If Only I Were She!

If only I were she!

Hi dear donors ! ❤️

I would like to extend my thank and gratitude for the support you have been offering over the last eleven months. ❤️☺️

My family and I have been suffering and going through the hardest days we have ever experienced in our life . Things are very hard to get and and sometimes unattainable.😭😓

Our sufferings and hardship started on the first days of the war when all our possessions were completely destroyed and burned. We have become displaced and homeless , finding ourselves in a small tent in streets with no means of life. We lack every single necessary thing of life; food, water, hygiene essentials, and other necessities have become scarce and rare.

A photo taken to show how incredibly harsh our life has become after the war. We are struggling and facing lots of barriers to obtain the simplest necessities for living. Everything single thing is a complete story.

You can't imagine what difficulties we have been going through all these days of war. No cooking gas , nor cooking tools exist . We struggle to prepare a small meal of food.

No bakeries are available. Everything seems a miracle and unbelievable.😭 The war has stolen our joy and smile, leaving us busy thinking only of staying safe and alive. Our future has gone with the wind and our kids lost their dreams and ambitions.

This is a part of burying the dead. We also face some problems in the process of buying our dead people as no place is there for the family. Tombs aren't enough for the number of people living on a small spot of land.

A photo taken for the morning queue of filling our gallons with drink water. We wait hours to get some water for drink. Our life is full of tragedy and sadness.

All what we need is to survive the war and be safe. We are trying to secure the daily basic living necessities and this can come true with your contribution and support. Please don't spare this moment of supporting the people in need in Gaza in this tough and dire time. You can help us by either donating however small it is or sharing my posts. Your support makes a big difference for families in need.

Yours

Doe and Her Health (TW: Talk of Weight, EDs, Masking, Mental Health Problems)

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Physical Health

Doe overall maintains a relatively good health. However, she does have past health problems and current health conditions that do affect her mentally just as much as it does physically. For one, Doe devloped a higher metabolism rate, which makes it hard for her to gain weight, much less maintain a healthy weight range. Not to mention when her father further pushed her for her training, he made snide remarks about her body and weight (mind you she was a child still during this time), and given she grew up during the 90s-2000s, the whole push to be “skinny” was insanely high and detrimental for a child/teenage girl like her.

She would eat less food for a long period of time, until it became she ate nothing.

Doe would repeatedly collapse during training, even keel over from starvation to the point of tears. A part of her knew what she was doing was wrong, but the other part of her wanted her father to be proud of her no matter how many times he raised the bar for her. It had gotten so bad that Doe, before her father was finally arrested, weighed nearly 98 pounds at 5’10”. She even had to be forced medication and therapy in order to regain control of her weight and health. Initially, Doe was refusing the medication due to the trauma by her father and the people training her, but the therapy during her secondary school days eventually got her to take it and regain weight to a relatively healthy weight, albeit still somewhat underweight (but not dangerously so).

Now, at 32, she weighs a good 125 lbs, and is doing a lot better with her weight maintenance and taking her medications.

However, she does sometimes forget to eat and gets too close to relapsing with her ED. Thankfully, Ghost is there to notice this and when he calculated the calories from her day, he makes her a huge breakfast or dinner and even tells her he would lace her food with her medicine just so that she knows he cares so much about her, even goes as far as eating with her.

Mental Health

Now it’s pretty obvious that Doe has been through a lot throughout her life, and yes, therapy does work for her. Though that doesn’t exactly mean she isn’t safe from triggers of all kinds, whether that be PTSD or ADHD.

Doe for the longest time had been under serious scrutiny from her father, causing her to struggle horribly with stress, anxiety, and even depression, though she was never allowed to show weakness around him. She had to see things no child should even have to see, and that alone caused unnecessary distress on the girl to the point she eventually became desensitized by violence and horrors.

Doe habitually bottles up her problems and internal emotions, forcing herself to mask in order to fit in and keep up appearances. But she so longs to be open about herself and her emotions, she doesn’t want to deter people away from her.

ADHD makes things even harder on her as she even tends to be hard on herself when things go wrong in a mission, causing her to silently have a panic attack the moment she can get alone time. If or when someone walks in on her having one of her episodes, she quickly pulls herself together and tells them she’s fine (she isn’t).

After her father’s attempt on her life, his own, and her siblings, her uncle took the triplets in and he had them undergo some serious therapy sessions as teenagers, especially Doe. He felt awful that he couldn’t be there for his niblings, but it also would have gotten him killed if he ever got near the compound where they were living against their will.

Now an adult well into her 30s, Doe strives to live a better life even if she does have a more “childish” take on it. Sometimes she can be quite loud and cheery, boisterous and playful, but remember, that’s the side she never got to express growing up.

But even that side, added on to masking, can wear her down all over. She might not realize in the moment she has gone too far with her emotions and expressiveness, but when called out on it, she’ll start off as defensive, but soon enough, she’ll apologize; even if it makes her feel like shit she did that without knowing it.

UPDATE

These ruffles are gonna be the death of me

Ghost: I might be a nonbeliever, but I know a goddess when I see one

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(WIP Cause I needed to get it out my system before I went back in to work)

I was rewatching the 2024 Eurovision entries and if Bambie Thug’s semi-final performance of Doomsday Blue isn’t the most GhostDoe thing ever, I don’t know what is

OC Aesthetic Board

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🦌 Zoey “Doe” Kilduff

⚕️ Valentina “Cleric” Solovyova

I’ve been meaning to do this for a couple weeks but I love doing aesthetic boards

Blank below if anyone wants to do this, too!