We Challenged Our Students Who Are Stuck At Home For The Summer: Dig Through Your Childhood Bedroom,

We challenged our students who are stuck at home for the summer: dig through your childhood bedroom, dust off those high school sports uniforms, and try them on to show us the progress you’ve made since enrolling at Pfatter U.

Let’s just say they did NOT disappoint! Let’s admire their gains - and encourage them to go for more!

Asher L., former long-distance runner

Manny R., former lightweight wrestler

Jamie O., former soccer star

Ethan Z., former baseball shortstop

Stefan A., former lacrosse bro

Aaron S., former competitive diver

This weekend, Pfatter University hosted our Fall Art Topics Showcase, featuring the work of our talented student artists. Here’s some selections from Jeremy P., a Junior, who chronicled four students’ relationships with junk food throughout the course of their studies at Pfatter U, entitled: “A Well-Rounded Diet.” Enjoy!

Uh-oh! Dr. Xavier Pande, esteemed chemistry professor, accidentally contaminated our sophomore dorm’s water supply. He’d been experimenting on a rapid weight-gain serum that activates when absorbed through the skin.

Dozens of our summer session students proved his formula’s working when they rapidly began expanding before each others’ eyes in the communal dorm showers!

Should we address the contamination? Or … ask Dr. Pande to make another batch? 😈

When a student isn’t achieving their full potential, we assign them a knowledgeable, well-fed upperclassman tutor who is authorized to use any motivation necessary to expand their knowledge (and waistlines). Here’s a few private sessions from our past school year!

We asked our Pfatter University students to show us how they’re spending their summer away from campus. Here’s some of our submissions so far - should we ask for more?

Harry O., incoming senior, has been working up a sweat as he perfects his tennis serve.

Donnell T., incoming junior, started his big internship at one of the big banks, where they serve complimentary donuts every morning (and afternoon, and after hours).

Patrick L., rising senior, is closing in on his dream of hiking every major peak in New England. He reports it being much easier as a freshman …

Zeke D., Ali R., and Marshall W. met up at the beach in their hometown of Santa Monica and cracked a few beers … then hit the buffet!

“I was sad to hear that Erik wouldn’t be my RA again for my sophomore year. He got placed in a dorm across campus. But at least once a week we’d meet up at the Pfatter U all-you-can-eat dining hall - he’d keep refilling my plate and ask me how life on the hockey team was going. By the end of the season, they moved me to goalie, since I had grown so much I took up the entire net. I think I have Erik to thank for that!” - Freddie L., sophomore