Heavy Tw!!

heavy tw!!

cal promised he’d stop cvtting, and for a while, he truly meant it. but now? now he smiles when he sees blood run down his arms and legs. he likes how it bounces a little when it hits the floor. he loves running his hands over his now textured skin.

he has to hide it, though. you see, the promise wasn’t to a therapist or a parent; it was to andre, the boy who knows cal inside and out.

it’s all going well. cal makes sure to have an excuse for why he can’t change into pajamas in front of him. he even makes sure the two of them aren’t as touchy with each other, which destroys cal inside. he sees a little light die in andre’s eyes every time he doesn’t hug back or pulls away before a kiss can become anything more.

andre doesn’t know that cal is saving him from an even bigger heartbreak. he’d love cal whether he was decorated in fresh, dark red, and swollen marks or he was covered in old, pale scars. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about cal.

it’s the opposite. he cares so much about cal.

so much that he feels like his heart has fallen out of his chest when he walks into cal’s room and sees his upper arms covered in crimson. he’d been let in by cal’s mother who greeted him excitedly at the door. he wanted to surprise cal with food, but now he couldn’t fathom eating. he felt sick.

“cal?”

the moment cal heard andre’s voice, he began profusely apologizing and covering his arm with a towel he had laid out beside him. when he comes face to face with andre, pleading for him to forgive him and that he regrets breaking their promise, he starts to tear up. he fears he’s ruined so much between them.

andre drops the bag of fast food in his hand onto the floor. he steps forward, closing the door to cal’s room, and hugs cal tightly. blood is staining his new shirt, but andre doesn’t even notice it.

all he can think about is the boy in his arms who is crying and asking for his forgiveness. he murmurs against cal’s neck.

“don’t be sorry. i love you.“

he repeats the last three words like a mantra, engraving them into cal’s brain so he’ll never forget it.

andre loves cal, and that won’t stop because cal doesn’t love himself.

every time i remember that andre keuck has not replied to my dm i lose a part of my sanity…

andre’s older brother told andre santa wasn’t real when he was seven. now, andre makes sure cal never tells his siblings that santa doesn’t exist. he can’t let anyone else go through the heartbreak little him went through.

(it’s the same with the easter bunny and the tooth fairy. when cal hugs his parents after they get him and his siblings gifts, he just tells the kids that he’s so happy about the presents he had to hug somebody.)

andre loves pulling cal’s hair.

it started one time when they were wrestling on andre’s bed. neither of the boys remember how it started, but they ended up with cal straddling andre’s hips and trying to pin him down.

andre got one of his hands free and wanted to flip them over so he could win whatever game they were playing. he knew that pulling at cal’s shoulders was a bad idea; he’d dislocated those so many times in the past that they’d pop out of place with any hard touch. andre couldn’t lift his hips up; cal made sure of that. cal’s legs were pinned at andre’s sides, making him completely immobile.

so andre did the only thing he could think of: yank cal’s hair.

cal immediately lost focus, and andre was able to flip him onto his back. quickly, cal began talking.

“andre, get off. stop, please. i don’t want to do this anymore.”

andre hopped off immediately. he worried that he had pulled out a tuft of blond hair or jerked cal’s neck roughly, but cal insisted that wasn’t the case. andre just accepted it, still feeling guilty in his heart.

they didn’t talk about it anymore after that. well, they didn’t until a couple weeks later when they were making out in cal’s room. cal was being all squirmy and constantly moving around. he avoided eye contact with andre; it made him feel a little too hot.

andre didn’t like that, though. he wanted, needed cal to look at him. he pulled softly at the hair on the nape of cal’s neck, pushing his head up. a soft noise escaped from cal’s throat and his hips jerked forward.

for a moment, andre was surprised, but he soon remembered that one day when they were wrestling and how cal immediately asked to stop after getting his hair pulled. he wasn’t uncomfortable. he was turned on.

now, he yanks at cal’s hair all the time, mostly in bed but also randomly throughout the day. there’s a sense of dominance in the action that andre enjoys, and it’s only made better by the reaction he gets out of cal.

he’s just a lil guy 🥺

i want to squish him until he pops

cal sunburns so easily.

he’ll be outside for five seconds, even just walking from school to the andre’s car in the parking lot, and have the skin on the back of his neck turn bright pink. his nose is constantly peeling. at first, his mom tried to buy him moisturizer, but it just irritated his face and made the redness worse.

during the summer, cal has to be doused in sunscreen and bug spray. he simply can’t leave the house without it. andre complains about the sickly scent cal leaves in his car from all the spray, but ultimately, he knows cal can’t help it.

multiple times, andre has sat behind cal and rubbed aloe on his back and arms. often they’ll do it while watching a movie so cal is somewhat distracted from the pain. he still lets out a his every now and then.

when he comes back from his family’s summer camping trips, his scalp always stands out against his bleach blond hair, bright red and honestly painful looking.

cal is always happy when winter rolls around, even though he knows he’ll end up being wind burnt and red faced constantly. it’s better than a sunburn, though.