I Would Like To Request 1 Beefcake Envy In My Easter Basket This Year.

I would like to request 1 beefcake Envy in my Easter basket this year. 

I know a lot of people frown upon making humanized versions of non-human characters poc (especially since every Homunculi fits the “pale goth” trope so well), but I could only see Envy’s hair keeping its canon consistency/shape if it were in dreads, which led to me making him black. Honestly, I think it fits their color palette well!

I also have a few headcanons for human!Envy:

they go by “he” and “they” like the translations of FMA did.

he’s AMAB and agender

the “homunculus” tattoo is just a badass version of his pet gecko

He’s listening to Travis Scott and Megan thee Stallion right now

They wear a lot of vulgar shirts that say things like “cuck” and “thot”

What if, and hear me out, people DO love you

Your coworker who loves when they get to work a shift with you, even if you don’t talk

Your cousin who’s relieved when they see you at family gatherings, who thinks you’re “the cool cousin” but hasn’t said anything out loud

Your classmate who thinks you have great taste, even if they’re too shy to speak up about it in class

Your childhood friends who remember you fondly

The waiter you tipped during a busy night

That person you complimented on the street

The little kid you waved to

The old woman you made small talk with

People love you, because you’re lovable. And you’re worthy of love. Even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes

(Self depreciating comments will be removed at best, bluntly and remorselessly told to shut the fuck up at worst. Fuck around. I dare you.)

at this point I'm pretty sure the iww is a honey trap

Europeans: “I don’t understand you Americans, if your working conditions, wages, and social safety net are so bad, why do you not simply unionize or strike?”

Americans: