the surface to compensate the weakened muscles he had left. He had no courage or stamina to even reach the front door if anyone wanted to check up on him, perhaps he had been too optimistic about that mere thought.

He stumbled in his apartment, toppling over heaps of garbage and empty liquor bottles, a loud statement of his pain. As he neared his unkept bed, he plopped onto his flat, tear-stained mattress. The quiet rumble of traffic outside his apartment window was his alarm clock, while the occasional chatter from his next-door neighbours were his source of entertainment. Amongst those were the occasional pops of fireworks going off in the distance, ahh yes, the welcoming of the new year.

Another year, he thought, to wake up and go through his schedule on autopilot. It was rinse and repeat, at this point. His body clock already stopped working after countless nights of insomnia, and he spent that time thinking… Again. Another day, another year.

The record continued to play, aiding the descent into his brain once more. It had been a long time since he last seen you, heard your voice, felt you in his arms— Hell, the fact he couldn’t reach you anymore was already driving him insane. What drove you away? Perhaps it was his lack of understanding towards you, maybe it was the fact he stuck his nose into his own stuff and never had the light of day just to talk— Properly, that time. However, it may be the certain situation that he was burying himself into, the over-thinking. Did you get tired of it? Were you too exhausted to put up with it?

He wanted to understand. Those countless nights he spent just pondering over his own pessimism and confusion, it was enough for him already. He turned his dreary body around, planting his face against the pillow and shutting his eyes. He nestled into the illusion of comfort, but the true beauty of peace is long gone.

The intoxicating vanilla and musk clung to his bedsheets, doused in the saltiness of tears and a hint of fresh pine. He hadn’t taken a shower yet, a proper bath didn’t even pop into one of his hundreds of thoughts running in his brain until now; thus, he opted to submerge himself in his racks of cologne and perfume for the meantime. His eyes darted sideways, tilting his head to the darkness the night sky blanketed him with. Another sigh left his lips.

“… Did I not love them enough?” his voice broke through like a scratchy record, hoarse and unpleasant. A broken record of anxiety and negativity. “Did I love them too much?”

He laid there on top of his bed, drifting off into a dreamless sleep. Sleep sounds good, real good. To simply release those relaxing chemicals into your brain, signalling it to shut down. He wished he could that to his thoughts all day but, he holds on to something he can’t achieve— The notion to meet you once more. As the time passed, he felt his body sinking deeper into his mattress and—

Ring. Ring. Ring.

A groan bursted out as he lazily reached over to his bedside table, grabbing his phone and putting it to his ear. He knew that he would get another mouthful of false-positive comments from his buds, and he sucked in a breath once pressing ‘answer.’

“Satoru, I already—”

“Geto?”

The familiar chime sound, it was the type of bell that twinkles and flutters; much like a Furin in a soft Summer breeze. It wasn’t anything like the Church bell noise that Satoru’s voice gave off, resounding, rich, yet clanging to his ears. His eyes shot open as he clambered to sit up in his bed, crossing his legs as he tried to gather his scatterplot of thoughts.

“Hey,” he managed to croak out, albeit with a loud voice crack. “I didn’t… Expect you to call me.”

“Satoru told me I should check in with you, so that’s why,” your voice sounded like you were smiling through your words. He swore he could picture you smiling. “This is my new number, you can save it if you would like.”

“Ah, I wouldn’t want to disturb you, however.”

“No, no! You wouldn’t. Well, I just wanted to check in.”

“Okay, okay… No promises on being convinced,” he added, chuckling awkwardly as he cleared his throat into his fist.

“Alright. Well, I’m gonna hang up now, okay? Stay safe, Geto.”

“Mhm, you too. Thanks— For checking in, I mean.”

“No worries, bye!”

“Goodbye.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

He immediately threw his phone down to his side as cold sweat profusely beaded around his temples. Black, messy locks draped over his eyes, and his gaze shot down at the mattress beneath him. Slowly, he leaned back against the wall once more, staring at the phone that connected you and him together. Even if it were brief.

All the times he called you, wanted to talk to you, hear that voice… Yet he wussed out, only managing to blurt out a quick ‘thanks for checking in.’ He wanted to profess his adoration, his emotions he held deep within his heart but once he finally got the chance to tell you, it didn’t meet to his expectations. Strings of profanities left his lips, muttering out into the silence of his own home.

Just as the clock renewed itself on that plastic display, he too, decided for that change. The unfamiliarity of the numbers twinkled in his eyes, and surely this would be a sign of hope. To pick himself up and just start anew— Well, once he figures out how to fix up his living quarters, that is.

The distant popping and cheers echoed from his complex and outside, and once Geto looked over at the clock, it was 12:00 AM sharp. A painful chuckle left his lips as his head craned back to rest against the surface. A new year, huh? It was ironic, how cheerful and abundant the atmosphere was throughout the building and the city, yet here he was wallowing in nothing but the repetitive Chet Baker record he had on. He reached in his pocket, grabbing the same pack of Camel he had and popping a cigarette up. Pressing the stick between his lips and lighting the butt, he inhaled deeply and blew out a thick cloud of smoke. The Turkish blend scattered through the air, filling the room with hazy puffs.

