Late Night Thoughts - Tumblr Posts

never related more to "I love you, it's ruining my life" than I do now

My love, though we have not met yet, know that we will find each other someday. I see you in my dreams. I know you are somewhere out there. When the time comes, I will finally have someone to call mine; and I, am yours.

-June 22, 2021

-12:56 am

we could sit in a car for 2 hours and listen to music and talk about life, and lowkey that’s a date right there.

I just realized that every post I make has a different art style and I don’t know what to do about it. I think I’ll just roll with it.

How would I survive

Without you in the darkest night

When the day has died and I'm alone

My heart feels made of stone

Three weeks ago we're strangers

Or even worse at best

But now I always wonder

If we stood the test?

Or is the worst to come

And we are both such fools

Are we ready for each other

Or still lacking the tools?

I cannot know for certain

And I find that I don't care

If this is real or fantasy

As long as you are there

The only fear I harbour

Is losing you again

Because I know I couldn't bear it

I couldn't stand the pain

For a world without your laughter

Is a world devoid of joy

And I would rather burn it down

Then suffer through its ploy

A lifetimes worth of riches

Or a second more with you

You needn't be a genius

to know what I would choose

I've tried denying it, I swear

But we both know it's true

That through triumph and despair

It's always been you

----------------------------------------------------

If it's not obvious, I am beyond cooked xD

Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out for a relationship or I want too much from the other person and then I feel like I'm missing out on the greatest experience of my life but also sometimes I think there's no such thing as love because I only see it when I watch a rom-com or read a love book, then I think I'm ready for anything and I'm young, I have nothing but time but I think I'll never fall in love because I believe that men in this generation have no idea about real love, its all about lust to them. I know i shouldn't think about it as much as i do but i cant help it therefore i'm always in a loop.

How do I let go? I feel like I'm stuck in life and have no control over my brain/emotions. I can't even keep a journal to express my feelings because I feel vulnerable or somehow cringe. It's so bad that even when I talk about something that doesn't really affect me I get teary-eyed. I have so many emotions that I keep bottled up inside, they want to come out at every opportunity. I know what I need to do to fix myself but I don't know how to do it.

Whenever I feel like my nails are too long that they start to look a little weird and I dont wanna cut them because I feel too attached to them, I just remember how men with long hair don't cut their hair even though it looks like a rats nest and a buzzcut would probably look much better on them.

I wish I knew how to sculpt. It must be an amazing feeling to create a human being out of clay with your own hands.

i want such a life, away from everyone, somewhere north, cold weather, a stable job, a library to myself, a mind without anxiety, a world without the worries of being a woman.

i wish fictional characters were real

I'm slowly losing the part of me that has hopes and expectations. I mean even as a child I used to tell myself that I had no expectations because I knew it could hurt me but now as a teenager I feel like I've lost all hope in anything romantic. I can't imagine myself with a man anymore, I might die alone and I think that's okay with me.

But again I may or may not have a long life ahead of me. Who knows where I'll be or who I'll be with. I need to learn to stay in the moment and be happy with who I am as a person, but that's a whole different journal entry. If only it were as easy as it sounds...

I'm slowly losing the part of me that has hopes and expectations. I mean even as a child I used to tell myself that I had no expectations because I knew it could hurt me but now as a teenager I feel like I've lost all hope in anything romantic. I can't imagine myself with a man anymore, I might die alone and I think that's okay with me.

why is describing something as mundane as walking to the door so hard to do. i could write an argumentative essay about rhetoric and effective communication about inspirational speeches from famous professional athletes faster in the time that i’m trying to think of something to write. anyways, i’m working on a fanfic so hopefully i’ll finish it soon :)

U guys ever annoyed ur self into annoyance, cause that shit is so annoying.

nothing but night terrors. anxiety about every sin i’ve thought of. that i’ve committed.

They say you’re worst enemy, throwing punches only you’d know you’re weak to. the mirror’s been shattered though, i don’t even see myself anymore, just my own shadow. how can i defend from the abyss that seems to pull me closer into its unending arms, without a flashlight?

i’m hooked out of the black sea by friends and family every time, i’m truly thankful for that. i just hope for a day where my feet stop unconsciously lead me into nihility.

when you're an Fi and Ne user but nothing's FiNe :'DDDD

(brought to you by my late night thoughts ✨)

I just really want an online friend that probably lives in the UK or Italy or Japan or something and we talk almost everyday and when I get online their icon pops up, or whatever I don’t actually know how that works, and I can get so excited to see they’ve sent a new message and we play online games together and we just trust and love each other so much and we have a great time together and then either

      a. it turns out that they’re in my area for a few weeks and we decide to meet up and we just have a fun time doing things together and they realise they’ve fallen in love with me but never say anything because they’ve heard me say that I’m not into dating and then they just die inside a little every time I mention a person is good-looking and have a mini-heart attack when I tell them I think they’re attractive but they think it means nothing because I say that about a lot of people when in reality I just want them to feel better because I want to make sure they love themselves and they eventually confess and we get married

      or b. they eventually move to my area and we become friends in real life but don’t know it’s each other and I decide this would be the best person to marry because I’ll probably never meet my online friend in real life and then I confess and they reject me because they’ve fallen in love with the online me and I’m a little disappointed and way embarrassed but otherwise move on while that night my friend freaks out and tells the online me what happened and how worried they are that they’re gonna lose their in-person best friend and then I’m like oh wait are these the same person? and then I start setting tests and they keep passing them and then finally I’m like hey in-person friend are you this online friend? and then they’re like WHAAAATT?? and I’m like oh yeah I figured it out a while ago kind of and then we get into a fight because I never said anything but I was like I didn’t know for sure and I didn’t want to assume anything! and they leave in a rage and I cry that night because I’ve just lost both of my best friends and also because this just plays into my idea that I can’t do anything right but then they message me at like two in the morning that after some time to calm down they realise I was right and they would have done the same and they’re way sorry and they would like to talk about it and it takes a while to trust them again but we eventually grow from it and they confess and I’m like I want to marry you because I don’t think I would marry anyone else and then we get married.

Is that too much to ask?

(this was just supposed to be how I want an online friend to talk to that just accepts me so openly but it turned into a fic I recently read anyways)

it’s really weird to me that my life is MY life. like, it could have been someone else’s life, but instead it’s mine. so what am I gonna do with it?