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Normandy Info board: SHEPARD’S BIRTHDAY
[NEW MESSAGES AS OF 00:00]
00:00- CHF. ZORAH: WAKE UP BOSHTETS ITS SHEPARDS BIRTHDAY
00:00- DR. SOLUS: Already sang human happy birthday song to her.
00:00- GO. VAKARIAN: I dont suppose I could convince you to teach me this song, doc?
00:01- DR. SOLUS: audio_attachment_human_birth_serenade
00:01- CHF. ZORAH: I picked up cake the last time we were on Illium
00:01- SPEC. JACK: it’s human tradition to smash cake into the birthday person’s face
00:01- CHF. ZORAH: i know you’re lying but i want to do that now
00:01- LT. TAYLOR: She’s not lying, it’s tradition and considered rude if you don’t
00:02- GO. VAKARIAN: Alright what’s the plan here? How about an ambush? Right outside her cabin?
00:02- LC. SHEPARD: im in this chat dumbasses
00:02- CHF. ZORAH: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEPPPPPPPPPP
00:02- SPEC. JACK: happy bday grandma
00:02- LT. TAYLOR: Happy birthday!
00:02- SPEC. KRIOS: best wishes to you, on your birthday, commander.
00:02- FLT. MOREAU: How much are you hating this, LC?
00:02- LC. SHEPARD: @JOKER I’d rather get ambushed by a cake to the face than for them to burst into song
00:02- SPEC. SAMARA: Happy birthday, my friend. There is no one I would rather wander the void with.
00:02- SPEC. GOTO: happy BDAY SHEP! left a surprise for you in your end table ;)
00:03- SPEC. GOTO: it’s turian condoms, from Mordin and I <3
00:03- GO. VAKARIAN: hey, i got her the same thing
00:03- SPEC. GRUNT: gross. i got battlemaster a present too
00:03- LC. SHEPARD: really, gifts aren’t necessary
00:03- SPEC. GRUNT: it is a gun mod
00:03- LC. SHEPARD: unless they’re mods. thanks grunt
00:04- SPEC. MASSANI: HA! We caked the lil bitch right between the eyes video_attachment_happy_birthday_shepard
00:04- XO. LAWSON: what in the— why are you all awake??? we have an op tomorrow GO TO SLEEP.
00:04- CHF. ZORAH: image_attachment_shepard_cake_face_HBD!
00:04- GO. VAKARIAN: she is such a majestic creature image_attachment_shepard_eating_cake_off_her_face_like_a_starving_varren
00:04- LT. TAYLOR: image_attachment_shepard_throwing_cake_at_crew
00:04- FLT. MOREAU: @LC at least they didn’t sing?
00:04- LC. SHEPARD: no. there was singing. it was disgusting.
Bit late to the party, unfashionably so
Here's the piece I was working on for N7 Day that I couldn't finish on time so bone apple titty! ✌🏻
Mass Effect II Legendary Edition | ▶ dev. Bioware
garrus is just mad shepard won't let him use her widow
Local Man forgets the "proposal" part of marriage. More at 11.
(He's so stupid and embarrassing in ME3 and I love him so much sdfkhsdf)
Parents are proud, Grunt is a grown up boy now
do you guys think garrus ever saw a red haired woman from behind on omega and thought it was shepard? or caught a glimpse of emerald green eyes and was sent back to his time on the normandy? do you think he was ever stopped in his tracks when a female merc fought the same way she did? how many times was he cursed with the knowledge that he found her in so many people, but they would never be the woman who showed him that there was more to life than c-sec paperwork and holding onto grudges?
Short animatic for my fic
Okay but also
someone on Space Tumblr posts “ok but imagine Archangel in a relationship with Commander Shepard”
and it blows up
There’s factions of people who think it’s a stupid pairing and that Archangel and definitely not a knockoff of Aria from season 1 should come back
The Sharchangel shippers write fan fictions
(Joker always sends those screenshots into the Normandy group chat with the caption LMAOOO)
((He has an account called @Sharchangel4Ever))
Concept:
Archangel leaves a mark on pop culture on Omega. There's a multi-season vidset, or something, because the guy helped a lot of people and saved a lot of lives, and ended a lot of intimidation and exploitation, and Omega isn't exactly rife with heroes. It's a good story.
