I Was Sad To Hear That Erik Wouldnt Be My RA Again For My Sophomore Year. He Got Placed In A Dorm Across

“I was sad to hear that Erik wouldn’t be my RA again for my sophomore year. He got placed in a dorm across campus. But at least once a week we’d meet up at the Pfatter U all-you-can-eat dining hall - he’d keep refilling my plate and ask me how life on the hockey team was going. By the end of the season, they moved me to goalie, since I had grown so much I took up the entire net. I think I have Erik to thank for that!” - Freddie L., sophomore

We asked our Pfatter University students to show us how they’re spending their summer away from campus. Here’s some of our submissions so far - should we ask for more?

Harry O., incoming senior, has been working up a sweat as he perfects his tennis serve.

Donnell T., incoming junior, started his big internship at one of the big banks, where they serve complimentary donuts every morning (and afternoon, and after hours).

Patrick L., rising senior, is closing in on his dream of hiking every major peak in New England. He reports it being much easier as a freshman …

Zeke D., Ali R., and Marshall W. met up at the beach in their hometown of Santa Monica and cracked a few beers … then hit the buffet!

Uh-oh! Dr. Xavier Pande, esteemed chemistry professor, accidentally contaminated our sophomore dorm’s water supply. He’d been experimenting on a rapid weight-gain serum that activates when absorbed through the skin.

Dozens of our summer session students proved his formula’s working when they rapidly began expanding before each others’ eyes in the communal dorm showers!

Should we address the contamination? Or … ask Dr. Pande to make another batch? 😈

Our nationally-ranked, incredibly-buoyant water polo team held their first practice of the season yesterday. Team captains Jason G. and Chris O. recreated a photo from the start of last year’s season, and let’s just say it really shows their growth as Pfatter U student-athletes!

How are summer classes going at the university? Are the new freshmen fitting in?

We’ve been so busy with summer session that we keep forgetting to post! We’ve had a few freshman orientations so far, and just like always, our incoming students end the week with a little taste of what campus life is like. Take a look at what five days of eating in our dining hall did to future freshmen Jake and Ty, and Eddie and Owen. Wait til they officially start in the fall!

Want to see more?

BIG PFATTER U NEWS, straight from the desk of President Biggs:

“I hear our university has amassed a huge following on social media. While we don’t have room for all of you in our incoming class, we want to offer our followers the full Pfatter U experience by accepting ARTISTIC COMMISSIONS! What sort of photos can we provide for you? Well, as our motto goes, Dream Big!”

Be sure to DM us for more details! 🐷