Another day, another year. Maybe this one will treat him better.

_______________

an; happy new year! :3 LOL i didn’t think i would make an angst for the new year, but i’ll infuse all my good energy into this post so it won’t affect ur upcoming blessings <3 creds to saltinesaltine1

[ 𝟑:𝟐𝟕 𝐀𝐌 ] 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔.

geto supposes this is a bit odd—he doesn’t usually race to apartments and knock on doors incessantly at three am, he doesn’t usually show up in a wrinkled t-shirt and mismatched socks, and he doesn’t usually have his hair in a low bun that’s threatening to fall out any second.

but then again, he’s not usually staying up late at night and thinking about how the dude you called cute in your philosophy class is planning to ask you out tomorrow.

“suguru, what are you—”

“i love you,” he interrupts, a rushed and panted out statement, making your eyes widen. you stare at him, blinking as the light from the hallway stings your sleep hazed eyes.

“what are you—”

“i really fucking love you, and i think you should date me.”

and he does. geto suguru has been in love with you since the day you move next door to his childhood home. he’s been in love with you since the day you step foot on his lawn and tell him he needs a haircut. he’s been in love with you since the moment you worm your way into his life and bring your unwarranted opinions and know-it-all attitude, and he thinks that he’s the only one who deserves to love you at all.

the guy from philosophy (whatever his name is) doesn’t deserve your playful banter and witty remarks. he doesn’t deserve your random fun facts and ceaseless rambles. he doesn’t deserve your late night texts and whispered facetimes, and he doesn’t deserve you. not like geto does, at least, and geto suguru is not letting a mere schoolgirl crush come in the way of his carefully nurtured love.

“suguru, it’s three am,” you say in disbelief, rubbing the sleep from out of your eyes as you decide to acknowledge his (rather bold) statement after your brain starts functioning.

“that’s okay. i still love you at three am,” he shrugs, pouting to himself. he eyes your appearance, tries not to stare too hard at the way your shirt is a little low at the neckline, tries to avoid glancing at the plumpness of your lips for too long as you process his words with a soft frown.

“oh, really? you should know i’m rather grouchy when i’m sleepy,” you warn him, and then he cracks a smile—because that’s all he needs to hear to know you feel the same.

and he supposes it’s not hard to figure out that you do. it’s not hard to see that there’s love in the way you flick his forehead and tell him to piss off, or the way you curse him out as he steals your food with a scowl, or even the way you promptly leave him on read after every petty argument you have over text.

because there’s fondness in the way you fight back a smile as you roll your eyes, and there’s fondness in the way you slightly push your plate closer begrudgingly, and there’s fondness in the way you text him first the next day and ask if he’s ready to admit he’s wrong because you miss him.

and it’s an odd mix, the two of you, but your sun soaked fingertips against his moonlit skin feels as right as the sound of his name dancing off your lips, and he thinks you were made for him in every regard. so if he has to stand before you at three am and risk your wrath for waking you up, then he’ll gladly do that—so long as no asshole from philosophy is scoring a date with you tomorrow after class.

“yeah, i know,” he snorts, “you’re kind of grouchy all the time,” he adds, hand outstretched and carefully pressing against the curve of your cheek. you lean into his palm, let the roughness of his skin soothe over the longing in your heart.

“and you still want to date me?” you raise a brow.

“of course,” he says instantly, “so say you want to date me too. or i’ll resort to plan b.”

“what’s plan b?”

“killing the dude from philosophy that wants to ask you out,” he hums, “and everyone else that follows until i’m the only choice left.”

“i guess i have to say yes to avoid a lot of bloodshed then, don’t i?” you ask playfully.

but then your fingers smooth back loose strands of dark hair behind his ear, and your hand rests behind his head and pulls him closer—and he thinks maybe you’d have been inclined to say yes either way.

“oh definitely,” he grins, youth brimming over his features as your lips brush over his and seal the deal. and geto suguru has been in love with you since the day you move in next to his home, and he thinks he’ll love you just as much the day you move in next to his spot in bed too, arms circling around his waist and lips mapping his skin.

“in that case, lucky for them, i love you too.”

this is painfully cheesy but i want a soft childhood friends to lovers / boy next door trope with suguru so bad SOBS

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。IN YOUR ARMS (I’M WARMEST) — GETO SUGURU.

contents. it’s a bit of a prequel to this drabble about the shower scene, but can be read as a stand alone, post hidden inventory arc, depressed suguru :(, small spoon suguru bc he deserves to be held, reverse comfort, established relationships, healing suguru agenda !! i’m passionate about this agenda !!!!!!!

usually, instead of you sneaking into suguru’s room, it’s the other way around. usually, he slips under your sheets and curls around your body, your combined giggles seeping into the sheets as he sneaks in a few hours of sleep with you in his arms before he inevitably has to leave before he’s caught.

tonight is different, though—suguru hasn’t come to your room to sleep with you in more than a few days. you don’t even think he even sleeps anymore, if the dark circles under his eyes are of any hint.

so you do the only thing you can think of: sneak into his room.