So there's a lasting media impression. Garrus laughs it off when it comes out - when the crew tease him about the CW-casting Ruggedly Handsome turian actor playing his alter ego, or the shoehorned-in kiss-kiss-bang-bang romance arc between "Archangel" and the asari crime queen of Omega, who's very clearly an Aria T'Loak analogue edited just enough that the real thing won't go hunting down the film crew. He tells Shepard the real stories that inspired certain episodes, with an abundance of dry humour and an unexpected level of self-deprecation. But she can tell it bothers him, because - the thing is, the vid portrays him as a lone wolf vigilante. And he wasn't.
Sometimes, the character will say a cliche line about doing better alone or his lifestyle being too dangerous to get close to others, and Shepard will glance over at Garrus and find him just. Staring into the middle distance, like he's not really there with her anymore, and she thinks, he isn't. Not really. He's back in that hideout, coming home to a massacre. He's draping sheets over the lifeless bodies of the friends who died horribly to protect him. He's remembering their faces, and realising that no one else ever will, even as they celebrate him - the one he ultimately holds responsible.
So she reaches out to her contacts in the media world, and manages to track down the people making the vid. It's not exactly hard, but it's time consuming - she gets in touch with the actor playing the lead on the extranet, he points her to the director, the director sends her to the writers, who send her to the studio, and then to the financiers. But she convinces them to change it. When the next season releases, Archangel starts meeting/recruiting his team.
And he never mentions it - at least, not to her - but she thinks that seems to ease something in Garrus. His team immortalised on the silver screen, given credit for their part in his story, portrayed as heroes for what they were trying to do.
(He doesn't watch the last few episodes - Sidonis' betrayal, the massacre, his desperate last stand against the united gang forces, the revelation that Archangel's body was never found. Neither does she. But she checks what viewers are saying on social media later on, and honestly, she hopes he does, too.)
((She thinks he could do with all the reminders that those deaths were not his fault))
Shepard twins!
Ryder twins ftw, but have you ever considered Shepard twins?
Poor Kaidan…
A human woman in strange tattered armor sitting at the bar...with a bone plated, reptilian demon in blue armor...
*cries forever*
Provide your own context.
So. Turians.
Turians who can’t really smell anything through their small noses, so evolution made them scent things through their tongue.
Turians, who despite having spiky bits, sharp teeth and metal in their bodies are very very prone to developing an oral fixation - thanks evolution!
Turians, male Turians, who have a thing for women in charge. Not in a ‘weaker sex dominating me,’ but in a ‘she can kick my ass and step on me and I’d be totally okay with that!’
Turian, whom evolution gave sharp claws and even sharper minds, why tear someone down with their hand when they can do that with their tongue?
In more ways than one.
Turians, who, just like Humans, have to file their nails down.
Turians - and Quarians and Salarians - whom evolution gave 3 fingers, so they have a Math base 6, to the despair of everyone else.
Turians, with sharper eyesight than the rest of the galaxy using it to either scope a mark across the field or across the bar.
Turians, who are born and breed to hold civic duty and society above their own needs, who are aware that the two don’t always match, and it’s ok to admit o failure.
Turians, who can be selfish, giving, pampered, loyal, cruel, bloodthirsty, dismissive and loving, sexual deviants, all at the same time.
Turians, with subvocals and other tells that shout to everyone what they’re feeling, who take other species to be particularly deaf.
Turians who take advantage of other species’ deafness to gossip, to mutter sweet nothings to their deaf mates, to poke fun at others.
Turians, who most regard as 'disciplined’ and 'lacking a traitorous bone on their body’ and 'society above self’ being the unexpected and most accomplished con men.
Turians, who laughed at others when someone tried to 'introduce’ them to oral sex, as if they haven’t tried *that* before.
Turians, who would rather pay respect to their Spirits.
Turians, who will try dating a human just for the heck of it, just to say they did it, and end up so enamoured with their tone deaf, squishy human.
Mass Effect II Legendary Edition | ▶ dev. Bioware