Pray For Me, Kneel With Me. Soak In The Crystal Stream. Wash The Sun From Your Back. Cleanse My Soul

“pray for me, kneel with me. soak in the crystal stream. wash the sun from your back. cleanse my soul make me whole. dance in the morning glow. hold me we can’t go back.”

- sinner by the last dinner party

Abigail Morris from The Last Dinner Party photographed by Susie McKeon (New York, 2023)

my relationship with food is getting worse again. most foods feel repulsive. i fear that i'll throw them up.

even meals i loved so dearly; i simply pay no mind to them anymore. i feel so disinterested.

constantly feeling full, but never hungry. i know i need to eat. why can't i?

we've never gotten along. but if our relationship gets worse, i know i am. it scares me.

i wish i could be normal about food. enjoy it like everybody else. but i am uncanny in every other aspect and this is no exception.

my body is crying out for help, i know this.

i don't think my brain can hear it.

my love for you would’ve swallowed you

(maybe it’s for the better)

bless the daughters who sat carrying the trauma of mothers. who sat asking for more love and not getting any, carried themselves to light. bless the daughters who raised themselves.

some brain pickers i’ve thought of:

you don't have to punish yourself for being selfish, you can just start giving

the contrast between what is and what could be often causes a certain sadness. it is often worth it.

there are many different ways to fall apart in each other's arms.

desire for love is universal, just like the struggle to accept it. let yourself believe that you deserve it.

Your day at a glance. you can't please everyone.

saying "i love you" is never redundant. you'll learn from this.

you don't have to be alone with your anxiety. there are people who understand it.

you're afraid of seeming needy, but your relationships will never suffer from admitting that you need emotional support. it's better to be honest than try to seem like you have it all together. the people who care about you will want to help you.

there is no ‘old you’ to return to.