Music Is Powerful Because It Hurts. It Actually, Very Physically Hurts. It Feels Like A Thick Balloon

Music is powerful because it hurts. It actually, very physically hurts. It feels like a thick balloon is inflating behind your chest and it's spreading to your stomach and arms and fingers and you want to curl into yourself as if that will stop it from growing but it continues on. The nostalgia will only ever be nostalgia. The weekly visits with a friend are now barely even a text every few months. The fandom you dedicated your life to is barely even a passing thought anymore. The ideas that ran through your head now gather dust as a forgotten word document. Life is better, sure, but life used to have them. Why couldn't life be better and still keep them?

This would have never happened if you hadn’t listened to that music. But oh how beautiful those memories are, and there's a smile on your face despite the balloon threatening to pop if you listen a moment longer.

There was once a time where I would respond to my mother calling my name by asking "what did I do?" because the only reason she would be calling me is if I had done something wrong. It's not that she would ignore me or something during other times, she just always thought I was doing something wrong.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m actually autistic or if I’m making it up, but just now I hovered my cursor over the red bar on YouTube, and I very literally and physically felt the left side of my head buzz when the cursor was on the left side, and I was shivering until I put the cursor on the right side to balance it out, and only when I put the cursor in the middle did both sides of my head buzz at an equal frequency. Which I don’t think is normal.

SCREW THE HATERS

I LOVE MYSELF

I LOVE THAT I PHYSICALLY REACT TO MY THOUGHTS BY IMMEDIATELY HIDING MY FACE AND I LOVE THAT I SHIP MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS AND I LOVE HOW EXCITED I GET OVER MY FANDOMS AND I LOVE HOW MUCH I TALK AND I DESERVE SOMEONE WHO ALSO LOVES THAT ABOUT ME

I see your "Kaveh gets hurt and Alhaitham is forced to face his feelings and confesses before it's too late", but I raise you: "Alhaitham gets hurt and confesses because he's too out of it to have the filter that's usually keeping him from complimenting Kaveh at every turn"