“hey, are you asleep?” you poke his shoulder—he’s had his back facing the door since you stepped in, and he’s made no move to face you.

“yes,” is all he says.

“wow,” you roll your eyes, “i’m risking a lot of wrath with yaga to be here, y’know. least you could do is face me.”

“you should sleep,” he mumbles, “you have a mission tomorrow.”

“it’ll be easy,” you say wave off, “i’ll be back before lunch time. we can eat together,” you offer.

suguru has hardly been eating—you notice this instantly. if you’d just get one chance to sit and have a meal with him, you’d force a few bites into him, but it’s been a busy week. for all of you. you haven’t properly seen satoru in what feels like ages—the newest missions he’s been assigned have been much more complex, much more difficult for anyone else but him to handle.

he hasn’t known rest since that day.

suguru is alone more now, on missions and once he’s returned. the gap between him and everyone else feels like it gets wider and wider every day. he’s become more distant, in more ways than one.

“you shouldn’t say that. you never know what happens on a mission,” he says seriously. “be careful.”

the last part, barely, just barely, sounds like a plead.

you sigh, wrapping yourself around his back and pulling him against your chest, slipping a hand under his shirt and rubbing slow circles into his bare skin. he likes the feeling, it’s always soothed him.

“i’m always careful,” you murmur, “i’ll bring you soba on my way back. will you eat for me, sugu? just for me,” you pout theatrically.

suguru is always weak to your dramatics—it’s your appeal. he finds it cute, always gives you a chuckle as he caves and gives you exactly what you want.

this time, he doesn’t offer you so much as a hum.

“if i’m hungry,” he mumbles.

“baby,” you sigh, nose burying into his hair. the strands are slightly knotted—something that suguru never lets happen with his hair. “you need to start looking after yourself more. i’m getting worried about you.”

“you don’t need to worry about me,” he mutters, “you should go and sleep.”

deep down, you know he’s gently telling you to leave. suguru is asking you to leave—but you know if you leave, something might change. something irreversible. so you wrap your arms tighter around him, pull him closer as hold his body against yours.

“i always worry about you. and you should sleep too,” you say simply, “we can sleep together.”

he’s silent.

so you let him stay like that, rubbing over his abs slowly and tracing the skin, writing your name with the tip of your finger lightly so he knows he’s yours even when he acts like he’s alone. you press a kiss to his head, and because he’s still your suguru, he melts just the slightest bit against you.

progress.

“hey,” you whisper, chin resting on his shoulder. you watch his head turn slightly as he looks at you from the corner of his eyes.

“what?” he sighs.

“i’ll take care of you, so you don’t have to, okay?” you promise gently. if suguru can’t find it in him to look after himself, he doesn’t need to—not when you’re here. “we’ll start slow, yeah? tomorrow you’ll shower. and then i’ll feed you.”

“you don’t have to—”

“shh,” you hiss, reaching over to press a finger to his lips, “i’ll bring your favorite, and then i’ll feed you like the princess you are. it’ll be nice, trust me.”

“but—”

“i’ll even give you a kiss for every bite. how does that sound?”

he sighs, hand resting on top of yours as you stay rubbing circles into his skin.

“good,” he whispers, “sounds good.”

“i love you, baby,” you kiss his head again, “i’m sorry i haven’t been here all week.”

“it’s not your fault,” he insists, “it’s…it’s been busy for us all. i don’t mind—”

“i’ll make more time for you,” you say firmly, “i promise. okay?”

you’re not sure if you imagine it, but you think his exhale might be a little shaky. and then he nods against you, leaning back so his body is pressing into yours even further. you wrap your arms tighter around him and pull the sheets until they’re under his chin, making sure he’s covered all the way.

it’s cold in his room at night—you can’t always make it warmer, but you can try to share your heat.

“okay,” he says after a while, “i’ll shower tomorrow.”

“good,” you nod, “i’ll handle the rest. now get some sleep, yeah?”

he nods—but even as you slowly doze off, sleep doesn’t come to him. but it’s not so lonely to stay up tonight, and the bed doesn’t feel stiff under his back. his hand is still on top of yours, finger tracing lightly over your knuckles.

“i love you too,” he mumbles—you don’t hear it, but he still wants to say it.

it’s a start.

i should just write a progressive series of suguru slowly healing and then we can have teacher suguru bc imagine him writing on a chalkboard with chalk. yeah. it’s okay if you moan at the idea i did too. i won’t judge !!