Boah, Me Fuckin' Too!

Boah, me fuckin' too!

What I should be doing: working on my novel

What I’m actually doing: working on a 73 chapter Skyrim fanfic

Hello, it's Christmas!

The day my mother expects us (her 20yr old range offspring) to wake up with the energy of when we were five!

Instead, we walk out of our collective rooms, cracking knees/ankles/wrists/fingers/toes/etc. And when we all give a collective "What?" at her dirty look, she chose to reply today with "You're all fucking crunchy, get younger!" before I walk out with a face mask on, my phone in one hand and a bag of jerky in the other to counter with "I identify as an 84 yr old man *cracks my neck like a clap of thunder from Thor himself* what do you mean?" directly before stuffing my mouth with beef jerky...

What a wonderful time of year...

So. Turians.

Turians who can’t really smell anything through their small noses, so evolution made them scent things through their tongue.

Turians, who despite having spiky bits, sharp teeth and metal in their bodies are very very prone to developing an oral fixation - thanks evolution!

Turians, male Turians, who have a thing for women in charge. Not in a ‘weaker sex dominating me,’ but in a ‘she can kick my ass and step on me and I’d be totally okay with that!’

Turian, whom evolution gave sharp claws and even sharper minds, why tear someone down with their hand when they can do that with their tongue?

In more ways than one.

Turians, who, just like Humans, have to file their nails down.

Turians - and Quarians and Salarians - whom evolution gave 3 fingers, so they have a Math base 6, to the despair of everyone else.

Turians, with sharper eyesight than the rest of the galaxy using it to either scope a mark across the field or across the bar.

Turians, who are born and breed to hold civic duty and society above their own needs, who are aware that the two don’t always match, and it’s ok to admit o failure.

Turians, who can be selfish, giving, pampered, loyal, cruel, bloodthirsty, dismissive and loving, sexual deviants, all at the same time.

Turians, with subvocals and other tells that shout to everyone what they’re feeling, who take other species to be particularly deaf.

Turians who take advantage of other species’ deafness to gossip, to mutter sweet nothings to their deaf mates, to poke fun at others.

Turians, who most regard as 'disciplined’ and 'lacking a traitorous bone on their body’ and 'society above self’ being the unexpected and most accomplished con men.

Turians, who laughed at others when someone tried to 'introduce’ them to oral sex, as if they haven’t tried *that* before.

Turians, who would rather pay respect to their Spirits.

Turians, who will try dating a human just for the heck of it, just to say they did it, and end up so enamoured with their tone deaf, squishy human.

I have so many and my sister listens! Don't know if I'd still be writing my novel without her. Love you, Dani!

What a beautiful, angry little noodle...

Christmas was coming.

One morning in mid-December, Hogwarts woke to find itself covered in several feet of snow. The lake froze solid and the Weasley twins were punished for bewitching several snowballs so that they followed Quirrell around, bouncing off the back of his turban.